Barry, HBO, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply

Contract Killer

Barry, HBO, Alec Berg Inc., HanarplyHBO original comedy Barry drops its fourth episode tonight.

#Barry has been renewed for a second season.

rottentomatoes: 98%

metacritic: 83

imdb: 8.1




Barry Berkman, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Bill HaderBarry Berkman

USMC combat veteran and low-rent hitman Barry Berkman follows an intended target into an acting class and rethinks his career path in Los Angeles, California.


Barry Berkman, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Bill HaderBarry Berkman, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Bill Hader

“Fuches?  How long have you been watching me sleep?  Oh, well, he was in bed, so it wasn’t work exactly.  Uh, I was doing recon.  To make it clean.  Okay.  No.  No, no.  I think I’m just burned out.  You know?  Maybe I need a break.  What?  You came here to give me an assignment?  When do you think that’ll be? Ontario?  Wait.  Isn’t that, like, a two-hour drive?  Why?  Because it’s cheaper or– how much cheaper was it?” — Barry Berkman

“Oh, fucking– fucking dick!  So you guys want him gone?  Good.  Okay.  No, you don’t pay me anything.  Fuches takes care of the money.  I just need his name and address, and it’ll be done in a couple of days.  All right.  Now, there’s a lot of ways I can, uh, do this for you.  Um… one of them… is I could stab him in the nut.  That’s something I did once, and I am… very comfortable doing it again.  Or not.  Forget about it.  Yeah.  No, I– I’ll shoot him.  I’ll shoot him.  I’ll shoot him.” — Barry Berkman

“No silencer.  Thanks, Fuches.  Uh… ‘what’s in that envelope is for my peace of mind.  My peace of mind is worth that much, not one penny more.  Not one penny more.’  I’m Barry.  Berkman.  Oh, I’m– I’m not an actor.  I’m not doing a monologue.  What’s Residuals?  Uh, yeah, from Cleveland.  Oh, are you– are you from LA?  Oh, I have a job.  Sales.  Auto parts.  Oh, I– I don’t dance.  What?  Barry Block?  I don’t get it.  Yeah?  Sure.  I-I-I– I don’t think I can.  You’re gonna help me with my audition?  Why?  I am?  Oh.” — Barry Berkman

“Hey, Fuches.  You’re here?  They saw that?  Look, look, look, something really, really cool happened.  Okay?  I followed Ryan yesterday, and he went to this theater to take an acting class, and I ended up doing a scene with him from True Romance. Yeah, it’s LA theater, so I guess all the scenes they do are from movies.  The point is, I was really good.  And afterwards, I hung out with all of them.  The acting class, and they’re super nice.  Ryan Madison, yeah.  No, he’s a great dude.  And I don’t know.  They just made me feel really good about myself, you know?  And, uh, you know how you and I talk all the time about my purpose?  I don’t know.  I just– I don’t– I just feel really motivated right now or something like– it made me feel really good.  Well, you know, they told me a very small percentage of actors actually make a living acting, you know, so most of them have day jobs, so I just figured, you know, I do night hits or something, just– well… these are professional actors, and they’re the real deal, and they say I got something.  I don’t know if I’d do commercials.  Yeah, but this Ryan guy wasn’t a bad guy.  He lent me a book.  He’s– off the job?  Yeah.  No, yeah.  Yeah.” — Barry Berkman

“Hey, Mr. Cousineau.  Yeah, I know, I know.  Yeah, no, I, uh– I gotta leave town.  Hey, Mr. Cousineau, I was wondering, um… do you think I was good enough to be in your class?  You wanna know what I’m good at?  I’m good at killing people.  Yeah, when I got back from Afghanistan, I, uh… I was really depressed, you know?  I didn’t leave my house for months, and… this friend of my dad’s, he’s, uh– he’s like an uncle to me.  He, uh… he helped me out, and he gave me a purpose.  He told me that… that what I was good at over there could be useful here.  And, uh… it’s a job.  You know?  The money’s good, and these people I take out, like, they’re… they’re bad people.  You know?  Like they’re pieces of shit.  Um… but, lately, you know, I’ve– like, I’m not sleeping, and, uh… that depressed feeling is back, you know?  Like– like, I know there’s more to me… than that.  But maybe– I don’t know… maybe there’s not.  Maybe this is all I’m good at.  I don’t know.  Anyway, forget it.  Sorry to bother you.  What?  That’s not a problem.  Yeah.  I can do that.  Absolutely.  Block.  Barry Block.  Yeah.  No, I know.  Great.  Whoa.  Oh.” — Barry Berkman

