The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television

Old Age

The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television

Netflix original comedy The Kominsky Method dropped November 16, 2018.

has been renewed for a second season.

rottentomatoes: 80%

imdb: 8.3

metacritic: 68

golden globes: 2 wins

SAG awards: 3 nominations

Sandy Kominsky, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Michael DouglasSandy Kominsky

Acting coach Sandy Kominsky is confronted with the garden variety of issues whilst approaching his latter years outside of Los Angeles, California.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy

1 win: 2018

Outstanding Male Actor in a Comedy Series

1 nomination: 2018

Sandy Kominsky, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Michael DouglasSandy Kominsky, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Michael Douglas

“Before we start, uh, tonight’s scene work, I just want to take a moment to talk about our craft.  Acting.  So what is acting?  I mean, when an actor acts, what is he or she… or they… actually doing?  Well, on one level, the answer is simple.  They’re making believe.  They are pretending.  But on a… on a much deeper level, we need to ask ourselves… what is really happening.  Well, you need to ask me.  I think I’m the only one here who doesn’t have a roommate.  What’s really happening… and I want to to listen carefully… what’s really happening is that the actor is playing… God.  Because, after all, what does God do?  God creates.  God says ‘here is a world,’ and bam!  That world exists.  God says, ‘here’s life,’ and bam again!  Life happens.  God says, ‘here’s death,’ and boom!  Darkness.  The darkness returns.  So what does this mean to us?  How do we take this information and bring it into our work?  The answer, my dear colleagues, is that, like God, we must love our creations.  We must imbue them with life, with character, with hope and dreams and fatal flaws, and then… then… we must let them go.  Because in the end… true love… God’s love… is letting go.  Wash your hair before you go.  Okay, love of character, not the pursuit of fame or money, is what separates the great actor, the true artist– doesn’t matter what the shampoo is, okay?  Just wash your hair.  Fuck it.  Let’s get started.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Sorry I’m late.  Oh, really?  Really?  Right out of the gate, you wanna bust my balls.  Hello, Alex.  Um, I’m gonna have a Jack Daniel’s on the rocks and a diet Dr. Pepper with a straw.  The Jack keeps me from killing myself, and the Pepper keeps me regular.  So, how we doin’ on the sitcom?  What are you talkin’ about?  Those little pischers on the Big Bang thing, they’re making a million bucks a week.  So I didn’t get the part?  Bu– look at this profile.  Who’s more ethnic than I am?  Wait a minute.  They’re casting a black guy to play Josh Gad’s grandfather?  Ludicrous, my ass.  It’s bullshit.  What’s his name?  I said ludicrous.  What about the rapper?  Shit.  Thank you, Alex.  Please don’t sugarcoat it.  I’m a grown man.  She’s great.  You know, she’s… she’s a terrific kid.  I don’t know how I’d run that school without her.  Don’t forget, I raised her, too, Norman.  How’s Eileen?  So this last round of treatment… I’m so sorry, Norman.  Well, I’d love to see her if I could, if that’s all right, you know?  Great.  I’ll do it.  I don’t know.  I’ll… I’ll figure it out.  There’s things.  There’s things.  I mean, I’ll let you know.  It is fine.  No, no.  You said it with an attitude.  You said, ‘fine.’  Jesus, let’s just order.  Tristin.  And no.  Well, we didn’t have much to talk about.  You know, she was half my age.  Fuck you, Norman.” — Sandy Kominsky

