Warner Bros. original film Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery was released
The #AustinPowers franchise hauled in $557.5M at the international box office.
rottentomatoes: 73%
metacritic: 51
imdb: 7.0
Austin Powers
Austin Powers is an elite British intelligence officer working out of London, England.
“Yeah! Come on, babies. Work with me, people. All right. Show me love. Great, babies! Yeah. Oh, behave. Hello, Mrs. Kensington. Why don’t you ever model for me, Mrs. Kensington? Oh, behave. Heh heh heh, yeah! Yeah, baby! Yeah, heh heh heh. Ow! We’ll be there. Yeah, have a look, baby! Whoo! There you go. Come on, baby. Yeah, yeah! It’s my happening, baby, and it freaks me out! Yeah, man! Sure! Wait. I’ve got an idea. Right. Let me show you, baby. That ain’t no woman. It’s a man, man. One of Dr. Evil’s assassins. Good work, Mrs. Kensington. All right, get up. Get up! Right… where’s Dr. Evil, huh? Where is he? There’s the bastard. Come on. Let’s go. Coming through. Excuse me. I’ve got you now, Dr. Evil.” — Austin Powers
“Uh… uh… wh-where am I? Who are these people?! Yes. I’m having difficulty controlling the volume of my voice! Russian Intelligence? Are you mad? Well, finally, those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh, comrades? Eh? Oh, groovy. Smashing. Yay, capitalism. Hello. Hello! Dr. Evil. When do I begin? Mrs. Kensington! My God, Vanessa’s got a fabulous body… and I bet she shags like a minx. How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? I… hope I didn’t say that out loud just now. Heh heh heh… no doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I’ll be sound as a pound.” — Austin Powers
“Actually, my name is Austin Powers. No, no, no, no, no. Danger’s my middle name. Hey, all right. There it is. Buon Giorno, boys. Hey, Burt! That’s not mine. I’m telling you, baby, that’s not mine. I don’t even know what this is. This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby. Ok. I’ll sign it, just to get things moving, you know. You’re all right, baby. Oh, come on. Was that so hard? My jumbo jet! Smashing, baby! Oop… sorry. Quickly. Quickly. Come on, lad. Let’s go.” — Austin Powers
“Pretty groovy jumbo jet, eh? When you see this jet a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’, baby! Yeah! Release forms? Mishaps? But isn’t that what being an international man of mystery’s all about? Ok. Name: Austin… Danger Powers. Sex. Yes, please! How does a hot chick like you end up working in the Ministry of Defense? That’s fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don’t we go in the back and shag? I’ve been frozen for 30 years. I’ve gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working. My wedding tackle. My meat and 2 veg, my twig and berries. Can I, uh… can I show you something? I won’t bit… hard. Let me ask you a question, and be honest. Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah, do I? Oh, turbulence! Oh, look at that! Oh turbulence! Oh, I’ve gone over! Oh, I fell over again! What’s your point, Vanessa? Yeah!” — Austin Powers
“Viva Las Vegas, baby! Yeah! Whoa. Whoo! Whoo! Which side of the bed do you want? Right. Should we shag now or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first, you know, top and tails, whore’s bath? Personally, before I’m on the job I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how’s-your-father. I’m just joking, Vanessa. I’m just trying to get a rise out of you, that’s all. For shits and giggles. Gor blimey. Nerd alert! How did this get in here? Somebody’s playing a prank on me. Honestly, it’s not mine.” — Austin Powers
“Hey, Americans, yeah! Enjoy that wine. Hey, there you are. no, but that’s where you are. You’re there. Hey, Viva Las Vegas, baby. Hey… yes. Smashing. Let’s go. Hello. Excuse me. Do you mind if I join you? I’ll stay. I also like to live dangerously. Well, I won’t lie to you. Cards are not my bag, baby. Allow myself to introduce… myself. My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my wife Oprah. Come again? Ah, I’m sorry. I’m just not getting it. It sounded like you said your name was a lot of, uh… never mind. What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two? Oh. You keep your eye on the Italian bird. We’ll rendezvous back at the hotel suite. You didn’t happen to see… anything at all. Ah. Sorry. Oh, thank you. Uh, no. Actually, I’m English. Right. Ok. Ughhh… ughhh… who does number two work for? Who does number two work for?” — Austin Powers