“What’s going on, guys?  Hey!  don’t pull that gun on me, man.  Don’t pull that gun on me.  Fuck!  Oh, hey.  Do you have whiskey? I’ll have an herbal tea.  What you got there?  So am I.” — Barry Berkman

“How does this make us better actors.  Oh.  Okay.  Yeah.  Me too.  Thanks.  Oh!  I… I’m sorry.  Mr. Cousineau, what– what’s that mean?  ‘Use it?’  I-I just– I just thought since everyone was so… bummed out, maybe we should cheer ourselves up by… playing characters and putting on some wigs.  Well… no, I, um– no, no, I-I– I know that.  No.  I’m– I’m actually quitting my job so I can, um, focus on this more.  I’m not on Facebook.” — Barry Berkman

“Fuches, it’s me.  Hey.  Oh.  Oh.  Hold on.  Hold on.  Shh.  Fuches, what are you still doing here?  You gotta go.  I told you to go.  Listen, Fuches, I talked to Pazar… and he told me that if you leave town, he’ll sweep this whole thing under the rug.  No.  No, he didn’t say that.  I don’t know why I just said that.  Listen, Fuches, it’s not about the guys in that house, all right?  There’s a whole organization out there, okay?  And plus, there’s probably still more back in Chechnya.  Yes.  Well, actually, no.  You’ll leave… and I’ll stay and face the music.  No.  Uh-uh.  No.  Fuches… it’s my mess.  Let me deal with it.  Yes.  I’m gonna be great.  We need to go.  During ‘Nam.  Uh, I gotta take this.  I think I might’ve won something.  Hello?  Hey, how you doing?  Hey, the Ryan thing’s not canceled, is it?  Oh.  Oh, great.  I mean, not great, but, you know, thank God.  Oh no.  You wanna do a scene with me?  Oh yeah, absolutely.  What’s the scene?  It sounds amazing.  No, it totally makes sense.  I’d love to play a priest that’s molesting little boys.  Um, do we, like, practice or something or– great.  Awesome.  Okay, bye.  Sir, what is ‘off book?’  I was on the phone and… you did do what I did.  You tried to kill me.  No.  No.  You didn’t bring that fucking lipstick camera with you, did you?  Well, he wasn’t that great.  No way.  Why would I work for you?  Man, you– you double-crossed me.  I don’t like it when people do that.  Have one of these guys do it.  Well, have Hank do it.  Right, well… what about that guy?  Yeah, I don’t– I don’t wanna do this anymore.  Yeah, I-I-I– I don’t do this anymore.  I don’t wanna do it.  Hey.  Hey.  Oh.  Hey, hey, hey.  Tell him to stop.  Hey!  Goran!  I can’t.  I’m sorry.  I can’t.  Oh!  Hey!  Hey!  Tell him to stop!  Goran!  Tell him to stop!  Tell him to stop!  Hey, hey.  All right, fine.  I’ll do it.  That’s– this is it.  No more jobs.  This is it.  This is the only one.  You understand me?  Let me just tell you something, if you– if you hurt him… any more, if you– if you kill him, anything… I’ll come back here… and I’ll kill every single one of you.  You understand me?  Yes.” — Barry Berkman

“‘You have to stop this campaign against me.  How?  Why are you trying to attempt– you are trying to- attempting to destroy my reputation.  Ah.’  You know what?  This, uh– this is really serious.  See, I think I misunderstood you on the phone.  I thought this was, like, supposed to be funny.  Yeah, like how Family Guy is funny.  I just don’t know what it’s like to be a– like, a child molester, so I don’t know if I could play one, you know?  Maybe we shouldn’t do this.  ‘You have to stop this campaign against me.'” — Barry Berkman

Artisan.


