Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, Warner Bros. TV

Warranted Pessimism

HBO original comedy Curb Your Enthusiasm premieres its ninth season tonight.

#Curb has been renewed for a 10th season.

rottentomatoes: 98%

metacritic: 80

imdb: 8.7

emmys: 2 wins

Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Larry DavidLarry David

Seinfeld co-creator Larry David possesses a distinct distaste for individuals whom he believes to be projecting ‘false enthusiasm,’ which is essentially everyone that he’s ever met in his entire life.

Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Larry David


5 nominations: 2003, 2004, 2006, 2010, 2012


7 nominations: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2006, 2008, 2010, 2012

“Cheryl, come here for a second.  Look at this.  Yeah, what is going on?  Yeah, I know, but– but really.  Look at these pants.  I have never seen a bunch-up like this in my life.  This is like a five-inch bunch-up I got here.  Is it a bad thing?  Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, you know?  Is it a bad thing for me to walk around like that?  I got a tent.  Hey, um, you want to go to that Dustin Hoffman movie tonight?  I don’t know, what?  You take a bath?  You don’t have to do it every Monday.  I don’t have anybody to go with.  Maybe I’ll call Richard Lewis.” — Larry David

“Richie boy!  What are you doing?  Well, I was thinking about going to see that, uh, Dustin Hoffman movie.  You’re kidding.  Yeah, at The Crest.  I guess– yeah, okay, I’ll– sure, no, I don’t care.  No, that’s fine.  9:00.  Okay.  All right, I’l see you later, probably.  I’m not sure if I’m going still.  Otherwise, I’ll see you on Saturday night.  All right, bye.” — Larry David

“Yeah, he’s going, but, um, you know, he’s got a date and– yeah, yeah.  Right.  I don’t know, I’ve never met her.  He could’ve invited me to go along with him.  I mean, I don’t know what the big deal is.  He’s going to the same movie.  At the same time.  Well, so what?  Here.  Hello?” — Larry David

“Hey, Jeff!  I can’t believe I got you in your car.  I love that.  nothing.  I’m going to the movies.  My wife tells her friend that I’m looking for somebody to go to the movies with.  So now I’m going to the movies with my wife’s friend, who I find, like, really annoying.  I don’t know.  I’ll have to ask Hitler.  What– hey, who’s in your car?  What?  Get me off the speaker phone, please.  What’s the matter with you?  I thought I was having a private conversation.  I didn’t know anybody else was in your car!  Oh, forget it.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  Okay, good-bye.” — Larry David

“Excuse me.  Is that a problem for you?  Yeah, that’s exactly right.  You make this big sigh.  I’m just trying to get by.  could you just move your legs.  I’m not looking at your breasts.  I’m trying to get to my seat.  Yeah, yeah, you and your special breasts.  Just excuse me, please?  Right, you wear that dress ’cause you want people to look at your shoes, right?  Is that it?  Can you believe that?  Did you hear that?  Jerk.  What a sick fuck.  Oh, my God.  She doesn’t even move her knees to let somebody in?  Yeah, no.” — Larry David

“Oh, shit, there she is.  How you doing?  Yeah, not bad.  It’s too late for cappuccino.  I’ll be up till if 5:00 in the morning if I have a cup of coffee now.  Decaf doesn’t work that well.  That’ll keep me up till, you know, two.  It’s late anyway.  I’m gonna go home.  I’m gonna go home.  Yeah, yeah.  Yeah.  What does that mean?  Leisurely dinner?  What does that mean?  Leisurely?  I don’t know what that means, leisurely.  Okay, all right.  Yeah.” — Larry David

