Amazon Prime Video original movie Good Will Hunting was released December 5th, 1997.
#GoodWillHunting made $225.9M at the international box office.
rottentomatoes: 97%
metacritic: 71
imdb: 8.3
oscars: 2 wins
golden globes: 1 win
SAG awards: 1 win
Will Hunting
Bill Hunting is an orphan janitor in south Boston, Massachusetts.
“Krystyn, how are you doing? Good. No? Why not? I’m gonna take off. I’m tired. Out! Stop crowding the plate! Which one will it be? You think I’m afraid of you, you big fuck? You’re crowdin’ the fuckin’ plate. What are we gonna do up there? Come on! Come on. Come on. That’s it. Come on.” — Will Hunting
“Billy, McNamara’s up. Joey, dig it out! Dig it out! Bring it down, Mac! That’s how to do it! Attaboy! Take two, Mac. Take two. Yeah, I do. Yeah, fuckin’ Carmine Scarpaglia. That kid used to beat the shit out of me in kindergarten. Yeah. Hey, hold up, Chuck. Slow it down. I don’t know yet.” — Will Hunting
“Carmine, it’s me, Will. Remember, we went to kindergarten together. Ah. Fuck. Next week. Sorry. Sorry. Hey, fuck you! Management was restructuring. Can he do that? Of course that’s your contention. You’re a first-year grad student. You just got finished readin’ some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison, probably. You’re gonna be convinced of that till next month when you get to James Lemon. Then you’re gonna be talkin’ about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That’s gonna last until next year. They’re gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood talkin’ about, you know, the pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization. Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth? You got that from Vickers’ Work in Essex County. Page 98, right? Yeah, I read that, too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or is that your thing? You come into a bar. You read some obscure passage. And then pretend… you pawn it off as your own… as your own idea just to impress some girls? Embarrass my friend? See, the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years, you’re gonna start doin’ some thinkin’ on your own. You’re gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One, don’t do that. And two, you dropped 150 grand on a fuckin’ education you could’ve got for $1.50 in late charges at the public library.” — Will Hunting
“Maybe, but at least I won’t be unoriginal. If you have a problem with that, we could just step outside. We could figure it out. It’s cool? Cool. Hi. What? I’m Will. Skylar. I know. I kinda got that impression. No, I didn’t mean you. All right, yeah. Maybe we can just get together and eat a bunch of caramels. When you think about it, it’s as arbitrary as drinkin’ coffee. Hold on. Do you like apples? Yeah? Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples?” — Will Hunting
“There is a lengthy legal precedent, Your Honor, going back to 1789, whereby a defendant can clam self-defense against an agent of the government if that act is deemed a defense against tyranny, a defense of liberty. Your Honor, Henry Ward Beecher, in Proverbs from the Plymouth Pulpit, 1887, said, and I quote… excuse me. Excuse me. I am afforded the right to speak in my own defense, sir, by the constitution of the United States. This is the same document… ‘liberty,’ in case you’ve forgotten, is a soul’s right to breathe. When it cannot take a long breath, laws are girded too tight. Without liberty, man is a syncope. Ibid, Your Honor. Thank you.” — Will Hunting
“Uh, Skylar? Hey, it’s Will. It’s Will. You know, the really funny, good-looking guy you met at the bar the other night. Oh, all right, you got me. It’s the ugly, obnoxious, toothless loser who got hammered and wouldn’t leave you alone all night. Yeah, look, I was wondering… hold on one second. Hey. Herve, I remember you from juvie. How you doing? Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I was wonderin’ maybe we could get together sometime this week. You know, sit out at a cafe. Maybe have some caramels. Yeah? Uh, well, actually, this is just a shot in the dark, but there’s no chance that you’re pre-law, is there?” — Will Hunting
