Hulu original series The Kardashians premiered its second season May 25th, 2023.
#TheKardashians is Hulu’s most-watched series.
metacritic: 49
imdb: 4.7
Kris Jenner
Kris Jenner is the matriarch of the Kardashian-Jenner family based out of Calabasas, California.
“Never ends. Does it, Etienne?” — Kris Jenner
“Hello? Kim? Hello? Kim? Kimmy? I had this fear of growing older and running out of energy. The work, the fun, the family, it’s all very full, and I’m grateful and blessed, but it’s a lot. So, how’d your call go with Dolce, Domenico and them? Be the creative director of the whole show. Which is amazing. They’ve never done this with anybody else, ever. They’ve never asked anyone to do a collab with them. So I think it’s quite an honor when you look at it that way. They wanna do it for fashion week. Because they’re amazing. Like, there’s no one like them. I think that it’s gonna be six months since the wedding. I mean, I, I wouldn’t want– well, and by the time the clothes would come out, though, it would be almost nine months or a year. It’s something to think about. Why don’t you talk to Kourtney about it? Is that itching? That’s because you’re stressed out. Your legs look pretty good considering what you’re going through. You should. Do you think that you’re one of those people that can’t be alone, really? Kim, you’re always with somebody. If it’s not a man, it’s your friends. I feel like you have to be busy, and you have to– yeah. You’re flying around, you’re planning things, you’re off and running. Are you that person who, like, doesn’t wanna be alone? Or are you really gonna enjoy this? That’s really the question. Live your life. Yeah.” — Kris Jenner
“Hi. Yes. It’s James! Special Delivery! That was so cool, Kendall. Kim, pass that down. We had that facial the other day. And Khloe had that little thing removed from her face, and she had it biopsied– and it’s… cancerous. I know. So, Khloe has a little bit of a history with… melanoma and cancerous lesions. So, this on her face is very concerning to me, and I’m actually very worried. I’m just a little worried about her– so, now she has to have it… removed. So, then, like, you go in, and you don’t know how much of your… …cheek they’re gonna take.” — Kris Jenner
“Hello? Do you want me to take my shoes off? Yeah. Aww. Yeah. But you, you can’t control somebody else. You know, he’s doing this to himself. Rhetoric. That’s right. Yeah. When they can understand. It’s too much for one person to take. Yeah. You’re under a lotta stress, Kim, and I don’t even think you realize the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Yeah. First of all, you can’t control somebody else’s behavior. You have to look at the history of this. You were there for him for so many years, and then you finally decided that you couldn’t take it anymore, it wasn’t in the best interest of you or your children, you got a divorce, you did the only thing you could do.” — Kris Jenner
Kim Kardashian
“Okay, guys, we’re back. Did you miss us? ‘Cause we missed you. We’re filming our season three show opening, and we’re roller skating because why not? We wanted a music video. It’s fun.”
