Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film

Reproductive Inclinations

Netflix original comedy Sex Education dropped January 11, 2019.

#SexEducation has been renewed for a second season.

rottentomatoes: 90%

metacritic: 81

imdb: 8.6

Maeve Wiley, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Emma MackeyMaeve Wiley

Maeve Wiley battles institutionalized sexism and teen angst at Moordale secondary school outside of rural southern Wales.Maeve Wiley, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Emma Mackey


“Are you a complete moron?  That was a rhetorical question.  Don’t touch my shit.  Don’t.  It was my fault.  Fuck off, snowflake.  Are you going to write me up?  I’m eternally grateful for your kindness.  Head Boys notoriously peak too early.  I’d watch out, if I were you.  Say that again.” — Maeve Wiley

“Boring.” — Maeve Wiley

“I don’t know.  There’s worse ways to go, I suppose.  What?  Was she stung to death?  No, you don’t.  You have to get rid of the queen.  You lost, sorry.  Hand them over.  Thank you.  How’s it going with Knobzilla?  Reached the summit?  Slipped and dropped the yogurt?  You sure?  Maybe he was nervous or something.  Don’t know why you listen to those dickheads.  If you listen to him, do what you want.  Don’t worry, you were never here.  See you later, pet.” — Maeve Wiley

“Have you got the money?  You taking a piss?  Tell anyone and I’ll maim you.” — Maeve Wiley

“Yeah.  I’d tell you if I didn’t.  Nope.  Honestly, I’m fine.  We’re just fucking, Jackson.  We don’t need to know each other’s postcodes.  See you at school.” — Maeve Wiley

“Great, it’s you.  Jesus Christ!  What’s next?  I think I know where the hymen is, but thanks.  What is it then?  Where’s the hymen, then?  Hm.  Nothing.  Oh, fuck it.  Do you want one?  Was that really your mum?  Mm.  Could have been a lot worse.  She could have been stroking an actual penis.  Don’t worry about it.  Speaking as a long-term member of the Moordale Social Pariah Club, you’ll survive.  Oh, my God.  Fine.  Should we get the nurse?  What if he dies or something?  Jesus Christ.  Sorry.  No wonder.  You could besiege a castle.  Sorry!  It’s like a third leg.  What now?  Where did you even get the Viagra from?  Please don’t tell me you got it from your dad.  He’s having dick problems.  Girls talk, clodpole.  Aimee said you can’t come.  I think you owe Otis an apology.  Well, that was unusual.  See you around, Otis.” — Maeve Wiley

“Still couldn’t come?  Rewind, he came?  It was like something clicked in his brain.  Boom!” — Maeve Wiley

“Nice helmet.  Can I talk to you for a sec?  Yeah.  See those two over there?  The one on the right has never been in a lesbian relationship before.  She’s terrified of her new girlfriend’s vagina.  See her?  She believes that flicking the bean might make her clit drop off.  She hates herself.  But she just can’t stop wanking.  Do you see them?  Yeah, he’s definitely giving everyone pubic lice.  The students of this school need your help, Otis.  And we need their money.  I haven’t really worked out the details yet, but I’m good with numbers, so, I’ll deal with the business end of things and you can do the therapy.  We’ll charge for every appointment and split the cash.  Yeah, sex therapy.  You have a gift.  It would be irresponsible to waste it.  Look how you helped Adam.  He came, Otis.  Your words made him come.   Sort of. Look, I haven’t got all day.  Are you in or not?  Okay, fine.  Don’t worry about it.” — Maeve Wiley

“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.  Nietzsche.” — Maeve Wiley

“Hot tub’s aren’t really my thing.  Complex female characters.” — Maeve Wiley

“My mum’s a drug addict.  She tries not to be, but… she is.  I haven’t seen her for a while.  And I have a brother as well.  He’s the funniest guy I know, but… he’s a bit all over the place.  Not the most reliable.  Don’t say sorry.  Are those flowers for me?  No.  No, I like ’em.  Nothing says ‘Happy Abortion’ like a bouquet.” — Maeve Wiley

