The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures

Bible Belt

HBO original comedy The Righteous Gemstones drops its penultimate episode tonight.

#TheRighteousGemstones has been renewed for a second season.

rottentomatoes: 79%

metacritic: 67

imdb: 8.1



Jesse Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Danny McBrideJesse Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Danny McBrideJesse Gemstone

Reverend Jesse Gemstone and his family run a megachurch outside of Charleston, South Carolina.


Jesse Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Danny McBride“I baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ.  God bless.  God bless.  See?  There you go.  Everybody in your line keeps getting water up their nose.  You’re dipping them back too far.  How about you do it right?  How about that, huh?  Watch this.  Get over here.  I baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ.  Smooth movements.  Do you get that?  You see how that works?  Yeah.  Nobody’s coughing.  No water’s coming out of nobody’s nose.  Did you just splash me?  You splashing me?  Do it again.  See what I do.  Tell him.  He’s the one splashing people.  Get him outta here, Long Wei.  Long Wei!  How do you say ‘shut it down?’  Wan!  Oh, Jeez.  No!” — Jesse Gemstone

“Yeah.  Oh, here we go.  Come on, don’t get your panties in a bunch, sis.  Flying around on private planes, being leaders– that’s men’s business.  Well, I ain’t gonna argue with you there.  How you think it went?  Daddy put me in charge, and I Ace of Based that mission straight to the Lord.” — Jesse Gemstone

“Excuse me?  I’m tucking you in.  Don’t use bad words.  I got friends that are homosexuals.  Keep being fresh.  See if some of your stuff don’t go on time-out.  Oh, you will care, buddy, when you cant’ use any of your devices.  Starting tomorrow, you’re doubling up on Bible studies.  Yeah, you do.  Don’t you ever say his name in my house again.  Don’t act surprised.  You know the rules.  That’s not how I wanted to spend my first moments home from the mission.  It really wasn’t.” — Jesse Gemstone

“All of Pontius’s devices are on time-out.  I’m talking Xboxes, tablets, iPhones, the everything.  He ain’t gonna be playing with nothing.  I don’t know.  A week?  Two weeks?  Three weeks?  I just don’t understand why he behaves the way he does with me.  I’m nothing but nice to him.  I been trying all this time. …to shut up.  Running his damn mouth.  Mm-hmm.  Eh.  Yeah, I bet he does.  Well, guess what?  That ain’t my problem.  That’s on him.  If he doesn’t get his behavior right, we’re gonna send him to a damn camp.  I’ll send him to South America.  You fuckin’ watch.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Oh, shit.  Yeah.  I’m okay.  Very good.  Oh, God.  Shit.  Shit.  Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.  Son of a bitch!  Uh, I realized that I forgot something at church.  I’ma run back real quick.  I’ll be right back, all right?  I’m good.  Love you too.” — Jesse Gemstone

“Oh, Jesus.  Fuck.  Oh, God, I’m so stupid.  Okay.  What the fuck is this?  I don’t know what kind of game you fellas are playing but I don’t like it.  Stop calling me ‘party boy.’  I’m not a party boy.  Who are you?  You think messing with a man of the Lord is easy pickings?  You don’t think I’ll fight back.  You’re making a big mistake, pal.  I refuse to be blackmailed.  Fuck!  Daddy, uh, I’m sorry.  Uh, just before we get too deep into this conversation– I didn’t know if– if you needed both of us.  I just have a lot of important issues to take care of for the Lord today.  And I didn’t know if maybe I could get to doing that now and maybe you two guys just take this meeting with the Podunk ministers.  So we’re good?  Great.  I gotta boogie.  Thanks for coming out.  Wonderful to meet you.  Martin!  Hey, can I have  word with you for a moment?  Oh, come on.  You ain’t unloading ice cream.  This is gift shop merch.  This shit ain’t gonna melt.  Come on.  Give me a moment.  Go on.  Okay?  I love y’all, but just disperse.  Come on, guys.  Hustle.  Hustle it.  There you go.  God bless.  God bless.  Go on.  Get the fuck outta here.  Martin, a, uh, wonderful opportunity has arisen, uh, that I think could be highly beneficial for the church– something I’d like to spearhead.  Yeah, yeah.  Kind of.  Yeah, pretty much so.  Uh, I’d really like a chance to get the ball rolling, like, ASAP, so I was hoping to get some, uh, funds transferred to me.  J– just go and get them op– look at you.  I know what you’re thinking.  No, it ain’t for gamblin’.  No, it’s actually for a pretty good deal.  But I wanna keep it a surprise, so don’t tell daddy, don’t tell nobody– not a lot.  Like, a million bucks.  Uh, if I could get it now, or at the latest, on Sunday… then we could really maximize the opportunities that the– course you can.  Daddy trusts you and your judgments.  Yeah, you can.  Martin, please.  Listen to what God wants.  Are you listening?  Damn it all to hell, Martin.  Martin, that is not what the Lord told me.  Yeah, the Lord said, ‘go to Martin and get a million dollars.'” — Jesse Gemstone