“Hey.  Oh, not bad.  So not quite sure how to tell you this, but I think your friend Nancy thinks she got me aroused in the movie.  Because of the tent in the pants and she looked down.  Yeah.  She thought that there was some garbage there.  Yeah.  Okay, I’m– she looked at it.  She looked down.  There was a little twinkle, yeah.  90% sure.  Can’t be 100% sure.  I’m 90% sure.  I know, it’s very weird.  I told you about these pants!  It’s not obvious!  Look, look!  No.  No, there was no time.  The movie started.  What?  No, look at this!  I told you about these pants!  But you didn’t believe me.  You scoffed.  Did you scoff?  Well, she’s your friend.  No, no, no.  No, don’t say anything.  That’s crazy.  Oh, by the way, I’ve got some more news, too.  You know, in case this wasn’t enough for you.  We’re not going out to dinner with Richard Lewis and his girlfriend on Saturday night.  That’s out.  Um, I got in a fight with his girlfriend before the movie started.  It wasn’t my fault.  I was trying to get to my seat, and she wouldn’t let me go… and he wasn’t there.  And I’ll tell you about it.  I just have to go to the bathroom.  I don’t know.  He’s sorry about what happened?  That’s weird.  I have no idea.  I have no idea, no.  I’m thinking about it.  I don’t even know what he’s talking about.  I’ll talk to him tomorrow.  Strange night, huh?” — Larry David

“Hello.  Yeah.  Um, do you know how much longer he’s gonna be?  Okay.  So it was really uncool to just leave that message, ‘I’m sorry,’ on my machine, ’cause my wife, you know, she asked me, ‘well, what is he sorry about?’ and I had no answer.  I’m not gonna say that I called her ‘Hitler’ and your — your parents heard it in the car.  Hello?  Okay, you know what?  I’m just gonna call back.  Okay?  And the thing is, she’s gonna ask me again.  What are you doing?  What are you writing?  Why?  What did you do?  What a job you have.  You have to write people letters?  It’s ridiculous.  Hey, what if Kathy Griffin called you up… and said that she wanted me to write a pilot for her, and you said–and you said, no, I wasn’t available without consulting me.  If my wife ever asks me again, which I’m sure she will, that’s what I could tell her.  That that’s why you said you were sorry.  Do you like that?  Yeah, it’s quite good, isn’t it?  Yeah.  So that’s our story.  In case my wife ever talks to you, Kathy Griffin– ‘- yeah, Kathy Griffin called him up, and, uh, he said I couldn’t write the pilot for her without even asking me.  He’s an idiot, he’s an idiot.’  You are.  I’m talking to my wife now.  ‘He’s a big, fat idiot.’  Come on– I’m kidding.  Yeah.  I will.  Okay.  All right, okay.  What?  Yeah.  Talk about being ostracized.  Gay Jew in Nazi Germany?  He must have had a hard time.  What a combo.  Because of one stupid joke I made in the car?  Because of the gay Jew cousin?  Don’t ever put me on that speaker phone again in your car if there’s anybody sitting there, ever again!  Yeah!” — Larry David

“Have you ever heard of this new restaurant called ‘Mama’s Boy?’  Oh, yeah?  Oh, good, Cheryl and I are going on Saturday night.  We have reservations.  No, we were supposed to, but that fell through.  You should.” — Larry David

“Did Richard Lewis call?  Oh.  Okay, I don’t need that.  Yeah.  Q-tips.  Okay.  Yeah, I’m writing it down.  A color wrap.  Is that tin foil or plastic?  Is that saran wrap?  No, I don’t know.  Well, that’s what I thought, okay.  Uh, yes, as a matter of fact I did.  Um, what happened was Kathy Griffin had called him… about– about the possibility of me writing a pilot for her.  She was interested in my writing a pilot for her, and he never told me about it.  He just said no without telling me.  So that’s what he said he was sorry about.  Okay, yeah, I love you, too.  Okay, bye.  What are you looking at me like that for?  Come on, ‘ruined it.’  If I did, I did you a favor, by the way.  I don’t think it’s insensitive.  I think it’s sensitive.  I think it’s sensitive, I– I do.  Yeah.  I can hear you.  She didn’t make any effort.  She didn’t try.  No, no, no.  No, no, I didn’t look at her breasts.  First of all, they’re not breasts.  They’re not breasts.  They’re just big chemical balls.  Okay?  They’re not breasts.  I could take a guess.  Nothing.  Don’t call them breasts.  They’re not breasts.  Yeah.  Yeah.  We’re doing the litany now?  What else?  What else– finish the litany.  Yeah.  All right, okay.  Congratulations on the intercourse.  Well, a little bit should be the operative word here.  Does she ask you to go over some of the Neil Simon scripts at night?  The actress?  Make you do some readings at night with her in bed?  Does she give you a script and go over the lines with you on the sides?  Do you read the sides with her?  She reads Wiesel?  You know what she should be reading?  Emily fucking Post!  That’s what she should be reading!  Yeah.  First of all, there’s no way I can have dinner with you on Saturday night.  That’s out.  I’m not– dinner?  Dinner?  Huh?  Get out of here!  By sundown?  What are you, Gary Cooper?  By sundown?  What’s–huh?  Yeah, okay.  By sundown?  Is the posse gonna come get me?” — Larry David