“Just someone else to let you down, isn’t it?” — Maeve Wiley

“I didn’t take the money off Ruby.  You’re right.  I was freaked out about Jackson’s family dinner, but that’s not why I’m here.  Do you know how long I’ve been called Cock Biter?  Four years.  People I’ve never met call me Cock Biter to my face.  I bit Simon Furthassle’s scrote.  I had sex with four guys at the same time.  I fucked my second cousin.  I’ll give you a hand job for a fiver if you like.  Do you know how it started?  Simon tried to kiss me at Claire Tyler’s 14th birthday.  I said no.  He told everyone I’d given him a blow job and bitten his dick, and that was it.  This kind of thing sticks.  And it hurts, and no one deserves to be shamed, not even Ruby.” — Maeve Wiley

“He’s never gonna speak to me again, is he?  I was letting him off the hook.  They’re not gonna want their golden boy dating someone like me anyway, so… why go through the fake stuff?  No.  No therapy, remember.” — Maeve Wiley

“Let’s just go see where I live, then.  The rumors about my family are true.  Some of them, anyway.  Mom’s got addiction issues, and my dad pissed off before I can remember.  I’m not a shiny person, Jackson.  I thought your family was perfect.” — Maeve Wiley

“Pessimists outlast optimists.” — Maeve Wiley

“Please.  Do I look like I have a Cinderella complex?  Are you going?  Agreed.  Ritualized teenage fun sucks.” — Maeve Wiley

“I’m really smart.  I just got unlucky in the family department.  I don’t get any support.  And sometimes I do the wrong thing.  But I know I can be better.  And if you give me a second chance, I will not waste it.” — Maeve Wiley

“They’re probably gonna expel me because of some shit my brother did.  Is that what you wanna hear?  Yeah, I’m fine, yeah.  Don’t touch me!  This is too much.  You’re too much.” — Maeve Wiley

Dr. Jean Milburn, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Gillian AndersonDr. Jean F. Milburn

“Morning, darling.  Coffee?  Um…. maybe… uh, I’ve got clients in a few minutes.  Oh, Otis, this is, um– coffee?  Otis… just ignore him.  He’s teasing you.  Otis, it’s perfectly normal for a younger man to be sexually attracted to a mature woman.  In fact, when you stigmatize his choice, then you feed into an unhealthy narrative on masculinity in middle age.  Sex and relationship therapist, thank you very much.  Thanks.  Mm-hm.” — Dr. Jean Milburn

“Marjorie… how are you getting on with your penis?  Fantastic.  Okay, let’s proceed.” — Dr. Jean Milburn

“Otis, darling?  I’m home!  Mm!  Mmm… God, that’s strong stuff.  I’m already hungry.  It’s snack time.  Adam.  Do you smoke every day?  Oh, just call me Jean.  You know, they’ve been doing some interesting studies with cannabis.  They’re just starting to wake up to its health benefits.  Hm?  However, it has been linked to early onset impotence.  Nothing conclusive yet.  But be careful with how much you smoke.  I only bring it up because I have a number of clients who were heavy drug users at your age, and now they have trouble with sexual performance.  They have trouble finishing.  Ejaculation.  Jizz, spunk.  Man milk!  I didn’t say you have a problem with that.  But if you want to talk about it– okay, Adam!  Nice to meet you!  I’m sorry.  Come and hang out again.  I hope I didn’t touch a nerve.  Your friend is sensitive.  Ooh, my mouth is immensely dry.  Your generation is so touchy.  Information is empowering.  Okay, calm down, take a breath.  Let’s… let the negative energy dissipate.  Okay.  Two… sorry I yelled.  And I’m sorry… if I upset your friend.  Come on.  Sweetheart… I’ve noticed you’re pretending to masturbate and I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it.  It was the hand cream that gave it away.  And, well, the magazine was a bit overkill.  Anyway, I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything.  No judgment.  This is a safe place.  I will when you stop creating performative situations that you clearly want me to observe.  Okay.  We’ll talk about it when you’re ready.  Darling!  It’s too loud!  Otis!  Turn it down!” — Dr. Jean Milburn

“No!  Faster!  Faster!  Faster!  Oh, oh, oh!  Don’t stop!  Don’t stop!  Don’t stop!  Okay! Good!  Keep going!  Don’t… don’t… don’t stop!  Don’t stop!” — Dr. Jean Milburn

“Yes, darling?  Sweetheart, I’m glad you– thank you for telling me.  I think that’s probably best.” — Dr. Jean Milburn

