FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Perpetual Luminescence

FX Networks‘ OG comedic ensemble series It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia premieres its 12th season this Wednesday.

Always Sunny has been renewed for 13th and 14th seasons.

Rottentomatoes: 98%

Metacritic: 64

IMDb: 8.8

Emmys: 3 nominations


Dennis Reynolds, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Dennis Reynolds

Dennis Reynolds is a co-owner of Paddy’s Pub, a dilapidated Irish-themed bar in southern Philadelphia.

He is apart of ‘the Gang,’ which consists of a group of five depraved underachievers: Dennis, Deandra, Charlie, Mac, and Frank.

Most of their efforts revolve around hatching elaborate schemes and conspiring against one another for personal gain, vengeance, or entertainment.

Dennis Reynolds, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

“Another big night, fellas– $164.87.  No, it isn’t.  And our mortgage is due in two weeks.” — Dennis Reynolds

“A week ago was three weeks late, Mac.” — Dennis Reynolds

“We’re cool.” — Dennis Reynolds

“Dude, it’s never gonna happen.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1At least he’ll get some chicks in there.  All right, let’s do it.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1You know what, Dee?  I don’t wanna hear about your dreams.  Okay?  I hate listening to people’s dreams.  It’s like flipping through a stack of photographs.  If I’m not in any of ’em and nobody’s having sex, I just– I don’t care.  I’m sorry.  I am.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Look, guys, it’s a purely fiscal decision.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1I don’t really have any convictions.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“I know, man.  I don’t know what happened.  I mentioned the cancer thing.  She instantly started comin’ on to me.  Yeah.  You were right about that.  Cancer– gold mine.” — Dennis Reynolds

“So you’re throwing down life lessons now?” — Dennis Reynolds

“Thanks, dude.  Thanks.  That’s a good way to start the day.” — Dennis Reynolds

“Is that coffee gonna help you forget that elephant you slept with last night?” — Dennis Reynolds

“You do not get to taste my delicious, healthy drink, after making fun of it.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1You don’t give up.  See, I won fair and square.  We went head-to-head, and I came out the better man, just as I predicted I would.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“Mac, sweet Dee and I took psychology at Penn, so why don’t you let the grown-ups talk for a minute, okay?” — Dennis Reynolds

“You’re going to hell, dude.” — Dennis Reynolds

“Technique don’t mean shit out on the streets.  Guys have knives.” — Dennis Reynolds

“Now this says that I gotta work with kids.  Now, I don’t like kids.  I don’t want to work with them.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Dee, check out my blazer.  Nah.  It’s perfect.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“I don’t like babies.” — Dennis Reynolds

“Now, don’t take it personally, dad.  It’s just politics.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1I don’t wanna do that anymore.  Oh, yeah man.  I googled ‘comptroller.’  Turns out that this guy’s really just a glorified accountant.  You know what I mean?  And I hate doing math.  It sounds like a ton of work.  You know what I’m sayin’?  I hate work.  These guys, they make less than teachers.  It’s a– So I’m not doing it anymore.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“If you don’t like smoke, then don’t come into the bar.” — Dennis Reynolds

“But that’s because you have the freedom to choose to work here.  Smoking bans, they don’t protect freedom.  They strip ’em away from smokers.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Yep.  See, our bar is about fun and freedom.  I don’t know if you guys have ever heard of that.  Freedom?Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“Oh, I’m sorry Dee.  Maybe I would actually like to do some good in this world, make a difference.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1We live in a throwaway culture where everyone’s just lookin’ for the easy way out.  You don’t wanna carry your big gulp anymore?  Throw it in the street.  Don’t wanna take care of your baby anymore?  Throw it in a dumpster.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“Oh, that’s great, Frank.  Pass the buck.  Just passin’ — Everybody passin’ the buck.  You know, it’s time we started talking responsibility for the refuse we’re creating.” — Dennis Reynolds

