Eternal Romance

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 opens today much to the joy of pre-pubescent girls all over the country.  Breaking Dawn is the last of four vampire-themed fantasy romance novels, meaning that The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (to be released this time next year) will be the last time that we have to deal with this garbage. While some skeptics might call this stuff low-budget low-talent pop-teen fluffy bullsh*t, it has managed to gain quite a following so let’s not dampen the mood.  The Twilight Saga is a series of stories told primarily through the narrative of a young girl Bella and her romantic encounters with a vampire (left), and a werewolf (right).  The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 begins with a wedding between Bella and Edward (the vampire), so I guess we’ll see how that goes.  Twilight author Stephenie Meyer actually loosely based Breaking Dawn off of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, so it can’t be THAT bad.  Criticism aside if you are a hopeless romantic, The Twilight Saga has a lot to grasp on to so let’s go right on ahead and take a look at this delightful and charming story of true love.

Surely one of the most important and appealing concepts of The Twilight Saga is the idea that true love transcends time, as Edward is over 100 years old and yet falls deeply in love with the young human Bella.  Edward however is a pragmatist, and constantly warns Bella against being involved with him despite developing very strong feelings for her.  In the second book Edward even convinces Bella that he doesn’t love her in an attempt to protect her, as he knows that their relationship puts her in danger.  Highly skeptical of the dark world he lives in, extremely resolute in his concern for Bella, and very pragmatic about their forbidden relationship Edward Cullen is undoubtedly a Rational.  Indeed the couples’ entire relationship exists only with monumental amounts of self-control on behalf of Edward, something that Rationals pride themselves on. Bella’s scent is irresistible to Edward, and every second that he is with her his vampiric instincts are telling him to ‘bite’ her, but he ultimately cannot corrupt something that is so pure in his mind.

Despite Bella frequently asking Edward to turn her into a vampire so that they can be together forever, Edward believes that being a vampire is a curse and that they are soulless creatures with no place in heaven.  Indeed Bella possesses an unrelenting energy and passion for their relationship, and fell into a deep depression during their fallout in the second novel.  During such a dark period Bella discovered that she possesses intuitive powers, and can hear Edwards thoughts when she is in danger.  Highly sensitive, extremely empathic, deeply loving, and undeniably intimate Bella Swan is undoubtedly an Idealist.  Indeed Bella uses such danger-invoked telepathic abilities to justify nearly killing herself, a romantic cry for help that screams Idealist.  Certainly, Idealists (like Bella) “have a flair for dramatizing their courtships, and they spare no effort or flight of imagination to win the heart of their loved one.”

Undoubtedly, Bella Swan and Edward Cullen make a charming example of the profound connection between the Idealist Soulmate and the Rational Mindmate:

“The basis of the Idealists and Rationals compatibility is that they both live primarily in the world of abstract concepts–the world of theories and possibilities, of insights and symbols.  After dating more down-to-earth, literal minded Artisans and Guardians, an Idealist’s first encounter with a Rational can be a revelation, putting the NF in touch with a new and intriguing type of person, someone eager and able (like the NF) to dream the world, to build castles in the air, and to see far distances with the mind’s eye.  Also fascinating is the Rational’s calmness and autonomy, two characteristics which give the NT a strength of character—a firm grasp of who they are—that the easily ruffled, soul-searching NF greatly admires, and would like to emulate.” Please Understand Me II, p. 238

Of course once he ‘turns her’ and all the honeymoon and suspense is over, he’ll presumably get fat and lazy and the two will have to suffer through the woes of an actual relationship just like the rest of us.  The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 can be seen starting today at a theater near you.

Quote1.png Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night.  Very dark, but there were stars points of light and reason…And then you shot across my sky like a meteor.  Suddently everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty.  When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black.  Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light.  I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.’Quote2.png

Edward Cullen

Reverence for Life

As a Viking traveler of books and people, I have occasioned to meet a person from a different place, a different time, and a different world, through the labyrinth of books.

Dr. Livingstone, I Presume

Presumably, this is what Henry Stanley said to Dr. David Livingstone, a missionary who had gone into the “wilds of Africa,” and Stanley was paid to find him which took about six months, a difficult and tortuous expedition.