“Well… I guess some therapists get into it for the wrong reasons.  They do it for the money or status.  They think of it as a… career rather than a vocation.  Sure.  A job where one wrong word could trigger a nervous breakdown, resulting in decades of emotional damage.  A good therapist, a, you know… a ‘good’ therapist, I guess understands the weight of that responsibility.  Well, it’s a fine balance, listening to people without inserting yourself into their reality.  Mm.  Exactly.” — Dr. Jean Milburn

“I’m about to teach a vagina workshop.  So… no?  I’ve got plans tonight.  Look, Harry, I’m really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.  I’m not interested in dating anyone.  I’m extremely busy with work and raising my son, and I just have no room in my life for the kind of intimacy that you are clearly craving.  But I really commend you on your directness and your bravado and I really hope that you find what you’re looking for.  Goodbye, now.” — Dr. Jean Milburn

“Right.  Well, if you’re going to do drugs tonight, remember to buddy up.  And look after one another.  Let me get you some condoms.” — Dr. Jean Milburn

Otis Milburn, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Asa ButterfieldOtis Milburn

“Sleeping with my mother?  Otis.  Don’t worry.  Left-handed.   First door on your left.  Morning.  I’ve got some.  Toast?  We’ve met.  How old are you, Dan?  You having some kind of preemptive midlife crisis?  Mum, he rides a motorbike.  No, thanks.  Do you have an Oedipal complex?  Mm.  That’s me.  Yeah.  Unlikely.  Yeah.  Mum doesn’t do boyfriends.  No, he wants her to wear a strap-on.  She’s not really into it.  It’s a classic power dynamic issue.  Trust me, you don’t.  I’ve given up.  It’s too much.  I don’t… I don’t wanna talk about it.  Of course I can.  I’m, not a fucking eunuch, all right?  I just– I wait for them to go away.  I don’t like how it feels.  Can we drop it now, please?  Just because he’s the only other gay in our year, it doesn’t mean you have to fancy him.  He called you a Spanish pervert.  Is that Tom Baker?  And you.  Why the half.  Still, not exactly a player.  I’ve got plenty of time.  They look the same to me.  I don’t think that’s true.  That’s definitely not true.  Do we have to?” — Otis Milburn

“Told you not to do it.  No, I’m not.  Here.  Just trying to help.” — Otis Milburn

“Um… I’m Otis.  Yeah.  I guess we’re partners for the project.  No.  No, no, no.  I’ve been here since first year.  We had chemistry together… …last term.  You set my desk on fire.  Anyway.  Maybe later on we can get together.  I know the library’s open… 43 Ashford Street.” — Otis Milburn

“He asked me.  She won’t be home.  You did get an erection in front of the entire school.  Look, he’ll be in my house for an hour, tops.  It will be fine.  That’s a myth.  You don’t have any friends.  Except me.” — Otis Milburn

“You’re on time.  Well, um– oh, only Mana.  Um… no, thank you.  What?  Where?  That’s… uh… that’s just an orchid.  It’s… my mum’s super into… flora and fauna.  Ooh, uh… maybe not inside, sorry.  I mean, Adam, we’ve only been working for half an hour, so… sorry.  Sorry, I, uh… I forgot to take my… my DVD out.  It’s my… it’s my porn.  Hm.  Upstairs, on your right.  Adam?  Oh!  Oh… no.  No, this is not.  I… I can explain.  This is my mum’s office and she’s a therapist.  Sex therapist.  She helps people with sex problems.  No.  No, no, she’s like a… a shrink.  But instead of talking about mental health stuff, she talks about sex.  People’s sex lives.  Yes, in essence.  Look, um… could you not tell anyone about this, please.  Because she’s my mum.  No.  Mum… mum, Jesus Christ!  Mum!  Adam!  Adam, wait.  Wait.  Mum, how many times have I said you can’t go around therapizing people you don’t know?  No, it’s fucked up!  This is not a safe place, mum.  You… need to stop analyzing everything I do.  Okay.  I’m going to my room, because I’m angry and I need some space.” — Otis Milburn