Monroe Fuches, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Stephen RootMonroe Fuches

“Barry.  Barry.  Barry.  Wake up, buddy.  Hey.  The money from the Rochester job just cleared.  One less bad guy in the world.  Nice work as usual, Barry.  Then why did it take two days?  Or… were you laying around the hotel room like in Sioux Falls last month or St. Paul before that?  Look, these extra expenses, they add up, Barry.  All right.  Oh, God.  I’m worried about you, buddy.  This shit heap looks like the old Barry, before he had a purpose.  Hey, you know what I think?  I think what we should do is shake things up a little bit.  You know, so instead of burning another small-town hood in some snowed-in, rust-belt shithole, what do you say to a little trip out to sunny Los Angeles?  It’s the Chechen mob.  Come here.  A guy by the name of Goran Pazar needs an outsider to handle something embarrassing.  It’s great money.  Get us a lot closer to where we need to be to hang it all up someday.  The plane for LA leaves in four hours.  I will have a car waiting for you at the Ontario airport.  You can’t just, you know, fly into LAX.  You gotta cover our tracks, right?  Because it is smarter, Barry.” — Monroe Fuches

“Hey, Barry.  Fuches.  Probably still on the plane, but welcome to California, buddy.  Hey, my guy said he left the car in space 408.  I told him you were my best guy, so he should hook you up.  He said the car is ‘dope,’ so enjoy that, buddy.  When you meet Goran, don’t be afraid to sell yourself.  Remember that liquor distributor in Canton you stabbed in the nut?  I think Gordon’s the man who would find something like that intriguing. So work it into the conversation to make him aware that, you know, you’ll go there.” — Monroe Fuches

“Hey, buddy.  I’m outside.  Open up.  So… this NoHo Hank, guy wakes me up last night, says you and your mark were hugging?  Oh yeah.  Okay.  True Romance is a movie.  Them?  The whole class?  Including the guy you were supposed to burn?  You think acting could be your purpose?  Okay, but what about what we do together, Barry?  Yeah.  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.  Sit.  Sit.  Okay.  Now, Barry, acting is a very face-forward type of job.  It… it’s a direct conflict to being someone who anonymously kills people.  You want to have a hobby or something, you could take up… painting.  Hitler painted.  John Wayne Gacy painted.  It’s a good, solid hobby.  Never got in the way of what they were doing.  No, I– I get it, I get it, but I think you gotta think this thing through.  I mean, you wanna– you wanna go out there and try to burn a guy, and have him say, ‘Hey!  There’s the guy from the chicken commercial!’  Barry, when you decided to do this for a living, you closed the door on being able to do anything else.  You’re a killer, Barry.  You kill the bad guys.  No, no, no.  Stop thinking.  Kill Ryan.  These Chechens are the scariest people I have ever worked with, and they’re talking about taking you off this job.  I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like… dying over some wannabe actor.  This is what you do.  This is all you do.  Do you understand?  Okay, good.” — Monroe Fuches

“No, no, no, I’m not going– I’m not going anywhere, bud.  This is war.  Those Chechens double-crossed us.  I mean, they hired you to do a job, and then they try to kill you?  No.  No.  No.  I– I told ’em you have a process.  Really?  You said it because you’re trying to protect me, and I appreciate that, buddy.  But you know what?  I’ve been going through some combat scenarios on this video game here and I don’t know– I think, based on my research, God, we can take ’em!  You know, I-I– I’ll be here in the command center, and you’ll be– you’ll be out there in the field, you know, killing all of Pazar’s guys, and together, man– together we will fuck them back.  Ah.  You’re right.  You’re right.  We can’t– we can’t outgun these dudes.  We… we leave.  You want me to get out of here for my own safety and leave you here with the Chechens?  I-I– I googled Chechnya, and, bro… they’re crazy.  Okay, but then you get on a plane, you come back to Cleveland, and we’ll go back to work.  Just like before.” — Monroe Fuches