Continue reading Reverence for Life

Timid Diplomacy

The official trailer for Snow White & the Hunstman was released last week and looks pretty damn intriguing.  The film’s lead roles are pretty solidly cast with Charlize Theron as the evil Queen, Kristen Stewart (Twilight) as Snow White, and Chris Hemsworth (Thor) as the Hunstman.  The Universal Studios film will be a “darker and more epic” take on the classic Disney tale, and will compete directly with Tarsem Singh‘s more family-friendly and comedy-oriented version titled Mirror, Mirror (who coincidentally released a trailer yesterday) to be released two months prior.  Some skeptics argue that the very premise of the film is fundamentally flawed, being a movie essentially about how Charlize Theron is jealous because Kristen Stewart is hotter than she is.  Which doesn’t make any sense.  Superficial and chauvinistic comments aside let’s take a look at Walt Disney’s first animated feature, the absolutely adorable and heart-warming classic tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Snow White is a princess who lives with her stepmother, a vain and wicked queen who consults her Magic Mirror daily to find out ‘who is the fairest one of all’.  One day the mirror tells the queen that Snow White has become the fairest of all, to which the queen responds with utmost distaste and orders a huntsman to kill Snow White and take her heart.  The huntsman ultimately fails to fulfill such a horrid task, so Snow White runs into the forest where she encounters seven charming and adorable dwarves.  Upon meeting the dwarves for the first time, Snow White uses her intuition to guess the names of all seven (Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, and Dopey) and they immediately warm up to her kind-hearted semblance.  Each of the seven dwarves of course has a unique personality quirk as evidenced by their names, to which Snow White provides encouraging warmth and comfort.  Harmoniously diplomatic, a hopeless romantic, adorably timid, and highly nurturing with an affinity for cute forest creatures Snow White is undoubtedly a Counselor Idealist.  Indeed Snow White comes into possession of a small army of forest creatures including a variety of squirrels, birds and deer who follow her around and even help her clean and maintain the dwarves house.  She even manages to warm the heart of Grumpy, who by definition is, well, Grumpy.  The evil Queen of course tries to ruin the fun with a poison apple, but ultimately fails and dies.  Naturally, a charming prince happens to be on call to save the day and everyone lives happily ever after.  Let’s assume this modern take on the classic story will have slight differences in plot.  Snow White and the Hunstmen is slated for a June 1, 2012 release.

Quote1.png Some day when spring is here / We’ll find our love anew / And the birds will sing / And wedding bells will ring / Some day when my dreams come true. Quote2.png

Snow White

One in the Same

At last, every hero becomes a bore.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

He saw himself and the institution he built as one in the same.

He was revered and reviled. He was founder and the builder of an United States Federal institution, that now has over thirty thousand employees and has a budget of eight billion. Once upon a time, famous, and respected, he was idolized by kids in the 1930s, for he was responsible for creating the good feelings about G men (government men), the prototypical hero of law and order, and justice, in an earlier age when government wasn’t as pervasive as it is today. Later, he was hated and reviled, on the top of list of the 1960s conspiracy theorist’s boogie men: he was viewed as a nexus for secrets, power, and repression of free speech.

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Ancient Conflict


Tarsem Singh‘s visually spectacular Greek mythology epic Immortals opened last Friday to mixed reviews and a $32 million box office weekend opening.  Some call it a “living, breathing, work of art” while others ask “doesn’t Greece have enough problems already?”  The film is an artistic depiction of several classic Greek myths including that of Theseus, the Minotaur, and the Titanomachy.  While the film does succeed in being an impressive visual spectacle, the story ultimately falls short and those looking for an emotional connection to the characters will likely be disappointed.  Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 37%  aggregate with its Top Critics giving it a 22%, while Metacritic gave it a 47 out of 100.  In other words when a movie gets “mixed reviews” it usually just means the movie sucks.  Most of the films issues lie in the screenplay, but if you are a movie fan or Greek mythology buff you should definitely check it out.  Regardless of Singh‘s artistic direction or perhaps lack-there-of let’s take a look at Immortals’ four main characters with limited spoilers.

A father-less peasant named Theseus played by the new Superman Henry Cavill serves as the Artisan in the film, being highly skilled in martial arts and utterly fearless.  Indeed it is Thesseus’ fearlessness that prompted Zeus to train him and provide guidance for him in the disguise of an old man.

An oracle priestess named Phaedra played by Freida Pinto serves as the Idealist in the film, being highly spiritual and gifted with visions and premonitions of the future.  Indeed it is Phaedra who took notice of Thesseus’ destiny and affinity to the gods, and helped guide him along his path.

A ruthless and bloodthirsty mobilizer named King Hyperion played by Mickey Rourke serves as the Rational in the film, who rose from an unwanted peasant to the most powerful man in Greece.  Hyperion is a mercilessly efficient leader and does whatever needs to be done to fulfill his aim of de-throning the tryanny of the Olympians.

The King of the Gods Zeus played by Luke Evans serves as the Guardian in the film, as the one who must enforce the rules of the Gods at all costs, while also protecting his Olympian family from the threat of the Titans.  Indeed Zeus is forced to execute martial law when one of his fellow Olympians breaks the rule of not interfering in human affairs.  He is also ultimately forced to defend his family’s right to the throne of Mount Olympus, which is probably the coolest part of the film.