“She used the words ‘man milk.’  Yeah… I’m only saying.” — Otis Milburn

“I get it.  You’re mean.  Um… uh… that’s not the hymen.  Okay, well, I mean, you’re… quite wrong.  They are the paraurethral glands.  The female prostate.  Hymen.  What is it?  Oh, my God.  Oh, God.  Yeah, I just think I’m gonna die now.  Shit!  Okay.  I know it was you who sent the video around.  I’m not gonna help you.  Well, that’s not my problem.  Adam… what did you take?  How much Viagra?  Hey, look, um… think of this room as being four walls of trust.  Anything you say is fine.  There’s no judgment.  We wait.  How is it looking?  Why did you take it?  What is?  So you wanted to make it bigger?  Well, why do you think it couldn’t?  Okay.  Um… yeah, no, we get it.  Okay.  Well… sounds to me like you’re experiencing some performance anxiety.  Perhaps the mythology surrounding the size of your penis doesn’t help things.  It is interesting you mention your father.  How does being the headmaster’s son affect you?  Go on.  I think… that you need to own your narrative, not let it control you.  Yes, you have a large appendage.  Yes, you’re very visible in the school due to your father’s position.  But neither is likely to change.  But your outlook can.  Does that make sense?  It shouldn’t matter what anyone in the school thinks.  You are who you are.  Don’t let anyone take that away from you.  Be proud of your penis and your heritage.  ‘Cause neither are going anywhere.  You should work with what you’ve got.  We won’t tell you anyone.  If you leave my friend Eric alone.  For good.  It’s your choice.” — Otis Milburn

“I have to tell you something.” — Otis Milburn

“No, this is not the bathroom.  Mum.  I can’t masturbate.  I can’t masturbate.  But I don’t wanna talk about it.  I’m dealing with it on my own.” — Otis Milburn

“I thought this was supposed to be the best two years of our lives.  We had a deal.  See?  That’s why you always wear a helmet.  It’s just, safety first.  What did you wanna talk about?  What’s your point?  Therapy?  But I didn’t.  He hates me now.  Uh… uh… okay.  Maeve!  Wait!  Wait!  I’m in!” — Otis Milburn

“Mum, what… what makes a good therapist?  Just curious.  But… it’s just a job.  That sounds intense.  So it’s not about you.” — Otis Milburn

“I don’t want to be popular.  I just want to be a guy in the corner that no one knows, you know?  And they say, ‘who’s that guy?’  And they go, ‘he’s just a guy in the corner.'” — Otis Milburn

“She’s not an object!  Uh… I said she’s not an object.  You keep describing her as inanimate objects, but she is a person.  Have you even thought about asking her what she wants or what she likes?  Lots of things.  Um… female writers, for a start.  More like, uh, Virginia Woolf or Roxane Gay or Sylvia Plath.  She also has a great taste in music.  Joy Division, Nirvana, Bikini Kill… but she’s not a snob.  I mean, she’ll listen to pop.  And she has a really dark sense of humor.  What are you– what are you doing?  No!  No!  I’m not helping.  This is not helping.” — Otis Milburn

“You have to tell Tanya the truth.  You can’t choose who you’re attracted to.  You can’t… you can’t engineer a relationship.  You have to do what’s right.  C’est la vie.” — Otis Milburn

“Why didn’t you say goodbye.  Yeah, well–ahem– if you don’t open yourself up, you’re never gonna find out.  What?  Oh.  Oh, sorry.” — Otis Milburn

“Aww.  Don’t you want to live happily ever after?  It’s an appropriated American tradition that celebrates sexism and peddles an unrealistic portrayal of romantic love.  So, no.” — Otis Milburn

“Fairytales are all about female suppression.  You know, Beauty and the Beast, basic Stockholm syndrome.  Belle falls in love with a giant beast who’s imprisoned her.  The Little Mermaid has to lose her voice just to get a boyfriend.  Don’t get me started on Snow White.” — Otis Milburn

“You don’t wanna jump.  You don’t.  Look… sometimes, the people we like don’t like us back, and it’s painful, but there’s nothing we can do about it.  I do.  I do understand.  I know what it’s like when someone doesn’t feel the same way about you.  It’s… someone you can’t stop thinking about… it hurts.  But you can’t make people like you.  I know.  But love isn’t about grand gestures, or the moon and the stars.  It’s just dumb luck.  And sometimes, you meet someone who feels the same way.  And, sometimes, you’re unlucky.  But one day, you’re gonna meet someone who appreciates you for who you are.  I mean, there’s seven billion people on the planet.  I know one of them is gonna climb up on a moon for you.  Yeah, you’re brilliant!  You’re… very dedicated.  You’re gonna make someone really happy one day.  Not Lizzie, definitely not Lizzie, but someone.  And it won’t happen if you fall off that moon and die.” — Otis Milburn

