Insecure, HBO, Issa Rae

Lacking Confidence

Insecure, HBO, Issa Rae

HBO original comedy #Insecure premieres S2E2 tonight.

#Insecure season 3 has been confirmed.

rottentomatoes: 100%

metacritic: 84

imdb: 7.6

***SPOILERS AHEAD***




Issa Dee, Insecure, HBO, Issa RaeIssa Dee, Insecure, HBO, Issa RaeIssa Dee, Insecure, HBO, Issa RaeIssa Dee

Issa Dee works for a non-profit organization We Got Y’all whilst juggling romantic relationships and her best friend Molly.  Frustrations with these entities cause her to evolve into ‘Miss No Fucks.’


Issa Dee, Insecure, HBO, Issa RaeBest Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy

1 nomination: 2017

Quote1My boss started a nonprofit to help kids from the hood, but she didn’t hire anybody from the hood.  I’ve been here five years and they think I’m the token with all the answers.  I know what that shit means.  But being aggressively passive is what I do best.  I used to keep a journal to vent.  Now I just write raps.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“♪ Go, shawty, it’s my birthday ♪ But no one cares because I’m not having a party ♪ ‘Cause I’m feeling sorry for my… self. ♪  Oh, look, nigga, guess you’re still single ♪ Couldn’t find another bitch to make your toes tingle ♪ Hot shit.  ♪ ” — Issa Dee

Quote1How different would my life be if I actually went after what I wanted?  Maybe I’d be more like my best friend, Molly.  She’s like the Will Smith of corporate.  White people looove Molly.  Black people also looove Molly.  What am I doing wrong?Quote2 — Issa Dee

“In 2016?  That’s what you’re talking about?” — Issa Dee

Quote1I don’t know what that means.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Wait?  Whose idea was it to go with the flow?  Hm.  Was he hairy?  So, yeah.  Oh, damn.  He did not sad face you.  I will slap you right– bish… whaat?  Can we eat?  I’m hungry as fuck, okay?  Have you ever tried, like, the raw meat?  Not the raw meat, but you know what I’m sayin’.  But, like, the food.  You okay?  Girl, stop.  What’s going on?  I think your pussy’s broken.  No, I read about it.  It’s, like, pussies breaking everywhere.  I think your pussy’s sad.  It’s had enough.  And if it could talk, it would make that sad Marge Simpson groan.  Yes, that’s it!  That’s your pussy!  They’re gonna kick us out this restaurant.  Uh, no.  Can you give us, like, two minutes?  We’re just, you know.  Thanks for treating me, girl.  Actually, I’m thinking about ending things with Lawrence.  We don’t do anything.  Like, there’s no excitement.  It’s just too comfortable.  No, I wish.  sometimes I wish he’d just slap the shit out of me out of angry passion.  Not really, but kinda.  No, seriously.  I’m starting to resent him.  Like, I spent my entire 20s with a dude that I’m not even gonna end up with.  Bitch, you’re right.  I don’t have time for the bullshit anymore.  I’m breaking up with him tonight.  Yeah, you’re right I’m not.  ‘Course I’m not.” — Issa Dee

Quote1Thank you.  Why aren’t you dressed?  The show starts at 10:00, right?  Jeez, Lawrence.  I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.  Never mind, then.  You know what, you pick.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“You’re wrong!  Well, stop treating them like they’re all the same, for one.  They already get enough of that.  I think these kids need permission to explore on their own.  Right, uh… nothing’s gonna change for these kids if they’re stuck in the same shitty place.  They need to know that there’s more out there for them.  So, as youth liaison, I want to take the lead on building a program for the kids outside of the school.  Thanks.” — Issa Dee

Quote1Hi, girl.  You sound like you’re exercising.  You don’t exercise.  To her black boyfriend?  Damn!  That wife ‘others’ up with a quickness.  Girl, stop.  Who says you don’t deserve to be married?  Okay, listen, I promise Jesus isn’t conspiring against you and your pussy.  You need to get out tonight.  I’m taking you out.  Be ready by 8:00.  Bye.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Hi, I’m sexy.  Let’s get outta here.  You’re super!  Oh, my God, you’re a music producer.  Do you know Beck?  I don’t make love, I fuck.  You want some of this pussy pot pie?  Pop, pop, pop!  Prrrrr pop, pop!  Pot pie!  Well, hello, Daniel.  No, you drive on the wrong side of the street.  Let me sprinkle some pussy Parmesan on you.  Awesome.  You hungry?  Hey, tiger.  Mm-hmm.  No, that’s so stupid.  Take a drink.  Whoo!  Shots, shots!  You gonna take this nonny or not?  Take this nonny!  Take it!  It’s too aggressive.  I’m taking Molly out tonight.  Uh, no, she’s just really upset and I want to make her feel better.  She doesn’t think she’ll ever get married.  Don’t be a dick.  Dating is hard.  Yeah, maybe she should lower them like I did.  Never mind.  Just forget it.  I’m sorry.  It means sometimes I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing.  Yeah, but where are we going?  Are we here?  Is this it?  Because maybe I didn’t know it before, but I know it now, and I don’t wanna just sit on the couch with you for the rest of my life and wait for something to happen.  You’ve been getting your shit together for four years, Lawrence.  I just feel like we’re wasting our time.  I don’t have time to waste.  I’m saying maybe we should get our shit together separately and see what happens.  Molly’s waiting on me.  I’m gonna spend the night at her house.  We can talk about this tomorrow.  See you later.” — Issa Dee