“Well, hello there. How are you? Oh, my gosh. How are you doing? Not much. Breakup diets? Let’s see. I don’t even know where we left off. I was? Damn. Okay, I’m single. I’m single and I’m not ready to mingle, and that’s okay. Breakups are just, like, not my thing. I’d rather some– it’s just– I’m proud of myself. I mean, we just had talks and talks. Like, we had been talking about it, so it was just, like, both of us just, like, communicating really well about it. It’s obviously sad when you– nine months. It’s a long time. I don’t have, like, random hookups and relationship– you know what I mean? Everything I’ve been in– and there was, like, a lot of guilt. He went through a lot because… you know, of my relationship. I go back in forth in my feelings sometimes. Like, ‘ugh, who’s ever gonna wanna date me? I have four kids.’ Like… ‘I’m in my forties.’ You know, like, ‘oh, my God, who’s gonna wanna deal with drams?’ But my person will be like, ‘[bleep] all of that. Like, it’s gonna be hard, but we’re together, and, like, we’re gonna do this.’ So, I’m just waiting for that person. Baby Robbie? Baby Rob. No, but he looks just like Rob now. She had a really hard time accepting the whole process. I do think that there is a difference when the baby is in your belly. The baby actually feels your real heart. Think about it. It, like, touches your organ– like… it’s feel–there’s no one else on this planet that will feel you from the inside like that, like your heart, you know? And people can connect in different ways, people could not connect. Do you know what, you guys? If Robert doesn’t have a son, the Kardashian name is dead forever. I’m not even joking. Uh, I, I could insert a lot of things other people would say. It’s, like, less drama. I know, but–“
“Hi. They want me to do a collection and design– yeah. I think that it’s a little too soon after Kourt’s wedding, and I wanna wait a year, so I’m just trying to, like– and I don’t know– how could they even pull that off in a few months? Four. Yeah. My mom’s known Dolce & Gabbana for a long time, and they always were asking me, even before the wedding, like, ‘can we do a book?’ Kourtney and Travis just worked with Dolce, and that was her whole vibe of her wedding. But then, after the wedding, I got a call saying that they wanted me to creative direct their fashion show in Milan. I think it’s such a good opportunity that I don’t wanna pass this up. Yeah. This one is. I just have psoriasis all over my legs. Well, tell the father of my children to stop acting up, and then I won’t stress out and get psoriasis! Last season, I feel like everything was so great professionally and personally. Things change really quickly, but that’s where my family comes in ’cause without them, I don’t know what I would do. The drams isn’t penetrating me…. 100%. I just feel like this is the time where I… wanna stay single. ‘Cause I fall, like, quickly, but I don’t want to. No, I love being alone. Who? Busy? Yeah, that’s fine. I could be busy. I’m a workaholic. I really wanna enjoy this. I don’t wanna sound like I’m complaining at all, but I just don’t wanna be out, like, and it’s so hard ’cause it’s my business, and I do have to do press for my podcast, and I have to do press for this, and I have to do press for this, and it’s like, [bleep], I just wanna, like– I want to be as private as I wanna be. Just live my life… …and, like, not date, or date give people if I want to.”
“How fun is this robot, this 818 robot? It’s so good, you guys.”
“No, no, no, it’s fine. So, I spent my whole morning having an anxiety attack. I felt like I just can’t breathe all day. You know when you just, like, are on the verge of tears? It feels like your throat is like… …you’re about to cry? That’s just how I’ve felt all day. You know, there’s been a lot going on with Kanye right now, and things are going on in the media: radio shows and interviews. Even through all of the craziness of everything that Kanye says about us, like, I never comment, I never post. Like, he has made up the most insane narrative– about you and the tape, and we stay silent, we stay silent through all the lies, all the stuff. I-I think, at this point, I just assume everything I text Kanye is gonna be put on the internet. I think I can handle anything, I just get really… heartbroken for my mom that she has to deal with so much, you know, from so many different sides of people coming at her. But even just like how he looks so down on me for, like, my tape, and brings it up all over the town, all over the media. Like, thanks for reminding people once again. All of his shenanigans– I don’t even know what the [bleep] to call it. Is gonna be far more damaging to the kids one day than my tape will ever be. And I have to sit here and not say anything ever because I know, one day, my kids will appreciate that, and I know that, like, is the best thing for them. And by the way, I’m the one where shit could be going down, and I get in the car, and every day, the kids wanna blast Dad’s music, and I’m like, ‘he’s the best! Yeah, of cour–‘ and I put it on, and we’re singing along, and inside I’m, like, dying because… …I will be the biggest cheerleader to them forever, and one day… …they see for themselves, I’ll answer whatever they want me to, but, like, it’s just–it’s a lot. And the one that was supposed to protect me, and still does interviews saying they will be my forever protector is the one that is hurting me the most. He was the one that started a rumor that said I was having– hooking up with Drake, having an affair. Our whole marriage, he accused me of that, publicly. So, the person that’s supposed to protect me the most, publicly, would accuse me of having an affair throughout our whole marriage. I really can’t wrap my head around… …how he thinks he is a protector. You know, sometimes, Kanye will say to me, ‘can I have your approval over what you say about me on your show?’ And I’ll say, ‘well, you just talked about me in this song, this song, this interview, this interview, and you didn’t ask my permission.’ And I never say anything bad, I never say anything negative. If I say, ‘I’m exhausted,’ I feel guilty about that. I am [bleep] exhausted. For once, can everyone just get their shit together… around me, so I can [bleep] lose it just once. I just wanna lose it once. I wanna have a bad day and I can’t. Like, I can’t even be overwhelmed and have a bad day because… no one else has their shit together. I just feel bad, you know? And I don’t even know why I feel bad. And it’s, like, I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna be a part of this narrative, and it’s, like, when is this ever gonna end? Like, it never will. It’s just always so intense. I don’t wanna engage in a public feud with him. I feel like I have to do something, especially when it involves other people and it hurts other people. Like, hurt me, just keep it with me. And I’m stuck with this for the rest of my life. I think that I would be– I don’t know. I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Let’s talk about something else. Everything.”