“Maeve, I’m so sorry that I hurt you and betrayed your trust.  You saw something in me when no one else did.  I was just this invisible guy in the corner, and I thought I liked being that way.  Then I met ou and I figured out I’m actually good at something.  I hope you can forgive me and that we can keep doing the clinic together.  You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met and this award is yours.” — Otis Milburn

Eric Effoing, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Ncuti GatwaEric Effoing

“Your mum’s new boyfriend is a big hot sticky wet dream.  Ah-ah!  Are those the ones that like to do it in animal costumes?  Aww!  I wish my mum was a sex guru.  Don’t tell me you choked again.  Ha-ha!  You didn’t even try.  I mean, what exactly is the problem here?  I mean, can you even get a hard-on?  No offense, but that is super weird.  Super weird.  Oh, my God, the Untouchables have a car.  Just when they couldn’t get any more elusive, now they have wheels!  You reckon Anwar’s been workin’ out?  He’s lookin’ extra tight.  Yeah, correction.  Only other gay we know of.  Could be anywhere.  Did you hear that?  He spoke to me!  With actual words!  Oh, this is gonna be such a good year!  I can feel it!  Yep.  Captain of the Warhammer Society.  His balls finally dropped.  Yeah, I keep telling you, man, everyone has had sex over the summer.  Everyone except you.  Excuse me, I have to and a half hand jobs to that guy I met in Butlin’s.  We got interrupted.  Stupid surprise karaoke.  Yeah, at least I can touch my own penis.  I’m worried about you, man.  Like, look around.  Everybody’s either thinking about shagging, about to shag, or actually shagging, and you can’t even jack your beanstalk.  Mm, I don’t know, man.  Everything’s changing round here, and it’s changing fast.  Case in point, even Maeve Wiley’s boobs have gotten bigger, which I thought was technically impossible.  I heard she bit Simon Furthassle on the scrote, and now, it’s all wonky.  Like a discount avocado.  I heard she sucked off 12 guys in ten minutes for a dare.  Told you.  She’s basically a nympho.  This is a new frontier, my sexually repressed friend.  Our chance to finally move up the social food chain.  We shall transform from lowly caterpillars into… awesome killer whales.  Prepare for the best two years of our lives.” — Eric Effoing

“I’m sorry.  I wanted to impress Swing Band.  Whoo!  Hi, Adam.  Good summer?  My lunch.  You know that, because you always eat it.  It’s just a pencil case.  Come on, man.  Not my Curly Wurly.  Okay.” — Eric Effoing

“You told Adam where you live?  Dude, your mum has a lot of weird sex shit in the house.  I’m cool with it, obviously, but if that guy even sees a Kama Sutra, he will destroy your life.  Oh.  She better not be.  He still calls me Tromboner.  It’s been four years.  Four years.  It was a semi!  The nickname doesn’t even make sense.  I play the French horn.  Such a philistine.  Do you reckon his brain is so small ’cause his dick is so big?  Well, it’s not.  A friend of a friend saw it once.  She said it was the size of two coke cans.  One on top of the other.  Length and width.  Not for long.  Because Adam is going to kill you in your own home.” — Eric Effoing

“Down in a minute!  Your mum talked to Adam about ejaculation?  Oh, my– it’s worse than I thought.  no, I mean– I mean… it’s fine.  He was baked, he’s probably forgotten all about it.  Shit.  Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit… don’t look.  Thanks, Anwar.  Okay.  See?  I told you he’d forget.  Yeah!” — Eric Effoing

“Well, only 376 days of sixth form left.  Yeah!  At least you got Adam to leave me alone.  Thank you very much for that, man.  Um, Maeve Wiley’s coming straight over here.  She’s literally walking straight towards us with purpose. Uh, Otis.  Otis!  Otis.  Okay, she’s here.  Oh, do you want me… do you want me to go?  Oh, good.  I’ll just, um… leave, then, shall I?” — Eric Effoing

“This is me.  Look, I’ll be hurt either way.  Isn’t it better to be who I am?” — Eric Effoing

Adam Groff, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Connor SwindellsAdam Groff

“Yeah.  I love your tits.  Sure.  Let me just get this off.  Okay.  Don’t be stupid.  Why are you starting?  No way.” — Adam Groff

