Scarlet Witch

Disney+ original drama Wandavision drops an episode each Friday for the next six weeks.

🤖🧙‍♀️#Wandavision is the first iteration of a large Marvel Studios / Disney+ slate.


rottentomatoes: 95%

metacritic: 76

imdb: 7.5


Wanda Maximoff, Wandavision, Disney+, Marvel Studios, Elizabeth Olsen
Wanda Maximoff, Wandavision, Disney+, Marvel Studios, Elizabeth Olsen

Wanda Maximoff

Wanda Maximoff and her husband Vision try to raise a family outside of 1960’s Atlanta, Georgia.

Wanda Maximoff, Wandavision, Disney+, Marvel Studios, Elizabeth Olsen

“My husband and his indestructible head. What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee? Well, that explains the empty refrigerator. Hmm? Well, I know the apron is a bit much, dear, but I am doing my best to blend in. Oh, yes, the heart. Well, don’t tell me you have forgotten, Vis. Well, then tell me what’s so important about today’s date. Me? Heavens, no. I’ve been so looking forward to it. You bet we are. It’s the first time we… …have ever celebrated this occasion before. Perhaps an evening… to us both! Obviously. Oh, don’t forget! I’m Wanda. I sure did. Those boxes don’t move themselves. Oh, no, I’m not single. Well, I assure you I’m married. To a man. A human one and tall. As a matter of fact, he’ll be home later tonight for a special occasion. Just the two of us. Not a birthday. No, it’s not a holiday. Ye… yes! Yes! It’s out anniversary! Well, it feels like we’ve always been together. How do you mean?” — Wanda Maximoff

“No, nothing special. Oh, I have those. Just out of curiosity, what does it say? Any other tricks? Now, that’s romantic. Vision residence. Vision, sweetheart. Don’t worry, dear. I have everything under control. ‘Nervous?’ Whatever for? Vis, after all this time… well, it’s just one night. There’s no need to get dramatic. And I think the best course of action is to impress the husband. Until tonight.” — Wanda Maximoff

“Guess who? Vision. Oh! Oh! Oh, the meaning of it! Is that my host behind me? Lovely to make your acquaintance. Can I just see you in the kitchen for a moment, sweetheart? Who are those people? Why are they here? Well, it’s our anniversary! Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you! You move at the speed of sound and I can make a pen float through the air. Who needs to abbreviate? Well… your boss and his wife are expecting a home-cooked meal. Any chance they’d settle for a single chocolate-covered strawberry split three ways? I might have a better idea. Huh. Oh, Agnes! You’re a life-saver! Well…. oh! Oh! No, that… no, that’s so kind of you, Mrs. Hart. Oh, thank you, Agnes. I think I’ve got it covered from here. Hmm. You’re so naughty. That won’t be necessary. Yes. Oh! Oh, no, too much! Oh, no, not enough!” — Wanda Maximoff

“Oh, what was I supposed to do next? Oh, what was the main course again? It was… steak… no. Steak… steak… Diane! Oh, no. Well, the chicken is no longer a chicken and the lobsters just flew the coop so the steak is the last man standing. It says here I can cut down the prep time with a meat tenderizer. I’m looking at him.” — Wanda Maximoff

“Hoo-hoo back to you! Okay. Finish the meat, find the lobsters. I’ll be right back. I hope you’re hungry. Were either of you aware that married men are killing single men at an alarming rate? Whoo-hoo! Ho-ho! Who could that be? Oh! Hi, I… a salesman! Wouldn’t you know it. Good news is more expensive. Oh, dear.” — Wanda Maximoff

“Time to improvise. Dinner is served. To our esteemed guests. Well, please eat before it gets cold. We, we moved from… yes, yes, we were married in… we… our story… Vision, help him. Well… are you both all right? Yes, thank you for coming.” — Wanda Maximoff

“We are an unusual couple, ya know? Well, what I mean is… we don’t have an anniversary, or a song. Or even wedding rings. Of what? Surviving our first dinner party? Yakety Yak, naturally. Hmm. And the rings? Yes. I do.” — Wanda Maximoff


Vision, Wandavision, Disney+, Marvel Studios, Paul Bettany

Vision

“My wife and her flying saucers. Aren’t we a fine pair? I say, ‘oh, I don’t eat food.’ Wanda? Is there something special about today? no, no, there on the calendar. Someone’s drawn a little heart right above today’s date. Hmm… ‘forgotten?’ Oh, Wanda, I’m incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything. That’s not an exaggeration. In fact, I’m incapable of exaggeration. What was the question again? Oh, well, perhaps, you’ve forgotten yourself. As have I. Today, we are celebrating… mmm-hmm. It’s a special day! Of great significance… naturally. Exactly. Well done, us. All right. Well, that’s me off to work, then. I haven’t. Oh! Have a good day, dear!”