Quote1.png If there was one human who could lead them against Hyperion, it would be Theseus.  But it has to be his choice. Quote2.png

Zeus (Immortals)

Imperious Logistics

Filmmakers are reportedly looking to cast an unknown actress for the lead role of Artemesia in the 300 sequel titled 300: Battle of Artmesia, with screen testing to happen soon.  The films events will be concurrent with the first film (which was a fictionalized account of the battle of Thermopylae), and will be told from the point of view of the Persian King Xerxes. A synopsis tell us that ‘Artemesia’ entices Xerxes to go to war using her “vindictive charm”.  While the idiots in Hollywood that made 300 and that are going to make its sequel are rampant morons and are giving us a highly inaccurate account of what are actually pretty dope historical events (the Greco-Persian wars), let’s not dampen the mood and proceed by taking a look at the son of Darius the Great: mighty King Xerxes I of Persia.

King Xerxes son of Darius and Atossa of the Persian Empire was dubbed the ‘chosen king’ of Persia being a descendent of both Darius the Great and Cyrus the Great.  Naturally he came to be called what?  You guessed it.  Xerxes the Great.  Xerxes was crowned and succeeded his father in October 486 BC at the age of 36.  Xerxes’ ascension to the throne was a smooth transition, as he immediately quelled active revolts in Egypt and Babylon.  Xerxes’ first major undertaking as King of Persia of course was the second Persian invasion of Greece, an immense campaign that his father had made preparations for but could not lead due to his failing health.  Xerxes then finished preparations and led his highly regimented and extremely diverse Persian army of more than two million strong across the Hellespont.  Moving two million soldiers across a continent being a supreme logistical feat in and of itself, Xerxes topped such an accomplishment by bridging the Hellespont, an engineering and organizational triumph.  The first attempt to bridge the Hellespont was not successful and in classic Guardian fashion Xerxes had the Hellespont Sea literally whipped for its impudence.  Supremely authoritative, strictly commanding, extremely directive, and a logistical genius King Xerxes is undoubtedly a Supervisor Guardian.  Indeed Xerxes led the Achaemenid Empire with an iron fist.  Disobeying orders, rank, or command was fatal as Xerxes like many Supervisors was extremely ‘eager to enforce rules and procedures’.  Supervisors however do ‘have a tendency to jump to conclusions too quickly’ as evidenced by Xerxes ordering a body of water to be whipped.  Xerxes makes another brash decision after besting the Greek forces with some resistance (at Thermopylae as portrayed in 300), he reportedly had Athens burned out of spite.  Realizing that his anger may have gotten the best of him, Xerxes ordered the city rebuilt the next day.  The Battle of Thermopylae took place simultaneously with the naval Battle of Artemisium, the events of which the upcoming film will no doubt portray in typical moronic Hollywood fashion.  300: Battle of Artemisia is slated for a 2013 release.

Quote1.png There’s no turning back for either side of this conflict, only the question of who strikes first and who gets struck.  Either our land will be theirs, or theirs will be ours; our mutual hatred allows no compromise.Quote2.png

Xerxes I of Persia

Of the Greatest Generation

He never wanted to talk about what he had seen.

He was typical of his generation, they just didn’t talk about it.

That is strange because he made a good living by talking. Or more accurately, reporting what he thought. He was a writer above all else. He was probably the most famous curmudgeon of all time.

He would complain. Like clockwork. For nigh thirty three years, every week, for a few minutes. Probably the best and funniest complainer on American TV.

Continue reading Of the Greatest Generation

Enterprising Tactics

As some of you may unfortunately be aware of, rampant fame whore Kim Kardashian has decided that 72 days was a long enough time period to end her fake marriage to borderline-retard Kris Humphries.  Which is definitely a good thing because let’s be honest, these two probably shouldn’t reproduce.  The young reality star has since met with considerable public backlash having profited in the form of 18 million dollars from the wedding alone.  Some think that given such a ridiculous profit margin for such a sacred ceremony and only such a short time of honoring that sacred ceremony that the whole thing was just a publicity stunt.  No sh*t guys.  You think?  I honestly don’t even know why it was ever even up for debate, as this girls entire life is a publicity stunt courtesy of her morally bankrupt and shameless pageant mother Kris Jenner.  Kris lives not vicariously but ENTIRELY through her daughter’s fame, and is laughing all the way to the bank as a result.  Kim has subsequently spent time in Minnesota (where her ex-husband lives) pretending to fight for her sham marriage.  Gee, I wonder how that’s gonna turn out.  Mild cynicism aside, let’s take a closer look at Kardashian family matriarch Kris Jenner and her protege/puppet Kim Kardashian.