Quote1Bitch, I don’t know.  I’ve never been here before.  But I’ve heard really good things.  Will you stop being all judgmental, okay?  I could’ve taken you to some stuck-up Hollywood spot with a bunch of assholes, but we’re here, okay?  Let’s have fun tonight.  Yes.  Okay.  You’re gonna have some drinks tonight.  You’re gonna get so fucked up.  Ha ha ha ha ha.  I think so.  You know, I told him how I felt, and his last words were, ‘You wanna break up with me?’ That I was spending the night at your house ad that we’d talk about it later.  But I’m pretty sure he got the message.  We need to find you somebody.  Listen, bougie bitch, half of these dudes are cute, okay?  Let’s just go stand by them so they notice you.  Come on, over here.  Ah, ah, ah.  Po it.  Yes.  Yes.  He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming.  Good.  Issa.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Daniel?  Whoa, hey!  What are you even doing here?  Oh, um, my friend Molly had suggested, um, here, this place, where we are.  Oh, it was chill.  You know, nothing special.  Okay.  A vodka tonic.  Wait.  I just don’t understand why these grown- ass men are still dressing like Kris Kross.  Okay, that was high school.  When I thought prison jeans were sexy, and you didn’t bag me till college, fuck you very much. Oh, well I’m glad your pants grew up.  You know, I might actually still write.  No.  I’m– nope.” — Issa Dee

Quote1You got this.  You got this.  What up, y’all?  ♪ Love rookie ♪ She give them all the cookies ♪ By cookies I mean pussy ♪ This girl is kinda loosey ♪ Dudes take her off the shelf ♪ And they put her on credit ♪ 30 days later, they return it and regret it ♪ Used like a dishrag dumped like a hashtag ♪ I blame it on the pussy that shit must be bad ♪ Broken Pussy ♪ Broken Pussy ♪ Maybe it’s dry as hell ♪ Maybe it really smells ♪ Broken pussy… ♪ Maybe it’s really rough, maybe it’s had enough ♪ Broken Pussy ♪ Nobody wants you ’cause you got a broken pussy ♪ Nobody wants you ’cause you got a broken pussy ♪ Broken pussy ♪ Broken pussy ♪ Hey ♪ Maybe it’s really rough, maybe it’s had enough ♪ Broken pussy ♪ Hey! ♪ Maybe it’s really rough, maybe it’s had enough ♪ Broken pussy ♪ Hey, broken pussy. ♪ Thank you, guys.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Girl, I’m sorry, okay?  It wasn’t even about you.  Daniel dared me to do it.  And you know how we’re talking about this being the last year of my 20s and how I need to make the most of it.  I don’t even know what came over me but I just went up there and I just did that shit, you know?  Oh!  I mean, I don’t know.  You tell me.  I thought I was pretty good up there.  Mm-hmm.  So, am I still spending the night, or no…t?  What did I say?  I didn’t even know he was gonna be there.  It was about you, too.  I didn’t mean to.  I didn’t think about it like that.  Are you kidding me?  My whole life is about how shit affects others, okay?  My job, my boyfriend, you. I care about how shit affects you, too.  I always listen to you.  You’re right.  I didn’t.  I swear on my brother’s life and my life I did not send a text.  Okay, not it’s technically sent.  But Daniel, he disappeared– it’s the child locks.  I was just playing with you.” — Issa Dee

Quote1I shouldn’t be here.  Why are you assuming I like Drake?  He just really gets us.  I’m not a dumb bitch!  No, you didn’t.  But I just got out of a relationship, I think, and I-I wanna try being this new, different person.  And you seem like the perfect person to be this new, different person with because you’ve always been my ‘what if’ guy, but I– I can’t just jump from one relationship to another because that’s crazy– no, you didn’t.  That’s good to know.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Bitch, you still mad?  It’s not under your big-ass wrap?” — Issa Dee

