Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three

Vermin’s Suppository

Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Phoebe Waller-BridgeAmazon Studios original comedy #Fleabag premiered its first season on July 21, 2016.

#Fleabag season 2 will shoot in November 2017 and broadcast in 2018.

rottentomatoes: 100%

metacritic: 88

imdb: 8.2


Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Phoebe Waller-BridgeFleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Phoebe Waller-BridgeFleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Phoebe Waller-BridgeFleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Phoebe Waller-BridgeFleabag, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Phoebe Waller-BridgeFleabag

Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Phoebe Waller-BridgeFemale Performance in a Comedy

1 win : 2017

Television Craft | Writer – Comedy in 2017

1 nomination : 2017

“You know that feeling when a guy you like sends you a text at 2:00 on a Tuesday night asking if he can come and find you and you’ve accidentally made it out like you’ve just got in yourself so you have to get out of bed, drink a half bottle of wine, get in the shower, shave everything, dig out some Agent Provocateur business, suspender belt, the whole bit, and wait by the door until the buzzer goes?  And then you open the door to him like you’d almost forgot he was coming over.” — Fleabag

Quote1Oh.  Hi.  Hey.  And then you get to it immediately.  After some pretty standard bouncing, you realize… he’s edging towards your arsehole. But you’re drunk, and he made the effort to come all the way here, so you let him.  He’s thrilled.  And the next morning, you wake to him fully dressed, sat on the side of the bed, gazing at you.  He says the– which you think is an overstatement, but then he goes on to say that– to be fair, he does have a large penis.  And then he touches your hair.  And thanks you with a genuine earnest.  It’s sort of moving.  Then he kisses you gently.  And then he leaves.  And you spend the rest of the day wondering… do I have a massive arsehole?Quote2 — Fleabag

“No.  No, I s– yeah.  I hate myself.  Uh, not actually.  Um… um, no, um, we broke up quite recently, you see.  Uh, he was just– really kind and supportive of my work.  He’d cook all the time, run baths, Hoover.  He laughs at all my jokes.  He was really great with my family, and my friends loved him.  Plus, he was really fucking affectionate.” — Fleabag

Quote1Nothing.  Harry.  I was watching the news.  Yeah.  Yeah.  What?  Iraq.  Okay.  It will.Quote2 — Fleabag

“Yes.  Yeah.  I guess that’s a yes.  Oh, I know, I know.  Okay.” — Fleabag

Quote1No problem.  Thank you.  Oh.  Okay.  That wasn’t my intention, but–Sexual harassment case.  Oh, yeah.  Sorry.  I just, um, I ran from the station, so I’m just a bit hot.  Though I’m really excited about, um– no, thanks.  I’m fine.  Actually, yeah.  Water would be great.  If I could–oh, no.  Sorry.  I thought I had a top on underneath.  No, seriously.  In this case, genuine accident.  No.  Seriously, I wasn’t trying to.  I was hot.  No, I’m not trying to shag you.  Look at yourself.  Uh… no, you don’t understand.  I need this.  I need this loan.  Perv.  Wow.Quote2 — Fleabag

“My sister.  She’s uptight and beautiful and probably anorexic, but clothes look awesome on her, so– I had to do a flash poo in Pret.  Of course not.  Of course I washed my hands.  It’s not like I grew up without a mother.  Nope.  Dad’s way of coping with two motherless daughters was to buy us tickets to feminist lectures, start fucking our godmother, and eventually stop calling.  You look tired.  Shit.  I’m wearing the top that she lost years ago,so this is going to be tense.  No.  Oh.  Oh, God, can we just have two seconds– I don’t want to talk about it.  Fine.  Hair looks nice.  The only thing harder than having to tell your super high-powered, perfect, anorexic, rich super sister that you’ve run out of money is having to ask her to bail you out.  I’m just going o ask her.  I’m just going to ask her.  I’m just going to come– No.  Can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  Yeah.  It’s good.  It’s really good.  It’s really, really good.  Yeah, it’s really good.  It is.  Uh, we broke up.  Mm.  If you see him, I’m a wreck, okay?  Wow.  Thanks for the vote of confidence.  Don’t get drunk and shit in your sink again.  When you do something better.  You shat in a sink.  Oh.  Hi.  Nothing is ever going to be better.  I swear there are pants that give you thrush.  I don’t know.  I know.  We’re bad feminists.  Okay.  No, I got really hairy nipples.  What?  Oh!  Fuck!  What was that?  Jesus!  Why the fuck did you do that?  It was terrifying.  Never do that again.  Yeah.  I’ve got plans.  Do you want to go for a drink?” — Fleabag

