Paramount+ original sketch comedy series Chappelle’s Show premiered January 22nd, 2003.
#Chappelle’sshow signed a $50M deal with Comedy Central.
rottentomatoes: 96%
metacritic: 74
imdb: 8.8
Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle is given his own sketch comedy show on Comedy Central shot mainly in Hoboken, New Jersey.
“Oh, boy! Hey, everybody. Hey, man. Welcome to Chappelle’s Show. How about that love contract? That might be a Hollywood joke, you know. Hollywood’s a crazy place. I don’t know if you guys know people that work in Hollywood or talk to people– there’s a guy that does sketches on our show, Charlie Murphy. He was, like, Tyree in the Mad Real World. That’s Eddie Murphy’s older brother. A lot of people don’t know that, but he used to just tell us stories at lunchtime about being in Hollywood that were so crazy. And he told us one story that was so good we had to have him come here and tell it for you guys tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise– Charlie Murphy’s true Hollywood stories.” — Dave Chappelle
“You guys at home, stay comfortable, because the whole episode’s gonna be just like this. We’ll be right back with more Chappelle’s Show. We’re back with more Chappelle’s Show. You know, folks, I don’t know if you guys are just joining us, but if you missed the first act, Charlie and Rick James are in the midst of a conflict. Let’s see how the ongoing Charlie and Rick James feud develops. Don’t go nowhere. We’ll be right back with more of Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories. All right. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the dramatic conclusion of Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories.” — Dave Chappelle
“I would like to thank Charlie Murphy, I would like to thank Rick James, and I would like to thank cocaine for bringing us such a crazy story. I’m Dave Chappelle. You’re the best audience in the world. I’m out!” — Dave Chappelle
Charlie Murphy
“I get out the navy, my brother’s famous. His fame is exploding. I’m real proud of that, you know what I mean? I’m getting to hang out with people that I only read about in magazines and seen, you know, on the screen somewhere. I’m, like, standing next to them and being at dinner tables with them and, you know, it was a bug-out, man. You know, I was a huge Rick James fan. That’s the first person that I would say out of all the celebrities that I met that I was starstruck. We gonna hang out with Rick James tonight, you know what I’m saying? And here he comes out the room, when I look at him– and I’m not bullshitting you, man, I seen, like, like an orange– his aura or whatever, I seen it. It was orange.”
“He started kicking it. And he was mad *********, man, which was, you know, right up my alley. He’d walk up to any chick and lick the whole side of their face, man. We got closer, started hanging out. My brother didn’t do any of this shit. So at night, when Eddie would break out, we would all be getting crazy and wild. And if I was hanging with Rick, he had this thing with me where he used to always, like, fuck with me, man. I don’t know what started it.”
“Things escalated to the point where, you know, my man got too familiar and I ended up having to whip his ass, man, you know, because, you know, he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line-stepper. The first time, you know, I had to end up whipping his ass, uh… we went studio 54. We walkin’ up into the VIP section and, um, I’m looking around to see who’s there and lookin’ at the girls and everything. And all of a sudden I heard someone go… he had this ring on to commemorate this song he had put out called Unity. Eddie and everybody else thought that that was the funniest shit. And so that threw me in a weird space, ’cause I’m like, yeah, this is Rick James. He’s a star. Maybe I’m overreacting. I actually went there, like, ‘maybe I shouldn’t do nothing,’ but my ghetto side was goin’, ‘yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here. What the fuck is wrong with him?’ He totally just wrote me off. Like, I’m that ***** to steal on, you know what I’m sayin’?”
“I waited, ’cause I knew what hotel he was stayin’ in. Eddie and them went home and I said, ‘yo, I’ll be right back.’ I shot over to the hotel, went up to his room, knocked on the door. He had his head cocked to throw another right hand. When he was coming for it, I just came–blaow! I caught him with the front. I kicked the shit out of him, man. The wind is knocked out of him. And then he screams out… the one in the front, he had crooked eyes and shit. His one eye was lookin’ at me. The other one was looking at Rick. Rick had edged over by the window. You motherfuckers take one more step, I’m kickin’ this ***** out the motherfuckin’ window. You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. Look what you did to my face.”
