Disney+ original show It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia premiered August 4th, 2005.
#Alwayssunny is the longest running sit-com on TV.
rottentomatoes: 94%
metacritic: 71
imdb: 8.8
emmys: 3 nominations
Charlie Day
Charlie Day is a co-owner of Paddy’s Pub in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
“We’re cool! Sometimes you’re not too cool. Stop talking. He’s giving you crazy eyes. I know that. Oh, man. So what’d you do?” — Charlie Day
“I’ll go get the coffee. What do you guys want? I wasn’t gonna stare at her. I was just gonna– no, I’m not. I like her. I have a little bit of a crush, yes. But obsessed? That’s a bit of a harsh word. Why? For what? That’s true. They do have ‘****** hanging from rafters.’ No, that’s not what I was saying. No, I’m not– I’m not Adolf Hitler. I was quoting a black friend. Well, that’s just great. Now she thinks I’m racist.” — Charlie Day
“Yeah, that’s true. Sure about this? No, what is ridiculous is this stupid plan. It’s a stupid plan. You’re just trying to make black– mm-hmm. You’re trying to make black friends. You’re trying to impress Terrell with a couple of black friends. Huh. Yeah. Go for it. No. Really awkward. Yeah! Oh. It’s, uh, Charlie. I dabble. Uh, no, I shouldn’t. I’m not very good, so– well, it’s been a long time, you know. All right. One game. Domino, bitch!” — Charlie Day
“Maybe it’s comments like that. You should say something different. Figure something else out. Oh, hi. Thanks. You know. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Sure. What? Well, if anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all. We don’t really need– we need black guys, so– you know. What? No, I’m not. Why? No. You’re making a scene! Give it to me! Okay! You found it! No, don’t! Just give me it. I’ll call the black girl. Okay?” — Charlie Day
“This is crazy! Lot of dudes. Mac, isn’t that your cousin Brett by the jukebox? Let’s go say hey. What’s up, Brett? Can you believe this crowd? Whoo! We made more money in one night– we have to embrace the situation. We’re a gay bar from now on. That’s a nice notice. I don’t think we have much of a choice. We need to do this. Maybe you did it to get laid. I got a little something I like to call business ethics.” — Charlie Day
“Screw it up? I happen to have a date with a nice young lady today. They’re vibing. Okay, time out. Here’s what we should do. Let’s take a vote. All those in favor of Paddy’s Pub remaining a gay bar, say ‘aye.’ Aye. Opposed? No, she doesn’t! All owners opposed, say ‘nay.’ All owners opposed say ‘nay.’ All people who own the bar who are opposed, say ‘nay.’ All people who own the bar who are opposed, say ‘nay.’ Two against one! Oh, well. Paddy’s Irish Pub will henceforth remain the hottest gay bar in Philadelphia.” — Charlie Day
“Hey! Look at you! You look good! Well, I thought we’d go grab a drink. All righty! Yeah, absolutely. Uh, why don’t you have a seat here. I’ll go get the coffee. What would you like? Totally. ‘What do you want, Charlie?’ I’d like you to take a look at the lovely young African-American woman… sitting at the table over there. That woman is my friend. So, the other day when you heard me saying something… about certain people hanging from said rafters, I was quoting a friend of mine who also happens– well, now that you know that I’m not a racist, you and I could maybe go on– one time is fine. One time per time I ask you. Would that upset you if it was something that was true?” — Charlie Day
“I did! He said that Janell punched me in my eye! Yeah. Janell Jenkins. She’s got a hell of a right hand. She also said is she ever saw me again, she was going to slit my throat. It’s not that they like us. It’s that they don’t like you. You know why? Uh, because you’re an asshole. I’m really glad you decided to embrace this. You’re doing the right thing, bro. It’s gonna be fun. It’s a good business decision. What, dude? What is this experimenting? Yeah, we’re being ridiculous! We’re making a lot of money! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing here? Yeah! That’s the crazy bitch that punched me in my eye!” — Charlie Day
Dennis Reynolds
“Another big night, fellas– $164.87. No, it isn’t. And our mortgage is due in two weeks. A week ago was three weeks late, Mac. Not cool? Oh, hey, man, we’re closed. Hey, man. How’s it goin’? Good, man. We’re just chillin’, dude. Yeah– A-African-Americans. I don’t think he was implying that you guys are all related. That’s ridiculous. Sweet Dee came in here a second ago and started talking about acting class.”