“Thank you. Nice talking to you. What the fuck do you want? Well, what the fuck do you want? Really? What are those? What for? Sounds like a real hoot. All right. I’ll do the math, but I’m not gonna meet with any fuckin’ therapist. I read your book, and ‘Mike’ was havin’ the same problems that ‘Chad,’ the stockbroker, was havin’. Thank you. You’re right. God, I know. Well, I mean, I do do things, you know? I do things that, you know, I mean, I hide from people. No, no. I mean, I like, I go places. I interact, you know? Just certain clubs. Like, uh, like Fantasy. It’s something like when you get in there and… the music, like, owns you. It’s like that house music. It’s like… you know, you start dancin’. Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you’re gay? Look, buddy, two seconds ago, you were ready to give me a jump. Hey, I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t care if you putt from the rough. Thank you, Henry. Seven. Something’s in my room. It’s like a… it’s a figure. It’s hoverin’ over me. It’s… it’s touchin’ me. It’s touching me down there. And I’m nervous. We start dancin’ and dancin’. It’s just beautiful, because we can make a lot of love before the sun goes down.” — Will Hunting
“♪ Skyrockets in flight ♪ Afternoon delight ♪ Hey, hey, hey Afternoon delight ♪ Skyrockets in flight ♪ Hey, hey afternoon delight ♪ Come on, one dance! You really hypnotized me, you know? What? Oh, come on. He left. You can’t pin that on me. Look into my eyes. I don’t need therapy. Now, that’s a takedown. I got, uh, probation and then counseling two days a week. Hey, Bill, just get off him. We’re gonna miss the game. Hi. Yeah, let’s do it. I’m pumped. Let’s let the healing begin. I like what you’ve done with the place. Do you buy all these books retail or do you send away for, like, a ‘shrink kit’ that comes with all these volumes included? Yeah. I don’t know. Probably not. Yeah, I read those. I’m not here for a fuckin’ book report. They’re your books. Why don’t you read them? Must’ve taken you a long time.” — Will Hunting
“United States of America: A Complete History, Volume I. Jesus. If you wanna read a real history book, read Howard Zinn’s A People’s History in the United States. that book’ll fuckin’ knock you on your ass. You fuckin’ people baffle me. You spend all your money on these fuckin’ fancy books. You surround yourselves with them and they’re the wrong fuckin’ books. Whatever blows your hair back. Yeah, I know. It really gets in the way of my yoga. What, you lift? Nautilus? Oh, really? Free weights, huh? Yeah? What do you bench? You paint that? Uh-uh. No. It’s a real piece of shit. Just the linear and impressionistic mix makes a very muddled composition. It’s also a Winslow Homer rip-off, except you got Whitey rowing the boat there. That’s not really what concerns me, though. It’s the coloring. Is it color-by-number? Because the colors are fascinating to me. You bet. I think you’re about one step away from cutting your fucking ear off. Oh, yeah.” — Will Hunting
“You ever heard the saying, ‘any port in a storm?’ Yeah, maybe that means you. Maybe you’re in the middle of a storm, a big fucking storm. The sky’s falling on your head. The waves are crashing over your little boat. The oars are about to snap. You’re just pissing your pants. You’re crying for the harbor. So maybe you do what you gotta do to get out. You know, maybe you became a psychologist. Maybe you married the wrong woman. Ah. That’s it, isn’t it? You married the wrong woman. What happened? What, did she leave you? Was she, you know… banging some other guy? Time’s up. At ease, gentlemen.” — Will Hunting
“No, that’s cool. I mean, I bet your parents were happy to pay. Wow. Is Harvard getting all the money? All right, so you just wanted to use this sailor and then run away, huh? In that case, that’s fine. Hey, you wanna see my magic trick, Skylar? All right. Promise to… all right. This one’s for you, Rudolph. All right, give me a hit. Thank you. All right. I’m gonna make all these caramels disappear. You ready? One, two, three. They’re all gone. That was my… it works better when I have my rabbit. Well… I don’t really date, you know, that much. Oh, no, I haven’t. No, I really haven’t. No, you know, I tell ya, I was hoping to get a good night laid. But I’ll settle for, like, a kiss, you know? Thank you. No, I was hoping for a kiss. Right now?” — Will Hunting
Charlie Sullivan
“I didn’t get on Cathy last night. No. I don’t know. Cathy! Why didn’t you give me none of that nasty little hoochie woochie you usually throw at me? She’s missin’ a tooth, Will. She’s got skin problems. I don’t… plus, it’s like 5-2 Morgan ends up marrying her, you know what I mean? There’s only so many times you can bang your friend’s future wife. It’s wrong. Where you goin’? Fuck you, you’re takin’ off. It’s, like, what, 10:00 p.m.? Irish curse? She don’t know. There ain’t no Irish curse.”
