Amazon Prime Video original film Superbad was released August 17th, 2007.
#Superbad made $170.8M at the international box office.
rottentomatoes: 88%
metacritic: 76
imdb: 7.6
Evan Goldberg
Evan Goldberg goes to Clark Secondary School in southern California.
“Yo. Which on eis the Vag-tastic Voyage? That’s disgusting. You’re like an animal. But peeing on people? That’s normal? I’m just sick of all the amateur stuff, you know? I mean, like, if I’m paying top dollar, I want a little production value. Like some editing, transition, something. Some music. Your parents are gonna be lookin at the bill, dipshit. Uh, what about, like, Perfect Ten? Something like that, you know? Like Perfect Ten? Because that could be any number of things, you know? They can’t really get you for that. That could be, like, a bowling website.” — Evan Goldberg
“I didn’t realize that. What are you? I’m not a piece of meat. No. Miss each other? No, thank you. I don’t– I don’t miss each other. Me too. Bye, Mom. Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad’s dick. Hey, Seth, wait– you can’t park in the faculty lot. You know, you’re being an idiot, man. You shouldn’t have parked there. Look at those nipples. It’s not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff when I have to hide every erection I get.” — Evan Goldberg
“I mean, just imagine if girls weren’t weirded out by ours boners and stuff and just, like, wanted to see them. I mean, that’s the world I one day wanna live in. Shauna? Shauna was two years ago now? Yeah, I guess so. But she was insanely hot. How can that possibly suck? I’d be psyched if I go with her. You got, like, two dozen handjobs. You’re like Orson Welles. Well, you’ll have sex in college, everyone does. I still think you have a chance with Jules, man. And– and she got incredibly hot over last summer and she obviously hasn’t realized it yet ’cause she’s still always talking to you and flirting with you.” — Evan Goldberg
“Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz for, like, two years. All right, I’m tired of you talking about her like that. Yeah, well, I don’t constantly insult her. Dick-taking abilities? Do you think that’s a good thing to say about someone? You know, you really bitched out back there, man. Did you want me to dive in front of his spit?” — Evan Goldberg
“Hey, Becca. You’re welcome. Don’t worry about it. I heard. I uh– it’s a maybe… …for me at the moment. Um, my R.S.V.P– there’s so much other fun shit that I can’t really commit and, you know, hurt someone’s feelings. That’s because of all the other fun shit I’m off doing. I’d love to be at all of them, but… there was so many things going on. I couldn’t find a minute… …to make an appearance there. Um, Saturday was actually a crazy night for me.” — Evan Goldberg
“I had some friends over, and we had a few drinks. I hung out in my basement, the chill zone, that’s where we chill-lax. Like ‘relax’ and ‘chill’ all at once. Aw! Seth’s parents were throwing a party. We got to hang around adults, which was a nice change of pace, you know. You– you converse, you talk to people, and they have interesting stories. I talked to a man who climbed five mountains in his life. And then we went to a nightclub which was incredible. This big, fancy one. ‘I’m feeling crazy.’ I said that. We got right in. Wanna do this, ‘roid monkey? Then we called it a night. We were all just really exhausted.” — Evan Goldberg
“You would’ve loved it. It was an incredible, unbelievable night. Oh, who wouldn’t? I mean, it was like me and Seth are always king of cooking up these fun, sort, little, you know, events. Um, we were going to, but we got into different schools. Yeah, I mean, it’s not too bad. I mean, it should be okay. I’m not too worried about it, really. Don’t worry about it. I’m not worried at all. Yeah. No problem. Bye.” — Evan Goldberg
“Hey don’t keep me waiting much longer. I’m getting impatient up here. Heh. You know what I’m talking about. Miroki, you’re embarassing me. Good shit,, right, Meroki? Yeah. We got nothing. Nothing tonight, Fogell. Well done, man. Seriously. See you after class. Not yet. No. Well, at least we’re getting a graduation party. Thank God, man.” — Evan Goldberg