Quote1Hey.  Can I get you anything?  Are you sure I can’t get you anything at all?Quote2 — Fleabag

“I need to get sexy pants.  These are my clothes, Boo.  I’ve been wearing these all day.  Yes.  But– well, nothing here looked nice, so I just thought  would wear what I was wearing anyway.  Are you joking?  Oh, my– why didn’t you tell me?  I have to get a whole new outfit now!  I’ve been so many places today!  Fuck off.  Grrr!” — Fleabag

Quote1Oh, uh, yeah, or we could just go back to mine.  Or we could just go back to yours.  I could always get you a cab in the morning.  Okay, what the fuck is your problem?  Okay, you’re a dick.  You’re pathetic.  Don’t follow me.Quote2 — Fleabag

“Come on.  You okay?  I’m fine.  Okay.  Come on.  Stay there, there.  You okay?  Okay, here.  Here.  Do you– do you want to come home with me?” — Fleabag

Quote1Ohh.  Sing a song, boo-boo.  Another lunch break, another abortion, fuck attorneys, cigarettes, and we’re happy, so happy, to be modern women.  Deal.Quote2 — Fleabag

“Fuck it.  Hello, hello, hello!  Open up!  This is totally fine.  Hello!  Open!  Hello.  All right, dad.  Oh, I’m absolutely fine.  I just, uh… ah, it;s nothing.  It doesn’t– it’s– okay.  Yeah.  Okay.  Um, I don’t wanna– I’m gonna… just… oh, fuck it.  I have a horrible feeling that I’m a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist.  Good one.” — Fleabag

Quote1To be fair, she’s not an evil stepmother.  She’s just a c*nt.  Hi.  Yeah, I just thought I’d swing by.  Don’t worry.  Dad’s already booking me a taxi.  What are you doing?  Well, warming up.  Poor fucker.  Tits.  Tits don’t get you anywhere these days.  Trust me.  How much?  Oh.  Can I have it?  What’s that?  Oh.  Thanks!  Okay.  Bye.Quote2 — Fleabag

“Yeah.  Uh, kind of.Well, it’s kind of a funny story, actually.  I opened the café with my friend Boo.  Yeah.  Yeah, she’s dead now.  She accidentally killed herself.  It wasn’t her intention, but it wasn’t a total accident.  She didn’t actually think she’d die.  She just found out that her boyfriend fucked someone else and wanted to punish him by ending up in hospital and not letting him visit her for a bit.  She decided to walk into a busy cycle lane, wanting to get tangled in a bike and break a finger, maybe.  As it turns out, bikes go fast and flip you into the road.  Three people died.  She was such a dick.  So yeah.  Kind of on my own.” — Fleabag

Quote1I think my period’s coming.  Hi.  No.  Nice haircut.  Can I come in?  Well, I just thought I’d pop by.  I need to speak to Martin.  Martin.  Martin.  Gang bangs.  Asian.  I’d put a tenner on it.  Ugh.  Can you leave us?  He’s organizing your surprise birthday party.  Best of luck.  Ugh.  Thanks.  Do you deal in sculptures as well as paintings and papier-mâché?  I know, right?  Oh, just, uh– stole it.  From a market.  Just a… market artist.  Deal.  Don’t tell Claire.  Please.  Or I’ll– I’ll– or I’ll tell her you’re watching gang bangs.  Ugh.  Disappointing.  Oh, I brought it with me.  Tight.  Uh, yeah, we’re, um– we’re engaged.  No, we’re not engaged.  No, he’s back at the flat packing up all his stuff again.  He also used to say things like–Quote2 — Fleabag