“A couple of quick announcements before we get started tonight.  For the 100th time, I’m an actor.  I’m not a plumber.  So please, please do not put any feminine hygiene products down in the toilet.  Come on, fellas.  Just help me out here.  Mystery solved.  Uh, second thing… I am canceling my Tuesday night sitcom workshop.  You guys did not take my class to become a bunch of pandering, overpaid clowns suckin’ up for canned laughter and a People’s fuckin’ Choice Award.  All right.  Let’s get our scenes up, see if we can prove your parents wrong.  Why don’t we start with one of our new students tonight?  Um… wha… what is your name?  Theresa, come on down.  What do you got?  Please.  Have you ever seen anybody sit while giving a eulogy?  They stand.  You should stand.  Why not?  Hey, welcome back.  Whenever you’re ready.  Wow.  Yeah.  Yeah. Um, Sally Field did that in the movie, right?  And if memory serves me… that was pretty much the way she did it.  Guess who her acting coach was.  So… what I want you to do is to try it again, but this time… show me how you would do it.  Um, Sally did her thing with it, and now you do yours.  You lost your daughter after she had a baby.  Same words.  Theresa… trust.  How’d that feel?  Honest?  Well, we certainly want to avoid that.  Any thoughts, opinions?  Come on, don’t be shy.  There are no wrongs answers here.  Yeah, that’s wrong.  Because?  It was better because I gave her a note?  Come on, don’t tell me what I wanna hear.  Tell me what you feel.  What you think.  Anybody.  Come on.  Yes.  Okay.  Why?  Yes.  Yes, and the writer knew it.  It was right there in the speech.  She says she’s mad.  Thank you… um… thank you, Lisa.  Yeah, sure.  Yeah.  Yeah.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Nah.  I don;t like to talk about it.  You know, it’s like name-dropping.  Faye Dunaway… um, Diane Keaton, Jessica Lange.  No.  No, I never mix business with pleasure.  What?  I’m serious.  Don’t look at me like that.  I’m telling you the truth.  No, this is a trap.  This is a trap, right?  Let’s just talk about you.  What made you want to study acting?  I do.  Fear of failure.  It’s a nice car.  Sorry about the marriage.  Are you okay?  Lisa, Lisa, it’s gonna be okay.  You’ll see.  New doors are gonna open, new challenges, new people.  No, there’s nothing to be sorry about.  Yeah, we just… it’s fine.  We just need the check, please.  Oh, man!  Seriously, why would you do that?” — Sandy Kominsky

“I made the speech, you put up a sign.  What the hell else can I do?  See that?  Who needs a plumber?  Good.  Some of the new kids are good.  Where were you?  Oh, shit.  Been meaning to get over there.  How’s she doing?  I’ll call Norman and figure out a time.  What?  What is that supposed to mean?  No, no, tell me.  Melman, yeah.  I did, both times, I did not want them to get sicker.  Yes.  It’s called common courtesy.  Oh, no, no, no!  Wait.  What do you believe?  Afraid?  Oh– reminded of what?  Yeah.  Yeah.  Come on, say it.  Wrong.  That is so wrong.  Yes, I’ll admit to fearing a violent death, terrorism, tsunamis, what have you, but natural death from old age?  No.  No, not at all.  I see that as my next great adventure.  I’ve never been a strong swimmer.  And let us not forget that I will live on in my work… in my students.  That’s how I cheat death.  Hmm?  What?  Oh, great.  Congratulations.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Hey.  What?  Very nice.  Insult a guest.  I have no idea.  Yeah.  Hey, kiddo.  How you feelin’?  Oh.  These are for you.  So, um… this is nice and comfy, you know?  Who sleeps over there?  Aaah, after all these years, look at you, Mr. Romantic.  You guys are kidding, right?  Sure.  Anything, yeah.  No, no.  Don’t say that– sorry.  Me?  Oh.  Um, I don’t know.  Am I?  You got it.  No, not really.  I had coffee the other night with one of my students.  No, no.  This one is more age-appropriate.  Probably 50-ish?  Eileen, it was just coffee.  Divorced.  Grown.  Doesn’t need mine.  No, no.  You approve?  When did you get to approve?  We just had coffee– okay, fine, fine.  Jesus.  How do you put up with this one?  Ah.  That’s it?  Okay.  All right.  Feel better.  For what?  Oh, yeah.  I didn’t, didn’t I?” — Sandy Kominsky