“I hear you, man. I’d give my middle nut to date Becca. You know what? I’m seriously getting fucking sick of you talking about her like that, frankly, if we can be honest. Why do you hate her so much? You’ve never given me a reason. I think you like her. Why, man? What? Dicks? Like a man dick? That’s fucked. All right. I mean, I don’t see what this has to do with Becca. You hit Becca’s foot with your dick? Yeah. Well, I don’t– I– that’s really messed up. Super gay. No, I can’t, I gotta go meet my counselor. I’m picking out my classes for next year. I gue– yeah, I mean, what do you want me to do? Just relax, man. I’ll see you later.” — Evan Goldberg
“Kick it over to me. Dude, get out of here, they’re gonna make me run laps again. Did you ever think that maybe she’s using you to get her alcohol? She doesn’t want your dick. You just sound like an idiot. You’re not gonna be able to sleep with her. Can we talk about this later? Fucking calm down, Greg. It’s soccer. It’s soccer. I should buy Becca alcohol? Have you talked to Fogell?” — Evan Goldberg
“Hey, Becca. Hey, hold up. Hey, um… hi, uh, did you–? Did you hear about the party tonight? Yeah. Ahem. Yeah, I’m going. Yeah, I’m gonna go to it. That’s actually why I came looking for you. Me and the guys are gonna go to a liquor store after class. And I just thought, you know, if– if you needed someone to get you yours, I– I could do that. I could be that person. Oh… yeah. That’s the one with the little golden flakes in it? That’s classy. No, no, you won’t. No, it’s my treat, miss. Yep, and that’s that. It’s the first of many too, so get used to it, sister. Yeah, no problem. You– oh… I’m sorry. That guy walked by– it was an accident. I was gonna give you a nudge– a punch, the friend thing. I didn’t mean– hey, Gaby. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Bye. Sorry. Heh.” — Evan Goldberg
“I did it, dude. I– I even offered to pay for it. It was pimp. Like– I feel like a pimp right now. Like one of those pimps. That’s what I was afraid of. Okay. Where have you been, man? Hawaii? All right, that’s good. It’s hard to trace, I guess. Wait, you changed your name to McLovin? McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer? Have you ever met anyone named Mohammad? What? One name. One name? Wha–? Who are you, Seal? Let’s stay calm, okay? Let’s not lose our heads. I-it’s a fine ID. It’ll– it’s gonna work. It’s passable, okay? This isn’t terrible. I mean, it’s up to you, Fogell. This guy’s gonna think, ‘here’s a kid with a fake ID,’ or ‘here’s McLovin, the 25-year-old Hawaiin organ donor.’ Okay? So what’s it gonna be?”
Seth
“Hey, I was doing some research for next year, and I think I figured out which website I wanna subscribe to. The Vag-tastic Voyage. The Vag-tastic Voyage is the one where they find random girls on the street, and they invite them into a van and then they bang them once they’re on the van. It’s like 13 bucks a month, and you get access to a bunch of other sites. Like one’s Latina, one’s Asian, uh, you know, there’s one for fetishes like feet and pee-pee and shit and stuff like that.”
“I’m– what? I’m disgusting? You’re the weird one, man. Don’t make me feel weird ’cause I like porn. You’re the weird one for not liking porn. I’m normal as shit. Evan, I’m not saying I’m gonna look at it. I’m just saying that it comes with the site, okay? I don’t know what I’m gonna be into 10 years from now. Yeah, you know, well, I’m sorry, Evan, that the Coen brothers don’t direct the porn that I watch. They’re hard to get a hold of, okay? Yeah, you’re right I should probably pick the one with the least dirty-sounding name.”
“Yeah, but they don’t really show dick going in, which is a huge concern. Plus, have you ever seen a vagina by itself? Not for me. No– no problem, Jane. How are you? Beautiful. Don’t touch that. I got into some schools, some pretty good ones, so I’ll be fine. Yeah, I’m gonna cry myself to sleep every night… …when I’m out partying. Bye, Jane. I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.”
“Don’t be such vagine, man. I gotta get a Red Bull before class. Fuck it. I’m about to graduate. They should be sucking on my ball sac. It’s the least they could do for stealing three years of my life. Oh, fuck me. They’re like little baby toes. You know what I do. I flip my boner up into my waistband. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton. You know, it’s been two years since I’ve seen an actual human female nipple. Yeah. Exactly. She was too hot, okay? That’s what sucks. And three-quarters of a blowjob, but who’s counting, Evan? Look, it was the peak of my ass-getting career, and it happened way, way too early.”