“I admire how much Harry commits to our breakups.  I mean, this is a new detail, but he does usually go the extra mile.  A few times he’s even cleaned the whole flat.  Like it’s a crime scene.  I’ve considered timing a break up for when the flat needs a bit of a going over.” — Fleabag

Quote1I don’t think this is working.  But he always leaves… him.  To come back for.  Gonna think about all the people I can have sex with now.  I’m not obsessed with sex.  I just can’t stop thinking about it.  The performance of it.  The awkwardness of it.  The drama of it.  The moment you realize someone wants your body.  Not so much the feeling of it.  Probably got about 48 hours before Harry comes back.  I should get on it.  I took half an hour trying to look nice, and I ended up looking amazing.  Just one of those days.  Gorgeous, fresh faced, new top, little bit sexy.  On my way to open my cafe, and– Oh, God.  Yeah, you check me out, chub chub, ’cause it’s never gonna happen.  Oh, God, he can’t believe how attractive I am.  Kind of worried I’m gonna make a sex offender out of the poor guy.  Here we go.  This better be good.  Oy!Quote2 — Fleabag

“Oh.  Dropped my cucumber.  Just dropped my– sure.  That’ll be, um– uh, 12 pounds, 55, please.  London.  Thanks.”  Boo’s death hit the papers.  Local cafe girl gets hit by bike.  And a car.  And another bike.  Uh, no, she, uh– she used to work here.  I’m sorry, I don’t have any change.  The next man who walks in here is getting ridden to death.  Dad.  Not ideal.  A bit.  Okay.  Yeah?  No.  What sculpture?  All right.  Great.  Mm.  Of course.  What would you like?  Sure.  Grab a seat.” — Fleabag

Quote1Hi.  It’s nice to see you.  Fuck me up the ass.  Oh, just these.  For my tiny, bleeding vagina.  You?  Hot.  Oh.  It never is.  It never… is.  Uh, yes, fucking yes, please yes.  Yes.  Cool.  Yes!Quote2 — Fleabag

“Oh, shit.  Sorry.  I suppose you should meet Hillary.  Two yeas ago, I– escape artist.  I don’t feel anything about guinea pigs.  They’re pointless.  But Boo took Hillary very seriously as a gift, and soon everything became guinea pig related.  Drink?” — Fleabag

Quote1Okay.  The most important thing is, if you don’t like it, we can’t take it back, okay?  Happy Birthday.  You could do both of those things.  I– I– uh, I don’t know.  Something to love.Quote2 — Fleabag

“No problem.  Mm.  Oh.  So reliable.  Utterly inaccessible, relentlessly profound.  All he wants is to get you in the bath and ask questions, like– and you find yourself saying things like– I guess… losing the currency of youth.  When did you realize you were so good looking?  Shit got real?  Okay.  Yeah.  Of course.  Do you?  Yeah.  What?  So– uh, yeah, I guess they are.  Bit much.  I’m having a Harry panic.  Madam ovary is telling me to run back to safe place.  I can make baby in safe place, but… gonna ride it out.  Mustn’t call H–” — Fleabag

Quote1Thanks for coming.  Were you busy?  Oh, cool.  Okay.  Was it good?  Sorry for interrupting.  Who were you with?  I, um– I found this.  Like what?  Like what?Quote2 — Fleabag

“I’m so glad you picked up.  I wish he’d just fuck me.  All he wants to do is make love.  Yeah, I’m really good.  I’m amazing.  He’s wasting me.  I was once fucking this guy who would breathe on every thrust.  I masturbate about that all the time.  I masturbate a lot these days.  Especially when I’m bored.  Ahh.  Or angry.  Or upset.  Can we just– or happy.  Or– yeah.  Oh.  Yeah.  Oh.  Yeah.  Yeah.  No, could you just– just stay there.  Ahh, just don’t– yeah, no, don’t, just– yeah, shh, shh.  Ahh.  Yeah.  Yes, just– ahh, just– oh, G–” — Fleabag

Quote1Um– our?  To find them?  Well, I think you’re being really sexy.  Oh, I’m joking.  I never masturbate.  I don’t know how.  Are you getting this out of a book?Quote2 — Fleabag