Quote1♪ Do you want your man or not? ♪ Do you know your plans or not? ♪ You gonna go back home or not? ♪ You gonna claim the throne or not? ♪ Is you Khaleesi or the other bitch… ♪ Whose name I don’t remember? ♪ Huh?  Okay!  I didn’t even go inside.  It wasn’t for nothing, though. Like, it wasn’t even about Daniel.  It was about me.  Like, I became someone else up there.  You know, it was like brave me.  It was ‘no fucks’ me.  And I wanna be that person.  No!  I just wanna not be scared to do shit anymore.  You right.  And I’m really sorry for saying your pussy’s broken.  You know, I was just talking.  A tune-up?  Like, she needs her oil changed?  Like, your pussy gonna pass a smog check or…?  How, Sway?  Ooh, like a fancy day!  That makes sense.  What?  Just– just ignore it.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Mm, I probably should.  Once, but it made us both uncomfortable.  Or someone else might be.  Bitch, I love him, but– I mean, maybe I’m not satisfied.  You know?  Maybe I wanna be dicked down properly.  You know?  Maybe I wanna be face down, ass up, surrounded by foreign freaks, you know?  Maybe I wanna ask a nigga what he wants for breakfast and he replies, ‘that pussy,’ and he’s talking about me, girl.  You know?  You don’t know.  I’m just saying Lawrence hasn’t put it down in a very long time, okay?  And maybe I need to get on one of those apps like you, girl.  Try me.  Bitch, I’m not gonna sign up.  I just wanna see what’s out there.  Uh-uh, no.  You grew up in LA and you never went to the beach?  Really?  Three months?  To meet one nigga?  Yeah, this is a lot.  That’s not the saying.  Or any saying.  Mm.  Mm.” — Issa Dee

Quote1So what we doing next?  What?  Fuck!  I guess I’ll go home and deal with this motherfucking relationship.  Bitch, shut up.  I’ll see you later.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Do you know where you are?  You the bossiest bitch.  You a grown-ass woman like Solange’s sis.  You gonna take control like Janet or lose control like Missy.  The decision is yours– boss up or be a pussy.” — Issa Dee

Quote1Lawrence?  Oh, I– I– you know, I had my phone on airplane mode.  I’m just buying– why you being all loud?!  It’s cheaper and it’s not like the cute kind.  Lawrence, I’m not ready to talk about this right now.  Lawrence, we are not about to be the black couple fighting in Rite Aid.  It’s not even about my birthday.  See?  You don’t even– I– I can’t do this right now.  I’m sorry, I gotta go.  Lawrence, wait.  Can I get your Rite Aid card for the discount?Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Uh, how was your ‘vagacianal?’  Um, can I stay one more night?  Flavor Flav said yes already.  I kissed Daniel.  But it was like– it was like… and then it was– and then it was finished.  Okay, I did not lie because, technically, I did not go inside, or fuck him.  And I saw Lawrence and, girl, he just doesn’t get it.  And I don’t know what to do and I’m just– I’m tired.  Thank you.  And just so we’re still clear, I’m still Miss No Fucks.  It’s a– it’s a whole process.  It’s a thing, so… girl, I got too much on my mind, okay?  I am about to just wing this shit ‘no fucks’ style.  And these white people, they’re not even gonna know the difference.  They’re not gonna know!  Oh, can I borrow some clothes for work tomorrow?” — Issa Dee

Quote1Boy, bye.  Nope!Quote2 — Issa Dee

“Thank you, Joanne.  Ahem, so the kids of Thomas Jefferson Middle School are stagnate because they don’t know what else is out there.  So, my idea is to expose them to the arts around Los Angeles.  Uh, all of them.  No, that’s– uh-uh, that’s not it.  Um, if they’re interested in painting and sculpture we can take them to The Broad.  If they like music, we can take them to the Hollywood Bowl.  There’s the Watts Towers– it does, right?  No, I was gonna get people excited about it first and then I was gonna take a stab at the budget.  Uh, the– the mission would be– help.  Yeah, no, a community service component could also be included, um… culturally, I’m just like– can I have a few minutes please?” — Issa Dee