The Kardashian family is most known for it’s reality television show Keeping Up With The Kardashians which airs on the E! Network.  The show chronicles the personal and professional lives of the Kardashian and Jenner families, with family matriarch Kris Jenner essentially running the show as the ‘family manager’. Under Kris’ leadership the family managed to clear 65$ million in revenue last year through reality TV, twitter, endorsements, paid appearances and fragrances.  Extremely enterprising, creatively bold, highly glamorous, and a marketing genius Kris Jenner is undoubtedly a Promoter Artisan.  Indeed Kris likely brainstorms much of the ‘family drama’ that is seen on-screen, as to make for better and more accessible television.  While some of the shows events might indeed be pre-meditated Kris is a smart woman and does in-fact do a good job of bringing solid, wholesome, realistic and family-oriented messages to the table.

Kris’ daughter Kim of course is an equally shameless Promoter Artisan and basically just follows the lead of her mother.  Kim Kardashian rose to fame essentially through the “unwanted” release of a sex tape, and is constantly referred to as the poster-girl for the concept of ‘being famous just for being famous’.  Indeed Kris and Kim have made quite a bit of money entirely from Promoting as Kim reportedly gets paid roughly $25,000 to simply endorse a product on Twitter and collects anywhere from $100,000 to $1,000,000 for personal appearances.  Which is god damn ridiculous.  The families reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians not only provides a solid paycheck but is indeed a marketing platform for their endorsements and best-selling products which include book, clothing, and fragrance lines.

While some argue that Kris is immorally shoving her family in the spotlight for money: one could also argue that none of them seem too discontent with their situations, considering they all now live in ridiculous Malibu mansions.  Regardless of the morality of Kris’ enterprising, the woman is a marketing genius and media mogul and her and her family are definitely laughing all the way to the bank.  Kourtney and Kim Take New York season 2 premieres Sunday November 27th 10/9c on the E! Network.

Quote1.png Who knew it would be this profitable?  I should have had more kids.Quote2.png

Kris Mary Jenner

Risky Business

A Golden Boy of business and politics, until now. He was a darling of his political party, for he was generous with his money. He was a man of influence, until now. Now, I doubt the party wants to take his call.

Bold and daring at heart, and ever-optimistic that things will go their way, Promoters will take tremendous risks to get what they want, and seem exhilarated by walking close to the edge of disaster.” Please Understand Me II

He has taken risks all his life. Starting as a bond trader in Goldman Sachs, he rose through the ranks to become co-CEO. With his help the company went public, he became worth $400 million. Losing to Hank Paulson, for the CEO job of Goldman, he switched to politics. He wasn’t shy in using some of that money he gotten to get elected as first as a US Senator and then Governor of New Jersey. He spent over $62 million of his own money on his campaign, the most expensive Senate campaign in U.S. History.

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Extraordinary Diplomacy

X-men First Class 2 is now officially in development, with writer Simon Kinberg (Sherlock Holmes) brought aboard to pen the script.  The plotline will reportedly continue telling the story of friends-turned-enemies Charles Xavier and Max Eisenhardt, who parted ways at the conclusion of the first film.  First Class director Matthew Vaughn has said that the incorporation of real world events will continue into the second installment: hinting that Magneto’s magnetism might be responsible for the infamous “magic bullet” involved in JFK’s assassination.  Given such thoroughly delightful movie-nerd news let’s take a look at the smartest motherf*cker in the room with 5 Ph.D’s: Professor X.

Charles Francis Xavier is a paraplegic telepath and the founder of the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters, a safe-haven for troubled and misunderstood young mutants.  A man who has devoted his entire life to mediating a peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants: Charles Xavier puts all of his powerful intellectual efforts into protecting humanity from evil mutants and safeguarding innocent mutants from human oppression.  Extraordinarily intuitive, highly diplomatic, exceptionally empathic, and an extremely powerful psychic Professor X is undoubtedly a Counselor Idealist.  Indeed Xavier frequently uses his telepathic abilities to link into the minds of others, share their pains and attempt to alleviate them.  Charles like many Counselors has spent most of his life empathizing the agonies of those closest to him, as his passion for nurturing the personal development of others is unmatched.  Certainly, the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters is a place where troubled mutants can go to seek guidance and realize their full potential.  Of course, Charles ultimately uses his powerful diplomatic talents to create the X-Men: an elite task force formed to keep the peace between humans and mutants.  Xavier’s diplomatic powers however do have limits, as he failed to calm the mind of his profoundly troubled friend holocaust survivor Max Eisenhardtwho subsequently evolves into the powerful Supervillain Magneto.

Quote1.png Any dream worth having is a dream worth fighting for.Quote2.png

Charles Xavier (Earth-616)

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