“You know why everything went to hell, right?  That fucking hug.  You got too close to your mark and it out you off your game.  It’s like when I was a cook, in the Army.  I never named my chickens.   I just… see, you never experienced any fallout from your job, Barry.  I’ve been protecting you from that.  Now, you’re gonna be all right without me?  You know, I– I swore an oath to your dad that I wouldn’t let the world walk all over you.  It’s repayment for him saving my ass in ‘Nam.  During ‘Nam.  Fine, whatever, but, you know, a barracks in Connecticut in the late ’60s, that was a rough place.  All right.  You couldn’t fucking hear me?  Huh?  I was screaming at you!  What the fuck?  Ah!  Hey, let’s not– he– he wants you to do it, Barry.  You-you– you don’t wanna– you don’t– what?  Ooh.  Whoa.  No.  Ah… ahh!  He’s gonna file my fucking teeth!  Say yes!  You can’t?  You ca– Barry.  Ple– please.  Please.  Barry.  You’re gonna get right on this, right?” — Monroe Fuches


NoHo Hank, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Anthony CorriganNoHo Hank

“Hey, man!  You must be Barry!  I’m NoHo Hank.  I trust the flight was good, no?  Are you hungry?  I mean, do you want a submarine sandwich?  If you’re thirsty, we’ve got juice boxes, Hawaiian Punch, or maybe a beer or something.  So, we’re gonna do this outside, if that’s okay.  His daughter has some friends over, huh?  They’re watching their Jessie.  We haven’t been in LA long, but we’ve made a lot of progress: the harbors, identity theft, meth, 99 cent stores.  Business has been doing great.  Recently, personal matters cropped up, which needs to be kept separate from the business.  So, we called you.  This is Ryan Madison.  He’s a physical trainer in Silver Lake.  He works with Goran’s wife, Oksana.  They’ve been training together for– what do you think?  What do you think?  Two?  Two, three months?  Hmm?  Yeah?  Over the past few weeks, these sessions became more frequent.  Goran asked me to follow her, and I became aware that they were taking up at a Holiday Inn in Studio City.  I snuck a lipstick camera, similar to this one, in the room, and got… this.  Come on.  I wanted to give him the whole–  it’s important for him to know!  I am not– okay.  Yes.  We pay you– that sounds good.  Can’t you just shoot him?  Because being shot is very painful.  Have you ever been shot?  Huh!  I have.  It’s, like, crazy painful.  Okay.  Goran… I think he’s going to shoot him.” — NoHo Hank

“What the fuck?  What the fuck?  They were hugging.  Now, now, now, now, now!  Take the shot!  Shoot him!  Now!  Now!  Take the shot!  Now, now, now, now, now, now, now!” — NoHo Hank

“You know, buddy, I have to be honest.  I’m quite a bit angry… …but I’m going to put that aside for now, because rage is counterproductive, yes?  And I know, if the situation were reversed, I probably would’ve done same thing you did.  Okay, well, now we’re getting a little ‘he said, she said.’  Uh, okay, so, buddy… so, after you were finishing shooting me, right, and, uh, I had lost consciousness… did you perhaps take something out of the car?  No?  Like specifically off the dashboard maybe?  Small blinking item?  What?  No.  That would be super crazy, huh?  This conversation never happened, okay?  Hey, Goran.  Barry and Fuches… on the silver plate.  About a Bolivian Stash house.  Oh.  Yeah.  Yeah.  This arm is bullshit.  He’s just a lot, you know?  It’s like… ‘we get it.’  When you hit bubbles, and then more bubbles come down.  He cares about Fuches.  That’s just nice.” — NoHo Hank


Goran Pazar, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Glenn FleshlerGoran Pazar

“Why would I want to see this?  Turn that off.  Turn it off!  He gets it.  You already said they are taking up in hotel.  Why show footage?  You are just impressed with yourself for planting camera.  Trash that footage.  Yes.  What?  Why?  Who would want this?  Anything is better than stabbing guy in nut.” — Goran Pazar