“This is all about relaxation.  You cannot be present with what’s happening onstage unless you are relaxed.  Tension… is the performance killer.  Stop.  You look like you’re havin’ a seizure.  How old are you?  Childhood’s over.  Relax.  How’s it goin’?  Sorry.  No refunds.  Are you asking me on a date?  Now, you realize that coffee and the pie at the diner was a teacher-student thing?  I do.  It’s a whole new world out there.  I can’t be using my position as a teacher, as a mentor– I’d be honored.  You’re all witnesses.  She asked me.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Yeah, how you doin’?  Uh, your mother.  Thank you.  It’s very nice.  Your house, it’s… it’s nice.  Sandy.  And you are?  Matthew.  That’s a pretty good name.  People call you Matt?  And why would they?  No hurry!  Just getting to know Matt… thew.  Yeah, making friends wherever I go.  Wow.  You look great.  So… shall we?  No, I’m old school.  You pick a lady up for dinner and you return her safely home.  Well, that’s my rap name, Wonderfully Archaic.  I did.  Well, he’s young.  His mother’s going out to dinner with some strange guy.  Gotta cut him some slack.  Oh, yeah.  I bought it from Heinrich Himmler.  He only drove it to work.  I know!  Stop hounding me!  You know, I miss getting lost.  Yeah.  I used to live on the crease.  Nobody could ever find my house.  Now what?  Can you see who that is?  That is my daughter.  Excuse me.  Hey, sweetie.  Everything okay?  When?  Oh, God.  No, all right.  I’ll meet you there.  Mindy, I said I’m coming.  I’m coming.  They just rushed a friend of mine to the hospital.  I think so, yeah.  I’ve gotta go over there.  Um… could I please have a rain check?  I’m really sorry.  Thank you.  This is gonna sound weird, but I told her about you, and she wants to meet you.  My… my sick friend.  Yeah.  You know, we were… we were talking and it came up.  You sure?  Thank you.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Mindy!  Is she okay?  Okay.  I’m going.  I… Lisa, this is my daughter, Mindy.  Mindy, this is my date, Lisa.  Norman… I’m so sorry.  It’s all right.  Let’s go, Norman.  You’re not leaving her.  She’s always gonna be right here.  You’re always gonna remember her right here.  She’s gonna be right here.  Come on.  Let’s go.  I’m really not sure.  This is Lisa.  Um, I… I mentioned her to Eileen, and Eileen wanted to meet her.  Well, we didn’t know that when we came down here.  Mindy, can you take Lisa home, and uh, I’ll take Norman?  Okay?  When was the last time you ate?  What do you say we go find some takeout?  Not a clue.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Last night, I lost a friend to cancer.  And you know, it’s strange.  When I was in that hospital room and… looking down at a woman that I’ve known and loved for more than 40 years… and I found myself thinking about all of you.  And I’m always telling you to pay attention to what’s going on in your lives, you know?  To experience the feelings that come up… no matter how painful.  Because… that grief, that… that, um…unrelenting sorrow, that’s the raw material.  That’s the gold… an actor mines to create great performance.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Norman, I’m just trying to explain to my class that acting is really an extension of living.  It’s how we explore what it is to be human.  Oh, Jesus.” — Sandy Kominsky

“I’m sorry.  Uh… honey, the whole point of doing this worm is to dig into our feelings, to see how it translates into actions we take.  Our behavior.” — Sandy Kominsky

“What do you mean, what did I do?  No.  She said I took her for granted.  Maybe, yeah.” — Sandy Kominsky