“Here are those computational forms that you requested, Norm. There you go. In terms of distraction from work, or the largely nonsensical nature of the lyrics? Ah, no, thank you, Norm. Yes, as a matter of fact, there is. Would you be so good as to tell me what it is we do here exactly? Do we make something? Right. Do we buy or sell something? Then what is the purpose of this company? Yes, but what is it we’re producing? What? I most certainly am not. I’m a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter, much like yourself, Norm. Yes, I’m sorry, I’m a tad on edge. You see, it appears there’s something special about today, and gee, I can’t for the life of me, recall what it is. Mmm… oh!”

“Yes? Mr. Hart. Of course! Dinner with Mr. Hart and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart. Oh, no, sir. Screws all tightened, sir. Ah. I don’t have a skeleton, sir. Wanda, darling. Listen, about tonight… oh, well, that is a relief. I must confess, I’m really rather nervous. Well, you know, darling, I still get a little tongue-tied. There’s an awful lot riding on this one, Wanda. If tonight doesn’t go just so, I think this could be the end. Look, I think the best course of action is to impress the wife. Glad to know we’re on the same page. Until tonight, then, my, darling. Oh…”

“Here we are! Pardon me while I just go fetch the lady of the house. Wanda! Well, what is… yeah, what is the meaning of… you want to know the meaning of it and the meaning of it is that this is the traditional Sokovian greeting of hospitality. Guess who? It certainly is. Yes! See, I forgot to tell you my wife is from Europe. Yes! It’s… it’s so… Sokovian, is what it is! Yes! Oh, yes! What are you wearing? What are you wearing? Our anniversary of what? That… that man through there is my boss, Mr. Hart! And his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart! The heart of the calendar was an abbreviation! Darling, listen, it’s all romantic to do the candles, the music, that stunning outfit… I don’t wanna be unappreciative, but right now… exactly. Uh… hmm. You truly are a pioneer! But the larger purpose of the forms is… no, that… no, that’s so kind of you, Mrs. Hart. But I’m sure she’s absolutely fine in there! Mrs. Hart, please don’t. You can’t.”

“You… please… ♪ yeah, take out the papers and the trash ♪ or you won’t get no spending cash ♪ if you don’t scrub the kitchen floor ♪ you ain’t gonna rock and roll no more ♪ yakety yak! don’t talk back ♪. Well, why don’t we have a nice sing-a-long, all together then, shall we? ♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪ Ee-I-Ee-I-O ♪ And on that farm he had a… had a… pig. ♪ Ee-I-Ee-I-O ♪ With a… here and a… there ♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪ Ee-I-Ee-I-O ♪. Yes? Oh, I think that must be my wife summoning me. Yes, it’s her pet name for me. I’m just coming, Fred. Excuse me a moment. How can I be of assistance? Excellent plan. Where’s the tenderizer? Ah. Coming! Telegram! A man selling telegrams. I couldn’t find the lobsters and did you want the meat tender or pulverized? Well, I think tonight’s going swimmingly. Anyone for Parcheesi? Oh, Mrs. Hart…”

“Ah! Ooh! Let’s have a toast! To my lovely and talented wife. Yes. Cin cin. Cheers. Oh, Mrs. Hart, allow me. I think that my wife means to say is that we moved from… and we were married… give me your hand. All right, steady on, sir. Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!”

“Oh, I don’t think that was ever in question. Huh. Well, we could remedy that. Today could be our anniversary. Precisely. And our song could be? Naturally. Well, couldn’t you make some for us? Do you? And they lived happily ever after.”

Mr. Hart

“Good to see you. Vision. Wife and I are looking forward to this evening. That’s what I said. What’s wrong with you? Have you got a screw loose? Yes, I should hope so. Employee dinners are a rite of passage for the new hires. Jones over there failed miserably. Isn’t that right, Jones? And there was that paltry excuse for entertainment. And then you had that embarrassing display of beatnik enthusiasm. Yes. Best of luck out there in the unemployment line, Jones. You know, I owe my success to being a keen judge of character. No skeletons in your closet, eh, Vision? Glad to hear it. Your future in this company depends on it.”