“You did not think I would find you?  You killed two of my men.  One of them… Lucky… …was best Chechen assassin.  You put me in big fucking bind, buddy!  Lucky, he had job to do tonight.  He was to take out guy who give us some… confidential information.  Shut the fuck up.  Now, I make calls to my family, and they are sending someone to take Lucky’s place, but who knows how long that will take.  This hit is… this hit is urgent.  Why not?  Aw… that’s water under bridge.  They are not assassins.  They are muscle.  Big difference.  You fucked him up!  Vacha?  He is fucking freak.  You see this… apron?  Why is he wearing that?  He doesn’t need to be wearing that.  No, he’s too… self-consciously scary.  No, no, no, I… I want you to do it, buddy.  Lucky, man you kill, was Vacha’s brother.  Vacha was… …crying all day.  It was very fucking annoying.  He stops when you agree to job.  Well, I’m working.  Okay.  Okay.  My daughter is having sleepover, and we are being too loud.  Vacha!  All right.  Yes, or we kill him now.  Hey, we hold onto Fuches until it’s done… so get to it.” — Goran Pazar


Sally Reed, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Sarah GoldbergSally Reed

“Fuck you too!  Fuck you too!  Don’t you fucking call me lady!  don’t you fucking call me lady, you fucking asshole!  You motherfucker!  Fuck you too!  Don’t you fucking call me lady!  Fuck you too!  Who are you?  What are you doing out here?  Shit.  I lost my place.  Damn it.  Shit!  Oh my God.  Thanks a lot.” — Sally Reed

“You motherfucker.  You fucking asshole.  Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck do you think you are?  I– look, I– I know.  I– I got thrown off right before I was about to go on.  I was outside going over– um… the prescriptions.  To be an actress.  It’s all I ever wanted in the whole world.  That is not fair, Gene!  Don’t you call me lady.  I come in here, I give these things to you, you– you check– I’m sick!  I have sickness all around me, and you fucking ask me my life?  Have you seen death in your bed?  In your house?  And then I’m asked fucking questions?  ‘What’s wrong?’  Suck my dick!  That’s what’s wrong!  Shame on you.  Shame on you.  Suck my dick.  End scene.  Mm-hmm.” — Sally Reed

“Hey.  Hey.  Barry?  Hey, I just– I wanted to say sorry for snapping at you back there.  I-I– I didn’t realize you were an actor.  What are you gonna do for your monologue?  I did the scene from The Blind Side, you know, the one where Sandy Bullock interrupts football practice.  ‘This team is your family!  You protect his blind side!’  Do you remember that?  It won her an Oscar.  What would be a good monologue for you?  Let’s go brainstorm.  A bunch of us are going to Residuals.” — Sally Reed

“What if you did Robert Duvall from Tender Mercies?  Or– or Brad Pitt from Fight Club.  Wait.  What is that Kevin Spacey movie?  You know, the one where he’s the bad guy, he’s got the limp?  Indian guy.  In– India.  Did you just move here, Barry?  Huh.  Nobody’s actually from LA, Barry.  Nick is from Florida.  Jermaine is from… Denver, and Antonio here, he’s from… …Puerto Rico.  Yeah, he just booked CSI.  Yes!  Yeah, you will!  It’s about talent for sure, but mostly it’s about passion.  I mean, do you think Meryl Streep and Kaley Cuoco became stars just because they’re the best?  No.  It’s because they wanted it the most.  Look, there’s always a million reasons not to do something, Barry.  But if you want it… go for it.  Mmm!  My girlfriend dates a manager at The Standard, so if you have bartending experience or lie and say you do, I can get you a job there.  Huh.  That’s cool.  Mmm!  Oh my God!  Look at Lydia.  She’s out there all by herself.  Come on.  Let’s go dance.  Bullshit.  Yeah, you do.  I can tell you want to dance.  Okay.  No pressure.  You’ll know where to find me.  Hey, Barry.  Hey.  Hey.  Can you drive me home?  He has, like, seven DUIs.  Good night.  Looking forward to your monologue.” — Sally Reed