“Oh, Norman, Norman, thank you.  Thank you.  I am beyond grateful.  Thank you.  And like I said, I promise you, I’ll pay back every penny.  No, no, no, no.  I gotta pay you back.  Yes, yes, because I have my pride.  So you write me a check for 300 grand, and I’m supposed to carry on like nothing happened?  Wow.  Why don’t you just cut off my balls?  I can’t.  Giving me the money with no strings is like the biggest string of all.  Norman, I have to pay you back.  I have to make the effort.  I’ll get snippy with you?  So you’re assuming that I not only won’t pay you back, I’m incapable of paying you back?  Okay.  All right.  Well, thank you for your offer.  Here’s my counteroffer.  I’d like you to take that $300,000, tie it up with that string that you claim is not a string, and shove it up your ass.” — Sandy Kominsky

“I may have misspoke.  You made a very generous offer, and I was, uh, less than gracious.  Like I said, I misspoke.  You really want to rub my nose in it, don’t you?  Well, you are.  I am really thankful for your help.  You are a good friend.  Just write the check.  Okay.  Who’s less than gracious now?” — Sandy Kominsky

“Oh, you wanna talk about the daughters we deserve?  Because I think you win that argument.  So you’re gonna put it on your dear, departed wife?  Oh, that’s very classy.  Whatever you need to believe, buddy.  The only reason my acting career stalled is I was stupidly loyal to an agent who couldn’t find his asshole with a flashlight and a rake!  Bullshit!  Nobody names their child Norman.  That’s not a child!  If you wanna take about successful, I had a Tony award when I signed with you.  I was hot!  Well, forgive me for having standards, for having integrity.  You know what?  I don’t need this shit.  I’ve got a class to teach.” — Sandy Kominsky

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?  Fine, don’t tell me.  You’re not losing your mind.  You’ve just been through the fucking wringer.  Your wife died.  Your daughter’s back in rehab for the umpteenth time, and… I don’t know if this needs to be said out loud, but you’re like a thousand years old.  Listen to me.  We’re all scared, and you know why?  Because it’s a scary fuckin’ world.  But we get through it because we’re not alone.  You’re not alone.  Me, you dumb shit!  Can you see me?  I’m right here in front of you.  Hi.  Hello there.  I see you.  You see me?  Can you keep a secret?  That’s the Kominsky Method.” — Sandy Kominsky

“So, where are you thinking of finding these answers?  Are you going to get religion?  But?  Okay.  All right, well, what about helping other people?  Isn’t that a good reason to keep going?  Family?  Okay.  Well, we don’t have to figure it out tonight.  You’ve got some time.  I’m just trying to be nice, Norman.  In which case, you’ve got your work cut out for you.” — Sandy Kominsky

Norman Newlander, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Alan ArkinNorman Newlander

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

1 nomination: 2018

Outstanding Male Actor in a Comedy Series

1 nomination: 2018

“Congratulations.  I assume you had a hard time picking out the scarf.  They are a low-hanging fruit.  I absolutely loathe the way you drink.  Forget it.  You do not wanna be in the sitcom.  Sandy, it’s pablum.  It’s crap.  You’re one of the all-time great acting coaches.  What’s it gonna look like, you doin’ a network sitcom?  No.  CBS wanted to go more ethnic.  Black people.  They dumped Josh.  They got some rapper, Ludacris.  No, that’s his name.  Ludacris.  Ludacris.  No, the rapper.  Jesus Christ!  You didn’t get the sitcom.  Yeah.  Look at this.  For you, he runs.  They said they’d keep you in mind for a recurring role or maybe a guest spot.  I’m not sugarcoating.  I’m… I’m lying.  How’s Mindy?  Well, yeah.  Her mother did a wonderful job raising her.  Does she know that?  Sh– she’s, uh… not that great.  Didn’t really… didn’t really have an effect.  Sandy, she’d, uh… really love to see you.  Of course you can.  Any time.  You know that.  When?  There’s nothin’ to figure out.  Fine.  Which is what I said.  Forgive me.  Fine.  Fine.  So how’s your love life?  Are you still seeing, uh… what’s her name?  Triscuit?  Oh, that’s too bad.  She was kind of cute.  Listen, half your age is still an old woman.  Do the math.” — Norman Newlander