“Oh… ohh… let me see. That’s Dr. Evil’s cat. I never forget a pussy… cat. My God, Vanessa, you are so incredibly beautiful. That’s it… yes… yes… yes… come on, darling, I’m gonna take you out for a night on the town. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach. Oh, yeah… I’m gonna do it. Do it a bit. Right hand green! Oh, no, no… you all right? You all right? Oh, you know what? Wait. I forgot something in the lobby. Why don’t I take the stairs? Why take the stairs when I could take the escalator? Why take the escalator when I’ve got a perfectly good canoe? I know what– I’m gonna take the elevator. Yes? Ok. Oh, I tripped. Oh… well, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that bug up your ass had to die. No. This is me in a nutshell. Help! I’m in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell? Look at the size of this bloody great big nutsh– what sort of a shell has a nut like this? This is crazy. Yes. Look at you. You’re smashed. Yes, you are. I can’t, darling. ‘Cause you’re drunk. It’s not right. I can’t. She was very groovy. Your dad loved her very much. If there was one other cat in this world that could have loved her and treated her as well as your dad, well, it was me. But unfortunately… for yours truly… that train has sailed. Vanessa? Vanessa, hello? Come on, roll over. Sleepytime. Ok, Austin needs his hand back.” — Austin Powers
“Ahh… hello, hello. Yes, yes, ok, great… Project Vulcan. Yeah, ok. Cheeky, huh? Yeah. Come on, baby, give it to me. Yes, yes, yes, no, no! You seem surprised to see me, Miss Fagina. Your boss– Number Two– I understand that cat’s involved in big underground drills. I didn’t, baby. You just told me. Oh, behave. Good God. Oh, groovy, baby. Mm, yes. That feels yummy. Ha ha. Mm… or sometimes not at all. Sake it to me, baby. Yes. Kinky. Klinky. Whoo… ohh… mm, I feel extreme relaxation. I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know it was your turn. Pardon me for being rude. It was not me. It was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it’s gone back down below. I say… hello, Vicar. Ooh. That’s the spot, all right. That’s the sport right there. Look at that, now.” — Austin Powers
Dr. Evil
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world’s deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset… people die! Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots? Mustafa, Frau Farbissina, I spared your lives because I need you to help me rid the world of Britain’s top secret agent, the only man who can stop me now. We must kill Austin Powers!”
“Not this time. Come, Mr. Bigglesworth! Come see you in the future, Mr. Powers.”
“Gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. It’s been 30 years, but I’m back. Everything’s gone perfectly to plan except for one small flaw– due to a technical error by my henchman Mustafa, complications arose in the unfreezing process. Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth! Silence! Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure. Gentlemen, let’s get down to business. We’ve got a lot of work to do. Some of you I know, some of you I’m meeting for the first time. Ok, you’ve all been gathered here to form– excuse me. Yes. He’s down there. No, not dead– burned. Badly. Yes. Right. Ok, moving along– right.”
“Let me go around the table and introduce everyone. Frau Farbissina: founder of the militant wing of the Salvation Army. Random Task: Korean ex-wrestler, evil handyman extraordinaire. Random Task, show them what you do. Patty O’Brien: ex-Irish assassin. His trademark– a superstitious man, he leaves a tiny keepsake from his good luck bracelet on every victim he kills. Scotland Yard would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence.”