“Uh, I thought that, uh, mother’s dream was finally realized.  Her vision to minister to the people of the Far East, uh, you know, accomplished.  5,000 people baptized in a– in a beautiful ceremony.  He ain’t even a believer.  No, he’s not.  Amber showed me some posts he made on Facebook.  Guess what, daddy?  They’re proabortion.  So there’s that.  Yeah, they were.  Yeah, you bring home a boring-ass white boy to the family.  Good job.  Yeah, daddy, we– we still got lots of magic.  Plenty of magic, daddy.  I gotta tell y’all something, daddy.  Uh… there’s a video of– with– with some stuff on it.  Uh… it– it’s just, like, a… it’s– it’s a… there’s a video.  No, Kelvin, not like a YouTubes, you dummy.  No, not a motion picture!  It’s like– it’s just, like, a… it’s whatever.  Just forget it, all right?  Nah, it’s… it’s just a video I saw of mama just doing some nice stuff for us, being cool.  I just miss mom.  That’s all, daddy.  I miss mama.  Shut up.  Kelvin, I know you see me as the firstborn, strongest in the family, but the truth is, I got emotions too.  Yeah, you do.  No, of course you do.  Look, the stuff that dad said back there really affected me, you know?  Gemstones need to stick together, man.  And lately, you and I, well, we’ve been bickering a lot.  We can do better.  Prancin’ upon your nerves?  What the hell does that even mean?  Oh, give me a break.  Give me a break.  I don’t know how I’m doing that when you’re the one getting on my damn nerves.  Yeah, all the damn time.  I’m trying to guide you, son.  Agreed.  You know, I hate to cash in on this so quickly, but dark forces are at work, Kelvin.  Evil forces that wish to destroy our family.” — Jesse Gemstone

“Ding-dong.  Just do it.  Take ’em off.  We’re gonna work on the, uh, China outreach presentation for Sunday.  Those other fellas show up?  You’re my number one.  Okay.  Yeah.  Just none of y’all come down to the theater room, all right?  No.  No secrets.  Surprises.  Don’t come downstairs.  You know Chad, Gregory, Levi, Matthew.  Nobody’s really interested in saying ‘sup.’  Why don’t you go on take a seat on the couch there, Kelvin.  Stop talking about the shoes.  The shoes don’t matter.  I brought you here because I’m gonna share something with you that’s highly personal.  You can’t tell nobody about this, okay?  It just does this on its own.  Sh– shut up, Kelvin.  It’s what I’m showing you.  Chad’s.  What’s it look like we’re doing, Kelvin?  We’re fucking partying.  The Prayer Power Convention.  Atlanta.  I know, Kelvin!  Don’t be pompous about it, all right?  Don’t take glee in it.  I’m being blackmailed.  Somebody sent me this video.  They said they’re gonna leak the whole damn thing unless I poay them a million dollars by Sunday.  Yeah, we’re all gonna be screwed, okay?  That’s why this tape ain’t gonna come out.  Gregory, look at me.  We’re gonna be okay.  We’re gonna get through this, okay?  We’re gonna have to pay these fellas.  Well, that’s what you’re here for.  You gonna take out 500K.  I’m gonna take out the other 500K.  That way, it’ll be easier for us to hide.  Yeah.  You’re the baby of the family.  Dad don’t care if you spend money.  Kelvin, I am being blackmailed.  This is a very serious situation, all right?  I mean, lives are at stake here– personal reputations.  You are such a puss.  Yeah, you are.  No.  Everybody in this family might play patty-cake with you, buddy, but I ain’t going to.  You’re a shitty minister, and you’re an even shittier brother.  No, I will not.  I think you’re the fucking worst.  You ain’t gonna help?  All right, well, if you ain’t gonna help, that’s on you.  But you better not tell.  Don’t tell, motherfucker!  Please stop crying, Chad.  It’s making me feel odd in here.” — Jesse Gemstone

“Hi, I’m Jesse Gemstone.  Excuse me.  I’m gonna give you one last chance to give this up.  Do you hear me?  Why are you doing this?  Why, damn it?  Shit!  Shit!  Fuck!  God damn it!  God!  Shit!  Fuck!  Shit!  Hi.  I’m Jesse Gemstone.  Get out of here.  I don’t care.  I can’t think of the last time I had as much fun as I did spreading the gospel with my daddy and dear brother in Chengdu.  What a hoot.  Now it is our honor to share our experience with you through the power of a 4K photo montage.  Uh, yes, daddy.  Uh, the most amazing experience was just looking into the eyes of those people.  yes, Kelvin, of course the Chinese folks.  Who else would I be talking about?  Five, daddy.  5,000, daddy.  5,000.” — Jesse Gemstone