“Oh.  Hi.  Bit weird.  Uh, yeah, I’m fine.  You okay?  You look stressed.  Uh, no, but I have some normal bread you can puke up after.  What do you want on it?  Just tomatoes?  Just a tomato sandwich?  No.  Okay.  If you want.  Okay.  Great.  I don’t need money.  That’ll be 25 pounds, please.  Thanks.  Yeah, we’re back together.” — Fleabag

Quote1Hello?  Harry?  Oh.  Shit.  Surprise!  Harry, it’s me!  It’s me!  Baby, I’m sorry.  I thought you wanted a surprise.  It was a ninja surprise.  Oh.  I did, yeah.  It was fine.  Harry, I’m so sorry.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t think– I didn’t think you were gonna react like that.  I– I’m sorry, it was a joke.  Yeah, I– Oh, my God!  It was a surprise.  Should I go and get us some wine?  Okay.  Splashed out on a special bottle for a special– Harry?  Why are you being so sexy?  Okay, sorry.  But I really think you should write that down.  Yeah, I know it’s not appropriate, but I really think you should write that down.  It’s really good for– no, no, I’m serious, for your songs and stuff.  It’s perfect.  It’s poetic yet real.  Serious.  Hate you.  He’s gonna write that down.  He’ll be back.Quote2 — Fleabag

“I want to shut the noise out, and reconnect to my inner thoughts on the road to feeling more at one with myself.” — Fleabag

Quote1I went through your bag.  I couldn’t find anything, so you’re just gonna have to tell me what’s going on with you.  Talk.  Or I will scream.  What Finland promotion?  Oh, my God.  I know, I know the Finland promotion.  That’s amazing.  Will that mean you’re a millionaire now?  Handy.  What, money makes you cry?  What?  Why?  Martin.  Jake’s her stepson.  He’s really weird.Quote2 — Fleabag

“He’s not your son.  Go.  This is what you’ve always wanted.  No more power suits.  Fuckload of snow.  Perfect place for your cold, cold heart.  Oh, come on.  Don’t let other people get in the way of what you really want.  Finland is what you really want.  Your husband tried to kiss me on your birthday.” — Fleabag

Quote1I just want to cry.  All the time.Quote2 — Fleabag

“No, Claire, he came out into the garden– and, he– Claire, you have to believe me.  Because I’m your sister.” — Fleabag

Quote1Oh, God.  There’s always a stage when someone’s falling in love with you that they lose their election.  They get confused.  They panic.  Stakes get too high.  The blood rushes from their dick to their heart.  And everything is fucked.Quote2 — Fleabag

“I would say fucked into liquidation.  And I fucked up my family.  And I fucked my friend by fucking her boyfriend.  And sometimes I wish I didn’t even know that… fucking existed.  And that I know that my body as it is now really is the only thing I have left, and when that gets old an unfuckable, I may as well just kill it.  And somehow there isn’t anything worse than someone who doesn’t want to fuck me.  I fuck everything.  Except for when I was in your office.  I really wasn’t trying to have sex.  Either everyone feels like this a little bit, and they’re just not talking about it, or I’m completely fucking alone.  Which isn’t fucking funny.” — Fleabag

Quote1That’s why they put rubbers on the ends of pencils.  I don’t know.  Here?  Okay.  No problem.Quote2 — Fleabag


Claire, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Sian CliffordClaire

Quote1You’re almost late.  Christ.  Did you wash your hands?  Oh, my God.  You are disgusting.  Fucking hell.  Heard from dad?  Thanks.  I’ve been sleeping really well recently.  Do you want to take your coat off?  Okay.  So sorry.  So any luck?  I was going to ask how it was going with the café.  Fine, we won’t talk, then.  Oh, fuck off.  Do you need to borrow money?  So business is good, then.  Sounds like it’s really good.  Is Harry helping?  What?  Again?  God, just don’t get drunk and scream to his letter box again.  When are you going to stop bringing that up?  I have two degrees, a husband, and a Burberry coat.  Hi.  No problem.  What are yours made from?Quote2 — Claire

“Oh, I mean, you really shouldn’t wear such cheap material.  They don’t let your fanny breathe.  I want my top back.  Won’t you get cold?  Fuck!  A fucking hug!  I was just trying to– are you okay?  Do you want to go for a drink or– okay.  Fine.  Sure.  See you next time Women Speak, then.” — Claire