“Shut the fuck up, Tromboner.  Give me what you’ve got.  What’s in the bag?  I think you forgot something.  Don’t give a fuck about your pencil case.  Curly Wurly.  Give me that Curly Wurly… or I will break your face.  Aah!  Yeah, see you tomorrow.  Shit biscuit.” — Adam Groff

“And who are you?  Are you new?  I don’t do after hours, new kid.  Where do you live?  I’ll be there at 6:00.” — Adam Groff

“How long is this gonna take, new kid?  I’m already bored.  Have you got any Nesquik?  Do you wanna get monged?  Why is there a minge on your wall?  Yeah.  You should keep goin’.  There’s a ball bag on the TV.  A bit old school.  You should get on Pornhub.  There’s loads of stuff on there.  You could watch a CGI demon fuck a horse.  I need to piss.  New kid!  Get in here!  Adam!  You’ve got a sex dungeon.  I don’t know what that is.  She’s a prostitute.  Like a pimp.  She– she helps people bone better.  It is chronic shit.  Your mum’s cool.  Why aren’t you cool?  And she’s hot.  Why didn’t you say she was hot?  I mean, seriously, are you adopted?  Then why are you so shit?  Yeah?  Yeah.  Yeah, most days, Mrs., um… yeah?  Like, um… how it makes everything funny?  You know, like your face?  Ever so serious, like a… atlas.  Sexual performance?  Hm.  Don’t have a problem with that.  What makes you think I’ve got a problem with that?  I… uh, okay, I’m gonna go.  I’m gonna go.  You and your mum are freaks.” — Adam Groff

“Shh!  Sorry, dad.  Lost track of time.  Ooh!  Fuck.  How did you get in?  You’ve gotta go.  Your hand’s a bit dry.  Yes.  No!  No, I meant no.  I got confused.  Well– leave out the window.  What is wrong with you?” — Adam Groff

“Watch where you’re going, fag.” — Adam Groff

“Oh, ow!  Get out!  No, wait!  Don’t go.  Help me.  So?  Please, new kid.  It feels… like it’s gonna explode.  And not in a good way.  No, wait!  Please, don’t go.  No!  No, you can’t tell anyone.  Dies?  Viagra.  Three Viagras.  You said there’d be no judgment.  Is three Viagras bad?  Her reaction made it seem like it was bad.  I feel lightheaded and I can taste scampi.  I said stop starting at it!  Still large, still… angry.  None of your business.  I didn’t.  I don’t know.  Heard it gives you a good buzz.  You should try it instead of being such a joy fucker.  Yeah?  What would you know, Wiley?  It’s too much pressure.  Everybody knows I’ve got a giant penis.  No.  I just wanted it to get hard.  I don’t know.  I can’t stop thinking about stuff when we shag.  ‘What if I’m not good at this?  Maybe I’m doin’ it wrong.  Maybe she knows I’m doin’ it wrong.  What if my dad walks in?  What if my dad walks in and it’s right when I’m blowing my load and I can’t stop, and he sees my jizz face?  What if…’ well, it’s shit, obviously.  Everyone’s watching me all the time.  Everyone’s like, ‘there goes Adam Groff, headmaster’s son.  He’s got a big massive elephant’s cock.’  I’ve got feelings.  I guess that… I wish I could be a normal kid.  With a normal dick.  And a normal dad.  Not really.  So everyone’s wrong, and I’m basically… awesome.  It’s going down, new kid.  Thank God.  Uh, you won’t tell anyone about this, will you?  You said that thing about the four walls of trust.  Tromboner?  Fine.  Sorry for sending the video around, but your mum… really got in my head, new kid.  She’s like some kind of… sexy witch.” — Adam Groff

“Hey!  Can I have everyone’s attention, please?  I have something to say.  My name is Adam Groff.  Headmaster Groff is my dad.  Which is weird, ’cause I’m quite shit at school.  And this… this is my dick.  Yes, it is large.  But I’ve done some googling.  And it’s actually just above average in terms of worldwide adult statistics.  So, yeah.  That’s me.  And that’s my dick.” — Adam Groff

“I’m owning my narrative. I’m owning my narrative!  I owned it!  Welcome back, old friend.  How I’ve missed you.  Uh, what did you wanna talk about?  We just had sex.  But I don’t understand.  What is? What?  Dad–” — Adam Groff