“Look, if you wanna speak with the Gemstones, you need to, uh, schedule an appointment through my sister.  Why you look different?  Your face.  Why does it look different?  Yeah, like your nose is, like, shiny or something.  I think I know what’s going on.  I think you got yourself a nose job.  Did you get some plastic surgery, buddy?  That’s not exfoliation.  No.  Did you get a face-lift?  Try it.  Go for it.  She’s a smoke show.  Nothing to make fun of.  Make fun of our kids?  You mean your nephews?  Whatever.  At least we have kids.  You gonna rot in hell for making light of that.  Oh, I love how you’ve gotta fight your boyfriend’s battles for him.  A penthouse in the city?  BJ, buddy, you better learn your place.  Go on, baby.  You gonna let this wisp of a man talk you into betraying your family?  All right, Kelvin, I’ve had about enough, all right?  Say one more effing word, I swear to God, say one more thing.  How about you just go on and suck your Satanic boyfriend Keefe off.  How about that?  Whoa!  I did not mean to do that.  That’s not what I mean to do.  I hope the devil fucks you dry!  Daddy’s good and pissed off now so way to escalate the conflict.  With everything I got going on, you can’t be the bigger man?  You wish.  Not that you care, but I finally figured out who the blackmailer is.  Seems pretty obvious.  Not really sure how I missed it.  Johnny seasons.  No, I’m not kidding.  Makes perfect sense.  We’re trying to move in on his territory so he’s trying to take us out.  Well, I don’t know, maybe ’cause that’s too obvious.  No.  No.  That’s not what he’s doing.  It’s him, all right?  I know it is.  If he thinks he can fuck with me, fucking talk to daddy the way that he did, then he’s got another thing coming.  Maybe I’m crazy for defending my damn family.  You know if this tape comes out, you know what’s gonna happen?  Amber’s gonna leave me.  I can guarantee you that Daddy’s gonna boot me out of this church.  I’m gonna lose everything, Kelvin.  That ain’t happening.  Check this out.  It’s a Kubotan.  Self-defense keychain stick.  Use this to overpower a human being.  Jam it in at pressure point, pop and lock, break a finger.  At a truck stop.  Probably.  Maybe.  I’m just spitballin’ right now.  Don’t box me in.  I got you one too.  Yeah, well I got you one.  For no particular reason.  He don’t know we know.  That gives us a slight advantage, okay?  The drop off is tonight at 10:00 p.m.  He ain’t expecting to see me till then.  We’re gonna ambush him at his house.  Get him while his guard is down, overpower him, and get him to give us that damn tape.  Not with these, they’re not a higher charge.  I mean, if it’s a gun, yeah.  You bring a gun, you’re going down.  Kubotans?  Kubotans are legal.  Come on, man.  Remember when we were kids and we wanted to be Double Dragons?  We got our black belts together.  Used to wear the same kind of clothes, cut our hair the same way.  We said we were gonna grow up and fight crime.  We used to have each other’s back.  We were friends.  What happened to us?  Kelvin?  You really don’t care if this cocaine sex party tape destroys the Gemstones once and for all?” — Jesse Gemstone

“‘Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.’  Luke 10:19.  Let’s go.  Oh, shit.  Shh.  Guys.  Fucking get over here.  He’s in there.  Let’s knock this guy’s ass out.  Okay.  You’re gonna do it.  Go.  Fucking go, Chad.  Get the fuck in there.  Go!  Get in the car!  Go!  Go, go, go!  Johnny Seasons shot Chad.  Chad, you still with us, buddy?  Oh, God!  He’s obviously not fine, Matthew.  Whose voice is that?  Is that Judy?  Who the fuck did you tell?  Did you tell Judy?  Did you tell Judy?  You son of a bitch!  Oh, shit.  What he tell you?  Then fucking go, dude!  What the hell is everyone looking at me like I gotta do everything?  Get the fuck out of here!  Shit, Judy!  Shit!  I’m supposed to make the drop at 10:00.  This is the downfall of the Gemstones.  Everything that mama and daddy built is done.  I don’t have the money, Judy.  Daddy limits my spending!  I love you guys.” — Jesse Gemstone

“All right.  Y’all stay in the car.  Shh.  No.  I’ll handle them alone.  Stay here.  Nobodies.  My brother and sister.  Fuck.  God damn it.  He’s– he’s actually saying he wants you guys to come out.  Man.  I don’t really feel comfortable doing that.  I don’t know who y’all got back there so I’m just gonna put the bags right down here.  Kelvin, shut up.  What is this?  Thumb drive?  Oh, the video’s on here?  I was imagining we were gonna get like a VHS or a cassette tape or something.  How do we know there isn’t another copy?  Go, get in the car!  Who do you work for?  Who do you serve?  Shit, shit, shit, shit.  God damn!  Fuck!  Ah!  Shit!  Ah!  Go, go, go!  Go, go, go!  Go!  Oh, my God!  Oh, fuck!  Over under now.  Over under.  God damn it.  Oh, my God.  Oh, my God.  No.  Oh!” — Jesse Gemstone

“Good afternoon, Jesus.  Thank you for watching after my family and myself.  And thank you for letting me be born into this world as a Gemstone.  The legacy of my family carries immense weight… but I take it you are no stranger to that, Dear Lord.  My duties are great, but many are the pleasures you have bestowed upon me.  Grant me strength, Dear Lord, to lead the people… to bring them to your righteous kingdom.  And thank you, Lord, for forgiving me of my wrongdoings, which you know are not who I am.  Your ability to accept me for the inner I am only speaks to your greatness… his righteous grace… your guidance and mercy is all that the Gemstones require.  Please, teach me your patience.  Teach– fuckin’ A.  Somebody get the door, please.  Get the door!  I’m praying, God damn it!” — Jesse Gemstone


Dr. Eli Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, John GoodmanDr. Eli Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, John GoodmanDr. Eli Gemstone