Quote1Hey.  Um, so, I’m sorry about the presentation today.  I know you were expecting more.  Um, and I just wanna let you know that I am fully committed to and invested in We Got Y’all.  I’ve just had a lot– um, sorry?  no, it– no, it is!  And you’re right,  I– I wanna be here.  And I will do better.  Okay.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“I completely forgot about the surveys these kids did.  And you were right, they did mostly list basketball and football in their interests.  Mostly spelled wrong, but still.  Or they wanna take it out the hood.  Look at this question– ‘what is something you’d like We Got Y’all to do next year?’  ‘Take us to the Crenshaw mall.’  ‘Go to Benihana’s.’  ‘Dave & Buster’s.’  ‘Stand in line for Jordans.’  No, I’m not– I’m not laughing at– that’s– that’s sad.  No, my friend grew up around here and she was talking about how she never went to the beach until college.  Yeah, she’s fine.  She’s a lawyer, but… I don’t know what if we just took these kids to the beach to start?  You know, we could even do your service idea and make it a… beach cleanup.  Mm-mm.” — Issa Dee

Quote1So, I’m home.  You still the same nigga?  ‘Yep, but who else you gonna be with?’  Oh, I got option, nigga.  I got options.  ‘So, you ready to talk now?’  You ready to man-up now?  Ha!  You wasn’t expecting that, huh?  That was good.  That’s, like, pow.  ‘What’s my mama gonna say about us breaking up?’  I don’t give a shit about your mama, nigga!  She’s really nice.  ‘Where’d you put all my shit?’  In a box to the left.  It’s like a jungle sometimes, nigga.  ‘So, you know I’m gonna take all my DVDs.’  Don’t nobody want your Steve Harvey box set.  ‘You know I’m still working on my business plan.’  I got a plan– start the business.  Nigga, how ’bout that?  ‘Bitch you know I love you.’  I love you, too.Quote2 — Issa Dee

“That’s great.  I shouldn’t have ignored you today.  For real?  That’s ‘brazy.'” — Issa Dee

“Oh, I was gonna read.  I mean, I– I could just go in the living room.  Uh, I can just go to bed, too.  I’m good.  Ooh!  Sorry.  Your hands are cold.  Snow cones?  What?  Oh.  Good night.” — Issa Dee

Quote1Like, tonight’s about to be inspirational as fuck.Quote2 — Issa Dee

Artisan.


Joanne, Insecure, HBO, Catherine CurtinJoanne, Insecure, HBO, Catherine CurtinJoanne

“I’m torn between the Booker T. method and the DuBois method.  What would James Baldwin say is most beneficial for people of color?” — Joanne

“Have a proposal to me by Monday.  All right, Ken and Patricia… talk to me about San Pedro Middle School.” — Joanne

“Guys, I’ve been doing this a long time, but I still get excited when my staff takes initiative to maximize their impact in the classroom.  Issa, Fredi, the floor is yours.  Which arts?  I see where you’re going with this, but have you thought about the risk factors, the executions, how is it mission-driven?  Not yet, Frieda.  This is Issa’s idea.  Let her finish.  Everyone, let’s reconvene at the end of the day.” — Joanne

“Come in.  I was.  Let me stop you right there.  You’re not.  I hired you because I saw someone who wanted to make a difference.  You seemed passionate at first, but I’ve noticed you’ve been on autopilot for a while now.  If you don’t wanna do the work, if you’re no longer invested in what we’re trying to do here, maybe this isn’t the right place for you.  The leader who does not take advice is not a leader.  That’s a proverb from Kenya, date unknown.” — Joanne

“It’s always touch-and-go.  We find a way to make it work.  So, where do you see yourself in a year?  No.  You’re doing a great job.  This is who I’ve been wanting to see.” — Joanne

Molly Carter, Insecure, HBO, Yvonne OrjiMolly Carter, Insecure, HBO, Yvonne OrjiMolly Carter, Insecure, HBO, Yvonne OrjiMolly Carter, Insecure, HBO, Yvonne OrjiMolly Carter

Molly Carter is a distinguished third-year-associate at a prestigious law firm but is significantly less fortunate in her romantic endeavors.


Molly Carter, Insecure, HBO, Yvonne Orji“So, they want us to be more environmentally responsible.  But it’s like, seriously, why do we need trees?” — Molly Carter