Kourtney Kardashian
“That’s how you pull up to an interview! Rolling into season three.”
“I think, in our family a lot, it’s, like, we know how to celebrate together, we know how to have fun together, we know how to help each other… back up almost on, like, a superficial level, but it’s, like… we don’t really know how to be sad together, or to, like, grieve together. It’s kinda, like, something that we all do on our own. You know, Khloe’s been through so much. I mean, it’s scary to hear that she could have skin cancer, and I am worried for her.”
“Khloe, I know that I’m already late for you. But I am ovulating. Do you mind if I, if I– if you give us five minutes to go… do something really fast. I have been just settling into life. Wife life is amazing. Yeah, he can. Yeah! You wait here. We’ll be back. I’m gonna leave my microphone with you, Pax. And that’s– yes, I am. Fifteen? It’s what I said. By the way, that’s record time. No, but I just know. It’s usually, like, hours. I was laughing for the first five minutes… so hard, I was crying. ‘Cause I, ’cause I couldn’t deal and then I was like ‘get it together, get it together.’ Yeah. Whatever’s God’s plan. We are officially done with IVF. We would love a baby more than anything, but I just really believe in what God has in store for us. If that’s a baby, then I believe that it will happen. When I was 38 or 39, everyone was, like, pushing me to do that, and most of mine didn’t survive the thaw because eggs are one cell, and then, none of them made it to an embryo. The freezing of the eggs isn’t guaranteed, and I think that that’s, like, a misunderstanding, is, like, people do it thinking that it’s, like, a safety net, and then it’s not. Whatever’s meant to be. I’m also– we have a full, blessed life, and I’m happy. We have a full, blessed life. All the things that came along with IVF took a toll on me physically. My health is still impacted because it’s hormones, and also, like, mentally, it definitely, like, took a toll. So… I think just being happy is most important and being a good parent to my kids. We are just embracing that whatever’s meant to be will be. Um, how’s your face coming along? Khloe definitely keeps her problems to herself, and I think probably she doesn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with everything that she’s been through. I was thinking about how, in our family, we’re so good at, like, celebrating and having fun. We’re… also good at, like, lifting each other up when we’re, like, in a crisis. Like… but in, like, almost, like, a superficial way. Like, I don’t think we know how to, like, be there for each other on, like, a deeper level. Do you? But, like, for you, for example, I feel like you like to deal with things on your own. I feel like we all have our times when we’re, like, closer than others, and I think that, like… …obviously, you and I just have a chemistry and a connection unlike any other. Yeah… it’s undeniable. Khloe will always be my soulmate after my true soulmate that I now have. I think with Khloe and I, there’s no competition. We’re just genuinely, like, obsessed with each other. We also, I think, vibed a lot on making fun of Kim, and then I think when that was gone, Kim and Khloe were, like, vibing, and then I was the one who got, like, ganged up on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Kim could never be as funny as me, obviously. And we would all do anything for each other, and, like, you know, ride for each other ’til the end, but it is a different thing. Yeah. I’d I– I’m curious about that. ‘Kay. ‘Kay, and yell at people on the streets? Yeah. I was gonna say we– I want you guys to do a yoni steam. With me. I’ll lead it. I’m so tired. Well, I had one for this morning for, like, an hour and a half, and I had one last night and the day before. You know, we’re just living our best lives.”