“Yeah, your advice was shit.  My girlfriend’s broken up with me.  Everyone’s got a picture of my lovely big dick.  Deal’s off.  See you later… Tromboner.” — Adam Groff

Aimee Gibbs, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Aimee Lou WoodAimee Gibbs

“Do you like my tits?  Hello?  Tits!  Do you wanna come on them?  Actually, don’t.  I got a rash last time.  Let’s do it from behind.  Mm!  I’m gonna come.  Are you gonna come?  Mm!  Did you just fake it?  Show me the condom.  Where’s the spunk, Adam?” — Aimee Gibbs

“Do you really think this place has asbestos in it?  God, yeah.  My auntie got eaten by wasps.  No.  She was eaten.  Scabby Queen.  I win!  I win!  I still don’t get this game.  He can’t come.  So, the other night, we’re, like, goin’ and goin’.  And I’m losin’ my shit.  And I, you know… yeah.  But he, like… no, I wish.  He faked it.  I don’t know what I’m doin’ wrong.  Ruby and Olivia think I should dump him.  They say he’s bringin’ down my social status, but… the thing is, he can be really sweet when nobody’s watchin’.  Tits.  They’re looking for me.  Thanks for the game.  And the chat.  Oh, and– ta-ra, lad.” — Aimee Gibbs

“Hiya!  Nowhere.  Biology went over.  Oh, right, yeah, I forgot.  No, I haven’t.  My ham.” — Aimee Gibbs

“Hello, lover.  Can you not even get hard now?  Am I that bad?  I don’t know why I bother.  Good night, Mrs. Groff.  Good night, Headmaster Groff.” — Aimee Gibbs

“Yogurt’s vegan, right?  Yeah, I do.” — Aimee Gibbs

“We have to break up.  Yeah.  I wanted to do it one last time.  For like, memories.  I thought it was me.  But it’s definitely you.  Everything.  Just everything about us is wrong.  Sorry.  But it’s over.” — Aimee Gibbs

“I broke up with Adam.  No, he did.  We had goodbye sex.  Thing is, school’s hard enough without have to date an actual flasher.  I need to find someone a bit more socially acceptable– yeah.” — Aimee Gibbs

Ruby, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Mimi KeeneRuby

“What a slag.” — Ruby

“Where have you been?  Good.  Because smoking is definitely not vegan.” — Ruby

“You have to break up with him.” — Ruby

Olivia, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Simone AshleyOlivia

“Look at that greasy hair.  Maybe she can’t afford shampoo.” — Olivia

“Yuck.  Is that ham?  We’re vegan now, remember?” — Olivia

“Do you think headmaster Groff is well hung too?” — Olivia

Anwar, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Chaneil KularAnwar

“What are you lookin’ at, El Pervo?” — Anwar

“Or deodorant.” — Anwar

“We thought you were doin’ it with your whale dick boyfriend.  You know he’s a delinquent, right?  Have you been smokin’ again?” — Anwar

“Hey, Adam, you know homophobia is so 2008, right?  Totes passé.  Not your friends.” — Anwar

Headmaster Groff, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Alistair PetrieHeadmaster Groff

“Thank you, Eric, for that rendition of the school anthem.  It was… adequate.  So, just a few things to get us started.  The toilet block behind the gymnasium is full of asbestos, so, please, keep out.  Running in the corridors is the scourge… …the story of James Cairney and the pencil.  I’ve spoken to his mother.  He, uh, has recovered.  However, the mental scars still remain.  A lesson for us all.  Calmly moving on.  It is my great pleasure to introduce to you our brand-new head boy… Jackson Marchetti.” — Headmaster Groff

“Adam?  You’re five minutes past curfew.  Don’t let it happen again.  You know the rules.  You can have it back in the morning.  Adam, get down here now!” — Headmaster Groff

“And thank you for coming.  Do you have any idea what you have done?  I’ve had multiple parents threatening to take their children out of school.  They were going to charge you with public indecency if I hadn’t intervened.  Detention for the rest of term.  You heard me.  Now get out.  I can’t even bear to look at you.” — Headmaster Groff

Jackson Marchetti, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Kedar Williams-StirlingJackson Marchetti

“We are taking over.” — Jackson Marchetti

“Guy!  You’re not supposed to run in the hallway.  I’ll let you off.  This time.  Actually, on second thought… oh, yeah?  You did kind of deserve that, man.” — Jackson Marchetti

“Oh-ho-ho!  Did you… you know?  Do you want me to drive you home?  Where do you live?  Come on, let me drive you home.” — Jackson Marchetti

“It’s nice.  So they weren’t accountants, then?  I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication since I was 11.  Sometimes I get panic attacks so bad, I think I might die.  I puke most mornings… before assembly and after every race.  I don’t sleep well because I can’t stop my mind from whirling, and my moms might be getting a divorce.  They fight… all the time.  And it’s like I’m the glue that’s holding them together.  It’s a lot.  When I’m with you, I just– it’s the only time I don’t feel my mind’s going, like, a hundred miles an hour.  Not so shiny, either, am I?” — Jackson Marchetti

Dan, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Daniel IngsDan

“Whoa, there.  This is not the bathroom.  Sorry, man.  I’m very sorry.  I’m, uh– uh– awkward.  I’m Dan.  And you are… ah… cheers, dude.  We’ve met.  Oh, yes, please.  How old am I– uh, I’m 32.  I’ll take you for a ride in it, if you like?  As in, you mean do I wanna have sex with my mum?  Uh, not really.  It’s not really my thing, that.  That’s why I say you should never date a shrink, huh?  Yeah, I should probably, uh, shoot off as well.  Okay.  Um… thanks for everything, mum.  Uh, Jean.  Jean.  Definitely Jean.  Okay.  Hopefully see you again, then, dude.” — Dan

Mr. Effoing, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Deobia OpareiMr. Effoing

“Eric, come help your mother.” — Mr. Effoing

“I told you to wait!  I just shouted at that man.  Maybe… I am learning from my brave son.” — Mr. Effoing

Miss Sands, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Rakhee ThakrarMiss Sands

“Settle down, class.  Settle down.  Thank you.  Ahh!  We’re jumping straight in to the romantic world of the immortal Bard.  Shakespeare, obviously.  This year’s first assignment will be on As You Like It.  Set in the fictional forest of Arden.  Uh, nice of you to join us, Adam.  Uh, you’ll be doing presentations on Shakespeare’s relationship with love and disguise.  The person you are sat next to now will be your partner for the project.  So if you just look at your sheets, you’re gonna go through all the five points.  I want you to talk in pairs.  Please listen, right?  Listening is key.  So, um, the assignment brief, um… examine the ways that Rosalind, uh, tests Orlando’s love for her in act four… act four, scene one.  The impression… explore the ways Shakespeare used witty wordplay… …sport and wrestling analogies… … to reveal his characters’ views on the subject of love. Uh, discuss the concepts of fortune… …and nature as they apply to Orlando and, um, and Oliver.  Compare and contrast the relationship… …Orlando with Rosalind and Celia.  Um… if you have any questions, please, uh, do ask.  But what I’d like you to do is, really, first, just mind map.  Mind map together…um– what?  Excuse me, this is boring?  Okay, um…” — Miss Sands

Harry, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Dan MershHarry

“Oh!  Very sorry.  This isn’t the bathroom.  I’m Harry, by the way.  Yeah, I think I’d better leave too.” — Harry

Mr. Hendricks, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Jim HowickMr. Hendricks

“Okay, so… what was gonna be biology is now an emergency SRE class.  Apparently, there’s been an outbreak of pubic lice.  Mr. Groff felt you needed a refresher.  Lucky me, huh?  I’m joking.  This is actually gonna be incredibly awkward.  You’ll be working in pairs.  You’ll need worksheets, two prophylactics, and a plastic cock and balls.  See me after.  Okay, yeah– phones away, please!  Phones away!  Can we turn this off, please?  Can you go and see if he’s all right?  Okay, thank you everyone.  That’s enough drama for the day.” — Mr. Hendricks

Lily Iglehart, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Tanya ReynoldsLily Iglehart

“Her quest for a mate would lead her across the galaxy, until she found an alien dick to deflower her once and for all.” — Lily Iglehart

Jakob Nyman, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Mikael PersbrandtJakob Nyman

Ola Nyman, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Patricia AllisonOla Nyman

Sean Wiley

Ruthie and Tanya, Sex Education, Netflix, Eleven Film, Lily Newmark, Alice HewkinRuthie and Tanya

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