“I baptize you in the name of… welcome, friend.  I baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ.  Next.  Y’all stop that.  Stop that guffing and keep these lines moving.  Long Wei, we got a bogey over here.  Please tell him no photographs during the ceremony.  If they’re not gonna follow orders.  What the hell was that?  Damn it.  Tell them to turn it off.  Wan!  Wan!  Wan!  No!” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“Thank you, young lady.  That’s wonderful, baby doll.  Hell of a long ride.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“Thank you, Krista.  Could’ve used you on this mission, my love.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“Ah, brother pastors… soon-to-be neighbors in Locust Grove, thanks for paying us a visit.  Oh, come on, big flock, little flock, we all work for the same boss.  What?  Jesse, these men traveled here to visit us.  We’re gonna give them the face time they deserve.  Good for you, Brother Jeremiah.  ‘Disruption?’  I see.  And I understand where you’re coming from.  I’m a small-town boy myself.  Don’t let the big-city clothes fool you.  Hmm.  One church… seems like a town filled with nonbelievers.  But Locust Grove has four churches– your churches.  And you’re right.  They are modest-sized ministries.  If we were to come in, scoop up one of your churches, maybe that ain’t worth our time.  But if we were to scoop up all four churches, now you’re talking.  Between the four of you, you got decent numbers.  Did we have anything else to discuss today, brother pastors?  Ah.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“Hi, mommy.  Meow, mommy.  All right.  Oh, no.  Get Lucien or one of the others to fetch that out of there.  I come here every day.  I can feel your mama’s presence here.  It puts me at ease.  And I’ve been thinking about this China trip.  Jesse?  You had the reins on this one.  Thoughts?  I’ve heard you’ve had some company at your home.  Your little boyfriend and you been shacking up.  This family is lost.  Your mama… kept everybody getting along– kept everybody on track.  She was the magic.  And now she’s gone.  And the magic is gone too.  Go on, boy.  What’s got you upset?  I miss your mama too.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“And I’m Eli Gemstone.  Stop the hate, and celebrate what the Lord has given us.  Come worship with my family and celebrate our Lord.  You gonna answer that or just let it piss me off?  Hey, Leon, could we slow the teleprompter down?  And I’m Eli Gemstone.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“How many of you in here have ever been to China?  Raise your hands.  Not many.  I understand.  Their world is very different– the food, the clothes they like, the smells they have.  I… didn’t care for it much, myself.  But it was a dream of my wife to witness to the people of China because she knew that, despite our many differences… the one thing that is not different is their love for Jesus.  It’s the same love we have.  Boys, come on out here and let’s share with our friends, here, our Chinese Oriental experience we shared.  Look at them.  Look at them.  Bless their heart.  Oh, your mama would’ve loved that.  Jesse, would you like to tell our friends in here the experience you had?  How many Chinese souls did we save?  5,000 souls.  5,000.  If you’ve ever wondered why tithing is important, right there up on that screen is why.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“For years.  What do you need from me today, brother pastor?  Johnny Seasons thinks he’s a big shot.  Look at him.  Well, go on, big shot.  You got everybody’s attention.  What do you got to say to me?  Make it good.  I got church lunch waiting.  You’re afraid we’re gonna come to town and take your congregation.  Did you ever think, if your followers come with us, maybe they weren’t your followers to begin with?  Well… I ain’t.  Praise be to He.  Good day, brother pastor.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“That’s right, Brother Martin.  Oh, yeah.  We both can.  Kelvin, apologize right now.  That’s not nice.  Judy.  What’s he talking about?  Sit down, the both of you.  Enough!  Enough!  Hey!  Get over here.  Don’t ask why come, just get over here right now, Kelvin Gemstone.  Now go sit down, the both of you.  You all ought to be glad your mama still ain’t around.  The way you treat each other would break her heart.  Maybe Johnny Seasons was right.  Maybe this family has become an abomination.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone

“I feel the love in this room.  Mm, I don’t want to offend anybody, but she married me so you know her taste is in question.  Ow!  Who’s ready to surf that God-given feeling?  Praise His name.  Praise His name.  We have a winner.” — Dr. Eli Gemstone


Kelvin Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Adam DevineKelvin Gemstone

“I baptize you in Jesus’s name.    I baptize you… in Jesus’s name.  How about you do it your way, and I’ll do it mine?  Okay.  Oh, really?  Oh, really?  ‘Smooth movements?’  No.  I don’t know who splash– I don’t know who splashed you.  It wasn’t– I’m not splashing nobody.  You can take my picture.  I think somebody turned on the waves.  Wan!  Wan!” — Kelvin Gemstone

“Don’t turn this around on me.  I got to go to China.  She didn’t.  I’m definitely more of a man than her.  Yeah, right.  That’d be incest, and that is disgusting.  Bye.  Oh!  Keefe, you scared the bullcrud out of me.  Yeah, no.  I know.  Well, Land of the Rising sun is Japan.  That would’ve been awesome.  We were in China, and it sucked big-time.  Jesse was just, like, riding me the whole time, fully up my butt.  Like, telling me what to do.  Not letting me do me.  ‘Cause when I do me… good things happen.  I’ve got great methods.  I appreciate that.  Pound that out, my man.  Give me compliments.  Keefe, that’s what’s up.  So what’s good, man.  Hey man, you do not need to feel odd sleeping in my bed.  I told you you could.  You’re doing me a favor.  Good looking out, Keefe.  Hey.  Home-run friendship.  No, okay?  That is bullarkey, my friend.  Your past as a Satan worshipper was washed away when you accepted Jesus Christ, Our Savior, into your life.  Everyone knows that.  You are a success story to this family.  Gosh darn right, it’s nice.  What?  No, man.  Come on.  Let’s stay up late, play some video games, smash some Pixy Stix.  Right on.  That’s what’s up.  Okay.  Yeah.  All right, well, it’s been a while.  Bro, hug it out.  There we go.  Yeah.  All right.  Night night also to you.” — Kelvin Gemstone