Khloé Kardashian
“I cannot believe we’re on season three. I wish I could tell you this is gonna be a mild, relaxing, serene season. It’s not.”
“Hey. I am definitely in a positive place after just last season. Life’s too short to be goin’ through it miserable. I had a little– no. But I do have something on my face here. I’ve had it for seven or eight months, something like that. But I decided just to get a biopsy. Just waiting for the results.”
“Oh, hello. Hi. Where’s Scott? You guys, let’s have a group hug! The baby’s upstairs. Baby Rob. But a surrogate process, Kim knows it’s really hard for me. It’s a mind-[bleep]. It’s really the weirdest thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, people say it will take a minute. But Kim said hers was, like, easy. This is not easy. I definitely, like, buried my head in the sand during that pregnancy that I didn’t digest what was happening. And so, I think, when I went to the hospital, I really think that was the first time that really registered, and it has nothing to do with the baby. It’s just– you’re like, ‘okay, we’re having a baby, and this is my son, and I’m taking him home with me.’ And I definitely was in a state of shock, I think, from my entire experience… in general. I felt really guilty that, like, this woman just had a– my baby, and you’re just– I take the baby, and then I go to another room, and you’re sorta separated. Like, I felt it’s such a transactional experience ’cause it’s not about him. I wish someone was honest about surrogacy, and the difference of it, but it doesn’t mean it’s bad or goo– It’s still great. It’s just very different. Kim, let me tell you something about men, they can have babies until they’re, like, 90. So we have time for Rob. It’s gonna happen. Give him time.”
“I’m so in love with you, tushy girl. Right, what’s happenin’? Or four men could make four drinks. Cheers. To 818! No disrespect to the robot, but it’s just so strong. Get– ay! Get over here! You don’t say hi to your auntie? You better get outta here. Get over here! That was great. I loved it. That’s amazing. Not much. Oh, I had a baby. I had a bab– well, I didn’t have one. Yeah, so, or else I’m sure I would’ve remembered that. True. Thank you so much. Exactly, well, that, that, was, that was my first option. Oh God, what are we breaking? His name is Tatum. So, Tatum and True. Naming a human is really hard. Oh my gosh. Well, the weird thing is he looks like my brother, with is very weird. I feel like I’ve gone through a lot recently, but… what’s one more thing on my plate?”
“Uh-oh. Oh, yeah, it’s the noms. Why’d she– what’s she tellin’ you? These are cute. stop. What’d she– bible? I have to get the plastic surgeon to cut the whole thing out. They said they won’t know ’til they open up my cheek how big they have to cut. But in my face is gonna be annoying. I just don’t want a big scar on my face. So, at this point, I have done one biopsy on this bump that I just assumed was a zit. It turns out it’s not a zit, it’s melanoma, and so, for my age, it’s incredibly rare, which I love this term ’cause everything that happens to me is incredibly rare, except for winning the [bleep] lottery. But it’s so rare that they have to, like, go in more to see if it’s spread. And so, at this point, it does feel a little scary. When it rains, it pours. What are you gonna do? I like this side of my face better anyway.”