“God damn it.  I bet Eileen a hundred bucks you wouldn’t show up.  You want a warmer welcome?  Give me a hundred bucks.  What kind of flowers are those?  Huh.  So your daughter bought them?  A-ha!  You have a visitor.  Daffodils.  I do.  What can I say?  I like sleeping in the same room as my wife.  Or the morning.  Morning’s all right.  No, but don’t argue with her.  Ooh, the nonstop sex.  Do I have to?  Thank you, Sandy.  Thanks for coming.” — Norman Newlander

“Yep.  She wanted to die at home.  I panicked.  I called an ambulance.  She got terr… terribly… angry at me.  She was in extraordinary pain.  What could I do?  No.  I’m staying here.  I don’t want to leave her.  Thanks.  Thank you.  It’s a nice thought.  I appreciate that.  Thank you.  Is that your line, or did you hear it in a movie somewhere?  Who… who is… who… I don’t understand.  Eileen– oh, yeah.  How are you?  Nice to meet you.  Thank you.  You can do better than him.   Thanks, sweetie.  I don’t know.  Uh-huh.  How do you get out of here?” — Norman Newlander

“Of course you didn’t know.  We’re civilized people.  We keep our shame and suffering to ourselves.” — Norman Newlander

“It’s my own damn fault.  I spoiled her rotten.  Now she’s a selfish, pill-popping mess.” — Norman Newlander

“So my tragedy is your gold?  Duly noted.  Bullshit!  You know what it’s like to be human?  Is that something you wanna know?  Fine, I’ll tell you.  It hurts to be human.  It hurts like hell.  And all the exploring in the world doesn’t make that hurt go away.  Because being human and being hurt are the same damn thing!” — Norman Newlander

“The world knew her mostly for her iconic movies like Singing in the Rain and The Unsinkable Molly Brown, but to me, she was so much more.  Wait a minute, this was my eulogy for Debbie Reynolds.  Hold on.  Sorry.  Here we go.  That was Eileen’s idea.  It’s a good joke.  Dear Eileen, we have been husband and wife for 46 years.  In all that time, I have never not been in love with you.  I’ve been angry with you, confused by you, even hurt by you, but never not in love.  You were the woman I was looking for ever since I started looking.  Beautiful, smart, funny, strong, willing to sleep with me… eventually.  If something good happened to me at work, it wasn’t real until I shared it with you.  If something bad ha… happened, it was only tolerable because I had you to complain to.  If I heard a funny joke, my first thought was, ‘I cannot wait to tell you, Eileen.’  Then I would get to hear your laugh, or you would roll your eyes and tell me the joke was  a stinker, and we would both laugh.  I honestly do not know how to carry on without you, but I will because you told me to, in no uncertain terms.” — Norman Newlander

“We’re supposed to love our children unconditionally.  Such nonsense.” — Norman Newlander

“No, I like the quiet.  Helps me think.  Ah… as it happens, suicide.  My own.  Are you offering to murder me?  Because that would be very thoughtful.  Not at all.  If you look at it objectively, my continued existence is… pointless.  It’ll pass.  My wife, the woman who gave my life meaning, is dead, my job does’t fulfill me anymore, and I just put my 45-year-old dope-fiend daughter in rehab for the eighth time.” — Norman Newlander

“You do, huh?  Let’s hear it, Pollyanna.  Why should I live?  You’ve answered the question.  I’m not Tom Hanks.  They’ll get over it.” — Norman Newlander

“Oh, I’m sorry.  What did you do?  Well, I’m assuming it’s your fault.  Am I wrong?  Did you?  May I give you some advice?  The secret to a happy relationship is that the woman must always feel like she comes first.  No.  I said feel like she comes first.  No, no.  It’s not lying.  It’s acting.  You should try it some time.  Maybe take a class.” — Norman Newlander