“I don’t know.  I think I just got punked out by a couple of hippies.  I gotta do somethin’ about this.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1I banged your girlfriend.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Pour me a shot there, Dee.  I am the man.  Well, I got punked out by this peace activist.  So what I did is, I infiltrated his organization, I banged his girlfriend, and then I–Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“Well, that’s because I have good cheek bones.  I put a light base on just to protect–” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1I like your form on that and I like how you went before the whistle.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Run out and hook in.  Show these people how to play football.  I’m gonna make Mac look so bad.  My form is perfect.  I’m like Jerry Rice.  Feel that stride.  So fluid and fast.  I’ve got the stride of a gazelle.  A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person.  My body is achieving perfect symmetry right now.  It’s that long, lean muscle I’ve worked so hard to achieve.  Hmm, I should’ve popped my shirt off.  Goddamn it.  Really should’ve popped that shirt off.  I wonder if any women are watching from the sidelines.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“You know, we would have no one left behind us… to tell of our great adventures and glorious triumphs.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1But, sweet Dee, being a winner’s not something that you can become.  It’s something that you’re kind of born with.  Like me.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“Well, you’re definitely not gonna be putting anybody in their place with a drawing like this.  Let me give it a shot.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Doesn’t matter, Dee.  Because winners always win.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Let me tell you something.  I haven’t even begun to peak.  And when I do peak, you’ll know.  Because I’m gonna peak so hard that everybody in Philadelphia’s gonna feel it.  I’m in my prime.  And I bet you… that I could sell these dresses to fatty magoo just based on these sketches alone.  And your loser friend is gonna buy ’em because she’s a fatty.  And that’s just the way of the world.  All I have to do is turn on my winning charm… and fatty magoo will be putty in my hands.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Listen, let me level with you.  You’re an attractive enough girl.  I mean, certainly you’ve got some potential.  All right?  There’s no reason for you to be so nervous around me.  Why don’t you just order a couple of my dresses, and maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll even make one special just for you.  And if you look good enough in it, hell, I might even consider having sex with you.  How does that sound?Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“All right.  Let’s just calm down.  You’re having a reaction.  That’s understandable.  It’s the nerd in you talking.  Why don’t we start over?  How many of my dresses would you like to order?” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1I’m not gonna take ‘no’ for an answer because I just refuse to do that because I’m a winner.  And winners, we don’t listen to words like ‘no,’ or ‘don’t,’ or ‘stop.’  Those words are just not in our vocabulary.  I know what you need.  You need to see my dress on a model.  I’ll tell you what.  I’m gonna come back tomorrow with a model.  Save your breath, Ingrid.  Those words have never worked on me.  I’ll see you tomorrow.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“There’s no need to call the police, okay?  Because the only crime… that’s being committed today is the crime of ugliness.  And sadly, you can’t press charges for that.” — Dennis Reynolds

“We are trying to stay ‘in touch’ with what’s happening in the world.  Nobody gets their news from a newspaper anymore.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Right.  You want someone with a good voice– who’s attractive– someone with charisma.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“He makes less and less sense as the days go by.” — Dennis Reynolds

“I suppose we do something tea-bag related.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Well, Dee, I think the question is… why wouldn’t you wanna have sex with someone you can’t see?  It’s very European.  You see, Europe leads the way in sexual exploration.  And, quite frankly, I think it’s time we caught up.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“It’s like a bad acid trip in here.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Charlie found my memoirs.  I’ve been keeping track of all my sexual exploits, and I was gonna unleash them on the world in a fiery blaze of eroticism.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Well, it’s more of a tale of redemption told through my erotic travels.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Ladies and gentlemen, the D.E.N.N.I.S. system… is a comprehensive approach to seduction that I have perfected over the years.  See, my success with women does not solely stem from my good looks and my charm.  There is a careful, systemic approach… that has allowed me to become the playboy that I am today.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“You look fat as shit.  Okay, I’m getting concerned with the integrity of our organization here.  Mac, you have gained, I mean, 50 pounds of fat.” — Dennis Reynolds

“Let’s be clear, fat.” — Dennis Reynolds

“You are becoming a chimichanga.” — Dennis Reynolds

Quote1Yeah, good-looking guy like myself, takes pride in his personal appearance, takes pride in his personal hygiene, has great hair.  You put a guy like that behind the bar, and people will eventually flock to this man.Quote2 — Dennis Reynolds

“Stop getting invested in fake realities.  Let’s live real life.” — Dennis Reynolds

“We immediately escalate everything to a ten… somebody comes in with some preposterous plan or idea, then all of a sudden everyone’s on the gas, nobody’s on the brakes, nobody’s thinking, everyone’s just talking over each other with one idiotic idea after another!” — Dennis Reynolds

Selfish, vain, superficial, and narcissistic Dennis Reynolds is an Artisan.

Deandra Reynolds, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Deandra Reynolds

Deandra ‘Sweet Dee’ Reynolds is Dennis’ twin sister and the main bartender at Paddy’s Pub.  Dee has aspirations of becoming an actress, although she lacks any apparent talent in this arena and suffers from debilitating stage fright.

She majored in psych at Penn alongside her brother, but also failed all her classes and quickly dropped out.