“Hello.  Oh, okay.  Hi, mommy, hi.  Oh, hi.  Yeah.  Hi, um… I’ve come to tell you that I’m sorry about the other night.  And I know you were in the car, and you overheard me say something about my wife.  You know what, it was– it was– I’m sorry if I offended you.  It was meant as a joke.  It wasn’t very funny, obviously.  Well, you know, I thought I was just talking to Jeff, and– I’m not trying to say that.  I don’t think my wife is Hitler.  I love my wife very much.  She’s given up her career to work full-time for the environment.  Yeah.  It was a little rotten.  I’m sorry.  I agree, it was rotten.  I do.  You know, I’m trying to pull myself together.  Okay.  Yeah.  I’m done with the Hitler stuff.  Thank you.  I’m not gonna go upstairs.  No, I can’t.  I gotta get going.  All right.” — Larry David

“What the hell?  What are you– what are you– why are you doing– this is silly!  I can’t believe that she’s talking to you about this.  This is insane!  Wait a second, wait a second.  Hold it, hold it.  Can I just say something here?  Okay, you should– all right, fine.  Now, I came home, and I thought it was really funny.  It was kind of a joke to me that, you know, that you stared down over here because I was– Nancy, this is– this is what’s funny.  This is why it’s funny, ’cause you thought that I had an erection.  Yeah, Nancy– I even pointed out the pants to her, right, before the movie.  No, it’s not a big deal.  And I wouldn’t mind it if in fact I did.  ‘Cause I was upset– I was upset about the woman.  I just forgot to mention that I was upset about the woman who wouldn’t let me into the aisle.  I didn’t think of it.  It was so insignificant to me, the whole thing.  I didn’t think of that.  Nancy, it didn’t happen, okay?  If it happened, I would give you credit for it!  It didn’t happen.  I know when I get these things and how they happen.  I know the source.  I know– yeah, I can name sources!  Sophia Loren was once a source!  I know my sources!  Sometimes they’re mysterious sources, and I don’t know where it comes from!  Other times, I can pinpoint it!  Yeah, you’re a source, she’s a source.  You’re a source, too.  No, I didn’t!  Look at these pants.  Look, look down.  Are you crazy?  Let me show you.  I’ll get the pants.  What did you have to tell her that for?”

“Oh, look what’s doing here.  Jeez, this is really crowded.  Hi, uh, reservation for 8:00, for David.  Yeah, but there are only gonna be two of us.  Hey!  Excuse me one second.  Yeah.  Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Greene.  How are you doing?  How’s everything?  Yeah.  She’s not gonna tell her about the Hitler thing?  Yeah.  What?  Up the stairs?  To see the kids?  ‘Cause I didn’t see the kids, they’re mad at me?  That’s insane.  What did they say?  So they’re not– so– they didn’t even say hello to me.  Wait a second.  What’s happening?  We’ll just– well, we’ll take a table for two then.  I know, but we had a reservation for four, and the two people couldn’t come.  Yeah, who am I?  I’m a guy without a table, that’s who I am.  Get out of here, I’m not gonna say– forget it.  I’m not gonna say that.  So what, right?  Okay, big deal, fine.  No table.  You happy?  Have you ever seen it?  Shes never even seen an episode.  What are you talking about?  Did you, really?  Which one?  Okay, great, see?  She never even saw the show.  Good going.  Jeff, shut up with that.  You wanna eat with him and his family?” — Larry David

“When are you guys going back?  Oh, Christ.  Are you Mama’s boy?  I love to see a black owner.  You know, black entrepreneurship.  It’s just– having a nice time?  We’ve got to do this again more often.  Don’t you think?  Maybe I’ll call in for next week.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  Do this again next week?  Yeah, we talked about it.  Yeah, thing about the pilot, yeah.  No, I definitely want to do it.  We should do that.  Yeah, no, that’s what you called him about, I know.  No, I know.  Oh, because…” — Larry David