“Stop pressuring me back. You’re gonna get charged, you know that? Hey, Casey is bouncin’ up a bar at Harvard next week. We should go up there. I don’t know. We’ll fuck up some smart kids. Probably fit right in. Ow! Fuckin’ punk. Oh, what’s up? You still tough? Come on, Joey, now! Come on, kid! Who’s the guy she’s with? Oh, what, Morgan, you’re not gonna go talk to her? Morgan, I’m not goin’ to Kelly’s just because you like the takeout girl. It’s 15 minutes out of our way.”
“Would you shut the fuck up? I know what you ordered. I was there. What do you mean, your sandwich? I bought it. Morgan, how much you got on you? All right, well, give me your fuckin’ 16 cents that you got on you now. We’ll put your fuckin’ sandwich on layaway. Here we go. Keep it right up here for ya. We’ll put you on a program. Every day you come in here with your six cents, at the end of the week, you get your sandwich. What am I, fuckin’ sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit. Like how you bought your couch. Payments plans. Remember how your mother brought in $10 every day for a year. She finally got her couch Rent-A-Center style. Here’s your fuckin’ double burger.”
“Who do we got? Shut up, Morgan, you’re goin’. So, don’t go. Let me tell you somethin’. If you’re not out there in two fuckin’ seconds, when I’m done with them, you’re next. Will! Will, come on! Will, come on. Let’s go. Let’s go. Hey, what’s up fellas, thanks for comin’ out. Whoa! Whoa!”
“Hey, when’s the arraignment? Bitch, you got fired from pushin’ a fuckin’ broom. My uncle could probably get you on a demo team. And I told you ‘no’ yesterday. What’s up, Case? Oh, this is… this is a Harvard bar, huh? I thought there’d be, like, equations and shit on the walls. I will take a pitcher of the finest lager in the house. Time-out. I’m gonna have to bust a little move on them Harvard hotties down there at the bar. Work some magic. Oh, hello. Hi, how are you? So, do you ladies… do I come here? I come here a bit. I’m here, you know, from time to time. Do you got to school here? Yeah, that’s it. I think I had a class with you. History. Yes, I think that’s what it was. You don’t necessarily… may not remember me. You know, I like it here. It doesn’t mean ’cause I go here, I’m a genius. I am very smart. Hey, how’s it goin’? How are ya? History. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was surveys.”
“You should check it out. It’s a good course. It’d be a good class. You know, frankly, I found that class, you know, rather elementary. Yeah. Are we gonna have a problem? Let me tell you somethin’, all right. Fuckin’ damn right, it’s cool. How do you like me now? There it is. Fuck you.”
“Hey, what happened? Did you get your leniency or what? Joke. You’re a smoothie. Come on, Morgan! Just submit!”
Skylar
“Oh, hello. Fine. Come here often? Oh, yeah? What class? Maybe. History. Clark, why don’t you go away? Why don’t you just go away? You’re an idiot. I’ve been sitting over there for 45 minutes waiting for you to come and talk to me. But I’m tired now, and I have to go home. I couldn’t sit there anymore waiting for you. Skylar. Oh, and by the way, that guy over there, Michael Bolton clone, he wasn’t sitting with us, so to speak. Good. Okay. Well, I’ve got to go. Gotta get up early and waste more money on my overpriced education. That’s all right. There’s my number. Maybe we can go out for coffee sometime. What do you mean? Oh, yeah. Okay. Uh, right, then.”
“Hello? Yep. Who? I don’t recall meeting anyone who matches that description. I think I’d remember. Oh, Will! I remember. How are you? I was wondering if you’d call me. Oh, that sounds wonderful. Yeah, sure. Where are you?”
“Thank you very much. Yes, I always wanted dark blue eye shadow. Growing up in England, you know, I went to a very nice school. You know, it was kind of progressive, organic, do-it-yourself, private school. Then Harvard. Hopefully med school. You know, I figured out, by the end, my brain’s gonna be worth $250,000. That sounded horrible, didn’t it? Bring me another Mai Tai! No, I was happy to pay. I inherited the money. No, Stanford. I’m going there in June when I graduate. I was gonna, you know, experiment on you for anatomy class first, obviously. Of course. Wait, wait. You need my wand. Ready.”
“How very unfortunate… I think for me. You know what I mean? I know you’ve been thinking about it. Yes, you have. Yes, you have. You were hoping to get a good night kiss. How very noble of you. Mm. Well, I think we should just get it out of the way now. Yeah.”