“What’s going on here, Vision? You blow a fuse? What is the meaning of this? We don’t break bread with Bolsheviks. So I said, ‘if we orient the forms horizontally rather than vertically, we can use twice the paper, we can bill twice the cost.’ Was to analyze our input and our output. You’re awfully dense, aren’t you, Vision? She calls you ‘Diane?'”

“Starved, is more like it. What are you going on about? And what’s going on in there? Who was that? Did you hear that? My wife’s head is spinning. Generally speaking, I don’t like her head to do that. You know, I’m beginning to think you’re not management material, Vision. You know, I had high hopes for you. But from what I’ve seen here tonight, you can barely keep it together. I mean, look around. There’s all this chaos going on in your household.”

“Now, when are we gonna eat? Breakfast for dinner? How very… well? Moved from where? Married when? Yes, what exactly is our story? No, really, I mean, I think it’s a perfectly simple question. Honestly. Why did you come here? Why? Damn it, why? Why did you… well, would you look at the time? You made me proud tonight, son. First thing Monday morning, you and me are gonna have a little chat. We’ll see about that promotion. Thank you.”

Mrs. Hart

“Oh! How very atmospheric! Oh, how exotic! Oh, hush, Arthur. Have you no culture at all. And that dress! Do you think Wanda needs help in the kitchen? We haven’t any tidbit or tartlets out here, nary a pig in a blanket. Oh, oh. You men stay put. I sense a domestic emergency, so… Oink, oink… oink, oink… here an oink, there an oink everywhere an oink, oink ♪”

“Hoo-hoo in there! My head is starting to feel woozy. My head is spinning. European. Hmm? So, where did you two move from? What brought you here? How long have you been married? And why don’t you have children yet? Now, patience, Arthur. They’re setting up their story. Let them tell it. Oh, just leave the poor kids alone. Oh, Arthur, stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Yes. We’d better be going. We had such a lovely time. This guest is leaving your home. Oh… what a charming door knocker. Good night!”


Agnes

“Oh! Hello, dear. I’m Agnes, your neighbor to the right. My right, not yours. Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn’t. So, what’s your name? Where are you from? And most importantly, how’s your bridge game, hon? Wanda. Charmed. Golly, you settled in fast! Did you use a moving company? So what’s a single gal like you doing rattling around this big house? Oh, I don’t see a ring. Oh, is it somebody’s birthday? Well, today isn’t a holiday, is it? An anniversary then? Oh, how marvelous! How many years? Lucky gal. The only way Ralph would remember our anniversary is if there was a beer named June 2nd. So, what do you have planned? For your special night. A young thing like you doesn’t have to do much, but it’s still fun to set the scene. Say, I was just reading a crackerjack magazine article called ‘how to treat your husband to keep your husband,’ and let me tell you, what Ralph could really use is, ‘how to goose your wife so you don’t lose your wife.’ Hang on. I’ll go grab it and we can start planning. Oh, this is gonna be a gas!”

“Nothing special you played at your wedding? I’ll just loan you some records then. So, we’ve got music covered, decor, wardrobe. Oh! What about seduction techniques? Of course you do. That you should stumble when you walk into a room so he can catch you. It’s romantic. You could point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men. Oh!”

“What kind of housewife would I be if I didn’t have a gourmet meal for four just lying about the place? Not that Ralph ever wants to eat anything but baked beans which explains a lot about his personal appeal, mind you. Oh, my! Oh, are you sure, dear? Many hands make light work. And many mouths make good gossip. Oh, shall I just pre-heat the oven then, dear? Oh, all right, then. Well, I know you’re in a pinch so this menu can be done in a snap. Lobster Thermidor with mini-minced meat turnovers to start. Chicken a la King with twice-cooked new potatoes for your second course, and Steak Diane and mint jellies for your main. Do you set your own jellies dear? Good girl. Recipe cards are on the counter there. Bon appetit!”

“Oh, you didn’t answer the back door. For your upside-down cake.”

Norm

“Gee willikers, that was fast. Hey, the music isn’t bothering you, is it, pal? The first one. Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, buddy? No. No and no. All I know is, since you’ve gotten here, productivity has gone up 300%. Computational forms. And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal. Hey, what’s got your feathers all ruffled?”

Jones

“The wife thought five courses would be sufficient. A string quartet. I wore a turtleneck.”

Commercial

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Commercial 2

“Say, this machine has some shine.”

Monica Rambeau






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