“Finally, we come to my number-two man. His name: Number Two. For 30 years, number two has run Virtucon, the legitimate face of my evil empire. Naturally, yes. Gentlemen… I have a plan. It’s called blackmail. As you know, the royal family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the royal family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it seem that Prince Charles has had an affair outside of marriage, and therefore… would have to divorce. Right. Ok, people, you have to tell me these things, all right? I’ve been frozen for 30 years, ok? Throw me a frickin’ bone here. I’m the boss. Need the info. Ok, no problem. Here’s my second plan: back in the sixties, I developed a weather-changing machine, which was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a ‘laser.’ Using these ‘lasers,’ we punch a hole in the protective layer around the world, which we call the ‘ozone’ layer. Slowly, but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless… the world pays us… a hefty ransom. Shit. Oh, hell, let’s just do what we always do– hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Good. Gentlemen, it’s come to my attention that a breakaway Russian republic– Kreplachistan– is about to transfer a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here’s the plan: we get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom for… $1 million! Really? That’s a lot more. Ok, then. We hold the world ransom for… $100… billion!”
“Oh, sure. My son? Hello, Scott. I’m your father… Dr. Evil. Could I have a hug? Give me a hug. Come here. Let’s go. Pronto. I’m with it. I’m hip. ♪ Dukka-dukka, Dukka-dukka, Dukka-dukka, Dukka-dukka ♪ Haa! ♪. Don’t look at me like I’m frickin’ Frankenstein. Give your father a hug. Hug… hug… hug…”
“Gentlemen, the warhead is ours. Patch me through to the United Nations security secret meeting room. Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil. In a little while you’ll notice that the Kreplachistani warhead has gone missing. If you want it back, you’re going to have to pay me… $1 million. Sorry. $100 billion. Dr. Evil. I didn’t spend 6 years in evil medical school to be called mister, thank you very much. Really? So long. Gentlemen, in exactly 5 days we will be $100 billion richer. Heh heh ha ha ha… ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha… ho ho ha ha ha ha hah! Ha ha ha ha ha… ha ha ha ha ha… ha ha ha ha ha… uh, ha ha ha ha… heh heh heh heh… uh, ha ha ha… ooh, whoo… uh, heh heh… uh, heh…”
“Austin Powers in getting too close. Any suggestions?”
Vanessa Kensington
“Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot’s changed since 1967. Listen, Mr. Powers, I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me ‘baby.’ You can address me as… Agent Kensington. All right then… Vanessa. Now come along. We have to leave immediately. We preserved your private jet just as you left it. It’s waiting at Heathrow Airport.”
“I’m going to need you to sign these release forms. Yes. You’re not officially working for Ministry of Defense, and these forms indemnify the ministry against any… mishaps that may occur in the line of duty. Oh. Well, I went to Oxford, where I excelled in several subjects, but I ended up specializing in foreign languages. I really wanted to travel. You know, sort of see the world? What? Excuse me. I’m sorry– Mr. Powers, please. I’d appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest. All right. Oh! I hope this is part of the unfreezing process. Oh! Mr. Powers! I will never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth, and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.”
“You’re sleeping on the sofa, Mr. Powers. In fact, I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that the only reason we’re sharing a room is to keep up the context that we’re a married couple on vacation. Let’s unpack.”
“Ok, Austin… Austin? There’s a company called Virtucon which we think may be linked to Dr. Evil. Plenty of the Virtucon executives are gambling in the casino. Look. There’s one over there.”
“Hello, mummy? He’s asleep. No! I made him sleep on the sofa. Why? Oh, well, God knows he tried, mummy. I actually had to end up being rather firm with him. What about his teeth? It’s really bizarre. Did you ever? Did you ever want to? Yeah, well, you didn’t answer my question, mummy. Do you want to speak to him? Ok, well, I’m going to have to go, mummy, but I love you. A limo’s just pulled up. How can you tell? Oh, no, he’s gone away. Oh… oh, God, Austin, get on with it. Oh, go on… yes! Oh… aah! Ha ha ha! Austin… come have some champagne with me. You know, I haven’t had this much fun since college. Why? Always wanting to have fun, Austin. That’s you in a nutshell. No. No, I’m not. No, I’m not. I’m the sensible one. I’m always the designated driver. Oh, kiss me. Why not? No, I’m not drunk. I’m just beginning to see what my mummy was talking about all those years ago. Ohh… all right, well, tell me all about my mummy in the sixties. I’m dying to know what she was like.”
Mrs. Kensington
“Hello, Austin. You know how Mr. Kensington feels about that. Austin, it’s a swinging shindig. Austin, we’ve got to look for Dr. Evil. Austin! Why on earth did you hit that woman? My God! He’s freezing himself.”