Sean Maguire
Best Actor in a Supporting Role
1 win: 1998
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
1 win: 1998
“Trust. Very important in a relationship. It’s also very important in a clinical situation. Why is trust the most important thing in making a breakthrough with a client? Maurine, stop the oral fixation for a moment and join us. Vinnie. Wow, that’s very deep. Thank you, Vinnie. Next time, get the notes from your brother. If a patient doesn’t feel safe enough to trust you, then they won’t be honest with you. Then there’s really no point for them being in therapy. I mean, hey, if they don’t trust you, you’re never gonna get them to sleep with you. That should be the goal of any good therapist. Nail them while they’re vulnerable. That’s my motto. Oh, good, everyone’s back. Welcome back, everybody. Hey, Gerry. Um, ladies and gentlemen, we are in the presence of greatness. Professor Gerald Lambeau, Fields Medal winner for combinatorial mathematics. Anyone know what the Fields Medal is? It’s a really big deal. It’s like the Nobel Prize for math. Except they only give it out once every four years. It’s a great thing. It’s an amazing honor. Okay, everybody, that’s it for today. Thanks. We’ll see you Monday. We’ll be talking about Freud. Why he did enough cocaine to kill a small horse. Thank you. How are you? Good to see you. What? You have to have blood and urine? What’s up?”
“Ah. You know. I’ve been busy. Really? Before Nancy died. I got your card. It was nice. I’ve got a full schedule. I’m very busy. What makes him so incredible, Gerry? Yeah, yeah. No. Not feathers, yeah. Just a little. Yes, continued fractions. He wrote, uh… yeah, Cambridge. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. Like me? Why? What background? He’s from Southie? Boy genius from Southie. How many shrinks you go to before me? Let me guess. Barry? Henry? Not Rich. Mm-hmm.”
“It’s gonna be hard for him to find. How are you? Will you excuse us? You, too, Gerry. How are you? Where are you from in Southie? Oh, thanks. Do you like books? Did you read any of these books. How about any of these books? What about the ones on the top shelf? You read those? Good for you. What do you think about them? I did. I had to. Yeah, it did. Better than Chomsky’s Manufacturing Consent? Do you think that’s a good book. What are the right fuckin’ books, Will? Yeah. Haven’t got much hair left. Hey, you know you’d be better off shoving that cigarette up your ass. It’d probably be healthier for you. You work out, huh? Yeah. No, free weights. Yeah. Yeah, big time. Just like that. 285. What do you bench? Yeah. Do you paint? Do you sculpt? Do you like art? Do you like music? Oh, tell me what you really think. Well, it’s art, Monet. I wasn’t very good. What concerns you? You know what the real bitch of it is? It’s paint-by-number. Are they really? Really? Think I should move to the south of France, change my name to Vincent? Yeah.”
“In what way? Yeah, maybe. Bingo. That’s it. Let me do my job now. You start with me. Come on. Maybe you should watch your mouth. Watch it right there, chief, all right? If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you. I will fucking end you. Got that, chief? Yeah. Thursday, 4:00. Make sure the kid’s here.”
Professor Gerald Lambeau
“Mod fx square, dx. So, please finish Percival for next time. I know many of you had this as undergraduates, but it won’t hurt to brush up. Thank you, Steven. I also put an advanced Fourier system on the main hallway chalkboard. I’m hoping that one of you might prove it by the end of the semester. Now, the person to do so will not only be in my good graces but also go on to fame and fortune by having their accomplishment recorded and their name printed in the auspicious MIT Tech. Former winners include Nobel laureates, Fields Medal winners, renowned astrophysicists and lowly MIT professors. Well, that’s all. If you have any questions, I’m sure that Tom has the answers.”
“Yes? Come here. It’s Saturday. Unless you wanna have a drink with me tonight. Find out what? This is correct. Who did this? Jack? Nemesh? Is it just my imagination, or has my class grown considerably? Well, by no stretch of my imagination do I believe you’ve all come here to hear me lecture. Rather, to ascertain the identity of the mystery math magician. So, without further ado, come forward, silent rogue, and receive thy prize. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint my spectators, but it seems there will be no unmasking here today. However, my colleagues and I have conferred, and there is a problem on the board right now, that took us more than two years to prove. So, let this be said, the gauntlet has been thrown down, but the faculty have answered and answered with vigor.”