“Brother pastors?  Honestly, I can’t even count.  I mean, I can, but you get it.  Every day.  Amen.  Okay.  Follow me.  I’ll show you the way out.  It was a shitshow.  Now, I’m not gonna say that in front of the church, but it— that was an embarrassment.  Don’t laugh, Judy.  No.  I saw those posts, too, daddy.  Yeah, I did.  Very proabortion.  Why would we?  He’s a dud.  He’s a snooze.  It’s gonna be okay, daddy.  Like what?  Like a YouTubes?  Yo.  Hey.  Jesse.  You were not crying about mama.  Mm-mm.  I know your sad cries.  It has way more moaning.  That was a fearful cry.  I don’t look at you that way.  I don’t.  I do not.  Yeah, well, I will admit that you have been prancin’ upon my nerves a lot lately.  Yeah.  You’re doing the moonwalk on my nerves, man.  You’re dancing upon ’em.  Oh, I’m getting on your nerves?  You’re the one that’s always constantly in my business, telling me what I should and should not do.  You know what?  Fine.  Okay.  I agree.  We should all make more of an effort, not just me.  All of us.  For mama.  Evil forces?” — Kelvin Gemstone

“Everyone else has their shoes on.  Looks like your boots will scuff too.  Mm-hmm.  Yeah.  Hey, guys.  ‘Sup, Levi?  Why’s everyone wearing their shoes?  She didn’t make you take your shoes off?  I understand you.  Oh.  Oh, dear God.  What is this?  Oh!  Whose is that?  What– what are you guys even doing?  Oh, Jesse, what in God’s name?  Okay, well, good luck getting a million bucks without daddy finding out.  Hide?  Yes, he does.  Remember when I tried to get that Fiat just ’cause I wanted something small to toot around in, get groceries, and what have you?  He said, ‘absolutely not.’  Well, maybe you all should’ve thought about that before you were hanging out with your dongs out and doing cocaine.  I’m not a puss.  If anything, I’m the opposite of that.  Bigger than Chad’s.  You take that back.  You really think I’m a shitty minister?  Well, good luck when daddy finds out.  Nope.” — Kelvin Gemstone

“I’m Kelvin Gemstone.  I’m Kelvin Gemstone.  China!  The land of discovery.  Or, as they say in Mandarin… and we put music to it.  Roll it!  wow.  The Chinese folks?” — Kelvin Gemstone

“Or on our website.  She could make fun of your kids.  Y’all ain’t bulletproof.  Yep.  Yep.  Behind your backs and also in front of you right now.  Yeah.  Not as many as you used to have.  Gideon ran away.  No, I won’t.  You’re right.  Sorry, dad.  I’m sorry.  Jesse sitting over there talking about ‘betraying families,’ that’s hilarious.  No, how about, you stand here and tell your family what kind of man you really are.  Huh, Jesse?  Oh!  Piece of shit!  It’s assault, daddy!  Someone should press a charge!  Why– why come?  Well, don’t start shit next time.  Looks like I am the bigger man.  Don’t wish.  I know.  I just saw.  Who?  Are you kidding me?  Well, why would he ask for money?  Why wouldn’t he just blackmail you to not open up the church?  Hm?  You didn’t even think of that.  You are legit crazy.  You are losing your mah-rbles.  Rightfully so.  What is that?  Where’d you get that?  Are you gonna use that on him?  I don’t want one.  Oh, why’d you give me the pink one?  Jesse, you’re talking about breaking the law.  And with a weapon?  That’s like a… higher charge.  I don’t want it.  This is assault we’re talking about, and assault is illegal.  Yeah.  I guess we grew up and realized being karate brothers from a video game is a childish dream to have.  Maybe it’s time for the Gemstones to be done.” — Kelvin Gemstone

“Yeah.  Sounds better.  Judy!  Judy!  I can and I just did.  We need to talk.  Is anybody here?  Oh, really?  ‘Cause there’s BJ right there.  Oh, you got a sculpture of BJ on all fours, looking scared?  Huh.  I think he’s about to do something very stupid.  Oh, well, duh.  One plus one is two.  No, this is stupider than normal, though.  Big time stupid.  Yeah, well, if it ain’t him, Jesse still has to pay up.  Shit, it’s Jesse.  I know.  Hey, Jesse.  What?  Is Chad dead?  Shh– no.  No, it’s not Judy.  No, stop– have some what?  Holy shit.  What the fuck?  I guess mama was great at giving good advice.  God damn it.  Son of a– get in.” — Kelvin Gemstone

“Hi.  Why is he dressed as the devil?  The video is kept on that.  Jesse.  Oh, my God!  Holy shit!  Oh, fuck!” — Kelvin Gemstone


Judy Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Edi PattersonJudy Gemstone