“Hey.  What?  I was gonna work out.  Thank you for doing this.  Thank you.  The bracelet is right in the front.  You haven’t done anything for me to thank you for.  Okay.  So the bracelet is right in the front.  It’s platinum, it’s got little diamonds.” — Larry David

“And who knows?  You know what?  Maybe I’ll be able to need a lawyer someday.  Because a lot of people sue me.  I’m very vulgar, and, you know, you might wind up suing me.” — Larry David

“You cannot get rid of him.  I know he is, but, please, if you get rid of him, we’re never gonna get rid of that wire in the backyard.  The guy’s a total prick, and he will do a good job, believe me.  Prick’s are good.  You want a prick, and this guy’s a prick.  Look at you.  You know, you’re a prick.  You’re doing a good job.  Are you a prick, or are you not a prick?  In business, are you not a prick?  This guy’s a bigger prick than you.”

“I don’t tell my wife anything.  I don’t confide in my wife.  I don’t trust anybody.  I just treat her like an acquaintance.  You think I want her blabbing about me to people?  If we got divorced tomorrow, she’d having nothing to say, nothing she could say.” — Larry David

Jeff Greene, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Jeff GarlinJeff Greene

Jeff Greene, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Jeff Garlin“Hello?  Hey, how you doing?  I’m your manager.  I’m always available.  Well, there you go.  What’s going on?  Who you going with?  Forget about all that tonight.  You wanna play golf this weekend?  Just my parents.  They’re in town.  Hold on.  Now you’re off the speaker phone.  Hold on one second.  Relax back there!  Relax!  Hello.  All right, call me tomorrow.  Bye.  So we’re lying together.  All right, good.” — Jeff Greene

“Oh, I’m sorry.  No.  Well, we’ll think of something.  I’m writing Kathy Griffin a letter of apology.  We did nothing to each other, but just every week I end up writing her an apology letter.  Imagine if I wrote you an apology letter.  I know.  It’s crazy.  Kathy Griffin’s the only one I write letters to.  Yeah.  Mm-hmm.  Great, great, wonderful.  All right, so– yes, very much.  It was Kathy Griffin.  Who is?  Big, fat idiot?  Tell your wife I’m an idiot.  Don’t say I’m a fat idiot.  It’s okay.  Could you do me a favor?  Write me a letter of apology.  A lie letter.  For calling me a fat idiot.  Listen.  The other night when you called your wife Hitler, my parents, you know, were in the back.  We had a gay cousin that escaped Nazi Germany, so my parents are very sensitive to it.  Well, yeah.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  Yep, yep.  Listen, can you do me a favor?  Please, this afternoon, come by the house and apologize to my parents.  It’s for me.  They’re here for another week.  My father wants me to drop you as a client!  He keeps on telling me every day.  ‘Drop him.  Drop him as a client!’  One stupid, little thing.  They’re very sensitive about it.  Of the gay Jew cousin.  I gotta go meet them for lunch.  I’ll be home this afternoon.  Please, please come by.  If I’m by myself, it’s okay.  Okay, but can you do me a favor, please?  Tell my parents you’re sorry.  Quickly zip in, zip out, and tell them, all right?” — Jeff Greene

“Yeah, I heard it’s great.  Yeah.  With Lewis and his girlfriend?  I should take my parents there.  ‘Mama’s boy.'” — Jeff Greene

“Mom, dad, Larry’s here.  Yeah.  I would have told him it was the wrong thing to say, had you not been there.  The Polaroid.  The Polaroid.  I’ll get the Polaroid.  Whatever, you know, it’s your business.  You wanna, you wanna, you don’t, you don’t.  I can’t make you.  Thank you.  That was really nice of you.  I really appreciate it.  I gotta go up there now.” — Jeff Greene

“Larry, hey, hey, come here!  Hey!  Hey, Cheryl.  Can I talk to you for a second?  Over here, over here.  No, no, no, no way.  I promise you.  I promise you, no way.  Listen, there is a little bit of a problem though.  Remember the other day when you were leaving, and they wanted you to come upstairs and look at the kid?  Susie asked you to come upstairs?  My parents are mad you didn’t.  My parents are upset you didn’t come up.  They thought you should come up.  They’re mad at you.  I’ve already told them they’re crazy.  They’re crazy.  They said that it’d be nice if he would’ve came upstairs.  What kind of man doesn’t come upstairs to look at another man’s kid?  I know, they’re upset with you.  Hold on, she wants to talk to you.” — Jeff Greene