“Exactly! If I had paced myself, I’d be having at least steady sex with a decent-looking girl. I honestly see now why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death. Yes, but the point is to be good at sex by the time you get to college. You don’t want girls thinking you suck dick at fucking pussy. Are you out of your mind? Look at Jules’ dating record, okay? She dated Dan Remick, who’s had a six-pack since, like, kindergarten. Jason Stone, who looks like fucking Zack Morris. And Matt Muir. Matt Muir, he’s the sweetest guy ever.”
“Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard the Beatles. Why would she end her high-school career with me? Yeah, but that guy’s a fucking idiot. You’re actually a step-up from that dick-load. That’s why you need to stop– will you get this for me? That’s why you need to stop being a pussy and nail her. You could bang her for two months before you leave. And I’m not gonna dance around it, she looks like a good fucker.”
“What, you can talk about her all day, every day, and the second I say one thing, it’s blasphemy? I’m not trying to insult her. I’m just saying that she looks like a good fucker, okay? She looks like she could take a dick. Some women pride themselves on their dick-taking abilities. The fucked-up thing is, I actually do, okay? If some woman tried to compliment me on my dick-giving abilities, I’d be psyched.”
“What? No. So Jesse wanted me to tell you that you’re a fucking faggot and you can’t come to his party. I bitched out? You bitched out, man, you fucking Judas. Fucking left me hanging over there. This is bullshit. No problem. No, no, don’t worry. No worries. You just keep it. It’ll be yours. You won’t have to borrow one again ’cause you’ll have that one. So far. Gonna look at tits right now! What the fuck?!”
“Mrs. Hayworth, I joined this class because I thought I’d be cooking with a partner. But she’s never here and I don’t get twice the grades for doing all the work. I know, but look at Evan, okay? Just look at him. I’m over here in my unity, isolated and alone, eating my terrible-tasting food and I gotta look over at that. Looks like the most fun I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And it’s B.S. Excuse my language. I’m just saying that I wash and dry. I’m like a single mother. We all know Home Ec is a joke, no offense. It’ just, like, everyone takes this calss to get an A. It’s bullshit, and I’m sorry. And I’m not putting down your profession, but it’s just the way I feel.”
“I don’t wanna sit here all my myself cooking this shitty food– no offense. And I just think that I don’t ever need to cook tiramisu. When am I gonna need to cook tiramisu? Am I gonna be a chef? No. There’s three weeks left in school. Give me a fucking break. I’m sorry for cursing. Jules? All right. I’ll– I’ll give it another shot. I’ll give Home Ec another shot.”
“Yeah, Hayworth will notice this, if we cover it with chocolate. Just dump it on. I’m serious. And now it looks professional. I think we’re gonna get an A. Probably nothing. Why? Yeah, I love parties. You know, it’s a love-hate thing. So, like, you know, right now, I really love them, though. Yeah. Hey, Miroki, could we have a minute alone? Just– thanks. Dude, Jules is having a fucking party. Don’t tell Fogell about the party.”
“That’s the coolest fucking story I’ve ever heard in my life. Insane. Can I hear it again? Do you have time? While you guys are at Dartmouth, I’ll be over at State where the girls are half as smart and thus twice as likely to fellash me. That’s insane. Evan was like, ‘I heard about this party. We shouldn’t tell Fogell. I was like, ‘no, tell Fogell.’ You could buy us booze now. It’s awesome. Did you tell that idiot you’re not rooming with him? All right, well, you better. That guy’s the fucking anti-poon.”
“We’re getting a fake ID, so… it’s not like a big deal. Not a big thing. Oh, I’m excited. I would do terrible, disgusting things to hook up with Jules. Unforgivable things. Becca’s a bitch. Me too. Fuck no, man! I hate Becca. Fine, Evan. Here it comes. When I was a little kid, I kind of had this problem. And it’s not even that big of a deal. Something like 8 percent of kids do it, but whatever. It’s… for some reason, I don’t know why, I would just kind of sit around all day… and draw pictures of dicks. Draw pictures of dicks. Yeah. Like a man dick. I’d just sit there for hours on end, drawing dicks. I don’t know what it was. I couldn’t touch the pen to a piece of paper without drawing the shape of a penis. It’s really fucked. Here I am, this little kid, and I can’t stop drawing dicks to save my own life. Just listen. Okay? Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade. And in the classroom is where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation I had going on. Even I thought it was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think. So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. So one day I’m finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard. All of a sudden… yeah. I know.”