“It loosens you up, prepares you for the unexpected in a scene, gets you out of your head.  Glad you got accepted to the class.  Gene doesn’t let just anyone in.  You must’ve really impressed him with your mono.  I… what?” — Sally Reed

“Everyone listen.  I think we need to do something for Ryan.  We should have a memorial tonight.  We’ll have it at Jake’s.  My friend Juan’s bartending tonight.  We’ll get a deal.  Speak, sing, perform a scene that Ryan did in class, whatever you think Ryan would’ve liked.  I’ll put a sign up on the class Facebook page, so check it for details.” — Sally Reed

“Hey, Barry.  Hey, it’s Sally.  No, it’s still on.  Yeah, so I wanted to ask you… I was so concerned with making sure everyone else had a spot that I didn’t give myself anything.  Yeah, so you can totally say no, but would you wanna do a scene with me tonight?  Yeah, well, everyone else has something, so.  It’s the last scene I did with Ryan.  It’ll be weird not doing it with him, but I felt like my performance was self-contained.  Yes!  Have you seen Doubt?  It’s this movie where Meryl Streep is a nun, and she makes Philip Seymour Hoffman, who’s a priest,  admit he’s been molesting little boys.  It’s amazing.  You’d be the priest.  Yes.  Meet me at 6:30 at Jake’s, a half-hour before the show.  I’ll bring your pages and your wardrobe, and we can run it a few times so you don’t have to be off book.  Great.  Okay, thanks, Barry.” — Sally Reed

“‘You can.  Confess.’  What’s wrong?  It is serious.  A– a man molesting children?  Oh.  No.  No, you don’t have to know what that’s like.  No, you just have to know what it’s like to hurt somebody.  So just, you know, think of a time when you hurt someone, and use that.  But it’s the last scene Ryan and I did together.  The class loved it, remember?  Please, Gene.  Ryan would’ve wanted this.  Oh, don’t worry about him.  This scene’ll be awesome.  This scene always works.  From the top.” — Sally Reed


Gene Cousineau, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Henry WinklerGene Cousineau

“Bullshit!  Bullshit!  It’s false, Sally.  Excuse me.  I don’t give a shit.  Even your excuses are false.  You’re up there, you’re stinking up my stage, babe.  What the fuck do you want?  Not Linda.  You.  Little Sally Reed from Joplin, Missouri.  What do you want?  Again, I don’t believe you.  Oh, really?  Except you don’t think you’re gonna make it, do you?  I mean, that’s what you told me.  Oh yeah.  Last week, she takes me out for a cup of coffee after class, starts to cry, snot running down her nose.  All of a sudden she said, ‘I’m not gonna make it.’  ‘m telling you, I was embarrassed.  It was pathetic.  Here is a person who’s spending her money, she doesn’t have any talent whatsoever.  This chick shouldn’t even be in this class!  I cannot believe– don’t think.  Just finish the scene.  Okay, you know that I had to do that, right?  You know I love you.  Mmm.  All right.  That… was something.  Now, as beautiful Sally just demonstrated, that’s what this class is about: Life!  I want you to create a life right here on this stage.  I mean, we’re not here studying some fucking TV commercial acting.  That’s not why you came to LA, is it?  You didn’t move all the way across the country for that!  This is the theater.  Now, let’s give her another round.  She deserves the praise.” — Gene Cousineau

“Ryan, you’re up.  Where’s Kennedy?  Who are you?  Barry what?  Well, Barry Berkman, you just used up your one free audit class.  You want to be here on Thursday, you better prepare a monologue.  You understand?  Wow.  Okay, who’s next?” — Gene Cousineau