“Yo, man, my forehead is bumpin’, man. That was how that particular incident ended, but it wasn’t the last time I had to whip his ass…”
“The Studio 54 thing, you know, that blew over, you know what I’m saying? But then, you know, here we go again. Rick is incorrigible. You know, he shows up at my brother’s house fucked up. So he had these dirty cowboy boots on. Pushing us out of the way, barged in the house. My brother had these brand-new couches. They were suede, right? And he gets on the couch and says… and just started grinding mud all into the couch, man. ‘Cause of my complexion, he used to call me darkness. He calls me and my brother darkness. He calls us, ‘Darkness brothers.’ See, this is long before Wesley Snipes. Back then, we was the blackest ****** on the planet according to Rick James. And we standing there, looking at him, and he’s looking right in our eyes as he grins his mud. But then it was like, ‘you know what? Let’s handle this.’ We went over there… and we held him down, and we just wailed on his legs. But still, Rick James, even after taking a beating like that… this motherfucker’s goin’ out. His legs is like, linguini. My brother, you know, he’s a lot more compassionate than I am. He’s looking and the limo’s drivin’ off, and he said, ‘wow, man, Rick really needs help.’ And I was like, ‘yo, we just have him some help. Bust his fuckin’ ass and shit. I bet you he won’t come over here and disrespect like that again.’ Wrong. Wrong. We’re talking about Rick James, man.”
“I had to fuck him up at 54. You know, for what he did at 54, I had to go to his hotel room and kick the shit out of him. Then he came over to my brother’s house, and I had to whip his legs because of what he did on the couch. This particular night, I go over to the China Club, and, um, I walk in, and I’ll never forget– the first thing I seen was O.J. Simpson. I remember thinking to myself, ‘wow, that’s O.J. Simpson! He has a big fuckin’ head, man.’ And I walk from there, I went in the other section, and there’s Rick behind the bar. Rick’s, you know, being Rick. I ain’t realize how high he was. Next thing you know, he’s like… what? I’m standing there. I’m thinking, this ***** really has lost his fuckin’ mind. First of all, you don’t slap a man. Okay? I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, you know, they did it in Paris, the guy would come up, whap-whap– ‘I challenge you to a duel!’ They would have a gun fight after that. Somebody had to go! I just was bugging out. Anyway, I waited for about five minutes, something like that. What’s up, man? Check it out. Check it out. I want to tell you somethin’. Come here. I slapped the shit out of him. I came down on it like this. His extensions was flyin’ all over the place and he stepped back and his eyes welled up with water like he was getting ready to cry, and he said… ’cause you hit me, man! No, that was tonight! And I see that he really forgot. That was the ebb and flow. It was, you know– he would go over the top, and then I would, you know, check him. And then we would have fun after that. We’re still friends, as a matter of fact.”
Rick James
“I’m one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. I’m one of the best singers and one of the best-lookin’ motherfuckers you’ve ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch. I’m Rick James, bitch. Enjoy yourself.”
“Charlie Murphy! That was…. that was… ♪ cold-blooded ♪ Unity ♪. I’m Rick James, bitch. It’s a celebration, bitch. I drunk some win and I’m just getting started, bitches. So then he comes in there. and I said, ‘look, bitch, I’m Rick James.’ Smacked him. Oh, Charlie Murphy! Security! Now, darkness, the tables have turned. Do with him whatever you like. Bobby, freeze! I’m sorry, Charlie Murphy. It was an accident. I was having too much fun. I’ll offer you a truce. The stickiest of the icky. You want to smoke with the old boy, Rick James?”
“Now that you mention it, I think I’m bleeding inside my chest. But I got the medicine. Bitch, come over here and have sex with Charlie Murphy. I’m Rick James, bitch.”