“She starts crying. She flips out. And she rats me out to the principal. He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out. He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is some religious fanatic, and he thinks I’m possessed by some dick devil. My parents make me see a therapist, and he’s asking me all these dick questions. They made me stop eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsickles. Know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds. Right, let’s stop this madness. Let’s just go get dessert. I gotta sit here and eat dessert alone, like I’m fucking Steven Glanzberg? I don’t know. Nothing. It’s fine. That’s fine. I’ll be fine. Fuck off.”
“Here I am. Yeah, why? Should I not come? ‘Cause I could think of other shit– yeah, I’m gonna get one. For ‘sho,’ for ‘sho.’ I’m getting that for ‘sho.’ Yeah. I can. I can get you guys alcohol. Yes, for sure. Well, Jules, the funny thing about my back is, is that it’s located on my cock. So you do want alcohol? You want some sort of alcohol, or no? You do or you don’t? You do want alcohol. You need some. Either way. Well– either way. Either way’s fine. Yeah, that’s really nice. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that nice. Yeah. So should I just, uh, get a shitload of different shit? Kyle’s Killer Lemonade. I– that’s kind of gay, but I can get it for you. Killer.”
“Dude, just fucking listen, okay? Jules and her stupid fucking friend came up to me, and they asked me to buy her alcohol. But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that means? By some divine miracle, we were paired up and she actually thought of me. Thought of me enough to decide I was the guy she would trust with the whole fun-ness of her party. She wants to fuck me. She wants my dick in and around her mouth. No! She’s got an older brother. She could have asked him, but she asked me. She looked me in the eyes and said: ‘Seth, Mom is making a pubie salad, and I need some Seth’s Own dressing.’ She’s D.T.F. She’s down to fuck, man. P in vagi. She wants to fuck, man. Tonight is the night that fucking is an actual possibility.”
“No. Dude, I know I talk a lot of shit, okay? But she’s gonna be at the party and she’s gonna be drunk, and she likes me at least a little, enough to get with me. At the very least, I’ll make out with her. Two weeks, handjob. Month, blowjob. Whatever. And then I make her my girlfriend. And I’ve got, like, two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around, I’ll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vag. Hey, why don’t you go piss your pants again? People don’t forget. Do you want to hear the best part? Becca. You do the same thing with her. When you guys are shitfaced at the party, you get with her. This is our last party as high-school people. I’ve fully ignored my hatred for Becca in coming up with this plan.”
“Yeah, it’ll be pimp! That way you know she’ll be drunk. You know when you hear a girl saying: ‘ah, I was so shitfaced last night. I shouldn’t have fucked that guy.’ We could be that mistake! All right, you talk to Becca. I’ll talk to that retard, Fogell. Don’t worry. Goal. No, I’m not! Where’s that sack of shit, Fogell? He said he’d be here after lunch. I’m here with my thumb up my ass. Whoa, that is fucking pimp. Why didn’t I think of that? Shit! Sh– we’re screwed. Okay? We’re screwed. That’s what we fucking get for trusting Fogell. HE pussied out. I know it. He fucking pussied out. How’d he get into Dartmouth? I don’t get it. He’s got shit for brains. All right, how else can we get alcohol?”
“You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out, or what? And you landed on McLovin? Why the fuck would it be between that or Mohammad?! Why not just pick a common name like a normal person? No, that’s why you picked a dumb fucking name. Give me that. All right. You look like a future pedophile in this picture, number one. Number two, it doesn’t even have a first name. It just says McLovin! Fogell, this ID says you’re 25 years old. Why wouldn’t you just put 21, man?”
Jules / Crew
“The whole thing? Okay. That’s really impressive. It’s beautifully done. So, what are you doing tonight? I don’t know. My parents are gone so I’m having a party. I don’t really know how many people are gonna be there, but you could stop by if you wanted to. Really? I just don’t really ever see you at them.”
“Seth, it’s dishes time. What’s the holdup? Wow.”
“Just the one, though. Just the one. Not both. I’ll call Andy and Greg. Okay. And I’ll bring the ’80s dance music. Yeah, yeah. Seth! Hi. There you are. We were just talking about you. That’s weird. So you’re coming to my party tonight, right? ‘Cause it’s, like, fully on. Oh, no. No. I– I want you to come, I just, um– you said something earlier about, like, a fake ID or something, right?”
