Netflix original film Hubie Halloween dropped last Wednesday October 7th, 2020.
#HubieHalloween is a Happy Maddison production.
rottentomatoes: 48%
metacritic: 53
imdb: 5.2
Hubie Dubois
Hubie Dubois owns and operates a delicatessen outside of Salem, Massachussets.
“Good morning! Halloween’s upon us! Hey, you missed. The yolk’s on you. Thanks for the free breakfast. Rocky Balboa style. Violet Valentine. You, too, Mrs. Banerjee. I hope you get more tricks than treats. Okay, Number 59. Looking for 59. Mr. Landolfa… …Hubie. With an H. Okay. Mrs. Phillips, I’ll be with you in a minute. Hey, no. I talk to my girlfriend all the time. She is a Canadian resident of Canada. Uh, Canada Dry region. Mr. O’Doyle. Shouldn’t you and your cohort be, uh, in school right now? Lamb’s head? We don’t have lambs’ head. Which one? It’s fun working with you, always. Good.”
“Hey, Officer Steve. I saw Andy O’Doyle buying suspiciously massive amount of eggs and toilet paper. Oh, yeah. That goes without saying. But it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to deduce malicious intent. Lambardi’s Pizza’s doin’ a sale tomorrow. One slice, one soda, one dollar, if you wear a costume to the shop. To me, that’s a great deal, but it’s also a riot waiting to happen. I did call the hotline 100 times, but I think you guys got a connection problem.”
“Yes. Your officer, this is Hubie Dubo– okay. What’s up? I know. Do we do– over and out– nope. That’s– nothing broken, physically speaking. We gotta expect a scare here or there. Kids being kids. Yeah, that’s my baby. It’s kind of like a Swiss Army thermos. I made it when I was in the Scouts. You’re not gonna have to drive far. ‘Cause I live right over here. Oh, yah, I don’t have any kids. As far as I know. No, I definitely don’t. I do have a girlfriend. She lives up in Canada. Northern section. Ontarionto. So, you probably couldn’t find her up there. Mom planted those. Yep. Scary ghost. Yeah. You moved here? Hubie Dubois. Ooh. My belly just said yes for the both of us. They must’ve got loosened out of me with the landing. It is. Thanks. Yeah. Sure thing, Mr. Lambert.”
“Hey, I’m home. Ah! No! Ah! No! I was just practicing telling, mom. Everything’s good. I’m fine. Is that a new shirt? ‘Boner donor?’ Now, what does that even mean? That makes sense. I met the fellow who moved into the Andersons’s house next door. Walter Lambert. Seemed like good people. Yeah. Oh, no. That was the Epsteins. That was dad. Oh, for sure. Can I lick the spoon, or… okay. Well, we’re Jewish, so that eliminated Christmas and Easter and Ash Wednesday. I’m sensin’ a big ‘but’ coming. Okay. I just get scared.”
“Ah, the good old days. When the town toughs only used to throw crab apples. Ah, Officer Steve. You always had it going on. ‘Most likely to marry his pillow.’ Still don’t get that one. ‘Most friendly.’ ‘Most popular.’ ‘Best looking.’ The high school hat trick. Could not have happened to a nicer woman. Maybe if I wasn’t such a scaredy-cat like mom was sayin’, I would have asked you out. And the cutest couple would have been Violet and Hubie. Monster! I said I would clean it up! It’s not a big deal! No! It wasn’t an accident. Mom!”
“Pubie? Uh, who’s– who’s Pubie? Wasn’t plannin’ on it. Hey, Dot. So, I saw there were massive lines out front. I took the liberty to print up some happy Halloween word searches. You can pass it out to the kids. Give them something to do while they’re waiting. Of course. Good to see you. Happy Halloween. What brings you here? Yes. We had Miss Colestice’s class together. You were the first kid to get earrings. Oh, why? Do you want some soup? Your friends? All right. It’s here if you want it. What a nice young lady. I remember you just had a foster son. Huh. That’s quite commendable. Looking out for the community. That’s important. Of course. That’s my great-great-great-great-great grandmother. She saw some bad things happening, but she spoke out. Said there’s no such thing as witches. Yeah, maybe too brave. ‘Cause they called her a witch and ended up like this fella. Okay. So, how are you and Officer Steve doing? I saw him yesterday in his squad car. We were talking shop. You know, code 10-4, 1-5. That kinda thing. Oh, well, don’t lose faith. You guys will get through this rough patch. Did you hear about the Andersons? I met the fellow who moved into their home. A Walter Lambert. Seems like a decent guy. Yeah. Okay. Off how? Mm-hmm. Okay.”
“He never died? Nothing. What are you doing? On Halloween? Even April Fool’s Day? Okay. You want some soup? Good to wash off the dirt. Oh, is this– condolences, by the way. And I love the Wicked Witch costume. It’s classic. Not a costume? Okay. My boner. I don’t think anything. This is your dad’s funeral? I’m so sorry. I didn’t– my father passed away a couple of years ago. It is very painful. It’s– ups and downs, emotionally. Mm-hmm. Okay. Somebody’s down here! Oh, my soup!”
“Mr. Lambert. What are you up to? Yeah, that October wind will– it’ll sneak up on you. Say, Mr. Lambert. How old are you? Yes. That’s why I played T-ball till I was 25.”
“Hello, Webster Elementary school. I am not a ghost, but I play one on TV. Just playing. My name is Hubie Dubois, and I am here to tell you Halloween is fun, but we must stay out of the danger zone. Thank you, sir. I would like a word with you all. And that word is… ghost. Scary. But also the key to Halloween safety. The G. What would the G stand for? No. Give. Give to the less fortunate. Does anyone know what less fortunate is? Yes, sir. Very good. What’s your name? Well, you’re a smart cookie. When I was young, I used to build a tower with all my candy. And all the candy that was part of the tower before it collapsed I would keep for myself. Well, son– burn him! I’m sorry, son. I just– please– please don’t cry. We’re out of food, I guess. Yeah?”
“Hi, I like– I wanna make a request, please? If you can play the theme song from the film Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr. I just keep hearing myself. Okay, there it is. Thank you, Aurora. Who is that? Please stop. That’s not funny. Sit on it, pal.”
“I get that feeling every time I leave the house, mom. But Salem needs me. The whole neighborhood’ll hear you, ma. You’re practically screaming. I’ll be okay. I love you. Answer the door if it’s a trick-or-treater. Otherwise, just say in the house, ma. So, you went with the full moon, huh, God? It’s on. Be careful, guys! Safety first! Incredible costumes, guys. Hmm. Well, not on my watch, Mr. Whiskers. Boy, that nickname spread like warm peanut butter. Um… Violet Valentine. What a, uh, pleasant surprise. You’re most friendly, most popular, and best looking. I was wondering, Violet, do you think perhaps that we can– maybe sometime you and I could possibly… nothing. Nothing at all.”
Hubie’s Mom
“Did that darn skeleton frighten you again, Hubie? Oh, dear boy. This town is making you so jittery. It just breaks my heart. Mrs. Banerjee and I went to the thrift store today. Guess now much? Fifty cents! Well, I think boner’s another word for a mistake. Like, I made a big boner in math class. So, maybe boner donor means I donate mistakes. Oh, well, that’s nice. Some improvement over those Andersons. The way they used to toss firecrackers at you. Well, who was it chased you around the yard with a tennis racket? God rest his soul. Cookies are done. You wanna help frost ’em? Deal! Now, I know that Halloween is very special to you, sweet boy. It’s been your favorite holiday since you were knee-high. And I am so proud at how hard you work to make sure that Halloween is safe and fun for everyone in this town. But… …this town is as full of bullies now as it ever was in the 1600s. You have to learn to stand up for yourself. I know you do. We all get scared. But this year, you’re gonna have to find that bravery that’s deep within you. It’s time. Hubie, what was that? Sorry, mom! I’ll clean that up! Did you make a messy? What are you cleaning up? Did you have an accident? It was on purpose?”
“Oh, Hubie. Don’t go out there tonight. I have a feeling something’s going to happen. Listen to me. It’s time to worry about yourself. Hubert Shubert Dubois, do you hear me? My sweet boy.”
Violet Valentine
“I’m making the kid’s costumes out of tinfoil ’cause I’m old-school, Teresa. Thanks!”
“Thank you. I am chaperoning my daughter’s field trip. She’s over there. Danielle! Danielle! Say hello to Hubie. No. He’s a grown man. I’ve known him since kindergarten. Yes, we did. I was. Yeah. Well, I’ve got two foster daughters now as well. Very brave. God, I love the way you phrase things. Well, since we’ve been divorced four years, I don’t really know how he’s doing. Walter Lambert? There’s a Walter Lambert buried right near my grandpa in the Pine Street Cemetery. I only remember that name because there is something off about his tombstone. Well, I know you, Hubie Dubois. You’ll see.”
“Oh, did you get a Hubie Dubois Halloween safety talk? Hubie Dubois is probably the nicest guy in this town. No. He– you know, he’s just– he’s the nicest. Well, take it from me. Nice matters.”
“Hey, Karen. How ’bout you thank the man? How did you get to be so badass? Yes, you, Hubie. You’re a stud. What? What?”
Sgt. Steve Downey
“That is a good one. Hey, you got Sergeant Downey. How you doin’ there, Kenny? Wow, uh… Richie Hartman’s been locked up since Carter was president. Yeah, but you know what? I hope he comes looking for me. ‘Cause he will be in a world of pain. Of pain– I gotta go, Kenny. Hubie, what do you want? Not a crime to buy eggs or toilet paper. Okay. Yeah. Call the hotline. Hubie, get in here. Bring it in here. Get in here. Now, it’s Halloween. In Salem. And I got a lot of real issues on my plate. Get out of here!”
“Is this the way you found him? Did you hear anything or see anything unusual last night? You want me to get out this car and beat you with that ugly cat? ‘Cause you know I’m more than capable of it?”
Deli Mike Mundi
“Got ya!”
“No clue. You want me to kick his ass, Father?”
“Oops. Sorry, freshman.”
Mr. Landolfa
“Yep! Right here, Pubie. Give me a half-pound of roast beef. Not anymore. Is that the first girl you ever talk to, Pubie? I’ve never seen you with a girlfriend. Know what? I don’t want the roast beef. Give me some of the lamb’s head. No? What’s that right there?”
“Hello, Hubes. What did you do wrong? By the way, I wanted to say that I’m sorry for my attitude yesterday at the deli counter. My dad, you know, he died unexpected, and I just haven’t been myself these past few days. Yeah. My dad was a serious man. He worked hard every single day of his life. But he did love to laugh. And I know he would get a great chuckle out of this. Having fun, Pubes. Ma! He’s an idiota, deficiente! Disrespectful?”
Walter Lambert
“Well, hello, there. You need a hand? Boy, that was quite a tumble you took there, fella. Well, it’s not right what those hooligans did. Oh, say, that’s some heck of a thermos. Maybe you’ve had enough bike riding for one day. How about if I give you a lift home? Oh. Wow. Your kids must have helped you with all of this. Ah. Look at those purple mums. And you gotta love the old-school ghost you got working over there. And looks like we’re neighbors. ‘Cause I just moved in right there this morning. I’m Walter Lambert. It’s a pleasure, Hubie. I’ll tell you what. I’m gonna invite you and mom over for dinner once I get my kitchen set up, ’cause I make the best chili east side of the Rockies. And your butt just made some room. It’s– it’s fine. It’s natural. Yeah. Anyway, you take care, Hubie. All right? And have a happy Halloween. Oh, and Hubie. If you ever hear some commotion coming from my house, it’s nothing to be concerned about. So, you don’t need to come over and check on me or anything. In fact, it’s important you don’t. Walter.”
“Hubie. Yeah. I wa– last night, I thought I felt a little draft. So… sure does. You mean in human years? I don’t really believe in keeping track of that kind of thing, Hubie. You know, age is just a state of mind. Hubie Dubois.”
Sgt. Blake
“Salem PD.”
DJ Aurora
“Hello, my witches and warlocks. It’s your ghoulish DJ Aurora. I hope you’re ready for tomorrow night and all the spooky things that frighten. I know I am.”
“It’s not even dark yet here in Salem, but the spooky vibes are gettin’ heavy, baby. We’ll get through it together here on… Halloween central.”
“Well, all you witches and warlocks, the daylight is fading, and you know what that means, Halloween is Salem is in full effect. Now, we have an old friend on the line, Hubie Dubie. Hubie, you need to turn down your radio. We talked about this before. Hubie. Turn down the radio. Please stop. All good, baby, okay? Thanks for calling.”
“The scariest night of the year has arrived, kiddies. It’s gonna be a full moon, so the monsters will be out. I hope you’ve made all the necessary preparations. And have your costumes all picked out. And watch out for all kinds of freaky things that’ll chill you to the bone.”
Orderly Hal
“Special delivery for Mr. Loon E. Tunes. Ah. All right. Catching some Z’s, huh? Did you go pee-pee while you sleepy, huh? I heard you can’t hold it in. Hartman? Hey, you quakin’ in your boots? You better be, ’cause I’m your new attendant. The name’s Hal L. And you’re in my world now. And you’re in my world now. Oh! Psycho on the loose!”
Andy O’Doyle
“It’s Sunday, dumbass.”
“Look who’s here. Guys, let’s get him! Snitch.”
“You should go as a girl who doesn’t even know her real parents are. Oh, that’s who you are everyday. Yes, Miss Taylor? G-ghost? Go home?”
Farmer Dan
“Yeah. And I was gonna take poor Peanut to the Halloween Carnival tonight for the petting zoo. But what kid would wanna pet a pig that look like that? Well, I woke up ’cause the animals sounded agitated, and then I heard poor Peanut make a God-awful squeal. Squalin’ like he was callin’ for his daddy! Think you’ve been watching too many scary movies, Louise. Oh, at least my mama don’t stink up the toilet so bad, we gotta get rid of the shower curtain. My mom wouldn’t break up the furniture if you hadn’t bought that cheap ass Ikea stuff and put it together with a butter knife! Peanut’s dead!”
Farmer Louise
“You know what I think done it? A werewolf. And I think you’ve been eating too many of your own boogers, Dan. Oh, you gonna bring up my mama in front of the police, huh? Ain’t nobody say nothin’ ’bout your big ass mama. She come in the house and broke all the furniture. Well, if I had a real man, then I wouldn’t have to do it myself now, would I? We gonna eat Peanut tonight!”
Miss Taylor
“O’Doyle? Maybe you should go as a butt-faced red-haired piece of dog puke who’s reading at a second-grade level even though he’s 11. Yeah. No, baby. He overstayed his welcome.”
Janitor
“Look at these nerds. Unbelievable. You can say a lot of things about me, but I was never a nerd. Hey, pimples! Pubie! You are, Pubie. Landolfa called you that yesterday. Hilarious. That’s my cue. Call me if you get lonely, Violet. Don’t call me.”
Dot
“Janitor, some drunk guy dressed as Captain Underpants just threw up in the jail exhibit. Thank you so much.”
Danielle
“Hi, Hubie. What school did you go to? Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought ’cause of the thermos. Uh, no, thanks.”
“Coffee? Not hot chocolate? You had one this morning. Did you suddenly get cool?”
“Do you like him?”
Father Dave
“What is that fool doing here? Not yet. But stay close. That concludes our service. The family has invited you all to luncheon. A luncheon at the, uh, Captain’s Table on Foster Street. Thank you. Boobie! What are you doing? I’m officiating a funeral. People die every day, dummy. They don’t skip holidays. Shut it. And if you get dirt on my good funeral shoes again, I’m gonna bury one up your butt. No, I don’t want some s– here, let me help you. It’s not a costume. No, this is good. We want him in the hole. God would want this.”
Megan
“Hey. What can I get you guys? Okay. Well, I’m gonna need to see some ID, freshman. I’m just kidding. One black coffee. Oh, I see you in the hallways and it’s pretty obvious. What are you guys doing for Halloween? So you’re not going to the party? The big barn at Wallace Orchard. It’s mostly juniors and seniors. Try hard.”
Tommy
“Hi. Can I get a black coffee? Oh, I don’t drink hot chocolate anymore. Well, I quit. ID? I don’t… so, how’d you know I was a freshman? Well, I’m taking my sisters trick-or-treating. And my mom’s at work, so I kind of ruin the house when she’s gone. Yeah, I’m going. Which party? That’s me. Hmm. Yeah. Well, maybe after my mom comes home, I’ll– I’ll try to swing by. It comes and goes.”
“You said this already.”
Kyle
“Michael Mundi in the house!”
Coffee Shop
“One manly black coffee.”
Funeral
“♪ Did you ever know That you’re my hero? ♪ And everything I’d like to be? ♪ I could fly higher than an eagle ♪ ‘Cause you are the wind Beneath my wings ♪ Did you ever know That you’re my hero? ♪ You’re everything , everything I wish I could be ♪ I could fly higher than an eagle.. ♪”
Mrs. Landolfa
“Why he talk about his boner?”
Funeral Grounds Worker
“Ah! The dead speak!”
Danielle’s friend 1
“What was that”
Danielle’s friend 2
“What was that about?”
O’Doyle cronie 1
“Hubie! Come on! Come on! Eat some shit! Go!”
O’Doyle cronie 2
“Hubie! Come on! Come on! Catch this!”
O’Doyle cronie 3
“He flew like 25 feet!”
Mrs. Banerjee
“Have a happy Halloween tomorrow, Hubie.”
Theresa
“Have fun!”
Kenny Fonda
“Hey, Steve. It’s Kenny Fonda with the Westford PD. Good, buddy. Good. Hey, I just wanted to give you a heads-up. We had someone escape from the psych ward up here. A guy from your neck of the woods. Richard Hartman. Yeah. Just thought you might wanna know in case he gets sentimental for his hometown. And didn’t you testify against him, Steve? He doesn’t strike me as a forgive-and-forget type. What the hell?”
Violet
“Okay, kids, you can’t have candy for breakfast, but you can sprinkle some on top of your cereal.”
Girl 1
“Yes!
Girl 2
“Oh, yeah!”
Girl 3
“Are those pee stains?”
Trick-or-treater 1
“Whatever.”
Trick-or-treater 2
“Hey, Pubie! Give me back my cat! Oh, hey, Violet. Oh, you fostering this mumbling zombie now, too? Uh… no.”
Salem Elementary PA
“Attention, first through sixth graders. We have a special presentation today in lieu of recess. Here to talk about Halloween safety is Salem’s Official Volunteer Halloween Helper, Hubert Dubois. Oh, God. Hey! Hey! Hey! Let him speak. He’s a human being!”
Salem Elementary
“Ooh!”
Salem Elementary 1
“I can’t believe it’s finally Halloween.”
Salem Elementary 2
“My parents got me a royal princess dress from the Disney Store.”
Salem Elementary 3
“Cooky, what are you gonna dress up as?”
Salem Elementary 4
“Is that where you live? Oh.”
Cooky
“A robot. It means someone who needs help. Cooky. I feel bad for him.”
“That man on the radio sounds like the guy who talked to us in the cafeteria today. I think so. Is he a good guy? ‘Cause the whole school was throwing food and sharp objects at him.”
Wake Up Boston
“Welcome back. You’re watching Wake Up Boston. And it’s October 31st, which is a special day across the country, but most especially in Salem, America’s unofficial Halloween capital. And it’s gonna be a great day in Salem. Right, Jenna Thomas? Ooh! Get that candy, kids. And now, Wake Up Boston’s Tracy Phillips is live with the Mayor of Salem, David Benson, and– Tracy, you went with Harley Quinn, too? Hey! Ooh! Ooh!”
Jenna Thomas
“Yes, Erin. Clear and a balmy 61 degrees. Ready for trick-or-treating and all the spooky stuff. You know it. Ooh! Ooh!”
Tracy Phillips
“Sure did, Erin. Only one day a year you get to show your ex what he’s missin’. Yeah! So, Mayor Benson, the sun sets in eight short hours, but the spooky preparations are in full swing around here. And you’re expecting some pretty impressive crowds here this evening. Well, I know where I’m gonna be tonight. Reporting from Salem, Tracy Phillips. Back to you, Erin.”
Mayor Benson
“Indeed it is, Tracy. As you can see, we’re already setting up our world-famous Halloween parade. And a few blocks over, we got a street fair. Oh, we’re expecting 70,000 people to visit Salem this evening.”