“Ni hao, daddy.  That means ‘hello’ in Chinese.  I studied so much even though I wasn’t allowed to go with y’all.  How was China for you boys?  I wouldn’t know, ’cause I was stuck here, being a secretary.  I’m a Gemstone, too, Jesse.  I wanna do things too.  Why does daddy always overlook me, huh?  I could do it.  I’m more of a man than Kelvin is.  Kelvin, eat my ass.” — Judy Gemstone

“Aw.  We don’t have standards.  I mean, we do.  We have a lot of ’em.  And they’re real high.  But you were fine already.  Oh, God.  Somebody’s coming.  You can come out.  It’s just Jesse.  Hopefully off a fucking cliff with his whole family in the car.  Yeah, BJ!  No, I can say it.  You can’t say it.” — Judy Gemstone

“Meow, meow, mommy.  I– I wasn’t laughing at that, daddy.  I was just– I was recalling some funny vids I just saw of animals acting like fools.  That’s why I was laughing.  So… who?  Daddy, he’s my fiancé, all right?  He’s not just my boyfriend.  And BJ will be a Gemstone soon enough.  Wha– yes, he is, Jesse. No, daddy, they weren’t.  BJ does not like killing babies.  He likes little babies.  No, you didn’t, Kelvin.  No, it was not, daddy.  And you know what?  They won’t give him a chance.  That’s what’s happening.  No, no.  He’s an interesting-ass white boy.  What stuff on a video?  Golly, Jesse.  What’s it, a motion picture?  What was she doing in the video?” — Judy Gemstone

“Jesse, don’t make him feel self-conscious about his face, okay?  Mm-hmm.  He exfoliated.  I watched him do it.  Okay.  Yeah, real funny.  How about I make some jokes about Amber?  Pbbt.  Daddy, what about what they were saying about BJ’s face?  They need to be sorry for that.  Oh, okay.  I don’t know if we need to– no.  Uh-uh.  Do not be sorry.  Yeah.  Jesse, you asshole!  Jesse!  Daddy, slap me too.  I’m a Gemstone too so slap my face.” — Judy Gemstone

“Yeah, you probably should.  It looks gross.  I’m sorry, baby.  You should make Jesse pay for that.  You know what, there’s no way that he would ever do that.  So you should just use your own money.  Who the fuck is that?  That’s the doorbell.  What are you doing hide?  Hide.  Oh, God– hide, BJ?  Shh!  Kelvin!  What the living fuck, man?  You can’t just roll up in my foyer.  I don’t have time right now.  I’m busy putting on creams.  No.  Nobody’s here.  That’s not BJ.  That’s my artworks.  Yeah, I bought that.  It’s a sculpture.  And I got a good price on it ’cause the dick is weird.  Why you being so damn nosy?  Okay, what?  He’s a fucking idiot.  Of course it’s not Johnny Seasons.  Sorry.  Answer it.  Who’s Chad?  Did he kill somebody?  I need to talk to him.  C’mon!  Stop!  Hi.  You have really fucked yourself this time, haven’t you?  Oh, he told me a lot.  Look at you, Mr. Firstborn.  Oh, thought you’d be king.  Oh, brother, it is almost so sad.  Okay.  Then pay ’em Jesse.  I may have some.” — Judy Gemstone

“Okay, line it up.  Okay, good.  Heads up.  It’s a lot, dude.  You know how mama used to say to me, ‘Judy, you’re worth it.  You’re special, Judy.  You know stuff.  You know how to figure things out.’  Well, I fucking do.  God bless you, air vent.” — Judy Gemstone

“Don’t you think we should come with you?  Duh.  I told you.  Shut up, Kelvin.  Oh, shit! I hit him, I hit him.  I think I hit him.  Oh.  Oh, God.  Oh, my God.  Oh, my God.  Are you going back to help him?  Oh!” — Judy Gemstone


Amber Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Cassidy FreemanAmber Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Cassidy FreemanAmber Gemstone

“My great apostle returns.  How did it go, baby?  I knew you would.  My king.” — Amber Gemstone

“For how long?  I support you.  I totally understand.  It’s hard.  I know.  But you know he just missed you-know-who.  I hear you.  He’s just feeling big feelings.  It’s okay.  Okay.  You okay, baby?  Okay.  Baby?  Baby.  Where are you going?  Okay.  You’re good.  Love you.” — Amber Gemstone

“I have so much fun doing things for others.  Yeah, of course I do.  And I enjoy it because I don’t expect to get nothing in return.  No, Victoria.  That’s not true.  What?  This old thing?  Well, the jets belong to the church, not us.  But I see you.  The devil just jumped right in you there for second, didn’t he?  Made you challenge me.  Hold on.  It’s okay.  He’s gone now.  I can tell you’re back to normal.  Just don’t let that happen again.  Oh!  There’s my man.  And he brought his brother with them big, black boots on.  Take them boots off, Kelvin.  I’m not having a tile floor with big, black skid marks.  Get ’em off.  Yes.  I told them to wait for you in the theater room.  I know I am, baby.  God, I have hitched my wagon to a… force for good.  Ain’t I lucky, ladies?  Okay.” — Amber Gemstone

“It does.  That’s right.  You know what I think, BJ– sorry, baby, can I talk?  I think you better mind your manners at church lunch.  Everyone here is trying to have a good time, and you are stepping way out of line.  Should be.  God!  Baby, no–” — Amber Gemstone


John Wesley Seasons, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Dermot MulroneyJohn Wesley Seasons