“Domino, bitch!” — Molly Carter

Quote1Yep.  I convinced the youngest son to testify.  His inheritance was already guaranteed.  One day.  Yes.  He say, ‘Hey.’  I love it.  I think I’m just gonna call him ’cause, I mean, ‘hey’ means ‘I wanna talk,’ right?  Oh.  He– he must be texting me from a meeting.  You know, he’s a product engineer, so he’s probably engineering shit as we speak.  You know, I do.  We’ve only been on three dates, but he’s so different.  I never thought I’d end up with someone who wasn’t black.  You know?  Girl, Jamal is frontin’. Niggas love Asians and Latinas and Indians and white chicks and mixed chicks.  But you know what, if they are not checkin’ for me, I ain’t checkin’ for them.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“We were just going with the flow.  It came out of nowhere, ’cause, personally, I thought we were having a good time.  Oh, it was mutual.  Okay, bitch, it was his, but I was cool with it.  He was Arab.  Absolutely.  And then he was also, like, calling me every day and sending me text messages.  Right?  And then this motherfucker got the audacity  to hit me with this bullshit.  ‘Sorry, I’m not looking for a relationship right now.  Sad face.’  That’s my life.  Yeah, girl.  You know what?  This is your birthday.  I don’t want to make this about me.  No.” — Molly Carter

Quote1It’s like, it doesn’t matter what I do, Issa.  If I’m into them, Then I’m too smothering.  If I take my time or try to give them space, ‘oh, I didn’t think you were into me.’  Fine.  Sex right away.  Lose interest.  Wait to have sex.  Lose interest.  If I don’t have sex at all– motherfucker, no!  I’m a grown-ass woman.  I did not sign up for that bullshit.  What?  You’re an asshole.  Fuck you, Issa.  All right.  She not gonna come back for hours.  Her broke pussy talking.  Where’s the broken pussy?  Choose number four.  You know I got you.  Now, why don’t you go home and get you some of that good birthday ass?  ‘Yes, Lawrence.  How you doin’ there?’  I’m sorry, what was that?  Did you not just see me crying tears of singleness in there?  No, no, no.  One of us is having sex tonight.  Okay, wait.  Are you guys fighting or what?  So, you’re an idiot, that’s cool.  Well, I mean, you’re still 29.  You got one more year.  I know.  Wait, what are you saying?  Bitch, no you’re not.  I know you.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Hey, guys.  What’d I miss?  Wow.  Oh, my God.  I’m so happy for you.  Congratulations.  Balloons.  Wow, for real?  Girl, that– that is crazy.  Balloons.  Wow, balloons.” — Molly Carter

Quote1It is never happening for me.  Diane got engaged.  Yes!  Right?  And they don’t even have to be that cute.  You know, I’m not tring to be shady, but why does she deserve to get married, and I don’t?  Jesus, apparently!  He the nigga that gave me this broken-ass pussy!  No.  Wait– Issa?  Issa?Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Issa why are we in 1997 Inglewood?  Nigga, from who, your middle-school Crips?  Fine, but you are buying me a drink.  Oh, it’s gonna be a strong drink.  So are y’all broken up or not?  And you said?  Yeah, and the message was, ‘She mad, we good.’  Every dude in here got dry cornrows.  That’s a fact.  Where?  What?  Mm-mm.  Since when did you become Party McPartisan?  I usually have to drag your ass out.  What?  Issa, where are we going?  No.  Jesus.  I’m not doing this.  Good.  Molly.  Oh, my God, no.  We didn’t even know it was this kind of a party.  Are you performing?  Thank God.  Oh, you mean he’s not a gin and juice, smoke weed every day, fuck bitches, get money kinda guy?  So, your little brother?  Is he a poet?” — Molly Carter

Quote1What?  What the fuck?  Oh, my God.  She’s talking about me.  Yo, can you shut the fuck up?!  Damn!  The only reason we came to that hoodrat-ass club tonight is so that you could hook up with Daniel.  Just stop it.  You knew.  This was always about you.  Is my life a joke to you?  No, no, no real talk.  ‘Cause it’s bad enough that I got to deal with real triflin’ niggas and real untraditional niggas on a daily basis.  Now I got to worry about dealing with a triflin’ best friend?  You made a joke of my heartbreak up there.  That’s the damn problem, Issa.  You don’t stop to think about the shit you do can actually affect others.  You only listen to me because I make you feel better about you.  Damn it.  This is bullshit.  I didn’t even want to go out tonight.  You drag me out here, then I meet a decent dude, but you should’ve seen how fast Jered left.  What if he was the one.  Oh, that’s right, nigga.  I’ll never know.  Never know.  Bitch, I know you did not just respond to that motherfucking text message.  You’re lying.  Did you just send a text message?  You know what, fuck you!  And if you fuck Daniel, you’re as much of a dumb bitch as I am.  Fucking asshole.  Motherfucker, open the door!  Shut the fuck up.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Bitch, you still trippin’?  If you don’t get off of me… where is your bag?  ‘Cause I only see one.” — Molly Carter