“Y-yes, darling. Oh, my God, stop. What is that– can Travis do it in five? I’ll ju– can I wait here? Should I go somewhere else? Are you really ovulating? Let’s see if it takes five minutes. One time I was under my parents’ bed playing hide and seek, and I fell asleep, and I woke up to my mom and Bruce having sex, and this is, sort of, triggering me, so I don’t wanna talk about it. My inner child won’t allow me to. Lemme check my timer. Look what time this says. How? You’ve timed yourselves before? That is so romantic. The fact that you would wanna have another baby just blows my mind. It’s your time to be free and have fun. You’re a newlywed. Literally, like, in your honeymoon stage. This is the prime of you and him being, like, obsessive with each other, which anyone would want to. I had seven frozen eggs from years ago, before Travis. It’s comin’. It’s scary, like, waiting for results and all that. I don’t like to be an extra burden. We all have our own stuff going on. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, for sure. What?! I think I do. When there’s something pretty traumatic or devastating in the family, I feel like we’re all by that person’s side. That’s my experience, and if Kourt doesn’t feel that way, then I feel badly for her. But I could easily say, ‘yeah, like how you didn’t check in on me about the baby or whatever.’ It’s just– she’s in her love bubble. Well, yeah, I just don’t like to add shit to other people’s lives. Mm-hmm. There’s just an attraction that’s– can’t be broken. It’s undeniable. And also, you and I aren’t doing one-on-one activities. You’re always with Trav or your kids, which I get. I would be, too. You know what? I’m not into talking about problems, I’m into talking about solutions. So, here is what I feel, and that is, you and I… …have a day together. Have a Kourtney and Khloe throwback day. Let’s pretend we’re back in Miami. Yeah. ‘How’s your penis?’ Let’s just do something fun. We don’t even have to leave the gates. Do you know how much fun you and I have together? I don’t care where we go. I’ll let you pick anything you want. I’m just not going to one of your doctors. Like, I wanna do something fun. No steam up my vadge. I’m not doing a cleanse. No. Oye, oye, oye. From probably having your 20-minute sex session downstairs. Who has that time in the day to have sex for an hour and a half?”
Kendall Jenner
“Of course, I did!”
“There sure is, but remember, she’s an old lady. Actually, Kylie, you guys are the same age, 1997. Yeah. Can’t believe I called you an old lady. Kylie texted me out of nowhere, and just asked me to teach her how to drive stick, and I was flattered because when she asks me to help her with something that I love doing, I couldn’t be more excited to hang out with her. Like, I get so giddy to the point where I’m probably annoying. So, let’s do it. So every manual car has, like, a different personality. So, like, you have to learn every car differently, in a way. But once you get the gist of, like, what you’re doing, you’re golden. It’s fun to know. I don’t know. Old leather or something? So you’re gonna have a clutch, a brake and a gas. So your left foot is always gonna be on your clutch, like, just even if it’s just chillin’ next to it, or, like, on top of it. Yeah, the whole time pretty much. So, I’m not, like, a great teacher, but I’ll try my best. So, like, when you’re in neutral, right? This is neutral. I can take my foot off– yeah, wiggle wiggles. It’s a little embarrassing sometimes.”
“You’re gonna feel it. You’re gonna have to just feel it. I’m half on the clutch, half on gas right now. I’m not even off the clutch ’cause I don’t know when they’re gonna stop. Now I’m off the clu– now I’m on the clutch. You wanna switch? Are you ready? Okay. So, your foot’s on the wrong thing. The middle one, that’s the brake. Don’t touch that one with your right foot. So, if you push down on the clutch– your right foot’s on the brake. You’re freaking me out now. Please don’t crash my car. You never touch the, the clutch with your right foot. No. ‘Kay, well, if you ruin my car, you’re buying me a new one. I’m nervous now. I wasn’t nervous until this very moment. This is a horrible start. This is a horrible start! I don’t even need to turn the car on. Yes, there’s three, and your left foot’s only job is the clutch. The sweat. There’s three. So, your left– ‘kay, your right foot and your clutch foot are basically gonna be doing a dance to find that sweet spot. Start just tapping the gas. ‘Kay, now– no, no, no. Tapping. ‘Kay, now start– gently release, gent– slow, slow, slow, slow, slow. You stalled. Go into– go– foot on the brake and the clutch. [bleep]. Foot on the brake and the clutch. Okay. Go into first. Yep… ‘kay. A dance. It’s a gentle dance. So, slow on the clutch. Slow, slow, slow, slow, slow, gas. Slow on the clutch, Kylie. You did it! Okay, okay. We should’ve definitely picked a bigger parking lot. This isn’t a lot of room. ‘Kay, try and go out and turn around. And if you need– whenever you’re panicking, clutch. If you need to break really fast, just clutch. Now, foot on the clutch, clutch. Clutch, clutch, clutch, clutch. Clutch! You can go to the brake. Brake, brake, brake. Foot off the gas, foot off the gas. See, see, okay. Now we’re still– Kylie! I told you. Okay. Do you wanna try backing out? This is challenging. Okay. Okay. I think I’m probably making things way more complicated for her, so I’m so sorry. This is good for the first step. But I could hear my care was like… ‘help me!'”