“Nice place, *****. Why don’t I stretch out? Fuck your couch, *****. Buy another one, you rich motherfucker. Fuck yo’ couch, *****! Fuck yo’ couch! Darknesses, darknesses… hey, Charlie Murphy! Aahhh! Ahh, you darkness… you black, midnight evil motherfucker! Black magic, darkness! Raw. Darkness. You’re fuckin’… delirious motherfucker… aah! You are cold as ice. Fuck yo’ couch, *****. I’ve been kicked lout of better homes than this! I’ll be back, you black motherfuckers! Wide-nose-havin’ motherfuckers! They should’ve never gave you ****** money! You don’t know how to appreciate shit! You know you can get another couch! What am I gonna do about my legs, Eddie Murphy!”
“Drink up! Be Merry! Welcome to the China Club. A china chung-chang, a china chung-chung chang. Come on, bitches, show me your titties. I’m Rick James. Do something! Mmm… mmm… I wish I had more hands so I could give those titties four thumbs down. Charlie Murphy! What’s up, partner? Darkness, everybody, Darkness! Everyone, darkness is spreading! Come over here, Charlie. Charlie, there’s a new joke going around. Have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face? Slap! ♪ Coldblooded ♪. Bang, bang! I’m Rick James, bitch! Everybody, king kong ain’t got shit on me! That’s right, bitch. That’s right, bitch. Ahh, darkness! Darkness! Oh, what’s goin’ on? Ow! Goddamn! Why you hit me like that, Charlie? That was weeks ago, motherfucker! I was partying! I hit you tonight? I’m sorry, Charlie Murphy. Come here, Darkness. Ha! It’s a celebration! Bitches! Come here. It’s a celebration, bitches. Show Charlie Murphy your titties. I’m Rick James. The milk’s gone bad, Murphy.”
Rick James
“Charlie, he was hanging out with the big dogs, you know? Charlie, he didn’t know he was doing crazy things and I had to straighten him out. Sometimes I had to go upside his head. And this was imprinted in that black head of his for at least a week. What, he’s gonna slap me back? I’m Rick James. He’s Charlie Murphy. He’ll tell it like he gave me some kind of Bruce Lee crosskick or somethin’.”
“Don’t you think Charlie’s a little old to be taking karate? He probably takin’ it with the little kids. Yeah, Charlie whipped my ass in his dreams. I told you, Charlie had delusions of grandeur in his head. I’m telling you what was happening.”
“Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie’s couch. Because Eddie could buy another one. Eddie– both of them were brother darkness. Twin brother darkness. See, I never just did things just to do them. Come on, I mean, what am I gonna do? Just, all of a sudden, just jump up and grind my feet on somebody’s couch like it’s, you know, something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie’s couch. Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.”
“I heard him tell a story that he came into the China Club one time and I was behind the bar. Now, this is true. I’m behind the bar and I’m serving drinks, and Charlie bends over. I call out, ‘Charlie, come here.’ That is absurd! Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.”
“I love Charlie Murphy. But we’d have it out, smacking each other upside the head, smacking each other in the face, punching each other in the chest, kick each other. Can you imagine two grown men doing this? Cocaine’s a hell of a drug. I must be losing my mind. Reminiscing about Charlie Murphy come kicking my ass. Ain’t that a ‘b?'”
Narrator / Producer
“You’ve just met that special someone, and you’re letting your desire for each other take you to incredible heights. But these days, you can never be too sure they aren’t going to dispute whether the sex was consensual. Which is why this night calls for the love contract. The love contract. Because you’d hate to catch a beef for something you know you didn’t do. And now… from the maker of the love contract comes the confidentiality agreement. Available at all Wall-Barts.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Chappelle!”
“Do you remember why you did it?”
Couple
“Mm, mm– wait a minute. Wait a minute. Before we go any further… what’s this? Nothing. It’s just a document saying that you’re a willing participant in this sexual experience, baby. Well, I am. Just sign here and here… and initial there for oral. Oral? I’ma do you too. Okay. And just initial there if you decline anal. Unless, of course, you– no, no, no, it’s not going down. Pretty much standard. Okay. I don’t know about you, but I’m still horny. Let’s do this, girl. Oh… oh, make me feel good! Yow! Ah… oh… well, that didn’t take too long. I know. Just do me a favor, okay? Don’t tell anybody about this. Don’t worry. I’m not gonna tell anybody. I know you won’t, or I’ll sue your ass. Kobe!”