“Cheryl, Larry, join us.  We got the corner table.  Easily add two.  Come on, join us.  Please do.  I’ve done it before.  Thank you.  Hey, Larry David, co-creator of ‘Seinfeld?’  Okay, please?  Thank you very much.  ‘Seinfeld.’  Larry David.  Thank you very much.  Okay, come on.  Let’s go, come on.” — Jeff Greene

“I’m gonna get the veal parmesan.  All right, I’ll get the white fish then.  Are you happy?  I’ll get the white fish.  Whatever you want, mom.  Next Tuesday.  I know because I bought the tickets.  Next Tuesday, right?  Next Tuesday.  Thank you.  Hey!  Oh, no, we talked about it.” — Jeff Greene

“Can I fire him?  I want to fire him.  I have to.  He’s a freak.  Okay.  Al right, fine.  I am a prick.  In business, I’m a total prick.” — Jeff Greene

Cheryl David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Cheryl HinesCheryl David

Cheryl David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Cheryl Hines


2 nominations: 2003, 2006

“What?  What’s going on?  It’s just material.  I’ve seen pants bunch up before, yes.  I have.  Well, you don’t have to play with it.  Because you want people to think that you constantly have an erection?  Yeah, it is.  It’s a big one.  It’s Monday.  What do I do on Monday nights?  Yoga.  Uh, yes, I do.  Go by yourself.  Call Richard Lewis.” — Cheryl David

“So is he going?  Is this his new girl?  You know we’re having dinner with them on Saturday.  What is she like?  Oh.  You just said he had a date.  He has a date!  Larry, you don’t ask somebody to go to the movies when you have a date.” — Cheryl David

“Hello?  Hey, Nancy.  Oh, just hanging around, talking to Larry.  What are you doing?  Oh, really?  You know what?  You should go to the movies with Larry.  Yeah.  He’s going to that, uh… that Dustin Hoffman movie.  Yeah, yeah, no, he would love to go with you.  This is perfect, hold on.  She wants to go.” — Cheryl David

“Hey.  How was the movie?  Why would she think that?  No.  She looked over, and she looked at your crotch.  She looked at it?  What was her reaction?  Like it was awkward.  You’re sure that she looked over and thought that you were excited?  That’s really weird.  Yeah, it’s very creepy.  I know, it’s just material.  It’s obvious.  It’s just that– so she didn’t say anything to you about it?  You didn’t say anything– and you weren’t?  You weren’t aroused?  I’m just making sure.  Because any idiot could tell that was just material.  Well… maybe I… maybe I’ll call her.  Why?  Larry, why?  How in the world could you get in a fight with Richard’s– of course it wasn’t.  I know.  Right.  It was all her fault.  Oh, Jeff called and left a message on the machine.  And he said that he’s sorry.  What does that mean?  If he leaves a message saying he’s sorry, you don’t know what that means?  Yeah, like you knew– you would know what that message meant.  What happened?  You have no idea what happened?  He would just leave a message saying– yeah, very strange.” — Cheryl David

“Larry, Larry, come here for a second.  Um, look who’s here.  I just– I want to just get this out in the open.  It’s Nancy.  And I just wanted you to come over here– come over here for one second.  I thought we should just talk about this.  Tell her what you were telling me the other night.  Tell her what you told me the other night.  I know, because– yes.  This is why I wanted to talk about this.  That’s what we’re saying.  Even before the movie Larry said, ‘look at these pants.’  Wait a second, wait a second.  She was rubbing your arm?  Why were you rubbing his arm?  Wait, why didn’t you tell me that she was rubbing your arm?  Why wouldn’t you tell me that when you told the story though?  What about me?  Am I not even involved in the source?  Oh, my God!  Okay, Nancy, wait a second.  Don’t walk out.  You didn’t tell me the whole story.  Thank you!  Jesus.” — Cheryl David