“Whoa. You had 400 people packed into a place? Dude. Shit. I-I know. There’s something off about him. No, asshole, that’s not what I meant. Dude, sit down. Okay? Wait till the waitress comes out here, and then you can stare at her. He wasn’t gonna stare at her. You’re totally obsessed with that chick. It’s never gonna happen. Dude, will you just drop it?”
“It’d be nice to get some chicks in the bar. All right, let’s do it.”
“You know what, Dee? I don’t wanna hear about your dreams. Okay? I hate listening to people’s dreams. It’s like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I’m not in any of ’em and nobody’s having sex, I just– I don’t care. I’m sorry. I am. Terrell. Dennis! What’s goin’ on? How’s it goin’, man? Yeah, I’ll come outside. Yeah. Oh, my God! That is a lot of people! Wow! This is crazy! I’m gonna have to start bartending full-time. L-Look at this! I don’t know! I know. Terrell packed ’em in. Look at this.”
“Yeah, there’s a lot of dudes. Lot of dudes. Gentlemen, I understand my services have been requested. Whoa! Uh, what are you doin, man? I’m not– okay, man, but I’m– really? Really more of a blue-green, actually, but– so much money! Oh! So much money! Th-Than in the entire time we’ve owned this place! We should totally embrace the situation! Absolutely, man! That’s not bad. Of course you are. I made $300 last night. How much did you make? It has everything to do with it. Ouch. It’s a purely fiscal decision. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I just get along really well with those guys. Okay. Aye. K-K-Keeping in mind that you don’t get a vote. Because you’re a bartender. You’re not one of the owners. Ohh!”
“Boys are out tonight, huh? No. No, no, no, no. Dude. You take the salt–and then you take the shot. And then you suck on the lime. Okay? Salt. And then you slam it. No, no, no, no– oh– oh, please, please, dude. You’re not listening to me. You do the salt first. And then the lime. Oh, God. Hello. Mmm. Nice. Beautiful. Whoa! What the hell! What is going on here? What the f– what does that mean? Did we have– I don’t want to own a gay bar anymore. Just, uh– I was doing some thinking and, you know– we had our little experiment. It was great. But we should go back to normal. The bar. We had our experiment with the bar, and it was great. Let’s go back to normal. Can we talk for a second in private? So, listen, Terrell, it’s not really working out. We’re gonna hace to let you go.”
“Yeah, we had that experiment– why do you keep saying it like that? What is going on here? You guys know each other?”
Mac
“That’s not a lot of money. We paid that a week ago. What is that supposed to mean? Whoa, whoa, whoa! We don’t want any trouble. Yeah, yeah. Great. Just closing up shop. Yeah. Oh, no, no. We got plenty of brothers. You might know some of them. No. We weren’t expecting you– we weren’t expecting you to be black, that’s all.”
“And hookups are good. But, just to be clear, when you say sister, do you mean your sister or your friend– oh. Okay. Cool. I was just– because he could mean his friend or his– you just walked right up to him and said that? Oh, my God! That’s insane! Okay, I would like to do things like that. I love that guy. ‘I took him to the back alley?’ Who does shit like that? It’s like a movie.”
“Oh, bro, that’s racist. Honestly, I think we should think about hiring Terrell. You heard him. When he’s promotin’, everybody named Mama’s looking to get in. Yeah. Listen, if Terrell delivers half of what he promises, we’re looking at 200 people. It’s 2005, Charlie. Don’t you think it’s ridiculous that you have no friends outside of your own race? It’s not stupid! It’s not– this is a college campus. This is is a great place to meet people of different cultures, diversify– you’re not making it easy. Don’t do this right now.”
“Okay. See? This is exactly what I’m talking about. This is perfect. I’m gonna break the ice. Absolutely. Okay, that didn’t go exactly the way– no. It was really awkward. Maybe we should go. This is bullshit. Absolute bullshit. Why do these people like you more than they like me? I meant those people in there, not all black people. What am I supposed to say? Hey. Well, you– whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing, dude? That girl’s gorgeous. She’s the perfect opportunity to prove we’re no racist. She probably has friends for me. What? Black guys? What are you talking about? Is this about the waitress at the coffee shop, dude? Oh, my God! Dude, you are obsessed with this chick. Let me see your wallet. Are you still carrying a picture of her in your wallet? Give it to me. Give it– oh, my God! Stop making a scene! Just give me the wallet! Give me the wallet! I can’t get the goddamn– it’s okay! It’s okay, everybody! You’re making a scene. I got it.”