Quote1Issa?  I’m hungry.  Let’s go!  Wait a minute, so you’re trying to tell me you went all the way to Daniel’s house and nothing happened?  Like, at all?  Hold the fuck up!  You got on stage and went all Dej Nope about my broken pussy for nothing?  Like, all that drama for zero dick?  Tsk, bitch, you buggin’.  Mm.  You used to be that person all freestyle and drunk in my backseat and shit.  So, what, you trying to be a rapper now?  Well, you know what?  That sound real cool, real noble, but can you just leave my shit out of it?  Okay, thank you!  No, no, no, shut up.  You was right, my pussy is broken and I need to take care of her.  So, I’m gonna get her a tune-up.  Shut the fuck up.  I’ma get her fixed.  I’m making today Molly Maintenance Day.  I’ma get my hair done, nails done, everything did.  Basically, yeah.  If I’m feeling fancy and well taken care of, so will she.  Right?  Yo, Issa, you got Lawrence calling me now.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“You getting a pedicure?  Ooh, girl.  Lawrence ever suck your toes?  Ugh, he was sucking on your big old man feet?  Girl, I tell ya, that nigga is the one.  What are you talking about?  I like Lawrence.  I can’t with you.  Mm-mm.  Girl, calm your deprived ass down.  You are not about this app life.  All right.  You asked for it.  Check it, that’s OkCupid.  It’s free, so it’s like ‘bottom of the barrel’ dudes.  Tinder used to be cool, but now it’s basically a fuck app.  Hinge at least pulls from your network of friends, but apparently all my friends only know Hotep niggas.” — Molly Carter

“So, what are you in the mood for?  Yeah.” — Molly Carter

Quote1I fucked that nigga ’cause he was fine.  But then he had the nerve to dump me ’cause I told him I never went to the beach till college.  Nigga, you sell Obama puzzles at the African marketplace and you gonna judge me?  Okay, Windsor Hills, I was a hood rat.  All I knew was Florence and Crenshaw.  Whatever, I am still fly.  Basically, most of these dudes are not looking for a relationship.  They’re just trying to fuck.  Yep.  I mean, I just wanna up the quality of dudes that I meet.  There’s this one app called The League.  It’s for elite dating.  Like, girl, you gotta be a professional just to get in.  I mean, I’ve been on, like, a three-month waiting list.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“You gotta fuck a lot of frogs to get a good frog.  The point is it’s a numbers game.  Check it, I’m going on a date with this frog tomorrow.  He could be different.  You never know.  I gotta get my hair done and something else.  It’s a ‘vagacianal’ appointment.  It’s like a facial for your vagina.  I said everything did.  I saw it on Draya’s Instagram.  I mean, you could roll if you want to.  You should write Hallmark cards.  Go handle your man, girl.” — Molly Carter

Quote1GIrl, hey!  Look at you.  This bitch blew bubbles at me.  My pussy is still broken.  At least I have an icebreaker for my date tomorrow night.  But what are you still doing here?  I thought Miss No Fucks was going home.  Issa, what’s going on?  Why are you avoiding Lawrence?  Bitch, I knew it with your lying ass.  That’s a sound defense.  Stay as long as you need.  Yeah.  How’s your presentation going?  You’re so stupid.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Yes, but when the plaintiff took this job, he signed a waiver that completely indemnifies our client of any and all risks associated with operating heavy machinery.  I’ll keep reviewing the employment contract.  Oh, thank you, ’cause, you know, actually, I was– you know, I am going crazy with all this work we have to do.”

Quote1Wait, worse than OkCupid?  Wait, about your…?  Oh, so you mostly date white girls?  Now I know you lying.  Really?  Wow.  Sure, no rush here.  Oh, am I?  Am I gonna like it like I like your chicken?  I mean, just a taste.  Yeah!  You wanna grab some coffee?  You motherfucker.  You think that just ’cause you know some fancy wine-speak.  I’m just supposed to let you take me home?  What, three glasses of Spanish wine means we fuck?  I spent all this time trying to make sure that my pussy was fixed, but it turns out you are just like every other single asshole out here.  I didn’t break my pussy, niggas like you broke my pussy.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Right, right.  What’s up?  Okay, so you got jokes.  Somebody runs out of a club and don’t say good-bye.  That’s Flavor Flav.  Real clever.” — Molly Carter

Quote1Oh, come on.  You just got that big white-guy bonus.  Oh, look, we got a new black law intern.  Okay, now.  Hey, I’ll catch up with you in just a bit.  Hey.  Hi.  I’m Molly, one of the third-year associates.  Oh, well, thank you so much.  But listen, I know everything is super new right now, so if you ever need anything, I can help.  Yeah.  And…?  Okay.  Da– okay.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Hey, Rasheeda.  Hi.  Can you come in here for a second?  Hey!  You know, I just wanted to check in to see how you were acclimating.  Good ’cause, you know, I just wanna make sure that no one gets the wrong impression of you.  Yeah, and you are.  I just– you know, sometimes you can be a little… girl, you know how these white people are.  If you wanna be successful here, you gotta know when to switch it up a little bit.  Good.  Okay, good.  ‘Cause I’m just trying to help.  Okay.” — Molly Carter