“Oh, hello, Vanessa. And how’s Austin? You didn’t. Vanessa, I’m proud of you. Because you’ve managed to resist Austin Powers’ charms. Darling, you have to understand, in Britain in the sixties you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn’t matter. Me? No, of course not. I was married to your father. Austin is very charming, very debonair. He’s handsome, witty, has as knowledge of fine wines. Women want him, and men want to be him. He’s every bit an international man of mystery. I know. Let me just say this– Austin was the most loyal and… caring friend I ever had. I will always love him. No. It’s been too long. Ciao, darling.”
Basil Exposition
“Hello, Austin. I’m Basil Exposition with British Intelligence. We have just received word that Dr. Evil is planning a trap for you tonight at the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger’s Club here in swinging London.”
“And so Dr. Evil escaped and had himself cryogenically frozen to return at a time when free love no longer reigned and greed and corruption ruled again.”
“Powers volunteered to have himself frozen in case Dr. Evil should ever return. This is our celebrity vault. Please. The ultimate gentleman spy: irresistible to women, deadly to his enemies, a legend in his own time.”
“You’re in the ministry of defense. It’s 1997. You’ve been cryogenically frozen for 30 years. The shouting is a temporary side effect of the unfreezing process. This is Commander Gilmour, U.S. strategic command, and General Borchevsky, Russian intelligence. A lot’s happened since you were frozen. The Cold War’s over. Austin… we won. Immediately. You’ll be working with Miss Kensington. Austin, Mrs. Kensington has long since retired. Miss Kensington is her daughter. Ah, here she is. Vanessa is one of our top agents.”
“Hello, Austin. This is Basil Exposition from British Intelligence. Now, I want you to find out what part Virtucon plays in something called project Vulcan. I’ll need you to go to Alotta Fagina’s penthouse immediately.”
Underground Lair
“Aah! Ha ha ha! Aaah! Whoaaaa! Aaaah! Aah! Aah! Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah!”
Number Two
“Dr. Evil, over the last 30 years, Virtucon has grown by leaps and bounds. About 15 years ago, we changed from volatile chemicals to the communications industry. We own cable companies in 38 states. We own a steel mill in Cleveland, shipping in Texas, oil refineries in Seattle, and a factory in Chicago that makes miniature models of factories.”
“Ahem. Prince Charles did have an affair, he admitted it, and they are now divorced. Ahem. That also… already has happened. Ahem. Don’t you think we should maybe ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn’t exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over $9 billion a year. Mm-hmm.”
“Not at all. Hit me. I like to live dangerously. My name is Number Two. This is my Italian Confidential secretary. Her name is Alotta… Alotta Fagina. That’s my business. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the little boys room.”
“Ahem.”
Mustafa
“But my design was perfect. But, Dr. Evil, we were unable to anticipate feline complications to the reanimation process– aah! Aaaaaaaaah! Someone help me! I-I’m… still alive, only I’m very… badly burned. Ah-ah! Hello out there! Anyone! Could someone call an ambulance? I’m in quite… a lot of pain. Ohhh! If somebody could open the retrieval hatch down here, I could get out. See, I designed this device myself– oh! Hi. Good. I’m glad you found me. Listen… I’m very badly burned, so if you could just– you shot me! You shot me in the arm! Why did–“
Patty O’Brien
“Yeah, they’re always after me lucky charms. What? Why’s everyone always laugh when I say that? They are after me lucky charms! What?”
Frau Farbissina
“It’s a television commercial… with this cartoon leprechaun, and all of these children are trying to chase him– ‘hey, leprechaun man! Won’t you give your lucky charms?’ Oh, and there’s always these little, tiny bits of marshmallows just stuck right in the cereal, so that when the kids eat them, they think, ‘oh, this is candy. I’m having fun!'”
“Remember when we froze your semen? You said if it didn’t look like you were coming back, we should try to make you a son so that a part of you could live forever. Well, after a couple of years, we… got a little impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son. Ja. Scott!”