“You weren’t in class today.  Ryan was very upset.  I’m so sorry to hear that.  No, Barry, I don’t.  What you did was dog shit.  I mean, really, really awful.  ‘Dumb acting’ I call it.  Do you know why?  Because acting is truth, and I saw no truth.  So, here’s my advice to you: you go back to whatever nook of the world you call home, and you do whatever it is you’re good at, because this… is not it.  Hmm.  What’s that from?  Are you telling me that was an improvisation?  Huh.  Interesting.  Well, the story’s nonsense, but there’s something to work with.  My class is not cheap.  You pay in cash.  You pay in advance.  Next class, tomorrow, 2:00 p.m.  We start on time.  What’s your last name again?  You pay in advance.  Gene.  M. Cousineau.  I look forward to this journey.  Watch your toes.” — Gene Cousineau

“Folks.  Ryan Madison… is dead.  All right, everyone.  Everyone.  Focus.  Focus.  Now, I wish I could say that this was the first time that one of my students was gunned down in the street, but it’s not.  And as much as it pains me to say it… it is most likely not the last.  So, where do we go from here?  I say… we do what Ryan would’ve wanted us to do, and we use it.  Use Ryan’s death, the way that you are feeling right this second– the sorrow, the rage, the… the terror.  You know, I use my past all the time in my work.  If I want pure sorrow, I call up Princess Diana’s death.  Or the day that my dad fell off the roof when I was a kid.  Kerplunk.  Or the next day when he went right back up on that roof.  Hi, dad.  Wigs?  This is not playtime, Barry.  This is not Cheers.  I am not Sam Malone.  You want to blow off steam?  You do it after class.  That is great.  Total commitment.  You probably are next.  Look, we’re all still very raw, so I say class dismissed.  Go home, and I encourage you to journal all of your emotion, all of your feelings.  But… even though we’re not acting, we’re still learning to act.  This class counts.  Stepping away from the class is in itself a lesson.  So there are no rain checks is my point.  Okay, everyone pays full boat for today.” — Gene Cousineau

“Whoops!  Okay, not the john.  I’m sorry.  Wait.  What are you doing?  Are you doing Doubt?  Oh, let’s not do Doubt.  I just don’t think we should evoke child molestation at a memorial.  Hey, you know what?  It’s totally up to you.  I gotta pee.” — Gene Cousineau


Ryan MAdison, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Tyler Jacob MooreRyan Madison

“Hey, man.  Are you new to this class?  I haven’t seen you before.  Im Ryan, Ryan Madison.  Listen, I was supposed to put up a scene with Mike Kennedy, but he got a catering gig.  So, could you help me out?  He’s not here.  But I’m gonna do the scene with him.  ‘Grab a seat there, boy.  Grab yourself an egg roll.  We got everything here from a diddle-eyed Joe to a… damned-if-I-know.  Mean you ate before you came on down here?  All full?  Is that it?  Nah, I don’t think so.  I think you’re too scared to be eating.  See, you ain’t even sat down yet.  On that TV over there, since you been in the room, is a woman with her titties hanging out.  Now, I know I’m pretty, but I ain’t as pretty as a couple of titties.  It’s empty.’  End scene!” — Ryan Madison

“Barry Berkman.  Barry Berkman!  You gotta change that name.  Mmm.  I changed my name.  My real name’s Richard Krempf.  Ryan Madison sounds way cooler.  Barry Berkman.  It’s too plain.  You sound like an accountant or something.  You want something people can remember.  I got the perfect stage name for you.  Mmm.  Barry… Block.  Yeah.  Yeah, ’cause when I look at you, I think of a block.  What?  Come on.  You’ve gotta take this class, bro.  It’s not that hard.  Here.  Look, it’s all in the book.  This is your new bible.  Gene’s teaching’s changed my life.  So, y– you go home, you google ‘great monologues,’ you choose one, and I’ll help you prepare it before tomorrow.  Uh, you’re my scene partner, bro.  We rocked it out today.  You were so chill.  You just let me do my thing.  You’re a very generous performer.  Totally.  So, I will see you tomorrow, scene partner.  Mm!  Hey!  Ryan Madison!  Barry Block!” — Ryan Madison


Natalie, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, D'Arcy CardenNatalie

“Oh, yes, yes, the one where he’s talking with his daughter.  Oh, Indiana Jones?  American BeautyK-Pax.  Oh, I am though, remember?  ‘Cause– yes.  Yes.  No.  It’s because– most.  I don’t have a job.  Okay.” — Natalie