Quote1Oh, yeah.  I better watch out or one of them’s gonna try and take my job.  Yeah, she’s hysterical.  Ah.  Mm.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Hey, Hannah.  Your assistant said this was a good time?  I just wanted to discuss the Rasheeda situation.  Right.  And it means the world to me that you would entrust me to have this chat with Rasheeda.  But as you said, it hasn’t been that long since I was a summer associate, so I’m worried that it might not bear the same weight coming from me as it would from you.  I just think that it would be much better for you to have the conversation with her so that you can communicate everything you want to say as a partner.  I would just hate for anything to get lost in translation.  Great.  Thank you.” — Molly Carter

Quote1Yes, bitch, I’m a real-ass lawyer.Quote2 — Molly Carter

“Do whatever you want, Issa.  You always do.  What was that?  Yep!  Gotta go.  All right, I gotta go.  Bye.” — Molly Carter

Idealist.


Diane Nakamura, Insecure, HBO, Maya ErskineDiane Nakamura

“Wait, you got the LaVinci family to settle?  No frickin’ way.  How?  God, that’s unbelievable.  Please, please teach me your ways. Oh, is that that Arab guy?  So sweet.  What are you gonna write back?  Yeah, sure, I think it could.  What’d he say?  Seems like you really like him.  Totally.  Me and Jamal are always talking about we’re not each other’s types, but I don’t know, it works.  Jamal said I was his first.” — Diane Nakamura

“I just was not expecting it!  I walk in, and first of all, he was being shady.  All night I had no idea what was going on.  And I got into the house– Molly, I got engaged.  He proposed last night!  Thank you.  Okay, okay.  So, um, okay.  So, where was I?  I walked in and my favorite flowers are, like, everywhere.  And he had these little notes that were, like, tied to balloons.  Yeah, they were, like, tied to my friends and family– sorry.” — Diane Nakamura

“You are so fucking smart.  Oh, thank you.  Oh, my God, I haven’t even thought about the wedding yet, you guys.  It’s, like, only been a few days.  It’s a princess cut.” — Diane Nakamura


Lawrence

“Hey.  Happy birthday, babe.  I bombed the interview.  I– I just got nervous, and I started saying stuff that didn’t make any sense.  I didn’t talk about anything I could bring to the table.  I just spit words out.  No, I literally spit on him, all right?  Then I spilled hot coffee all over the desk.  Hey, I’m sorry for ruining your birthday.  All right?  But can we, you know, do a Redbox movie and just stay in?  I promise I’ll make it up to you.  Come on, hmm?  Hmm?  Mm-wah!  All right, thanks.  Let me finish watching this video and then we can go to 7-eleven.  What did you want to rent?” — Lawrence

“Wow.  What are you all dressed up for?  On a date?  Should I be jealous?  What’s wrong with her now?  Ha!  She might be onto something.  Not if she didn’t take it so seriously.  Plus her standards are way too high.  Wait, what the fuck?  No.  What’s that supposed to mean?  Uh, we’re together?  Babe.  What are you talking about?  Nobody’s just sitting on the couch. I’m almost done with my business plan.  You know, I’m just getting my shit together.  You wanna break up with me?  Hey.  Issa!  Hey!  Iss!” — Lawrence

“Hey, who all is there?  Man, Pasadena is far as fuck.  What’s good with you, man?  Oh, that’s cool.  It’s Whoop-Whoop.  Still working on my business plan, man.  Plus, you know, there’s so many apps out there now, it’s hard to break into the market.  Am I going too broad, do I need to be more specific?  It’s just a lot, you know?  Issa’s cool.  She, um– I kind of fucked up her birthday, man.  Uh, actually, man, I was calling ’cause I just wanted to– yeah, all right.  All right, cool.” — Lawrence

“Issa.  Where have you been, huh?  I’ve been calling you.  what the fuck?  You’re buying panties?  Why are you buying a six pack?  Wait, are you not coming home?  No, no, no, no, no.  You can’t keep ignoring me, Issa.  I wanna talk. Okay, listen, I know that this is about your birthday, okay?  I don’t even what?  Wait, Is-Issa!  Come on, man.” — Lawrence