“We could try getting you home? You could try driving home. Yeah. No. ‘Cause you need to at least get into second gear, Kylie. This isn’t even a lesson if you’re just going into first. I think we need to go to a street with a stop sign. Yeah. O-kay, this is, actually, perfect. Ready? Yep, deep breaths. Slow on the clutch, slow. Ah-ah, less gas, less gas, less gas. Slow on the clutch, you got it. Okay, clutch, clutch, clutch. Second, straight down. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. ‘Kay, yep. Now, little bit of gas, just a little. You’re already there, okay. Oh, I’m sorry. Neutral. Clutch, clutch, clutch, clutch, clutch. Um, go– go left. You’re in neutral. Clutch. First. ‘Kay. You don’t need to be on the gas. Okay, clutch, clutch, clutch. Foot off the gas, foot off the gas. Foot off the gas, off the gas. Okay, now gas, a little. You’re good. Clutch, clutch. Clutch! Clutch! Okay. Brake, brake. Obviously. This is your… …first ever lesson. It’s okay. It, actually, is, though. This is, like, really good, I swear. She did amazing. My car, I can hear how tired she is. Like, she is over it. Kylie, that was wonderful. I’m really proud of you, honestly.”
“It is 818 week, August 18th, 818. That is my brand. And so, every year we just do, like, a, a fun 818 party. Hey. I think that one of the beautiful things about me and my sisters is that we love and support each other, and we love to show up for each other. I’m so in love with you. We have everyone gathered to just support, and just share all the success, and have a good time. Wait, I’m really interested in this robot. This thing is so cool. Cheers, guys. Cheers! How cool is the robot? You’re over with me. I’m, like, scared. Thank you. Thank you.”
“I couldn’t be more appreciative. This is just so cool to see everyone’s faces. The alcohol space is predominantly male-dominated, which can make your life as a female founder a little bit more challenging. But it’s been, also, very motivating, and I just feel like I’ve learned so much, not only about the industry that I’m in, but also about myself. So, thank you guys so much.”
Kylie Jenner
“Is there a cup holder in here? Wow, it’s beautiful. This was meant to be. Ah, I know. Why is everyone saying I’m so [bleep] old now? Kendall! What a cute cup holder. This is a vibe. Yeah. I’m determined to learn how to drive stick, and I think it’d be a fun sister bonding moment for us. Okay. Okay. I remember dad took me out one time to teach me, and I just wasn’t interested, to be honest. Why do all vintage cares smell the same? So, you use both your feet like that? I’m already… very confused. It wiggle wiggles? Okay. So, what happens if you stall out? Like, what if I stall out– you stall out right now in the middle of the street? Really? I’m pretty good at mechanical shit, but the Porsche is a lotta pressure. I’m really nervous. I don’t want to crash her car.”
“I’m so confused. Yeah, I don’t get this. I don’t think I’ll be ready until… I’m in the zone. Where’s the brake? Kendall? Like, what if there’s an emergency, and I just– really? I thought this was the gas, the right. This is the, this is the brake? Wait, hold on, hold on. Hold on. There’s three but– wait, wait, wait. There’s three things down there? There’s– oh, my God, I’m so scared now. There’s [bleep] three? There’s three pedals I have to [bleep] worry about now? Three pedals? Three? We do not have three feet for this. It’s too much. I’m in neutral. But why do I move it before start– yeah! Oh, my God! Yeah. Where are we going? I don’t understand. We almost, we almost crashed! We almost crashed. Thank God we had that talk. ‘When in doubt, clutch, brake.’ ‘Cause it came to me. No, I don’t. I just don’t.”