Quote1Oh-kay.  Are you alright?  What’s happened?  Are you hurt?  Oh, good.  It’s better.  Why didn’t you text?  Tell the truth.  Martin?  Why on earth would you want to speak to– Martin.  She wants to talk to you about something.  Why?  Uh– you know I hate s– okay.  Um… where did you get that?  No, you didn’t.  Give it back.  Patch things up with Harry?  God, what?  Well, I’m sorry.  He really used to make you laugh.  I like Harry.  I liked his songs.Quote2 — Claire

“Just thought I’d pop by for some lunch.  Yes.  Well… How are you?  Uh, quiet today?  Well, I’m successful, so– do you have rye bread?  Great.  Oh, just tomatoes is fine.  Yes.  Is there a problem?  Listen, I don’t know anything about this surprise party, but if you could just, um, have it in mind this Friday at 7:30, that’d be great.  I can organize it and act surprised, but if you could just, um– you know what?  Why don’t I just do it?  I can organize it, do the food, act surprised, and just take it off your hands.  I mean, I see that you’re busy.  So– well, I don’t want to, but I think it’d be easier for everyone if I could just– I mean, I’ve done it, it’s done.  It’s this friday at 7:30 at nine.  How behind are you?  If it’s money that you need– London.  Can’t believe that thing’s still alive.  Oh, um, any news on Harry?  Oh, God, I can’t keep up.” — Claire

Quote1I haven’t farted in about three years.Quote2 — Claire

“Sounds horrendous.  Thank you.” — Claire

Quote1What?  I got the Finland promotion.  How can you ask that?  I’ve told you about it.  Thank you.  Don’t be ridiculous.  Yes, it would.  I’m turning it down.  Martin says it would be unfair on Jake.Quote2 — Claire

“That’s not the point.  I knew you’d say that.  I know.  I know.  I know.  I can’t.  I have responsibilities.  My husband isn’t ‘other people,’ okay?  My husband is my life.  Did he?  Did he?” — Claire

Quote1That’s a lovely cushion.  Gosh.Quote2 — Claire

“For fuck’s sake.  Thank you.  Can we not?  Because you can’t just fuck of on airplanes, and leave your weird stepson and broken sister to fend for themselves.  Okay?” — Claire

Quote1Listen to me.  I’m going to leave Martin.  I’m going to give you the money for the cafe.  And I’m gonna go to fucking Finland.  Oh, and, uh– I know.  Shall we– I’ll see you at the ‘sexhibition.’Quote2 — Claire

“I don’t want to hear it.  How can I believe you?  After what you did to Boo.  I’m sorry, but you just have to see it from my point of view.” — Claire


Godmother, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Olivia ColmanGodmother, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Olivia ColmanGodmother, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Olivia ColmanGodmother, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Olivia Colman Godmother, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Olivia ColmanGodmother

Godmother, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Olivia Colman

Female Performance in a Comedy

1 nomination : 2017

Quote1Darling, I thought that must be you.  Everything all right?  Oh, how lovely.  Lucky us.  Oh, painting.  I find that nighttime’s very peaceful–usually.  Look, I know it’s– it’s not really my place, but are you okay?  Everyone’s been really worried.  Yes.  She’s actually an expression of how women are subtle warriors– strong at heart, you know.  We don’t have to use muscular force to get what we want.  We just use our– innate femininity.  It’s very valuable, actually.  Thousands.  No.  Oh, uh, my self-portrait.  Oh, I think I can hear your dad.  Aw, nice of him.  Bye.  Um, please look after yourself.  You really do look ghastly, darling.Quote2 — Godmother