“Sandy, there are certain things we have to do in life that are distasteful but absolutely necessary.  I can think of several.  Can you?  There’s colonoscopies, engagement parties, flossing.  Let’s see… taxes, Sandy!  Taxes are one of those distasteful things that we must do.  Did you think the government would just forget about you?  That’s amusing.  It’s good you can joke at times like this.  $300,000!  ‘Thereabouts.’  A little tip.  When begging, it’s good to have an exact number.  Math isn’t really your strong suit, is it?  Why?  That’s 25 years.  You know how old I’ll be when you finish paying me off?  Dead!  Still dead.” — Norman Newlander

“After giving it much thought, I’ve decided to give you the money.  No, no, no.  That’s the one thing that won’t happen.  I’m giving it to you as a gift.  Why?  Because you have your pride?  That’s not my problem.  I’m giving you the money, free and clear.  No strings.  No, I’ll write the IRS a check.  I don’t trust you with the money.  Why don’t you just take my money and be grateful?  Well, that’s a very cynical attitude.  No.  See, what’s gonna happen is you’ll start out all gung-ho with a lot of enthusiasm, and then, before you know it, you’ll be late on a couple of payments, and I’ll have to ask you, ‘where’s the money?’  And you’ll get snippy with me, and just like that, our friendship will be over.  Look at that.  You’re already snippy.  Correct.  Not as much fun as I thought it would be.” — Norman Newlander

“Really?  How so?  Less than gracious?  You told me to shove it up my ass.  Thank you, but I’d like to hear him say it.  You’re right.  I’m being petty.  So say it.  All right.  Wow.  I think I’d like to rub some more.  All right.  Let me just jot down in the memo ‘no strings.'” — Norman Newlander

“You should get down on your knees and thank God for a daughter like that, because you did nothing to deserve her.  How dare you!  Phoebe’s problems are not my fault.  Eileen and I went to Al-anon.  They cleared us of all responsibility.  What I believe is that you’re an ungrateful little man whose bitterness about his failed acting career poisons his entire outlook on life.  Oh, really?  Shall I list the many successful actors I’ve represented, some of whom have named their children after me?  Ask Suzanne Somers what she named her Cockapoo.  Oh, yeah?  You should see how she treats that dog!  Yeah, you were hot, and then you came to Hollywood and you pissed off every Jew that counted.  You burned bridges.  You burned roads.  You burned tunnels.  If there was a path to success, you set it on fire.  Standards and integrity are for Oscar winners.  Everybody else has gotta bend over.  Oh, sure, the Kominsky method.  A how-to from a never-was.”– Norman Newlander

“After Bill died, did you find yourself being unusually short-tempered with people?  I have no patience with anyone.  I… I’ve become very brittle.” — Norman Newlander

“Yeah, and he leaves the bad ones here just to piss us off.” — Norman Newlander

“Nothing’s going on.  I had too much to drink, and I took a walk to clear my head.  I think maybe I’m losing my mind.  Oh, like you know?  I thought I was angry… but the truth is… I’m scared.  I’m scared all the time.  Who do I have?  Sure.” — Norman Newlander

“I’ve decided, if I’m going to continue with this whole living business, I have to get some answers.  The big questions.  Who am I?  Why am I here?  There has to be a deeper meaning.” — Norman Newlander

“I’ve considered it.  I like traditions, ancient languages, ritual.  The whole God thing puts me off.  Maybe.  It’s just so hard to like other people.  Ditto.  Do I?  Nice.  Maybe life has no meaning, and the best we can hope for is… just being nice.” — Norman Newlander

Eileen Newlander, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Susan SullivanEileen Newlander, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Susan SullivanEileen Newlander