“$2 in LA is nothing.  Yeah, hi.  Hi.  Nice to meet you.  Yes.  Great, great.  Well, then, we’ll take the table for four, and there’ll just be two of us.  Thank you.  That’s fine.  You know what, Larry?  You should just tell her who you are.  Just try the ‘Seinfeld’ thing.  Try the ‘Seinfeld’ thing and see if she reacts.  No, it will help.  Ma’am, can you come for one second?  Tell her who you are.  He was one of the creators of ‘Seinfeld.’  No, no.  She can find a table for you.  You’ve seen it.  I’m starving.” — Cheryl David

“I’m having a great time.” — Cheryl David

Susie Greene, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Susie EssmanSusie Greene

Susie Greene, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Susie Essman“Hi, Lar.  These are my friends, Connie and Robin, from my Mommy & Me class.  Yeah, go ahead, honey.  Good to see you.  Actually, let’s go up and see the kids.  All right, let’s go see– mom, dad, Sammy is asleep on the floor.  He’s got his arm around Sarah.  It’s the cutest thing.  You gotta come up right now.  Larry, come.  It’s so cute.  Jeffrey, get the Polaroid, okay?  Get the Polaroid.  And you can see the new wallpaper.” — Susie Greene

“Hi.  Oh, I haven’t seen you in so– ooh, look at this.  This is Cheryl, Larry’s wife, this is Jeff’s parents.  Listen, mom, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you want.  You know I just wanna point out… did you doubt me?  If you’re not gonna order dessert, it’s not really a good deal, because the entrees are cheaper a la carte, mom.  Oh, Kathy Griffin.” — Susie Greene

“I just can’t believe that I have to deal with this!  He has ransacked our entire house!  He’s stolen– do you know what he took, Jeffrey?  Do you want to know what this little shit took?  You weren’t even thinking!  You know why?  ‘Cause you’re a fat, fucking asshole.  that’s what you are.  This is not my problem.  This is your problem.  Do you understand that?  I’m pissed, Jeffrey!  I am pissed, because my whole life is now in shambles!  I’ve had it with you!  I’ve just had it with you!  Oh, this is great.  This is all we need– Mr. wake me up in the middle of the night.  What the fuck are you doing here?  Oh, were you really?  Well, let me tell you something, Larry.  Jeff’s computer golf game is gone.  The computer’s gone.  The TV’s gone.  The new DVD player’s gone.  Everything’s gone!  My wedding video is gone because your fat-fuck manager over here let an asshole kid into our house, okay?  You happy?  All gone!  Who’s fault is it, Jeffrey?  I know it’s not Larry’s fault.  It’s the kid’s fault.  Oh, you’re gonna get him.  Look at you– you’re pathetic.  And, Larry, by the way, what the fuck was that about, calling at 10:20 at night the other day, huh?  You know I have trouble sleeping?  Yes, you do.  Jeff, you never told him about my trouble sleeping?  The cutoff is 10:00!  A lot of things to do during the day.  I can’t– I go to sleep.  Then I had to take a Xanax!  I was crazy that night, okay?  You have a 10:00 cutoff, okay?  Please respect that.  And while I’m on the subject, who is this schmuck, fuck-face lawyer you set us up with?  I would say that’s quite correct.  I would say that’s even an understatement because that guy is costing us– how much money, Jeff?  How much is he costing us?  Larry, should I be upset about this?  I don’t know.  There’s things we can’t replace.  Like, what about my grandmother’s brooch that she brought over from Russia?  Did he take it?  I’m gonna go check that right now.  She brought it over from Russia from a pogrom.  She was in steerage.  If that’s gone, I’m gonna be hysterical.  She worked hard all her life to give that to me!  It’s gone!  It’s gone, you fucking motherfucking– I’ll kill you, Jeff!  You’re a cocksucker motherfucker!  My grandmother’s brooch is missing.  I could not replace this item.  How would you feel if something you cared about was missing?  You don’t give a shit about anything, you know that?  Ah, you see?  Now it’s not so funny anymore.  Mickey Mantle might not be there.  Oh, fuck you!” — Susie Greene