“What are you doing? That’s people’s work. You can’t graffiti here. Don’t you walk away from me! Oh, you’re a clever one. What’s your name? Oh, my God. Tom. Excuse me? Is this the buildings and grounds office? I just need the name of a student who works here. Well, could you please check. I have this guy who works in my building. He’s about this high. Two. Building two. No, no, no. It’s nothing like that. I just need his name. Tom, please. This is important. Please. PO? Thank you.”
“I’m Gerald Lambeau. Professor you told to fuck himself. I’ve spoken to the judge, and he’s agreed to release you under my supervision. Yeah. Under two conditions. First condition is that you meet with me every week. Go over the proof you’re working on, get into some more advanced… combinatorial mathematics, finite math. And the second condition is that… that you see a therapist. I’m responsible to submit reports on those meetings. If you fail to meet with any of those conditions, you will have to serve time. It’s better than spending that time in jail, isn’t it?”
“A difficult theorem can be like… a symphony. It’s very erotic. Ah, Henry. What happened? Henry. Jesus. I’m sorry, Rich. For God’s sake, Will. I told you to cooperate with these people. Get out, Will. That’s enough. Get out! Oh, what’s the use? Well, there is someone. He used to be my, uh… my roommate in college. Hello, Sean. Hello. It’s good to see you. Sean, I think I got something interesting for you.”
“Why didn’t you come to the reunion? You were missed. So, how long has it been since we’ve seen each other? Yeah, I’m sorry. I was in Paris. It was that damn conference. Sean, Sean. This boy is incredible. I’ve never seen anything like him. You ever heard of Ramanujan? It’s a man. He lived over 100 years ago. He was Indian. Dots, not feathers. He lived in this tiny hut somewhere in India. He had no formal education. He had no access to any scientific work. But he came across this old math book, and from this simple text, he was able to extrapolate theories that had baffled mathematicians for years. Well, he mailed it to Hardy at Cambridge. And Hardy immediately recognized the brilliance of his work. And brought him over to England, and then they worked together for years, creating some of the most exciting math theory ever done. This Ramanujan, his genius was unparalleled, Sean. Well, this boy’s just like that. But he’s… he’s a bit defensive. I need someone who can get through to him.”
“Yeah, like you. Well, because you have the same kind of background. Well, you’re from the same neighborhood. Yeah. Five. Yeah. Yeah. Sean, please. Just meet with him once a week. Please? It’s a poker game with this kid. Don’t let him know what you’ve got. He probably even read your book, if he could find it. Hi, Will. This is Sean Maguire. Will Hunting. Yeah, let’s get started. Yeah, please, Tom. Yeah, of course. You okay? Look, I’ll understand if you don’t wanna meet with him again. Yeah. Thanks.”
Morgan O’Mally
“Tootsie Roll!” Toots! Yeah, that’s a real nice ass. That fuckin’ guinea. I hate that little bitch. Will knows him. Fuck this. Let’s get some food. Fuck her. Let’s go to Kelly’s. What the fuck are we gonna do? We can’t spare 15 minutes? Double burger. Double burger. Chuck, I had a double burger. So, give me my fuckin’ sandwich. I said I’d get change when I get the snow cone. I said that before when we pulled up. Why don’t you just give me my sandwich and stop bein’ a prick. Why you gotta be an asshole? Can I have my food, please? We just seen the guy 15 minutes ago at the park if we was gonna fight him, we should’ve fight him then. We got snacks now. I’m not goin’. I’m not going.”
“Will, how retarded do you gotta be to get fried from that job? I mean, how hard is it to push a motherfuckin’ broom around? I got fired ’cause management was restructuring. Shut up. You get canned more than tuna, bitch. Yeah. You kiddin’ me? I asked you yesterday if I could get a job. What’s up, big Case? My boy’s wicked smart. I just spent three minutes in this fuckin’ place and run into a Barney, huh? They were fine, man, I was gonna, we was gonna close the deal, but then Chuck… uh Billy insulted one of them and the heavyset girl said I had a receding hairline, and I was a few pounds overweight. And I was, like, ‘go fuck yourself.’ I swallowed a bug. Yo! Hey, there goes them fuckin’ Barneys right now with their skiing trip. We should’ve beat that old bitch’s ass.”
Billy McBride
“Son of a bitch! Hey, Morgan, who’s the girl with the striped pants? She’s got a nice ass. That guy? I could go for a Whopper. Fucking go, Morgan. Easy, brother, easy.”