“Oh, Sandy!  Great.  Pay me.  Shit on a shingle.  Come here.  Oh, Sandy.  Oh.  Look at you.  Oh, daffodils.  I love daffodils.  Mmm.  I keep telling him to sleep upstairs, but he doesn’t listen.  Oh, romantic, my ass.  He’s just lookin’ for a little late-night action.  So, listen… sit down.  I need you to do me a favor.  When I’m gone– no, listen.  Listen.  Don’t talk.  When I’m gone, I want you to look after Norman.  Yeah, you.  You’re his best friend, right?  Thank you.  Now, how about you?  You seeing anybody?  Oh, Sandy.  Not another one of your 25-year-old Nebraska spinners?  How age-appropriate?  Really?  Wow.  Original boobs?  Widowed?  Divorced?  Kids?  Money?  Not like you have much.  All right.  I approve.  I want to meet her.  I have a good vibe about this one.  Set it up.  Okay.  That’s it.  Get out.  That’s it.  Visit’s over.  Oh, you’re hilarious.  Bye.  Hey, Sandy.  I never said thank you.  Forty-seven years ago, you introduced me to that guy.  Yeah, you did.  Norman, say thank you to Sandy.  You wanna get laid?” — Eileen Newlander

Mindy Kominsky, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Sarah BakerMindy Kominsky

“Come on, you bastard!  I don’t know, dad.  Maybe hire a fucking plumber?  Ah, yes!  Sorry I missed class last night.  How’d it go?  Went to see Eileen.  It’s awful.  She can barely get out of bed.  No, you won’t.  Nothing.  Never mind.  When Uncle Jimmy was in the hospital, you couldn’t visit because you had a cold.  And your friend, Barry– what’s his name?  When Barry Melman was in that hospice place, you had a cold.  You were worried you might give the guy with brain cancer a case of the sniffles? Okay, fine.  Whatever you need to believe.  You’re afraid.  I mean, it’s understandable.  You’re getting older.  You don’t want to be… reminded.  Really?  You’re gonna make me say it?  Death.  I’m walking away from you.  Tsunamis?  Really?  Okay.  Well, you know what?  I’m wrong.  You’re right.  So, sorry I brought it up.  I’ll see you later, dad.” — Mindy Kominsky

“You have to talk to him.  He won’t leave her.  Dad!  You’re on a date?  Yeah.” — Mindy Kominsky

Jude, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Graham RogersJude

“Yeah, uh, Sandy?  Uh, I have an audition tomorrow for a shampoo commercial.  How do I love that?  Yeah, uh, Sandy, one more question.  Uh, it’s for Pantene.  Thank you.  That’s why he’s Sandy Kaminsky and we are not.” — Jude

“I liked it better when she cried.  Oh.” — Jude

“Hey.  Good news.  I got the shampoo commercial.  Yeah.  I did just like you told me and nailed the audition.  I’m gonna cash the check, buy Bitcoin.  It’s the money of the future.  Okay.” — Jude

Breana, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Ashleigh LaThropBreana

“I’d like a People’s Choice Award.” — Breana

Theresa, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Emily OsmentTheresa

“Um… Uh, Theresa.  Oh, uh, okay.  Um, I’ve been working on the eulogy speech from Steel Magnolias.  Is standing okay?  Um, I’ve never been to a funeral.  Okay.  So I should stand?  Okay.  I’m gonna use the stool as a gravestone.  ‘I’m fine.  I’m fine!  I’m fine!  I’m fine!  I can jog all the way to Texas and back… but my daughter can’t.  No, she never could.  Oh, God, I am so mad, I don’t know what to do!  I wanna know why.  I wanna know why Shelby’s life is over.  I wanna know how that baby will ever know how wonderful his mother was.  Will he ever know what she went through for him?  Oh, God.  I wanna know why!  Why?’  Yeah?  Mm-hm.  Oh, my God.  Really?  Wow.  I don’t understand.  Okay.  I’m fine.  I’m fine!  I’m fine!  I’m fine!  I can jog all the way to Texas and back… but my daughter can’t.  No, she never could.  Oh, God, I am so mad, I don’t know what to do.  I wanna know why.  I wanna know why Shelby’s life is over.  I wanna know how that baby will ever know how wonderful her mother was.  Will he ever know what she went through for him?  Oh, God.  I wanna know why.  Why?  Um, I don’t know.  More honest, I guess.  So I did good?” — Theresa

