The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T

Original Gangster

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Tray Barker, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Tracy MorganTray Barker

Convicted narcotics merchant and Brooklyn native son Tray Barker returns home from his incarceration stint to find his girlfriend and neighborhood have been gentrified.


Tray Barker, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Tracy MorganTray Barker, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Tracy MorganTray Barker, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Tracy Morgan

“Every night, I have the same dream.  It’s the night I got arrested.  The night of the final episode ‘American Idol,’ season one.” — Tray Barker

“Oh, yeah.  You know that.  I love cooking for my boo.  Thank you, baby.  I just want your booty to get as big as humanly possible.  no, I’m serious.  I want it to look like one of them cartoon centaurs.  You know, half man, half horse.  Yes, yes, yes.  You got me.  I’m calling it right now, Justin gonna win.  Unh-unh, that boy got pure talent.  His voice is butter.  I love you, Shay.  Hmm?  About what?  Let me get up.  Shay, just Tivo that for me.  I’ll be right back.  I’m gonna go get a blunt and a candy bar.  I’ll be right back.  Wait for me!” — Tray Barker

“You got me?  Bobby, who was badder, Michael or Vito?  Wrong.  I’m gonna give you another shot on the way back.  Think about it.  Papa!  Give me the usual.  Guarini’s gonna win tonight.  Watch, his curls is looking kind of tight.  What’s up, Wavy?  Give me 20 minutes.  Watch this, baby.  Yo, Tivo that for me, Shay!  Why?  Keep trying!  Uh, the kid is bugged out.  Hey, what’s up?  Boy, girl?  Aww, shit!  Aw!  Come on!  I didn’t do nothing!  Sha-a-a-a-a-y!” — Tray Barker

“That was 15 years ago.  I haven’t seen my girl since.  Prison will change a man.  I’m wiser now.  But still, I remain humble.  I also might be the best chef the world has ever known.  If you give a man a fish, he eats dinner.  But if you teach a man to fish — I’m doing a proverb, motherfucker!  Prison pad Thai.  Don’t go overboard on the peanut butter.  Two packets are too much.  Now it’s time for me to go out to the world and make it a better place with my sage advice.  Ready as your mother was after I sucked her titties last night, Wilson.  Man, I just want to take a shower by myself.  I never want to see another penis in my life, not even my own.  Y’all don’t deserve my food, you honey bun eating motherfuckers.” — Tray Barker

“Second chances are a beautiful thing.  When I went away, my neighborhood was hanging on by a thread thanks to dealers like me.  This time, I’m gonna be a force for positive change.  This time, I’ma do it right.” — Tray Barker

“I’m sorry, my bad.  The fuck happened to Brooklyn?!  Damn.  Papi’s is gone, too.  Y’all little nigga slingin’, huh?  Chasing that paper?  Huh?  Get that money, huh?  Then what, huh?  You see me?  I used to be just like y’all little niggas, man.  Just like y’all.  Boom, plot twist.  I got locked up for 15 years.  15 years!  Y’all little niggas need to check your own potential, man.  Y’all little niggas need — wow.  Shady done pulled a George Jefferson and moved on up.  Damn, there she is.  Looking beautiful.  Oh, she got a roommate.  A white dude?!  Aah!” — Tray Barker

“Tray Barker.  I’m new.  I’m coming from Southfield.  Yo, money grip.  This the halfway house or open mic for fat, black dudes?  Who in here is Mullins?  I just did 15 years in prison, and I ain’t licked a dick once.  And I ain’t gonna start with you, Al Roker.  Yeah, well, your castle smell like a group of Jamaicans in an elevator, slap-boxing.  I just found out the woman that I love is with a white dude.  Look like a Duke lacrosse player.  Hell, no, not Shay!  Okay?  She’s my queen.  She just got lost. Why everything with you gotta be about dick?  I’m not here to laugh, okay?  I’m here to inspire.  I’m here to teach young, at-risk kids on the verge of making the same mistake… some what?  Recidivism.  ‘Sup?  I look forward to guiding y’all on your personal journeys.  Big Country?  Well, we gonna have to swap bunks, man.  I’m not trying to die tonight.  You mean to tell me you got an erection right now?  If that thing lasts more than four hours, call a doctor.  What up, Big Country?” — Tray Barker