“Great idea.  We can have it at my apartment– that’s great.  I love that, actually.  Thank you.” — Natalie

“Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘death’ as ‘a permanent cessation of all vital functions.’  It defines ‘remember’ as ‘to bring to mind or think of again.’  So, even though Ryan’s vital functions have ceased, if we think of him, he will always be with us.” — Natalie


Sasha Bankster, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Kirby Howell-BaptisteSasha Baxter

“You should totally do that.  Oh!  Oh my God, Usual Suspects.  It’s Usual SuspectsK-Pax.  Ooh, cool.  Welcome to Los Angeles.  Yes.  Ah.  Different.  Aw!  Okay.” — Sasha Baxter

“That’s the whole point.  It’s unifying.” — Sasha Baxter


Nick, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Rightor DoyleNick

“Oh, I love that, yes.You know, to me the most important thing is honesty, like, whatever you can bring your truth to.  Go Gators.  Yes.” — Nick

“I’m next!  Like I know– I know I’m next!  I’m not even there.  You know what?  I’m gonna do something else.  I’m gonna do it.”” — Nick

“Um, I’m going to perform an audition that Ryan helped me with.  Here is ‘Cop Number Two.’  ‘Get on the fucking ground!  Eat dirt, bitch!'”” — Nick


Jermaine, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Darrell Britt-GibsonJermaine

“Denver.” — Jermaine


Antonio, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Alejandro FurthAntonio

“Puerto Rico.  It’s true.  I’m playing a dead body on that show.  Next time, I’m gonna play somebody who’s alive.” — Antonio


Detective Moss, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Paula NewsomeDetective Moss

“Okay, so we got two DBs in the BMW, still waiting on IDs, but they look Russian or Chechen.  Someone from Gang Unit joining us on this?  Okay.  Now, there was this third guy in the passenger seat, but he was luckier than his buddies, ’cause it looks like he got away.  And in the Ford, there’s this poor Ryan Madison– wait.  Is Detective Loach– is he crying?  Look, look, look, look.  He is definitely crying.  Wait.  He’s crying in all of these.  Uh-uh.  They did?  Inside a year?  Shit.  I just won 300 bucks.  Oh please!  He’s a homicide detective, and she’s a human being.  That shit don’t last.  Plus, if the department had wanted him to have a wife, they’d have issued him one.  Any neighbors with security cameras?  ‘The car.’  What’s that mean?  Which car?  So, you find a camera in the vics’ BMW, and you’re just now telling me about it?” — Detective Moss

“Hey.  Do you have my video?  Yeah, I– I know it’s on the camera.  You’re supposed to get it off the camera.  No, go buy an adapter.  There’s like 50 Russian electronic stores in Glendale.  Also, Loach and his wife split up, so you owe me 50 bucks each, remember?  No, Loach.  How you doing?” — Detective Moss

“What the fuck are you guys doing?  Where’s my video?  So, you just stopped when you saw this?  Okay, how many possible codes could there be? Get out of the way.  Come on.  Move, move, move.  That could take months.  All right, first, first, you try 0-0-0-1.  All right, so we know it’s not 0-0-0-1.  Next, you do, uh… right?  Not 0-0-0-2.  Okay, you go on to… what the hell?  Did you know that was gonna happen and you let me do that?  All right.  Now– now I’m gonna have to call the FBI.  You guys are assholes.  Hi!” — Detective Moss


Detective Loach, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, John PirruccelloDetective Loach

“Moss, guys, how we doing?  What?” — Detective Loach


Detective Clark Roberts, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, Alec Berg Inc., Hanarply, Izzy DiazDetective Clark Roberts

“Cemenko’s on his way.  You didn’t hear?  He and Diana broke up.  Yeah.  That’s cold.  No, but… there was a tiny camera in the car.  The BMW.  I mean, it took 20 minutes to even figure out it was a camera.  I mean, like, I thought it was a crazy marijuana pipe.  Yeah, Rob thought it was a laser.” — Detective Clark Roberts



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *