Different Drummers

If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.  Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them.

Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do.

Or if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, please let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you.

Excerpted from "Please Understand Me II", by David KeirseyIf you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right–for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me.

Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And one day, perhaps, in trying to understand me, you might come to prize my differences, and, far from seeking to change me, might preserve and even cherish those differences.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, your colleague. But whatever our relation, this I know: You and I are fundamentally different and both of us have to march to our own drummer.

11 thoughts on “Different Drummers”

  1. Amen brother, I couldn’t say it any better myself. I’d just like to say thank you for the work you did on Please Understand Me II, one of my favorite books of all time. After reading that book I (a Rational Architect) finally understood my parents (both Guardian Inspectors). I finally understood their attitudes and actions and could put them in the correct context, I cannot tell you how important that was for me personally. Also, I found your description of the Pygmalion Project to be absolutely brilliant. I am delighted to see that you all are continuing to blog about the book and temperament theory. I will be checking in frequently!

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