“Can you get us booze? Really? Seriously? Oh, that would be awesome. Thank you. Because we’re worried about that. That would be great. Plus, you know, you scratch our backs, we’ll scratch yours. Um, y-yeah. This is actually a kind of big favor. ‘Cause my parents left me like 100 bucks to, uh, feed myself for the week. You know, but the house is full of food, so I just thought I’d spend it all on, you know, extra drinks for the party, so… it’s cool? Okay. Thank you. Awesome. I mean, seriously, that’s really– that’s nice of you. Thank you.”
“Well, you gotta get me some Kyle’s Killer Lemonade. So, um– okay, so then we will see you tonight.”
Fogell
“Oh! Fuck you! Oh!”
“Hey! Gangsters. What’s up, guys? I was just walking down the hall and that Nicola was right in front of me and she was wearing these tight white pants with this black G-string, and you could see right through the pants, man. It was so sweet.”
“Uh, it’s 10:33. I told her what time it was. Yeah, yeah, Seth. I’ll really gonna miss your knee-slappers when me and Evan are at Dartmouth. What are you guys doing tonight? Asshole. No? Well if nothing comes up, we can get shitfaced again. Yeah? You’re always calling me a pussy and whatnot, but today you’re wrong. At lunch, I’m going to the same place Mike Snider went to pick up my brand-new fake ID.”
“Chicka-chicka, yeah, fake ID, fake ID. I’m tight. Yeah, I’ll– sure, I’ll buy the booze. Yeah, man, we’re gonna get our drinks on. We’re gonna party and get crunk and rock out, dude. Okay. I’m– gotta go.”
“Yo, guys! What’s up? No, no, man. I got it. It’s flawless. Check it. Yeah. They let you pick any name you want when you get down there. Yeah, it was between that or Mohammad. Mohammad is the most common name on earth. Read a fucking book for once. Have you ever met anyone named McLovin? Fuck you.”
“Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face. Every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with their fake IDs, and every single one says they’re 21. How many 21-year-olds you think there are in this town? It’s called fucking strategy. I am McLovin.”
Evan’s Mom
“Hi. Thanks for taking him, Seth. Good. You two are funny. I can’t imagine what you’re gonna do without each other next year. Evan told me you didn’t get into Dartmouth. You gonna miss each other? Go to school, boys.”
Southern California
“Hey, yo, Seth. Did you hear I’m having a big grad party next Saturday? Yeah. Oh, shit! You’re not coming! Tell your fucking faggot friend he can’t come either.”
Clark Secondary School
“Come on, guys, let’s go! Pussy. If I equals the square root of negative one, then I squared equals negative one. Okay? In other words, if you consider I as a constant, you can then define the square roots of all the negative numbers. So I is an imaginary number. It doesn’t really exist. If I equals the square root of negative one, then I squared equals negative one. Is that making s—? Okay.”
“Okay, bye. Evan! Evan, hey.”
“Hey, uh, thank you for your pen. Thank you so much. That’s… so, I was gonna ask you. Did you hear about Jesse’s grad party next weekend? It should be fun. Really? Just a maybe? Fun shit? But I– I never see you at parties or anything. So why weren’t you at Dimitri’s on Saturday?”
“What did you do? Wow. You got in? That sounds like a lot of fun. You know, I– I’d love to go do something like that sometime. So I guess you guys are really gonna go crazy next year together. Really? That sucks. All right, well, thank you for the pen. Bye. Bye, Evan.”
“I didn’t invent odd numbers, Seth. All right, Jules’ partner isn’t here today either. Pair up with her. Station four. Mm-hm. What? If you’re not in this class, leave this class. Fogell! Hi! Pussy! Agh! Oh, my God! Hey, pussy.”
“Go to the ball, guys. Evan, get into the game. Seth! Get off the field! What the fuck, Evan? We’re down two points. Fuck you, man. That was eight years ago, asshole. Seth, get off the field! You’re getting that!”
“Oh, hey. Yeah. Yeah, I just heard. It sounds awesome. Really? Yeah. Um– yeah, no, that would be great. That would save me such a hassle, ’cause I was gonna beg my sister, but– could you get me, like, a bottle of Goldslick Vodka? Yeah. The girly one. Um, okay, well, I’ll pay you back at the party, then. Really? Oh, well, thank you. It’s okay. Its okay. Hey, Becca. Oh. Hey. Hey. Gaby. What’s up, Evan? We should get to class. We’re gonna go to class. So I will see you tonight. Really, don’t worry. Okay. Bye.”