“I love you.  I love you, baby.  No, man!  Get out my face, man.  Get your nuts out my face, please.  Yeah, thank you, Gustavo.  Please leave.  Now!  Damn, Clyde.  When I heard you got murdered, man, I cried for days in my cell, man.  I should have been there.  Now it seem like the whole world done moved on, man.  I feel like Rip Van Winkle in this motherfucker, and I don’t even know who he is!  But I know if you was here, you’d probably say some shit like… Clyde?!  Clyde?!  Oh, that’s what’s up.  What’s that?  I remember.  That’s when he became a villain.  You never sacrifice your family for the life.  The last time I saw you, you were — yeah, now look at you, man.  Looking like a broke-ass Tupac — One-pac.  No.  You look like Sgt. Slaughter’s illegitimate son.  You got one arm longer than the other, and you clap like this.  Shut up, man!  I got a gland problem.  What you been doing?  Still slingin’?  You gonna end up in prison, Bobby.  In prison, as pretty as you are, you would be a perfect 10.  That’s — that’s not good, Bobby.  They will turn your butthole into a parking garage.  Start putting all kind of cars in there, man.  Buicks, Cutlass Sierras, Oldsmobiles.  Somebody gonna put a Hummer in there.  You don’t want nobody parking no Hummer in there.  No, man.  You don’t want your rectum turned into a parking garage, man.  That’s not what you want.  You don’t want nobody parking no Hummer in there, man.  This is my neighborhood, man.  Things done changed.  Just like ‘Planet of the Apes,’ man.  Like when Zira was talking to Dr. Zaius, and she said, ‘what do you think they’ll find out there, doctor?’  And he said, ‘their destiny.’  The worst part is with Shay, man.  She done moved on and got a new man.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin.  With God.” — Tray Barker

“Shay Shay.  Doing time in the house!  You tell ’em, Shay!  Yes, yes y’all!  I heard that.  Damn right.  You’re welcome.  Excuse me.  I’ll let you guys finish in just two seconds.  Shay, I just want to say it’s me, Tray.  I’m back.  And I just want to say, you know, even though you didn’t come visit me, 15 years I was incarcerated, all is forgiven.  Come here and give me some love.  Come on, Shay, come on.  This is velour, man.  This is velour!  You all pink champagne’d up now, huh?  Damn, hello to you, too.  She all right, home boy.  I’m gonna send her to you soon.  Tussle?  Hombre?  What the fuck is this, ‘West Side Story?’  Yeah, go on in and have some of that pink stuff.  It looked delicious.  I’m watching you, too, mangina.  At last by ourselves.  There’s the old Shay.  You calling yourself by your government name now?  How long did it take for you to marry that white man in there?  Yeah, but do you love him, though?  How old are they?  Twins?  Scientifically speaking, how did you and a Caucasian man make two kids whose last name could be Wesley and Snipes?  If those are my kids, I deserve to know.  Not now, Bobby!  Not right now!  I don’t snitch.  I don’t bring chaos!  Not now, Bobby!  I’m a father.  I’m a father.” — Tray Barker

“All my life people told me I’d never be good at anything.  I’ve decided to prove them wrong.  Unfortunately you don’t get credit for being good at selling crack or convincing women that making love to them with your socks on still counts.  So when I got locked up, I made up my mind that I was gonna be good at something legit.  I discovered I had mad culinary skill.  Not it’s time for me to share my gift with the world.  Behold, the dessert loaf — the shining star of my prison cuisine.” — Tray Barker

“Shay Shay, why you not taking my calls?  I got me this smart phone.  this Russian dude jail-broke it for me.  Got games, a camera, even a fitness app that count all my steps.  I feel like ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ up in this mug.  But I spent all my money on this smart phone.  Now I feel like the $1.50 kid.  Damn!  That’s your office?!  Nice!  Why don’t you introduce me to some of your colleagues and whatnot?  Yo, Shay.  Where’d you go?  The screen just went black!  Man, I can’t see you!  I’m just saying hello.  When can I meet the kids, Shay?  Our kids.  So it would probably be a waste of time to ask you to show your booty on camera, huh?  Shay, wait a minute.” — Tray Barker


Shay, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Tiffany HaddishShay Birkeland

“Oh!  Look at my man, cooking food.  Get it, boy.  Yes!  And I love you for that shit.  Boy, you crazy.  You dumb as hell.  So you want some of that magical booty.  Some of that mythological ass.  You been reading Greek mythology, boy?  Ooh, the show about to start.  Shut up, shut up.  Boy, please.  Kelly is way more talented.  You’re so silly.  Mm.  I love you, too.  Tray.  We need to talk.  I got — what?  Tray, don’t!  Tray, you promised me.  Are you serious, Tray?” — Shay

“Josh?  Thank you.  Mwah.” — Shay

“Welcome, everyone, and thank you so much for being here.  I’m gonna bring it down for a sec.  The U.S. has over 600,00 homeless.  These are our friends.  Our family members.  Our… ex-convicts.  They are us.  That is why I am so very proud to be a part of the Rest Easy Initiative.  We’ve already raised enough money to buy over 2,000 brand-new beds.  But there is so much more that we can do.  We will eradicate homelessness.  One bed at a time.  Thank you.  Thank you so much.  Tray, you are quite the funny man.  You know, he’s one of our former homeless.  Can you excuse us for just a second?  Shh!  Nigga, you got some nerve thinking you can crash my event.  How dare you!  Josh.  Sweetie bear, please wait for me inside.  15 years you been outta my life, you think you’re gonna be able to walk right back in it, huh?  Hell no!  I go by Shannon now, not Shay.  Bitch, do you know how hard I had to work to pull myself up out the gutter?  Josh is a good man.  He writes voiceovers for Anthony Bourdain.  Yes, I do.  Amira, Shahzad, go inside with your father now.  I’m fine.  Go inside right now.  Tray, I know what you want to say.  15.  Tray — good night, Mr. and Mrs. Washington.  Your support is appreciated.  Oh, you are so kind.  Listen to me, Tray.  Those kids didn’t grow up the way that we did.  They got nice friends.  They go to a nice school.  Look, I told you not to leave.  I told you not to go out there and sell that rock, but you went, anyway.  You could have game them Wavy.  And that’s why I didn’t tell you about the kids, Tray.  Because wherever you go, you bring chaos!  Yes, you do!  God damn it, Tray!  You ain’t changed a bit!  Come on, come on, come on, inside.” — Shay

“Okay, so what I was thinking was a South American theme.  Hold on a second.  Oh, my God.  Oh, really?  Tray, um, now is not a good time.  Well, that’s nice, but I’m — well, Tray, I’m in the middle of a meeting, okay?  Um, sorry, I have to take this really quick.  I’m gonna step out.  Just work amongst yourselves, all right?  Just work amongst yourselves?  What do you want?  Tray, stop calling me.  You want to see the kids?  My kids?  Oh, I don’t know.  How about when you get a job or volunteer at a community center?  Something.  In other words, make something of yourself.  All the adults in my kids lives are positive role models, and I very much want to keep it that way.  Boy… get off my phone!” — Shay

“I said I would like to become head chef at D.B. Delgotti’s.  Well why don’t y’all build another D.B. Delgottio’s, make me head chef, and it’d be a prison theme?  Okay.  Uh-huh.  Uh-huh.  I see I got to make you a believer, young man.  Are you ready?  Let me know.  Are you ready?  Are you ready?  You ready?  Are you ready?  Coming at ya.  Coming quick.  Blauw!  Yeah?  It’s called a dessert loaf.  You should try it.  Got a little piece waiting right here for you.  Give me your hand.  Turn it around.  Put that in there.  Taste it.  Mm-hmm?  See, the crunchiness that you tasting, that’s coming from the Chex Mix.  The sweetness comes from Reese’s Pieces.  And that aroma that’s going up in that pretty, little nose — that’s a pretty, little nose you got — that’s a splash of pruno.  You ain’t never tasted nothing like that.  That’s what I’m trying to tell you.  What I make tastes good.  That’s why you should hire me as head chef.  Okay?  I could turn this place around.  Pastry chef.  Line cook.  I could take garbage out.  I’ll put a dress on, be a waitress.  I don’t mind.  How about the lowest position here —  assistant manager?  You are?  Well, in that case, I’d like to file a complaint, man.  I’ve been treated very rudely here today.  Very rudely.” — Shay

“Yuk, yuk, yuk.  Laugh it up, man.  I’m trying to improve my life while y’all sitting on your asses playing cards.  Okay?  I got ambitions in the world.  I’m gonna find me a job.  That’s good.  I see you are following my orders.  I’m doing this on my own accord, Mullins.  It ain’t got nothing to do with you.  Restaurants.  High-end restaurants.  All y’all know my skills in the kitchen.  I’m gonna be a chef.  Gourmet chef.” — Shay


Bobby, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Meliki HurdBobby

“Vito.  You embarrassing me.  Yo, Tray!  Michael!  Michael’s badder.  Uh, ’cause he’s not Vito.” — Bobby

“Yo, Tray!  Yo, behind you!  Nah, man, it’s me, Bobby.  Clyde’s little brother.  Tray?  Fredo!  Michael killed Fredo, his own brother.  That’s what made him badder, you know what I’m saying?  You remember asking me who was badder in ‘Godfather,’ Michael or Vito.  Yeah.  Yeah, that’s real right there, son.  Like 14, 15.   Oh, oh, okay.  All right, well, um, you the one out here looking elderly.  Looking like you passing out from calcium deficiency.  You look like, uh, Chicken George at the end of ‘Roots.’  Oh, okay.  So, is that you?  ‘Cause you smell so bad — my — my bad.  I thought you outgrow that type of stuff.  I ain’t — I ain’t — well, you know, I’m doing the same old same.  You know, business been slow, weed game is kind of — it’s been tight, man.  Look, ain’t nobody scared of jail.  Look, I know mad people in there.  Plus, all they do is rap and work out.  Thank you, man.  I don’t want no Hummer.  Weird.  Hey, what is you talking about?  What happened to the dude that I knew, that I idolized?  You Big Tray Diesel, man.  Go get your girl, Tray.  Look, we do it like everybody else.  We start from the beggining.  No.  The internet.” — Bobby

“Two, three, four — say what?  This the loudest it go!  Huh?!  Oh, oh, okay.  Oh!  Oh!  What happened?  Oh, look, my bad, Tray!  You look gorgeous, Shay!  Um, oh, you all right, man.  Oh, yeah, you go ahead, walk this off, baby.  You gonna be just fine.  He’s fine!” — Bobby


Clyde, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Allen MaldonadoClyde

“Come on, you know I got you, son.  In ‘Godfather,’ man.  Yo, why you embarrassing me right now?  Yo, I told you to watch it three times.  Ca caw!” — Clyde


Wavy, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Malik YobaWavy

“Yeah, well, just make sure you where you’re supposed to be at is all I’m saying. All right.  Dinner’s ready.  Five girls, five boys.  Don’t get cocky, nigga.” — Wavy


Josh, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Ryan GaulJosh

“Your hands in the air!  Hands up, man!  NYPD!  Put ’em up!” — Josh

“Coffee?  There you go.” — Josh

“Shannon?  Everything good?  You okay?  I’m sorry, are we gonna have to tussle, hombre?  Yeah?  Hey, I’m watching you.  I am not a mangina.  I’m just a regular man.” — Josh


Miniard Mullins, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Cedric the EntertainerMiniard Mullins

“So check this out.  So I catch up to him, right?  And then I grab him by the back of his head and tear out three of them grey-ass dreadlocks.  And I say, ‘hey, brother.  Look like you outta locks.’  You get it?  Out of locks.  And that’s right off the head.  That’s — that’s the improv class.  I’m Mullins, dicklicker.  Orientation in my office now.  This is my castle.  A’ight?  I’m the king.  I like — I like that.  I like wittiness.  I like the fact that you think you funny, but you ain’t funny as me, so don’t you worry about that.  What you have to understand is that this well-oiled facility, I oversee all this.  Don’t worry about that.  I’ll get that later.  All you need to know are the rules.  Rule number one is all common areas need to stay clean.  Rule number one is all common areas need to stay clean.  Two, make up your bed.  Three, never find yourself in trouble.  Four, no playing with your plantain.  Five, no fornicating after 4:00.  And six, always make your curfew, otherwise, you out.  What, you surprised?  You thought she was just gonna wait for you?  Shit, man.  I’m gonna say this to you, and this is not a sexist comment at all, but all women are pretty as fuck.  Yeah, she got lost on another man’s bouncy house.  What?  The phallus is the number one piece of universal comedy gold.  Everybody love a good dick joke.  You know it’s like Tom, Dick, and Harry.  You heard about that, right?  Nobody gives a shit about Harry.  Everybody want to know who Dick is.  On the verge of making the same mistake… as you did.  Ah, come on, man.  You don’t think I haven’t heard this before?  You just another dusty-ass street prophet.  Every fool-ass convict come through that door think that they Laurence Fishburne in ‘Boyz N the Hood.’  Then they find out the ‘hood gone.  Man, the neighborhood’s been gentrified.  What you need to be concerned with is getting caught in some recidivism.  Re-cid-ivism.  That’s what I said.  fine.  Come on, let’s take a walk, man.  Ah, don’t you put your hand in motherfuckin’ candy corn.  Don’t touch my shit.” — Miniard Mullins

“Here they go.  Here they go right here.  This is exactly what I’m talking about, Barker.  Too many mentors.  Not enough mentees.  Jaybird, Felony, meet Tray.  Shut the fuck up.  Come on.  This is the barracks.  You’re bunk number five.  funny?  What the hell?  You want to hear some funny?  All right, I got a good one for you right here.  What’s the difference between a hard-on and a Bugatti?  I don’t have a Bugatti.  No.  You know what?  You got one week to find a job, otherwise, you outta here.  I ain’t got no damn erection.  Ask me about no erection.” — Miniard Mullins


Big Country, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Joel Marsh GarlandBig Country

“Name’s Erwin, but everybody call me Big Country.  You’re funny, man.  What’s up, Tray?” — Big Country


Gustavo, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Gino VentoGustavo

“Can I make love to her?  Gustavo.  Okay, okay.” — Gustavo


Shahzad, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Dante HoaglandShahzad

“Mom!  Amira’s trying to poison me with peanuts.  Yes, you are!” — Shahzad


Amira, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Taylor MosbyAmira

“I am not.  Are you okay?” — Amira

“Because you’re our biological father.  It’s obvious.  She wouldn’t let us talk to you.  She wouldn’t let us ask any questions about you.  And you look like Shahzad.  What makes you think you can just have a relationship with us now?” — Amira

“No.  No, no, no, no.  Unh-unh.  None of that ‘daughter’ shit.  You need to earn that.” — Amira


Jaybird, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Derek GainesJaybird


Felony, The Last O.G., TBS, Turner Broadcasting, Time Warner, Streetlife Productions Inc., Monkeypaw Productions, Full Flavor, The Tannenbaum Company, Principato-Young Entertainment, Studio T, Daniel J. Watts Felony



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