“Okay, okay, okay, okay. Hold on a second. Ha! Ha-ha! Ha! He had it! I’m gonna tear it up! Okay, buddy. We’re cool. We’re good. Thanks, guys. See ya. Hey, this is crazy! Yeah, dude, we were just saying that. Yeah, there’s a lot of dudes. Lot of dudes. Oh, yeah! Yo, Brettie boy! Hey! How you doin’? Yeah! Yeah, thanks. What do you mean? No goddamn way. Have you guys seen this? ‘Looking for that new hot spot to spot that stud? Well, Paddy’s Irish Pub has plugged that hole.’ No, it’s not nice. I don’t want to be plugging anybody’s holes. If you guys remember, one of the major reasons we got this bar was to get laid. Business ethics? The only reason you don’t care is you have black girls hanging all over you. Okay, chill out. You’re gonna screw it up. No, Sweet Dee gets a vote. Nay.”
“Are you two seeing this? This is unbelievable. What is going on here? You got black woman crawling all over you, and this Mary over here is the belle of the ball. Why do these people like you guys so much? Is that true? What’s up? Okay. So what? Great. How? Yeah, sure. No problem. Where are you going? All right. Okay. So you did the lime first, and then the shot, right? Take the salt. Okay. Okay. Why don’t you show me again. ‘Cause I’m getting a little bit confused. You lick it. Lick it. Yeah? Oh, that’s great. All right, so, I’m gonna do the shot first– well, I’m just not getting it, bro. The salt first. Show me again, because I’m not– the salt first. Then the lime. I think so too, dude. I feel really good about broadening my horizons. Yeah! Oh, no. What happened? Oh. You had an experiment, and you want to go back to the way it was before the experiment. Interesting. You’re done experimenting? Or are you gonna experiment some more?”
“No, we were happy. But then Dennis had an experiment, and he wants to go back to normal. Look, everybody! Sweet Dee’s here! Now, just to clarify, when you say ‘sister,’ you mean– yes! Okay! This is great! Because earlier you were implying that I was racist… because you thought that I was implying that all black people are related. And then it turns out that you people actually are! No, that’s not what I meant. Hold on a second. I meant that you two actually are. On a Saturday night! We are back to normal. Mmm. Dee, I gotta know. What, exactly, did you tell those guys from your acting class to do to Dennis? What? Then why was he so freaked out?”
Dee Reynolds
“Hey, guys. I met this guy in acting class. He’s really cool, and he wants to see where I work. So could you guys try not to be weird? I love you guys, but sometimes you’re not that cool. Try to be cool. Charlie– guys, this is Terrell… from my acting class. Okay. Yeah, we get it.”
“Oh, Jesus. No! So what happened?”
“I had the craziest dream last night that I was in Cleveland, Ohio, which is really weird, because I’ve never even been to Ohio. This guy was wearing a bunny suit, and he was coming out– oh. I’m sorry. I would listen to your dreams. ‘Cause your my brother and I love you. How are you? I’m gonna put these out on the tables.”
“I know! I told you! Terrell’s the best! Why are you making more money than me? What can I get you boys? What cute one?”
“How could you not tell me you were gay? I’ve been coming on to you for weeks now. I am not into gay dudes. Okay, well, you know what? The guys hired you to promote their bard, and you turned it into a gay bar. They are not happy. I’m gonna have to agree with Mac. First of all, that’s rude. And that has nothing to do with what I’m talking about. Oh, bullshit. You don’t care about the money. You just like the attention. ‘Everybody look at me!’ You know exactly what I mean, pretty boy. No, you’re leading them on. You’re not gay, you’re just really vain. Fine. Why? Of course I get a vote!”