“Girls.  Oh, you shouldn’t have.  Oh, are they freesias?  Oh, gosh, how special.  How lovely.  Aren’t they stunning?  Oh, let’s just leave them… there.  Lovely.  Come in.  Oh, just the tree.  The tree in the back garden.  Oh, Felicity tried to use it to get out.  She’s very expensive.  This is nice.  Oh, this is beautiful.  I hope you don’t mind me being here, but my pilates fell through, so– it’s a sad day.  Sad, sad day.  I’ll get the champagne. Thanks.  It’s an original.  It’s a hair scarf.  Well, it’s a hair scarf.  Is Martin coming?  I’m very excited to meet your new chap.  Is he– ooh.  You do turn over fast.  Uh, oh, sorry.  I forgot your glass.   Ignore me.  Ignore me.  Ignore me.  Ooh!  Sorry.  Cheers.  To Margaret.  Dearest Margaret.  Just the most generous woman.  Yes, she was great.  Yes, yes, my– my ex did a similar thing.  Voices and fun.  Really, really funny man.  Really funny.  Can I help you with the food?  And take that off.” — Godmother

Quote1It’s a ‘sexhibition.’  But don’t panic, it’s nothing scary.  It’s simply a journey through my physical and sexual life, climaxing in a few pieces inspired by and molded on your father.  And there are photos.  Um, I’ve taken a photo of my naked body every year for the past 30 years.  Well, I think it’s important for women of all ages to see how my body has changed.  Over the years.  I think they have to have a healthy perspective on my body.  Don’t they?  Mm.  I mean, I don’t need to tell you, but your father is a deeply sexual man.  I’m just very lucky.  I will be touched until the day I die.  And so will you, Claire.  I mean, it’s really all that humans want, is to be loved, and to be touched.  What promotion?  Oh!  Odd place.  Oh!  Clever girl.  Why?  Claire, are you pregnant?  Oh, Claire, why?Quote2 — Godmother

“How’s your little restaurant?  Oh, don’t do it a disservice.  Oh.  Sorry.  Your father tells me your struggling.  Oh, well, yes.  But, I mean, now there’s only one of you.  God, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.  Well, her dear little friend died, and, uh, left her to run the cafe on her own.  Oh, she killed herself.  Well, maybe it’s time to let the little restaurant go.  Give it up.  Sell it.  Have a little holiday.  Have you seen Felicity?  Gosh, all sorts of things go missing in this house, don’t they?  Yes, lovely house.  Oh, the sculpture turned up.  Yes.  Must have just toppled off the side.  Oh, your father and I often say when you’ve had a few drinks, you’re so like your mother.  Oh, what– look at these.  What a lovely occasion.  Yes, lovely.  Very good looking.  I might not see you again.  You’re very good looking.” — Godmother

Quote1No, really, though, this ‘sexhibition’ isn’t about me trying to get you all aroused.  It’s about the beauty of sex, and how it brings us all together.  How it excites and connects.  How it opens people’s minds.  After all, sex got us all here.  Sex brings life.  I’ve been building this ‘sexhibition’ since I was 11 and a quarter, uh, which is when I first climaxed by accident on a bidet.  The bidet is, of course, exhibited here, as are all the pieces from my first ever ‘sexhibition.’  All apart from one.  A few weeks ago, one of my most delicate pieces was stolen from my studio.  But in a sense, it was a blessing.  In fact, her brutal snatching made me think of all the women of the world who have been robbed of their freedom, of their happiness, and in the saddest cases, of their bodies.  So in many ways, I have to thank the thief for creating my most profound piece of work to date, A Woman Robbed.  Now, I would ask you all to leave your genitals at the door, and bring your minds to these pieces.  I don’t believe people always think about sex when they see a naked body.  I believe they think about their own minds, their own bodies, and their own power.  And that’s what the show is really about.  It’s about power.  Thank you.Quote2 — Godmother

“Thank you so much.  I’m sure you would.  But it’s very securely nailed to the wall this evening.  Have you found your father yet?  Oh, no, no.  Have you found your father yet?  It’s just so very obvious to me.  Yeah.  Uh– oh, Connor.” — Godmother


Martin, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Brett GelmanMartin

“Hello, hello.  My wife in my study.  Hello.  Give me two.  Finished.  Well, hello, you.  Oh, it must be my lucky day.  You said she only likes to talk to people she fancies.  I have a week to organize that now.  Nice top.  Depends on the quality of the piece.  Fuck me.  Hm.  What a pair.  Where’d you get this?  Well, it’s quite a piece.  Who’s the artist?  Huh.  If I sell it, I take 10 percent.  Deal?  Okay.  Well, I’ll get her photograph now.  Or what?  You got nothin’ on me, princess.  Please don’t do that again.  I wasn’t, by the way.” — Martin