“Me try getting [bleep] home, Kendall? You’re kidding. I just don’t wanna injure us. I agree. I mean, maybe, like, those streets in Beverly Hills? Yeah. We… are in the streets now. Okay. Kendall, you’re, actually… …stressing me out though. Okay, so, can I go into neutral or something? Ahh! Now I’m going back into [bleep] first? Yeah, please. Please, go ahead. Oh, yeah. Kendall, what am I doing now? Ah! There’s, there’s cops. There’s cops. Ah! I’m gonna– I’m taking an emergency exit. Neutral! Kendall, if you weren’t here, I sweat to God– I wouldn’t be okay. This is not coming natural to me at all. I’m done for the day. Thank you for teaching me!”
“So cool! I don’t know, probably me. I mean, I can drink the most and hold it the best. I mean, I can drink a lot. I’m gonna get involved. Kendall and Kim show their drunkness really fast. Like, there’s no hiding it. They have two shots, they’re announcing it to everyone like, ‘oh, my God, I feel so drunk.’ Kourtney, like, pees just everywhere. She gets drunk and she’ll, like, pee on everybody, and everywhere, and in public, and… like, she’s, like, naked somewhere. She’s just, like, a free lady. Khloe’s fun to get drunk with, but she can get aggressive. Watch out. And there’s no stopping her. If you had a chance… to drink with any of us, I’d pick Kris Jenner. Where am I sitting? Oh, it’s starting. I’m scared, too. What the [bleep]? Oh! It’s delish! Gimme the little crunchies. Oh yeah… yeah. And it came back? Stop. This is her third time. Well, yeah! Hello? Oh, wow. Yeah. I think that it’s always scary to hear something like this. It’s just– I remember I’d go to her house, and she had this little bump, and it was, like, she tried to remove it, and she’s like, ‘it just won’t go away.’ So, to find out that it was melanoma is just, obviously, really scary, and I just hope that everything’s gonna be okay.”
“Wait, I need to talk to you. Mom just told me it was melanoms. She pulled me aside… …she said very dramatically. So, what are you gonna do?”
Scott Dissick
“Is there even a doorbell? What goes on here? No doorbells anymore? I still got a doorknob. Does that mean I’m poor? Yello? You look good, Khloé. You do look really good. What’s the band-aid for? Mole removed?”
“What’s goin’ on? You guys have gotten so little. Breakup diets? So how are you feeling with the first breakup since being married? Are they anybody’s thing? How long were you guys together? Well, no, this was huge– this was also the first person you dated after you were married for a, a long time. Where’s your baby? Is the name Bob? You gotta go for Bob. Well, what does that mean? Oh, got it. right, I could see– right. I got so many good jokes. So do you feel less connected? That’ll take a minute. The other was 10 months of walking around–“
James Corden
“You know who it is? No, you don’t. How are you, darling? Good to see you. What else is new in your life? What’s happening? ‘Not much. Oh, I had a baby.’ No. Yes, sure. Yeah, so… what’s your first child called? True. So, you gotta call it ‘False.’ Or– where’s a picture of this child? Yeah, well, I’ve got a theory that at some point, if only for a day… even a minute, all babies will at some point look like me. I actually believe that’s true.”
Producers
“Did you miss us? No.”
“I got you. No, sir.”
“Well, at the end of Season 2 you were still in a relationship. Yep. What does a world without the Kardashian name look like? It’s a sad world.”
“What’s funny is, it’s one robot, so, like, yeah, you don’t need people, but there’s four guys operatin’ the robot. One of them could just make a drink. Exactly, it’d be much cheaper.”
“Who in your family can hold their alcohol the best.”
“Looked like a airplane. Here you go. The very first bottle. It’s so good. Help yourself.”
“We’re gonna break some news right here.”
“All right. Time it.”
“You know, people are saying like ‘oh, Kim and Khloe are the new Kourtney and Khloe.’ What is Kourtney thinking?”
“What’s making you cry?”