“Jawohl, herr doctor. I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers. Bring in the fembots!”
Scott Evil
“Hi. I haven’t seen you my whole life, and now you come back and just expect a relationship? I hate you. What? No. No way. I’m not coming over there. Forget it. What are you doing? You’re– hey, don’t touch me! Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!”
Alotta Fagina
“Allota Fagina.”
“What do you want, Mr. Cunningham, was it? How did you know? We can talk about business later. Let me slip into something more comfortable. Come in… and I’ll show you everything you need to know. May I wash you? In Japan, men come first, and women come second. Care for some sake? How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham? Oh… how dare you break wind before me? That’s beautiful. Thank you. Let’s make love, you silly, hairy, little man.”
London, England
“It’s Austin Powers! It’s Austin Powers! Aah!”
“Can I get you a drink, Mr. Powers? Uhh! Look out! He’s got a knife! Uhh!”
“So, who is this Austin Powers? Attention. Stage one: laser cutting begins. Laser cutting complete. Stage 2: warm liquid goo phase beginning. Warm liquid good phase complete. Stage 3: reanimation beginning. Reanimation complete. Stage 4: cleansing beginning. Cleansing complete. Stage 5: evacuation beginning. Evacuation comp– evacuation com– com– com–evacuation com–“
United Nations
“Oh. Oh. Gentlemen, silence. Now, Mr. Evil– it is the policy of the United Nations not to negotiate with terrorists.”
Americans
“Yes? Commander Gilmour? Speaking. Commader, this is ritter in sou-west com 3. We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring and an unorthodox entry angle. What are you saying, son? Well, it appears to be in the shape of a big boy. Good God… he’s back. Well, in many ways, the big boy never left, sir. He’s always offered the same high-quality meals at competitive prices. Shut up. Shall I scramble tac HQ for an intercept? What’s its current position? I’m presently tracking it over Nevada. Oh, my God! The big boy’s gone. Listen, son… I want you to forget what you saw here today. Phillips… call the President, sir. Prepare the jet, bring my overnight bag, and, uh, Phillips, feed my fish? Not too much. I’m off to London, Eng-a-land.”
“Well, I hope your boy’s up to it. We don’t wanna have to bail you guys out again like after W.W. II. Mr. Powers… the Presiden’t quite concerned. We’ve got a madman on the loose in Nevada.”
“Danger Powers– personal effects. It says here ‘name– Danger Powers.’ Ok. Austin Danger Powers– one blue crushed velvet suit… one frilly lace cravat… one silver medallion with ‘male’ symbol… one pair of Italian boots… one vinyl record album: Burt Bacharach plays his hits… one Swedish-made… penis enlarger pump… one credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers… one warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump filled out by… Austin Powers… one book: Swedish-made penis enlarger pumps and me: this sort of thing is my bag, baby. By… Austin Powers. Uh… just sign the form. Mr. Powers?”
“Welcome to Las Vegas, sir. Hi. Do I know you?”
“Changing, 1,000. The game is Blackjack, gentlemen. $10,000 minimum bet. King for you, sir, and a 3 for you. 17? You have 17, sir. 4. 21. 5. I suggest you hit, sir. As you wish, sir. 20 beats your 5. I’m sorry, sir.”
“Ow! Howdy. Whoo! That is one crazy getup you got there, fella. Are you in the show? Whew. I’m sorry. Hey, partner? Have a good one. Hey, partner, come on, you gotta relax. Don’t force it. Gonna blow out your o-ring, drop a lung. That’s right, buddy. You show that turd who’s boss. Hey… hey, just grab ahold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell. Come on. We’re gonna get through this. Hey, that sounds pretty nasty. How about a courtesy flush over there? Jesus Christ, boy. What did you eat?”
“♪ What the world ♪ Needs now ♪ Is love ♪ Sweet love ♪ No, not just for some ♪ But everyone ♪ What the world ♪ Needs now ♪ Is love ♪ Sweet love ♪ No, not just for some ♪ But for… ♪ Everyone ♪ Everyone ♪”
“You’ve got mail!”