Boo, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Jenny RainsfordBoo

“I hate my body.  I hate my body.  I hate my body.  Fucking last-minute bastard trendy parties.  Why do we do it to ourselves?  Oh, my God.  Definitely not.  That does nothing for you.  I hate that.  What?  Oh, god.  We’re you wearing your coat?  Are you joking?  Yes.  It’s really not that bad.  I’m sorry!  I love you!  I’ll buy you pants.  I’ll buy you sexy–  I’ll buy you sexy pants.  I’m sorry.  I think it’s a lovely dress.” — Boo

“So… another piece of cake, another two– cigarettes, and we’re happy, so happy, to be modern women.  Hey, come here.  Let’s never ask anyone for anything.  They don’t get it.” — Boo

“Okay.  As long as I can wear it or eat it, I’m happy.  Oh, my God, did you get me a– what is this?  What the– What is– What is it?  She’s beautiful.  You idiot.” — Boo

“We did this.  And whatever happens, we never let it go.  Okay?” — Boo

“I think I love him.” — Boo

“He slept with someone else.  He said– he told me he fucked someone else.” — Boo

“I’m gonna hurt myself.  I’m gonna get hit by a bike and then hurt my finger, and then he’s gonna have to come and see me in hospital.  He’ll be very sorry for what he did.” — Boo

Dad, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Bill Paterson


“What’s going on?  Okay.  Yeah?  You know, it’s nearly 2:00 in the morning.  Well, um… you get all that from your mother, you know.  I– I’m going to call you a cab, darling, and, uh, please, don’t go upstairs.  Right, it’s here.  Cab’s here.” — Dad

“Hi.  Um, how are you there, darling?  Um… you busy?  Well, I won’t– I won’t keep you, uh– I just wanted to talk about when you– when you dropped in the other night.  I can’t help thinking that I– we, uh– I know that we, uh, don’t have much of a chance to, uh– did you take a sculpture?  Did you, um… take a sculpture?  Did you take it?  Oh, right.  Right.  Good.  You said no, and, uh– that means I can go.  Whoo.  If you happen– are you healthy?” — Dad

“I’m just going to say this once.  I deserve to be happy.  I am allowed to move on.  I have a good life, and I am happy, all right?  All right?” — Dad

Arsehole Guy, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Ben AldridgeArsehole Guy

“Hey.  Ohh.  I’m so thrilled.  Last night was incredible.  It was particularly special because, uh, I’ve never managed to actually… up the bum with anyone before.  And thought that’s always been a fantasy of mine, I’ve never found anyone I could do it with.  Thank you.” — Arsehole Guy

Bus Rodent, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Jamie DemetriouBus Rodent

“Wow.  Um, this doesn’t happen very often, does it? I suppose it’s– it’s quite rare, you know.  Um, are you going to work?  Okay.  Um, this is going to sound crazy, uh, but I think I that I should take your number, and I think I should call it, and I think I should ask you if you want to go out for a drink with me.  Fuck me, you’ve got a boyfriend.  Oh, my God, I’m so sorry-slash-really pleased.  Um, how the hell did he manage to fuck that up.” — Bus Rodent

“So– So was that, like,you can have my number, or what are we– oh, my God.  Great.  Uh, okay.  That there.  And I’ll be sure to treat you like a nasty little bitch.  Um, that was a joke.  Okay.  I was like, oh– okay.  Great.  Well, uh, I– I’ll see you, then?  Okay.  Okay.  I can’t stop smiling.  Sorry.  I– well– okay.” — Bus Rodent