“Yeah, restructuring the amount of retards they had workin’ for ’em. Least I got a motherfuckin’ job right now, don’t I? Why did you get fired, Will? Come on. What’s up, Casey? Let’s sit over here. Get some pussy for us.”
“Come here.”
Tom
“Looks right. This is professor Lambeau.”
“I called Mel Weintraub this morning to see… what do you want to do? Who is he?”
Harvard University
“♪ I’d hold you forever here ♪ In my arms ♪”
“Professor Lambeau? I’m in your applied theories class. We’re all up at the math and science building. Maybe. We just couldn’t wait until Monday to find out. Who proved the theorem. It wasn’t me. No way.”
Counselors
“Absolutely right. Right on the button. Good for you, Will. Very nice. Will, the pressures, and I’m not judging them, I’m not labeling them, but they are destroying your potential. No more shenanigans. No more tomfoolery. No more ballyhoo. You’re not gonna get off that easily. Come on, Will. A bit more. What kind of things? You hide, do you? Really? What sort of places? More, that’s nice. Yes, what sort of clubs? Fantasy, that’s nice. A bit more. Boom, boom, boom. Yes. What are you talking about? What? A jump? Are you… I’m terribly sorry to disappoint you. What are you… putting from the rough? What on earth are you talking about? Hi, Gerry. Hey, you know something? I can’t do this pro bono work anymore. It’s just not… it’s not worth it. Well, I’m going on national television next week. I mean, I haven’t got time to tell you, much less talk to that raving looney in there. An absolute lunatic, he is.”
“Okay, you are in your bed, Will. Now, how old are you? What do you see? What is it? You are in a safe place, Will. Where is it touching you? You don’t have to be nervous, Will. I have better things to do with my time.”
Boston, Massachussets
“Hi, Will. I’m all right, how are you? What? Oh, fuck you. And your Irish curse, Chuckie. Like I’d waste my energy spreadin’ my legs for that Tootsie Roll dick? Go home and give it a tug yourself.”
“Whoa! Hey, douchebag! Yeah, you, you skank face! Shut the fuck up. why don’t you lick my love stick? Fuckin’, let’s go, man. Step on his fuckin’ head. Get his ass on the ground. Stomp that motherfucker. Motherfucker, die! Carter! Come on! Come here!”
“Yup. Hey. Good. How ya doin’? What class did you say that was? Just history? It must have been a survey course then, huh? Right. How’d you like that course? Elementary. You know, I don’t doubt that it was. I, uh, remember that class. It was… it was just between recess and lunch. Why don’t you relax? I’m juts havin’ fun with my new friend. That’s all. No, no, no, no. There’s no problem here. I was just hoping you might give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the Southern colonies. My contention is that, prior to the Revolutionary War, the economic modalities, especially in the Southern colonies, could most aptly be characterized as Agrarian pre-capitalist. Well, as a matter of fact, I won’t, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of… yeah, but I will have a degree and you’ll be servin’ my kids fries at a drive through on our way to a skiing trip. No, man, there’s no problem. It’s cool. Yeah. Yeah.”
“Yeah. What can I do for you? No students work for me. Which one is your building? Look, if anything was stolen, I should know… I can’t give yo his name unless you have a complaint. And this is Professor Hayes. Willie didn’t show for work today. Got this job through his PO. You can call him. Yeah, parole officer. Asshole.”
“1887? This is the 20th century, Your Honor. He’s gonna make a mockery of the courtroom. Don’t tell me about the constitution of the United States. Man is a what? Son, my turn. I’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes now lookin’ over this rap sheet of yours. I just can’t believe it. June ’93, assault. September ’93, assault. Grand theft auto, February of ’94. Where, apparently, you defended yourself and had the case thrown out by citing ‘Free property rights of horse and carriage’ from 1798. Joke. January ’95, impersonating an officer. Mayhem, theft, resisting. All overturned. I’m also aware that you’ve been through several foster homes. The state removed you from three because of serious physical abuse. You know, another judge might care, but you hit a cop. You’re going in. Motion to dismiss is denied. $50,000 bail. All rise.”
“Yo, what’s up, baby? What you doing? What’s up, baby? Want some of my ass? Have a seat. Wow.”
“Um… because, uh… trust is, uh… trust is life. Coffee? You, sir?”
“Well, you look lovely in those glasses. They’re just beautiful. Wonderful.”