“How many do you pack in here on Sundays?  Nice to meet you, Reverend.  John Wesley Seasons.  Thank you for taking the time for seeing a few Podunk preachers like us.  And we all punch the same clock.  Amen.  Brother pastors, we all have churches in Locust Grove.  I lead a congregation of 1,800.  Gabe here has got 1,000 at new Pentecost.  Stephen from Highway Assemblies is holding strong at 1,200, and Jeremiah’s working hard.  His new ministry’s up to 700 in just two years.  We’re small-town, humble folks, so that operating you’re building there– that prayer center– we’re concerned that it’d be a disruption.  Well, to be honest with you, we’re scared you’re gonna run us out of our own hometown.  Se, brothers?  I told you he’d understand.  Oh, and, uh, you know, Sheffield’s only about an hour away.  Maybe that’s a good alternative?  It’s only got one church.  I don’t follow.  Are you saying you’re intentionally coming for our flock?” — Johnny Seasons

“Eli.  I heard yo come here every Sunday after church.  You closed on that property in Locust Grove.  I’m surprised we couldn’t have, uh, worked something out.  I’m talking to your daddy, boys.  You got no business in Locust Grove.  No reason.  No reason but greed.  People there are served.  It ain’t right, and you ain’t building that temple for the Lord.  You’re building it for yourselves.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  The Gemstones are a disgrace, an absolute disgrace to all ministries.  Con men.  Baboons.  Hypocrite.” — Johnny Seasons

“Thank you.  Hello?  Who’s there?  You wanna mess with me?  You wanna see what I’m packing?” — Johnny Seasons


Kelly Seasons, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Jana AllenKelly Seasons

“You’re welcome, sweetie.” — Kelly Seasons


Victoria, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Andrea PowellVictoria

“You do.  Mm, well… you get stuff in return.  Well, you have a pretty nice house.  You fly on private jets.  Secrets?” — Victoria


Martin Imari, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Gregory Alan WilliamsMartin Imari

“Here the come.  Welcome back.  How was China?  5,000 people baptized.  Sounds like a success to me.” — Martin Imari

“I’m busy now.  Can we talk later.  Pause the work.  Oh.  Mission work?  How much do you require?  Mm-hmm.  How much, Jesse?  You are a very silly man, Jesse.  I can’t give you a million dollars without your daddy knowing.  Mm.  I can’t do it, Jesse.  Jesse.  I listen to your daddy.  Please, no cursing.  A million dollars.” — Martin Imari

“It wouldn’t be Sunday if I didn’t have a belly full of meat and rolls.  Ain’t that right, Eli?  I can put down some meat and rolls, you’ve seen me.” — Martin Imari


Pontius Gemstone

“******.  Kissing me in my bed.  You woke me up.  I bet you do.  I don’t care.  I don’t even believe in God.  Well, when I turn 18, I’ma move to LA, and I’m never gonna talk to any of you ever again.  Just like Gideon.” — Pontius Gemstone


BJ, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Tim BaltzBJ

“I shouldn’t feel self-conscious about my nose, but I am.  I just wanna look as handsome as I can for our special day.  Live up to the Gemstone standards.  Shit.  Should I hide?  I know your daddy’s rules about cohabitation before marriage.  I’m hiding.  Where’s he going?  I hope he dies too, baby.  What?  I was just going along with what you said.” — BJ

“I never eat meat anymore.  What?  Excuse me?  No.  I exfoliated last night, so it’s probably still open pores.  You know what?  I know I’m new here, but I’m just gonna say it.  Y’all treat Judy like a child.  that’s why Judy and I are moving off the compound.  We just want to do what’s right for our family.  For our future.  We’ve been looking at a penthouse in the city.  I don’t sound like that.  News flash: this family is so regressive.  Always keeping women in the shadows, not contributing or being a part of anything.  Sorry I spoke.  I’m not– then I’m not sorry.  Wisp?  My nose!  My nose!  My nose!” — BJ

“I gotta get it reset now.  Yeah, I’d love to.  How?  What?  Baby, that’s the doorbell.  Yeah– okay.  Fine.  Okay.  Where should I hide?  Okay, fine.” — BJ


Scottie Steele, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Scott MacArthurBlackmailer (Scottie Steele)

“Hey, Mr. Party Boy.  Oh, we’re not playing a game, Mr. Party Boy.  Well, from the looks of that video, you are the king of party boys.  You and your friends, a few prostitutas.  I am sure the congregation, the media, your family would love to see you enjoying yourself.  I’m the devil, son.  One million dollars.  Sunday, 10:00 p.m.  Here!  Or the video gets leaked.  Well, you kinda are.  I mean, that’s pretty much exactly what this is, party boy.” — Scottie Steele

“Do you know how this works, man?  You must be confused.  I hope you have our million all bundled and ready to go.  I’m already putting shit on layaway.  Tonight.  10:00 p.m.  Maybe you deserve it.” — Scottie Steele

“Who’s in the car?  Tell them to get the fuck out.  Assholes.  Walk slowly to the rear of the van, and place the bags on the ground.  No, bring them where I told you.  Thumb drive.  Well, you don’t.  Maybe we just bleed the Gemstones dry.  And use you like our own goddamn ATM machine, huh?” — Scottie Steele