“My sister blows glass.  Uh, she has done for a long time.  I’ve never, like, been in a fight.  Well, I’ve been in a fight.  Never been punched in the face.  You know what I mean?  I’ve been punched in the leg.  And someone once threw some punch in my face.  So my colors this season are sort of brown, mainly, but, like, you know, I wouldn’t say no to a maroon.  I wouldn’t, like, jump the down the throat of someone wearing something blue.  It’s just not for me.  So I’m going to go for a waz.  You good?  Okay.  Same again?  While I’m up.  Or perhaps, like, a little cocky-tail?  Or, like– or, like another shot?  Wow.  Uh, thanks.  Uh, I’ve actually got work tomorrow, but, uh, another drink here.  Got to be up early, so– That’s ridiculous.  Like– oh.  Uh, nothing.  I, um, I like you.  What’s going on?  Wait.  I– I wasn’t.  You– you dropped this.  Um–” — Bus Rodent

Harry, Fleabag, Amazon, Amazon Studios, BBC Three, Two Brothers Pictures, Hugh SkinnerHarry

“What are you doing?  I know what you were doing.  Really?  Really?  What was he talking about, then?  Please, I just need to hear this.  What was he talking about?  Don’t say anything.  And please don’t stop me leaving.  Please don’t!  Don’t!  You know, I’ve really tried to be there for you through this.  You can’t say I haven’t tried.  Don’t say anything.  And please don’t contact me or turn up at my house drunk in your underwear.  It won’t work this time.  I’m taking that posh shampoo.  He was talking about democ–” — Harry

“You aren’t like other girls.  You can keep up.” — Harry

“What?  That’s okay.  Uh, you okay?  Your message sounded urgent.  No, I was in the interval of ‘Cats.’  The musical.  Really good, actually.  Really good.  No, that’s okay.  I, uh– got the feeling it wasn’t gonna end well for the cats.  So, uh, probably good to remember them like that before they all– sorry, um. are you okay?  Uh, work friend.  A girl.  Thanks.  I didn’t realize I’d left it.  Why’s your hair wet?  Don’t look at me like that.  Look, I don’t want to sound cold or cruel or– you know, and I don’t want you to think I’m just off happy at the theater all the time, either.  I’m not.  But I’m not going to– I just– if this is about us getting back together, I was serious.  This time I’m not just going to come running back.  I really just need some time away from–” — Harry

“I’m so glad you called.  I’ve missed you.  I’ve missed you. Oh, my gosh, you feel good.  Are you okay?  Amazing.  Shall I?” — Harry

“You know, I think we should stop masturbating.  Well, don’t say anything yet.  I just– well, I just think it might help us focus.  On each other.  Be more present.  Really successful couples do it, you know.  I’ve hidden our vibrators.  I thought it might be fun.  No.  Just try and not… touch ourselves.  To try and save our touches for each other.  What do you think?  Don’t.  Yeah, also, I thought we should try and surprise each other once every day, just a, you know, sweet little something just to keep it, you know– I’ve already planned your first surprise.  So… don’t eat too much before dinner.  See you later.  And I will see you later, too.” — Harry

“Why would you do that?  I thought I was gonna get raped.  Oh, my God, my heart.  I’m shaking so bad, oh, my God.  Oh.  Oh, my God.  Are you okay?  Is it okay?  Are you– are you okay?  Oh, my God.  Did you have a good day?  It was– I was  a good joke.  Oh– Jesus.  I thought you’d be later.  Oh, God.  Sorry, I just think that I’m still in shock.  I’m sorry.  That was horrible.  I know.  Thank you.  It’s fine.” — Harry

“Had to go into the history of my computer to find something I’ve seen on the H&M website this morning, and– I don’t want to point fingers, but anal, gang bang, mature, big cock, small tits, hentai, Asian, teen, MILF, big butts, lesbian, gay, facial, fetish, bukkake, young and old, swallow, rough, voyeur, and public.  Don’t make me hate you.  Loving you is painful enough.  I’m not gonna write down– don’t… make me– yeah, I know, thank you.  Loving you is painful– what am I doing?  There’s someone at work who loves me.  Well, she told me she loves me, and I said we couldn’t be together because I had to know– do you want to be alone?  Then you’ll never see me again.  I’ll always love you but I just can’t take it anymore.  I– I don’t hate you, I’m scared for you.  I’m gonna go pack my things up from the bedroom again, but, um– I’m not gonna clean.  It’s still in pretty good shape, so– if I don’t see you after that… goodbye.  Forever.” — Harry

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