“Nothing, bro.  I’m good.  What?  No.  No.  I’ve just been messing up.  I started this business and that didn’t pan out.  Now I’m watching all my friends just pass me by.  It’s just been frustrating on all levels.  Yeah.  Man, hey.  Yeah, I do.  I just– I just don’t know how to change things, man.  Hey, hey, hey.  Hey.  Cool.  ‘Bool.'” — Lawrence

“Got an interview with a headhunter tomorrow.  Thug Yoda spelled an entire sentence today.” — Lawrence

“Oh.  Uh, sorry.  No, no, it’s cool.  I could– I could just, um– sleep with the light on.  Oh, my bad.  Probably all the snow cones I made.  No, I was– I was just making a joke, or thought I was.” — Lawrence

“Look, I’ve heard everything you said and I’m trying.  I really want this to work.  It’s just– it’s really frustrating because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.  I know, but I thought the last interview went well.  I mean, the VP went to Georgetown, too.  They had a ton of questions.  Look, I just need to get back on my feet, okay?  I can’t keep living off unemployment.  How far back?  No!  Elise, why would I do that?  I’m still getting interviews.  It’s fine.  no, if it’s the perfect job… I can wait.” — Lawrence

“Tons, actually.  You know, what I’m most interested in is weaving together users’ current behaviors instead of building yet another destination.  Well, you want as many users as possible, right?  You know, I’m coming into this cold.  I don’t wanna step on anybody’s toes.  Okay.  Well, um, the Meridian app is amazing, obviously.  So is Instagram.  So is Messenger.  Okay, Cameron, you talked about replicating the best apps and features, so why not deploy a daemon?  Let those companies do all the work for you, and you get to own all of the data, all of the users, and the skeleton key that ties them together.” — Lawrence


Frieda, Insecure, HBO, Lisa JoyceFrieda


“And these poor, poor children need our guidance more than anything.” — Frieda

“Um, blazer twins.  Hey, I’m so glad you came in early.  So, about our youth– your youth outreach initiative, um, did you get my email?  Well, I don’t want to step on your toes, but I spoke to so me of the teachers at Thomas Jefferson and it turns out the students have a high interest in sports.  No, I hear you.  That is sadly stereotypical.  but to your general point about exposing them to new and untraditional things, what about partnering with USC for sports like lacrosse, water polo or even real polo?  That’s true.  Well, my other idea was to take them to different neighborhoods and to do a community cleanup.  Okay.  Thank you.” — Frieda

“We were also considering a community service component which I– okay.” — Frieda

“Yeah, well, they were still in sealed envelopes.  The voice of the children.  You believe this?  It’s so telling.  They wanna be part of a team.  This is sad.  These kids can’t even imagine past the 10 freeway.  It’s sad.  No way.  Is she okay?  Okay.  Beach cleanup.  Word twins.  Hello.  It’s becoming our thing.” — Frieda


Jered, Insecure, HBO, Langston KermanJered

“Hey.  How y’all ladies doing tonight?  I’m Jered, by the way.  Nice to meet you.  Uh… so, like, y’all performing?  What’s going on?  Oh, word.  No.  Hell, no.  Hell, no.  No, no, no.  My little brother is.  I don’t know if this is really his kind of crowd, you know what I mean?  Ha!  He’s more like a skinny-jeans, juicing-type dude.  Yeah, yeah.  He’s supposed to be up there soon.  Yeah.  Isn’t that your girl?  That’s your girl, right?” — Jered

“Hey, broken pussy!  Jared.  You got– you got a little… something all over your face.  Yeah.  Uh, who is this?  Oh, you should get a Doberman and name him Chuck D.  Thank you.  I tried.  Did a little something.” — Jered


Daniel King, Insecure, HBO, Y'lan NoelDaniel King

“Iss!  My friend’s performing tonight.  I produce some of his tracks.  What are you doing here?  What a coincidence.  How was your birthday?  Well, we’re celebrating tonight.  Let me get you a drink.  what you want?  Two vodka tonics, man.  I bagged you looking like Kris Kross. I’m pretty sure my jeans were still sagging then.  Yo, remember when we used to rap?  You still flow?  You lying.  You lying.  I dare you.  Come on, Iss.  It was just your birthday.  You’re never gonna have this moment again.” — Daniel King

“Hey.  Where you going?  Why?  Come on.  You’re here.  I got you this.  Not Moscato, but some shit Drake would like.  Every black girl that went to college likes Drake.  I never said you were.  Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Relationship?  I’m not looking for a relationship.  Maybe… maybe I gave you the wrong idea.” — Daniel King




Watch the #Insecure Season 2 premiere for free here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *