Amazon Prime Video original series Samurai Champloo premiered May 20th, 2004.
#SamuraiChamploo is Japanese animation or ‘anime.’
rottentomatoes: 89%
imdb: 8.5
Fuu
Fuu is a barista in feudal era Nagasaki, Japan.
“Yes, sir. Coming right up. Sorry to keep you waiting. Please, forgive me. Coming! Geez, what’s with these customers today? Bu they’re– you guys are a bunch of– uh. Good afternoon, sir. Water? Well, um, we only serve paying customers, so you’ll have to order more than water. If you’re broke, go somewhere else. Hm? Huh?! But, um… maybe for twenty. Yes, sir. It’s coming right up. Uh, I’m really sorry. It was an accident– I, uh– hey, what are you doing? Cut it out! Let go of me! Somebody, help me.” — Fuu
“One-one-one hundred dumplings! Oh, crap. Huh? Nah. It’s really no big deal. No. I’ll be okay. This thing has forced me to make up my mind.” — Fuu
“Please, sir. Can’t you bend the rules for a minute? Oh, please, sir. Do it for me. Pretty please? I’m begging you. I’ll do anything. Uh… I, uh… anything but that. Not with you baldy. No way. Hey, cut it out! Take this. Thanks for the help, Momo. Oh, wow. From the looks of things, they really put you two through the ringer. Well, don’t you want to know why I’m here? Okay. See ya.” — Fuu
“Listen. If you promise you’ll do me just one little favor, I’ll help you escape. Do we have a deal? It’s not working. There’s someone I want you to find. A samurai who smells of sunflowers. Oops! The key broke in half. Uh-oh. Gotta go.” — Fuu
“What am I gonna do? Really? Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! Gotta borrow this for a minute. Oh, I need a light. Anyone got a light? Just hold on you two. You guys made me a promise. Remember? You haven’t forgotten, have you? Now wait a minute! A promise is a promise. And if you two end up killing each other, there won’t be anyone left to help me. What good is your promise then? Alright, we’ll decide this by tossing this coin. If it’s heads you fight each other. But if it comes up tails, you forget about the fight and you both come with me. Are we clear on this?” — Fuu
“Think you might have tossed it a little too far? Where is it? It should have landed by now, but I don’t see it. Hey, look! I won!” — Fuu
“Alright, is everybody ready? Remember, no holding back. Pull out everything you’ve got. Even your secret stash. One, two… are you kidding? That’s it?! Alright, that’s enough. You two made me a promise. You haven’t forgotten, have you? Until we find the samurai who smells of sunflowers, you two are not allowed to kill each other. Huh? Well, he– wait a minute. It’s a flower. Oh, stop! For right now, let’s get something to eat.” — Fuu
“Ta-da! Yakimanjuu. A Joushuu specialty. The question is: how many do we each get if we split these between the three of us? Hey! What’s with you anyway? Hey, come back here! Give me back my manjuu. So! What’s this ogre killing business? You think you’re some kind of legendary hero? Listen, you’re going to keep that promise you made to me, understand?” — Fuu
“That’s good. What kind of water is this? Huh? You’re not scary, but you do seem to have an awfully sad look in your eye. A firefly.” — Fuu
“Mugen! Mugen. Mugen!” — Fuu
Mugen
“If living means bowing down to the likes of you bastards, I’d rather die on my feet with my head held high. Water. Yeah, water. Fifty dumplings. Is it a deal? You feed me, and I’ll take care of those guys for you. But what? Are you kidding me? I’m not going one dumpling lower.”
“Well, boys, your lives ain’t worth squat, are they? Do the math. A hundred dumpling for all you guys. What’s that work out to? Five dumplings a pop? Why not right now? Forget all that formal crap about coming one at a time. I’ll take all you bitches on! Come on! Come on. Bring it boys! Huh? Nope. Not at all.”
“I don’t give a rats ass about your common sense. ‘Cause I come from Ryukyu, pal. Huh? Hey, gimme your hand. Listen up, morons! Here’s the deal. You guys ain’t worth bothering with. You’re gonna leave and I’m gonna count to ten. You’ve got that long to get those badasses over here. I’ll count with his fingers until you get back. This is one. And two. And three. And four. How boring. What the hell, let’s do them all. Hey! Are you one of those so-called badasses? They’re gone?”
“Better yet! I can’t imagine a more perfect setting. Nah, but go ahead. Don’t stay on my account. Damn that’s cold! Huh? What in the hell is going on here? I remember a dream. There was fire all around me. Oh, yeah? So you were in a bathtub with your thing hanging out? Ahh!”
“What did you say? You son of a… shut your damn mouth. Mugen in the name, pal. You got that? Right. You’re that chick. No. Wait. I was just kidding. You serious? Sunflowers? What is it? Stupid chick. What the hell she even come here for anyway?”
“Hell, every freakin’ day I have to ask myself, ‘will this be the last day I lie in the sun?’ If living means bowing down to the likes of you bastards, I’d rather die on my feet with my head held high. Yo. We put our fight on hold until we get out of here, agreed?”
“So annoying. Uh? Is that the…? Okay, it’s your turn now, pal. Yeah, first on my list too. Give me that. Kiss my ass. Shit.”
“Hey, dude, you sure you’re not holding out on us? Oh, yeah, the smelly guy. I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. What the hell is a sunflower anyway? So what do they smell like? A picture or something? I’ll kill you two and eat them all myself. That damn thief just jacked my grub. I heard you guys talking. An evil ogre, huh? You want me to kill it for you?”
“Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. So what? Look at the dumb broad. She’s out cold. Let’s strip her and dump her. Eh? Huh? Who said I did it for free? What do you got? Later. I gotta go take care of something. Why’d you invite me? Damn lady, you move quick, don’t you?”
“What the hell did you just force me to swallow you bitch? Who the hell you workin’ for? Better start talking quick ’cause I might just slice you up by mistake. What? Shit. Damn. Son of a… huh?”
“Guess I’ll be doing some ogre slaying after all. You bastard. Say what? Sorry dude, but who are you? This sucks. My arms are like wet noodles. Huh?”
Jin
“Well said. I agree with him.”
“Move it, will you? You’re blocking the road. To serve your lord and do his bidding, is that honorable? Even if that lord is an unimportant piece of shit? Cutting down a man who’s done nothing wrong. Is that what you spent all those years honing your skills for? In my opinion, you’re worthless.”
“I’ll take these. You are in the middle of something. Pardon me. You’ve got the wrong guy. And don’t bother waiting for the Yagyu’s, they’re all gone. I killed all three. Aren’t you going to run? Don’t you remember? It wasn’t a dream. Now that was a dream. Ugh.”
“You’re the lowest of the low. Your stance leaves you wide open, and your moves are totally inefficient. All in all your fighting style is a mess. I swear, you are the most undisciplined fighter I’ve ever known. And the only one I wasn’t able to kill. Mugen. My name is Jin. You should remember it.”
“The one from the tea house. So, what’s the deal with this favor of yours? Hurry up. You at peace with yourself? Well said. I agree with him. You intend to kill them all, don’t you? I swear, you really are the lowest of the low. May the saints forgive you… …because I won’t.”
“Damn. These cockroaches keep coming. Hey, look. Alright. No, I haven’t, but this comes first. He doesn’t know the meaning of restraint.”
“Look who’s talking. What’s with the acorns? Who is this samurai who smells of sunflowers? You don’t know? Do you have any other leads? What makes you think he’s around here? It’s called a filcher bird, and now you know why.”
“Perhaps, but we have no money to pay for lodging. That innkeeper back there… forget it. It’s probably nothing. That woman, huh? You’re the man from the teahouse. Time to go. How much farther? Yes, I already know that.”
“Who hired you?”
Elder Shibui
“You dare give me this? Your spare change! You men! Kill this insolent peasant for me at once.”
“Hmmm. It isn’t much, but where you’re going that’s all you’ll need. You know what they say? It’s only six mon to cross the River Styx.”
“Huh? Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait just a minute! You want money? Is that it? You can have as much as you want, okay? H-how ’bout it? You… bastard! Somebody stop that man! You miserable, good-for-nothing cowards!”
“Too bad it wasn’t a dream. My son burned to death in that fire. And now you’re both going to pay for that. Fortunately, it wasn’t long ago this place was called ‘the torture department store.’ You’re going to be well taken care of till your execution tomorrow.”
“Are you ready to apologize? Are you ready to grovel at my feet and beg for forgiveness? Very well then. I’ll grant your wish and send you straight to the afterlife. What the– you fools! Don’t even think about making it out of here alive. What are you waiting for? Kill them! Kill them both! W-W-W-Wait. Wait a minute. I-I-Is it money you’re after? I-I’ll give you as much as you want.”
Nagasaki, Japan
“Vagrant Mugen. Vagrant and ronin Jin. These two will hereby be executed by decapitation and their heads put on display. Are you ready to apologize? Are you ready to grovel at my feet and beg for forgiveness? Very well then. I’ll grant your wish and send you straight to the afterlife.”
“Hey, where are my dumplings? Aren’t they ready yet? Hey, baby, let’s have some fun. Oh… come on. Don’t give me that frown. Stop it. So what kept you, you idiot? Where are my dumplings? I’m bored to death. Yeah, me too. Isn’t there anything fun to do around here? Now, now, Fuu. Just keep smiling. Careful, Fuu… …that blond boy is the son of the prefectural governor.”
“Check it out! Brand new. Hey, nice! Some blade, huh? Can’t wait to do a test cut. What are you looking at? Hey! I’m talking to you old man. It’s hot! You got him! Oh, please, Governor. I beg you, sir. If I lose this construction job, it will be the death of my whole family. Please, sir. Please! I, well, I just… don’t. You might not like it, but just let it go. Look. See those samurai closest to the governor? They’re his bodyguards. They’re famous fighters from Edo. Considered topnotch, even among the Yagyu. They’re in a different league. Even the governor’s samurai wouldn’t stand a chance against those guys. Understand?”
“Hey, where’s my tea?! What’s with you? I don’t want to hear it. All I want to know is how you’re going to make it up to me. One finger or two? Well, I suppose one ought to be enough. Come on, hold still… master, let me take care of this. I wanted to give the new blade a test cut anyway, and she’ll do just fine. Stop struggling or you’ll lose more than just a finger. Well, now, what’ll it be? Your nose maybe, or how ’bout an ear? Or perhaps your little…”
“You bastard. Is that so? Who the hell are you? Don’t try to interfere. Of course it is. Say what? Hey! You better watch that mouth of yours. Why I ought a… screw you! Say your prayers! Huh? Excuse me? His math’s way off. You’re a gutsy little punk, but if you don’t shut that big mouth, you’re gonna piss me off. Watch your ass, or I’ll try out my new sword on you someday. Oh yeah? Get him! You some kind of moron? You just don’t get it. You just don’t get it at all, do you pal? My old man’s the governor around here, so folks who mess with me pay for it. Big time. Hell, fact is they don’t live long enough to see the next sunrise. You starting to get it? This isn’t the damn civil war. In this day and age acting like a loose cannon, going around swinging a sword is totally passe. Huh? Ahh! Do you understand what I just said? Come on, why not? It’s common sense. That’s just the way the world is today. Huh? Huh? You?”
“Listen. My old man has three Yagyu badasses guarding him around the clock. What’s the matter? You scared? You pee your pants? I’m sorry. Hm? No, wait. Hold on a minute… are you one of them? A Yagyu swordsman? Uh, Mr. Ryujiro? Burn it all. Burn it to the ground!”
“Fuu. I guess this must be awfully tough for you. Since you have no family, you’d be welcome to come with us if you like. Huh? Forget it. The prisoners aren’t allowed to have any visitors. No way. Anything? You mean you’ll… you know… have se– what is this? You said anything. You lying little bitch. I’m not bald. This is a hairstyle. Stop wiggling. And? She said she was going to visit the prisoners. Find her! Yes, sir! Find her! Look over there. She’s over there! Hold it!”
“What’s it say? A public execution. It says at sunset today. Forget about it. I can’t sell this stuff to an amateur like you. I must be the biggest sucker in Edo. Take them you little thief. Hey!”
“Vagrant Mugen. Vagrant and ronin Jin. These two will hereby be executed by decapitation and their heads put on display. Hey, you. Here take this. Come back here! Hey! Don’t let them get away! After them! Come on! Where’d he go? Hold it! Stay right there. Huh?”
“There they are! Don’t let them escape! After them! This way! Go get them! Like they say, you gotta fight fire with fire. But Oniwakamaru is awaiting execution. He’s dangerous, and if he’s let out, there’s no telling what he might do. My missing arm is whispering to me. It’s whispering, ‘you gotta kill those bastards for me.’ Good to see you, Oniwakamaru. I admire that fierce face of yours. A face more beastly than that of an animal. You and I are two of a kind, Oniwakamaru. Fact is, we’re so alike we could be brothers. So let’s go and take ’em out. You and me. Let’s annihilate all the people who tormented you.”
“What are you saying? You mean to tell me that those missing people were attacked by some kind of ogre? Yeah. At least that’s what the rumors say. Good heavens, what a horrible story. Wait a minute. You’re a samurai, aren’t you? So, you’re the one who can kill that ogre for us. Yeah, that’s right. What? Oh, no. Not me. I couldn’t possibly. You mustn’t sneak up on me like that. I guess there are cowardly samurais after all. Now listen. If those rumors are true, then right now those people are– probably being eaten alive. Hey, my dumplings.”
“That sure was amazing. You’re a real expert, sonny. Bet you were a student at some big name dojo. Am I right? Now calm down. Don’t get angry. Come join us. Have a seat. I hate to say it, but I’ve got to admit, I’m jealous. Of self-confident people, I mean. You see, a guy like me is samurai in name only. Wow. A real drinker, huh? Guess not. Young man, you don’t plan to go through the mountains today, do you? I wouldn’t if I were you, not at this hour. The sun’s about to go down. I see. Well in that case, I know the perfect place for you. There’s a small, unoccupied shack near the hot springs just up the road where you can stay free of charge. So why not spend the night there and start your journey tomorrow morning.”
“Good work. You followed my instructions perfectly. Of course, sir. Well I’ll be running along now. Oh, I forgot to mention one thing… …just to be safe, I’m afraid, I gotta kill you. Thanks very much. That sure helped a lot. Huh? What do you want? My goodness, what a silly question. When a woman invites a man to her home and they’re all by themselves, there aren’t that many things they can do, are there?”
“I’m not interested in playing the coy maiden. Let’s enjoy ourselves tonight. Nights are like the lives of human beings, all too brief. Hey there. I think you should go back to sleep for a while. Evening. Isn’t this a nice surprise? Beautiful, aren’t they? Do you know why fireflies glow like that? It’s a form of communication. Signals sent by the males and females to attract one another. However, they say that every once in a while a male will try to attract another male. Oh, that reminds me. I realize now that I have heard of him. You know, the sunflower samurai that the young lady spoke of? Ryujiro Sasaki! Kanto region police. Ryujiro Sasaki, you’re under arrest for arson, malicious destruction, and the cold-blooded murder of a treasury employee. Now come along quietly. Well, now. And here I thought I got away. Be careful, Oniwaka. They want to pick on you like the others. Who the hell is that? It doesn’t matter who he is. We’ll take him down too. Right now. You big, ugly freak. Stay away. Stay away you damn monster!”
“Don’t be afraid. Everyone is afraid of my face. They say it is ugly. They hate me. They call me a monster. But if I do like this, they cannot see my face. No. Don’t look at me. They called me a monster. I thought they were going to kill me. I… I got angry. I couldn’t control myself. I… I killed many people. I am all alone. It’s all set. I sent him his invitation. Okay, Oniwaka, let’s get ready for the party.”
“Do you feel anything yet? It was one-night mushroom. Ordinarily, it’s harmless enough. But combined with sake it’s a deadly poison. A one-armed man gave me the mushrooms and told me what to do. He’s got the antidote and something else you want even more. That girl you were traveling with. I wonder what he’ll do to her.”
“We’re almost there. I neglected to mention this earlier, but I am an assassin. I’d like you to know I’ve enjoyed your company and bear you no ill will. For me, killing is merely a business. It’s nothing personal. Well, it’s getting late. Perhaps we should get started, huh? My, oh my, the rumors were true. You’re quite good. It’s been a while since I faced a master swordsman like you.”
“So you finally turned up, huh? I figured you would. Now I’m gonna make you pay for cuttin’ off my arm. You know what I’m talking about. You’re the one. And don’t try telling me you don’t remember. Bastard! Ah, I see. I’ve got to admit, you’re much better than I expected. In fact, if we were in a dojo, I might not be able to beat you. However… is there something wrong? It isn’t the same as fighting in a dojo is it? What’s wrong? The poison you swallowed finally starting to kick in? You wanna live? Got the antidote right here. Know why they’re called one-night mushrooms? Because before you die, you spend the whole night in unbearable agony. So by this time tomorrow, you won’t be around anymore. I am ugly. Don’t look at me. AAARGH!”
“Not yet, Oniwaka. Don’t kill him just yet. That son of a bitch is gonna die nice and slow. I haven’t enjoyed myself this much in quite some time. Nevertheless, I’d like to be as efficient as possible, which means never working overtime. It’s been fun, but I’m going to end this now if you don’t mind. How do you like that? Can’t breathe, can you?”