Chad, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, James DuMontChad

“Mine.  My wife is gonna leave me.” — Chad

“Don’t leave me!  Oh, fuck, man.  Fuck!” — Chad


Matthew, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Troy Anthony HoganMatthew

“A million bucks.” — Matthew

“He says he’s fine.  I think we need to get him to the hospital, Jesse!” — Matthew


Levi, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Jody HillLevi

“I won’t be allowed to adopt.” — Levi

Congregation

“Amen.” — Congregation

The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House PicturesChorus

“Welcome home, Dr. Gemstone.” — Chorus

Choir

“♪ Gone far too long ♪ Been gone ♪ I’m coming back home ♪ Coming back home ♪ I’ve been gone ♪ Far too long ♪ I’m coming back home ♪” — Choir

The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House PicturesGospel Rock Band

“♪ And we’re talking together ♪ Feel the glory of ♪ Feel the glory of the Lord ♪ Singing songs of salvation ♪ It’s the story of ♪ It’s the story of our Lord ♪ From the desert to the mountains ♪ Feel His light shine on you ♪ When we all come together ♪ That’s the glory of ♪ That’s the glory of His love ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪” — Gospel Rock Band

“♪ Dream ♪ A dream ♪ Our love ♪  Ooh, yeah ♪ Where I am ♪ What I am ♪ What I believe in ♪ Ooh ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ Holly holy, oh ♪ Doo ♪ Y’all, help me say ♪ Sing ♪ Sing it ♪ Sing it, yeah ♪ Yeah ♪ Bring them each, oh Lord ♪ Lord above ♪ Lord above ♪  Holly holy ♪ Oh ♪ I’m gonna take ♪ Gonna take ♪ Gonna take a ♪ Take a little ♪” — Gospel Rock Band


Keefe Chambers, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Tony CavaleroKeefe Chambers

“Welcome home, friend.  I’m sorry, man.  I’d like to keep your bullcrud in you.  How was the land of the rising sun?  Oh.  Yeah.  Yeah.  I know.  Your methods rule.  Yeah.  No issues here.  I slept in your room one night but then felt odd, so I slept the rest of the time here on the couch with no top sheet.  I was aware I had your permission.  I don’t know.  The energy in there is just unsettling.  It’s lonely.  But, uh, the maids changed the bedding anyways.  And I put all your mail over there on the kitchen counter.  There’s a lot of it.  I’m just very appreciative.  I know not everybody wanted me here.  Nice.  I’m gonna head back to my place.  I’m pretty bushed.  Gonna go soak in the tub.  That sounds good.  But I really need a soak.  I haven’t been in my place in a while, and… I like to run it up real hot.  Okay.  All right.  So happy you’re home.  All right.  Night night.  Night night.” — Keefe Chambers

“The thing with this game?  Early versions included a boss bad guy known as Dark Diablo, a classic devil king sort of villain.  When Dark Diablo would enter the level, he would make a series of roars.  To most, it sounded like garbled noise sounds, but to the keen ear, he was clearly saying, ‘I’m the Devil.  You’re mine.  Be a part of my kingdom.’  Yeah, it’s messed up.  Tons of kids were exposed to that game.  Parents’ groups and churches were, like, furious.  So they took Diablo out.  Now it’s just like a shark bad guy, with like a shark top and muscle man bottom.  He’s got, like, muscly, regular legs, you know, not shark fins.  And he doesn’t say anything Satanic.  He just tries to bite you.  It’s a much better version.” — Keefe Chambers

Narrator

“Together, Eli and Aimee-Leigh built a Christian empire including their flagship campus, Gemstone Salvation Center, covering over 300… acres of coastal Carolina.” — Narrator

Long Wei, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Talbott LinLong Wei

“Guan.” — Long Wei


Photographer, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House PicturesPhotographer

“I’ll leave right now.” — Photographer


VHS Choir

“♪ Praise the Lord ♪ His righteousness at hand ♪  Lord, Lord, Lord ♪ Take us to that promised land ♪ Holy war ♪ The battle has begun ♪ So praise the Lord ♪ His righteous love has come ♪” — VHS Choir


Announcer, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Kent Shocknek

VHS Anchor

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present Eli and Aimee-Leigh Gemstone.” — VHS Anchor


Aimee-Leigh Gemstone, The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures, Jennifer NettlesAimee-Leigh Gemstone

“I love you.  Oh, I love you.  Hallelujah!  Eli…  I feel the love in this room.  Oh, take a look at this crowd, Eli.  Oh, stop it right now.  Stop it right now.  Now, friends, who here is ready to make real change in their lives today?  Hallelujah!  Raise your hands for the Lord.  Yes!  Yes!  Who is ready to make change, receive the Holy Spirit, and change their lives in such a way they will lead it for the Lord forever?  Okay, Eli?  Let’s get started.” — Aimee-Leigh Gemstone



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Par for the Gemstones ⛳️ Join us tonight on @HBO.

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A Righteous Kingdom 👑

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A big happy birthday to Kenny Powers who turns 10 today.

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The holy quintent.

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She’s a Gemstone too! 🙏

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Let him shine.

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And he’s spreading the good word!

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Our father.

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The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures

The Righteous Gemstones, HBO, Home Box Office Inc., HBO Entertainment, WarnerMedia, Rough House Pictures

Quote1Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.Quote2 Matthew 5:3

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