“Charlie, I think you need to see a doctor. This thing looks really bad. What’d he say? All right, well, you need to keep that i– wait. Her name’s Janell? Yeah, kind of. Can I talk to you in back for a second? You know that girl Janell? I know her. So I think I know how we can solve this whole gay mess. We gotta start with Dennis. Can you get him so drunk tonight? On tequila. But a lot of it. Enough that maybe he might hurt himself. All right. I gotta talk to a couple friends from my acting class. But seriously– blackout drunk. Yes! Thank you!”
“Hey, everybody! Mac? Stop talkin’. Hundred and 11, hundred and 12, hundred and 13– $114! We’re back to normal. Oh, I forgot to tell you. That didn’t work out. Yeah, I couldn’t get ahold of those guys.”
The Waitress
“Wow. Nice. Coffee? Hitler? I’ll make sure to put lots of cream in yours. Okay.”
“What do you want, Charlie? Okay. Wow. Good for you. What are you trying to say? Spit it out. Dude, N-O. How many times do I have to say it to you? Apparently one time is not fine. Oh, not too much. Charlie’s using you to prove that he’s not racist. Then he asked me out on a date.”
Philadelphia
“Yeah, I know. What? It’s going good. How you doin’? Guess you guys don’t have too many brothers walking through here. Yeah. We’re probably related. Right.”
“When I’m promotin’, everybody and their mama gonna be there. There’s gonna be brothers, white boys, Latinos, whatever. You got ****** hanging from the rafters. So we got 400-plus packed into this tiny little place– you damn right. That’s my job, man. And it’s mostly college kids. My sister goes to Temple, so I got the hookup over there.”
“I mean my sister. So we’re packed into this little place on Walnut. We’re halfway through the night, everything’s goin’ all right. All of a sudden, I notice this dude eyeballin’ me from across the bar. I don’t know if this dude wants to freak me or fight me. The insane, crazy eyes. Right? So I walk over– he’s this big, cut Mexican dude– and I look at him and say, ‘yo, ese unless you want to get yo’ ass torn apart, you’d better get that look off your face.’ I had to, man. You gotta make the first move. Always make the first move. You know what I’m sayin’? Well, hey, he won’t stop starin’ me down. We’re, like, eyeball to eyeball. His grill is right up in mine. It feels like an eternity. Finally, he just opens up his mouth and says, ‘I guess you gon’ have to tear my ass apart, homes.’ Took him to the back alley, and I tore his ass apart!”
“‘Bout to bust that shit up, Reese. ‘Bout to bust that shit up, boy! Hey, what’s your name? Do you play bones, Charlie? Do you want to play? I could get you a game. I bet you’re really good. Oh, come on. Hey. Um, I’m Janell. Uh, you got some moves out there, Charlie. I wanted to give you this. You know? Give me a call sometime. All right?”
“Hey! What’s goin’ on, guys? Hey! What’s up? What’s up? How you doin’? Dennis! All right, man. Good, man. Listen, um, you mind stepping outside with me for a second, man? Yeah? All right. Well, come on. Rule number one: Always keep a line. Oh, uh, we wanted to wait for the cute one. Hey, cuz! Oh, it’s something else! I actually got a couple of services I’d like to request. You have the most beautiful eyes. So blue.”
“I’m really proud of you, man. You’ve come a long way. You guys are running the hottest gay bar in Philadelphia. No! What in the hell is your problem? I’m a musical theatre actor living in Philadelphia. I didn’t think it was that big a secret. Just thought you were into gay dudes. Apparently you are. Hey, handsome. Hey, beautiful. Hey, sexy. Hey, hoss.”
“Hey-hey! What’s going on? Oh, thank you. That’s so sweet. So, where we going? Oh, I want one so bad. Oh, a coffee shop. I thought you meant, like, a drink at a bar. I don’t really drink coffee. Let me see. Hey, what’s going on up here? Charlie, is this true?”
“Hello, lover. Relax, stud. You got nothing to be ashamed about. No. No. Don’t be silly. It was all hands. How’s that ass feelin’? Hey, Dennis! What’s up? Listen, I got you some new CDs. ‘Cause the music you had in the jukebox was a little bit stale. Also, we gotta get rid of these shamrocks. ‘Cause nothing scares gays and black folks like Irish crap. Yeah. No problem. I thought you were happy. You guys are being ridiculous. Charlie? Charlie! That’s my sister. I mean my sister.”