Margaret, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Melissa TangMargaret

“Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.  I thought the second time was better.  Um… you gave her a note.  No, not… not just the note.  Just that you obviously wanted her– could you pick someone else?” — Margaret

Lisa, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Nancy TravisLisa

“I thought the second way she did the speech was more interesting.  Well, crying is a socially acceptable way to express grief.  It’s what you’re expected to do.  But people feel all sorts of things when they lose a loved one.  It’s just not okay to show then.  So venting her anger was more interesting.  Lisa.  You’re welcome, Sandy.” — Lisa

“So, uh… so what other great actresses did you coach?  Oh, come on!  Wow.  That’s some lineup.  Did you, uh… sleep with any of them?  Oh, wow.  You are a good actor.  Come on.  I swear I won’t think less of you if you did.  Uh, let’s see.  I was a theater minor in college and absolutely loved it.  Probably the happiest time of my life.  Honestly, I, uh… I don’t know why I quit.  Oh, about me, you tell the truth?  Well, uh, anyway, long story short, when my husband of many years turned out to be balls deep in his dental hygienist… ahem.  Sorry, still a little bitter.  I decided to spend some of my divorce settlement on acting classes.  And a Porsche Cayenne.  Mmm.  Well, it all worked out.  I mean, I got the house, and he got a Samoan mother-in-law.  Yeah.  Uh… yeah.  Yeah, yeah.  I’m fine.  I’m just… twenty-nine years.  I just… I thought we’d grow old together.  You know, uh… retire… drive around the country in an RV… babysit the grandkids.  A whole fucking bullshit fantasy.  I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  I’m a good actor, too.” — Lisa

“This is bullshit.  I want my money back.  Okay, then take me to dinner.  I am.  Okay.  If you say so.  For God’s sake, it’s just dinner!” — Lisa

“Invite him in!  Be right there, Sandy!  Aah!  Sorry.  Thanks.  So, uh… do you.  You know, you didn’t have to come all this way.  I could’ve met you.  That is so wonderfully archaic.  See you later, Matthew.  So you met my son.  Yeah.  Kind of a dick, isn’t he?  You are a very kind man.  This is a real classic Mercedes, isn’t it?  Mm.  Remember the Thomas Guide?  Yeah.  Ooh, Mindy.  What’s wrong?  Is it serious?  Aw.  Oh, of course.  No, no.  Don’t be ridiculous.  We’ll do this another time.  Who?  You told her about me?  Let’s go.  I wanna meet her, too.  I’m sorry for your loss.” — Lisa

Lane, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Casey Thomas Brown


“Am I doing it wrong?  Sorry.  Relaxing is hard for me.  I had an emotionally abusive childhood.  Twenty-eight.  No.” — Lane

Matthew, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Cedric BegleyMatthew

“Yeah?  Mom, he’s here.  What is?  Matthew.  No.” — Matthew

Diane, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Ann-MargretDiane

“Norman, sometimes our hearts have to be broken so that love can come back in through the cracks.” — Diane

“God takes the good ones way too soon.” — Diane

Darshani, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Jenna Lyng AdamsDarshani

Phoebe Newlander, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Lisa EdelsteinPhoebe Newlander

Freddie Money, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Eddie Money, Jesse MoneyFreddie Money

Dr. Wexler, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Danny DeVitoDr. Wexler

Elliot Gould, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Elliot GouldElliot Gould

Jay Leno, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Jay LenoJay Leno

Patti LaBelle, The Kominsky Method, Netflix, Chuck Lorre Productions, Warner Bros. Television, Patti LaBellePatti LaBelle

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