“Oh, if it isn’t Jeffrey’s messenger boy.  He is such a slimy, spineless creature, Larry, that he sends you to do his dirty work.  Don’t you resent it?  All right, let’s get this over with, come on.  He can’t even face me, that fat fuck.  You know what I mean, Larry?  That he sends you, his friend– like all the times he used to keep secrets.  You think I don’t know, about all the little bimbos,  these little actresses.  He tells them he’s gonna give them parts… and help their careers, so he can get a nice little blow job.  I know him.  He thinks I don’t know this shit.  What did he tell you?  What did he tell you?  What did he say?  Did he tell you I kicked him out?  Yeah, his male ego, his stupid male–he thinks I don’t know about that porn stash, take all this crap.  He’s gonna need this alone in the hotel.  Oh, yeah, ‘freak that booty,’ ‘big ass momma,’ all his favorites.  Think I don’t know about this crap?  Oh, you’re into this shit too?  You’re into the kinky big ass momma crap?  I thought you were a family man.  Let me tell you something.  Your perverse, fat fuck manager, you know, what he makes me do?  He violates me, Larry.  He defiles me… at night, he makes me… who’s that?  Ah.  All right, Jeffrey is at a hotel.  Larry is bringing the clothes.  you know what, Larry?  Take mom to the hotel.  Dad, you stay here with me, okay.  Okay, very good.  Okay.” — Susie Greene

Richard Lewis, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Richard LewisRichard Lewis

“Yo, D!  Hey.  You came!  This is one of my best friends.  This is Larry David.  This is Sofia.  And, uh… Nancy?  Friend of Cheryl’s. Oh, well, you know… only on deeply religious holidays.  Did you like the film?  Why don’t we go– you know, let’s get a little cappuccino and some pizza.  On me, on me!  You ever hear the word, what is it, decaf?  I get the distinct feeling that I’m like, uh, Himmler’s ghost here.  You don’t want to be with me, is that it?  What about dinner?  Are we still on for dinner Saturday?  We were going out with the David’s Saturday night.  We’re gonna meet his wife.  Yeah.  We’re gonna go out, and let’s make it, like, a leisurely dinner, if you don’t mind.  You know, somewhere between 2 and 20 hours.  I don’t know.  All right, I love you.  Nice to meet you.  Hope I see you again.  Nice to meet you.  All right, I’ll see you Saturday.  You sure everything’s all right?  All right.” — Richard Lewis

“Because I’ve never been married, and I think I’m in love, and I think you might have ruined this for me.  That’s one of the most insensitive things– let me tell you something.  This is a woman who knows seven languages.  She’s very sweet.  I’m taking a leak, the movie’s about to start.  Look at me.  Can you look at– can you respect– I drove down in rush hour.  Can you at least look at me?  And those seats are like this.  She tried.  And you went, ‘do you mind?’  ‘Can’t you move?’  And then, here’s the coup de grace, you look at her breasts.  You’re looking at my girlfriend’s breasts.  How do you know they’re fake?  So maybe they are fake.  What’s the big deal?  First of all, I’m getting– I have that irregular heart thing, and this is not a good thing.  I’m a recovering alcoholic.  This is all very bad for me.  Yeah, I can give you the litany.  You want to know what my cholesterol was?  272, all right?  So I don’t need this shit, man.  I’ve known her for six weeks.  We’ve already had intercourse.  We’ve already had intercourse.  She’s loving.  She speaks seven languages.  And I happen to be a little bit in love with her, okay?  I never– I don’t know how to get– first of all, it’s none of your fucking business, ’cause you’re the most insensitive– what?  She reads Wiesel.  She reads lots of things.  That’s right.  Not everyone’s a moron I go out with.  Let me tell you something, Larry.  Listen, Saturday night, do me a favor.  I love you, all right?  You know, we have enough good stuff in the bank to get over this.  But Saturday night at dinner, could we maybe, maybe try to have an apology for this?  Hold on, am I hearing this?  You know our relationship’s at stake right now.  Our relationship’s at stake.  You’d better call me later on.  By sundown.  That’s funny.  You know, I’m trying not to laugh, but that’s funny.  You better call my by sundown.  That’s right.” — Richard Lewis

“L.D.  Hey, my man.  No wonder.  Look at you.  You look like the Jewish Ratso Rizzo.  Well, I mean, I was– all right.  Oh, you’re welcome.  That’s the first thank you in, like, over two years, by the way.  I just want you to know.  I’m just– you know.  Good point.  All right.” — Richard Lewis

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Shelley Berman, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Nat David Nat David


1 nomination: 2008

Michael J. Fox, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, HBO Entertainment, Home Box Office, Warner Bros. TV, Michael J. FoxMichael J. Fox


1 noination: 2012

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