Deandra Reynolds, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

“Hey, guys.  I met this guy in acting class, he’s really cool, and he wants to see where I work.  So could you guys try to not be weird?” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1I love you guys, but sometimes you’re not that cool.  Try to be cool.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“Guys, this is Terrell… from my acting class.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Oh.  I’m sorry.  I would listen to your dreams.  ‘Cause your my brother and I love you.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Oh, bullshit.  You don’t care about the money.  You just like the attention.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“Everybody look at me.  You know exactly what I mean, pretty boy.” — Deandra Reynolds

“No, you’re leading them on.  You’re not gay, you’re just really vain.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Mac?  Stop talkin’.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1And we also have a social responsibility to keep teenagers from drinking.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1I don’t know how you guys live with yourselves.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1You are so sweet.  Where were you when I was in highschool?Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Okay, you know what?  I love Charlie very much.  But this is a stupid idea you guys have.  So you know what?  I am not helping you with it.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“No you won’t.  There are never any girls in this bar.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Told you.  Uh, they’re at the velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.  Dennis, our bar is in south Philly in a scary alley.  Might as well call it rape bar.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Listen.  Let me tell you something with absolute honesty and concern for your well being.  Tom Brady would kick your ass.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1We got big dreams, Mac.  We’re gonna go follow ’em.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“Well, I guess I could use this time to get my acting career off the ground.” — Deandra Reynolds

“I’m learning self-defense.  No, actually, Mac, it’s about being left in an alley with a mugger… because my chickenshit brother and his friends ditched me.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Yeah, dad, I really don’t feel very good about what we’re doing in here.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1First of all, gross.  I don’t think you’re supposed to whore out your kids.  Second of all, that guy is a really good person, and I’ve treated him like shit his whole life.  For once I’m gonna do the right thing.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“Goddamn it.  Why do I speak to you, ever?” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Oh, um, because you’re a bad person.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“Did you say fivehead?  I don’t have that.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Come on.  There are plenty of amazing women politicians.  Uh, senator Hillary Rodham Clinton.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Full of hobos, Dennis.  A lot of hobos.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Wow.  You’re a horrible father.  Let’s just go.  Let’s get it done.  Let’s do it.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Charlie, I think you’re right.  I think maybe we should ban smoking in here.  How is that ridiculous?  There are smoking bans in a lot of states now.” — Deandra Reynolds

“You went to Vietnam in 1993 to open up a sweatshop!  Oh, my God!  You’re out of your mind.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Well, it– Everything’s gonna be okay.  Shut up, mother.  I was trying to be encouraging.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1You wanna do good?  You’re not good at that.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“You know what?  I am in such better shape than both of you guys.  Do you not think the first thing they’re gonna do to weed people out is make you run?  Oh, good luck.  I could get so much further than both of you.” — Deandra Reynolds

“You guys are in terrible shape.  This is going to be easier than I thought.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Well, well, look who’s a natural.  Guess I’ll be getting further than you after all.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Yeah, we know she’s dead.  We’re venting because we’re frustrated.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Well, in my head, it’s very– It’s elegant.  It– I’m having a hard time putting it out onto paper–  What I’m seeing.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“It’s not a raincoat!  What is this?   This woman doesn’t even have a rib cage.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Well, that part’s just simply not true.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1You know what?  I’m not asking you to do much.  Just turn a blind eye while I rob this place stupid.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“While you’ve been picking up bar whores, I have been double-dropping like a bastard out there.” — Deandra Reynolds

“I’m sorry if we like to keep ourselves informed.” — Deandra Reynolds

“Shut your mouth.” — Deandra Reynolds

“I just feel like this is a very inappropriate outfit for how cold it is out here.  It’s freezing!” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1If we’re going to be meeting sophisticated men, we need to start acting with class.  We cannot be telling people that we have bleached assholes.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“I hate my life.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Well, I am not white trash.  I am a kind and a generous and a good-natured lady.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“I absolutely called him a ******.  He ordered chardonnay.  What was I supposed to do?” — Deandra Reynolds

“You just gotta put in your dues, Charlie, you know?  You gotta take it one step at a time when you want to be an actor.  Just climb to the top.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1Okay, we all have our hopes and dreams.  You’re still trying to get with the waitress.  I’m still trying to act.  We just do whatever we need to do.  Oh, is it funny?  You better get ready, guy, ’cause your next.Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“Sorcery?  Your dumb dick partner walked into the bar, said he stole a bunch of guns and asked if I wanted to shoot a pumpkin off his head.  And of course I did, so here we are.” — Deandra Reynolds

Quote1I’ll get you, my pretties!Quote2 — Deandra Reynolds

“No.  I feel like there’s only room for one green idiot… running around making an asshole of himself.” — Deandra Reynolds

“You’re the sucker, okay?  You’re naked, and stuck in a coil.” — Deandra Reynolds

Naive, diffident, and surrounded by idiots Deandra Reynolds is an Idealist.

Ronald MacDonald, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Ronald MacDonald

Ronald ‘Mac’ McDonald is also a co-owner of Paddy’s Pub, referring to himself as the sheriff.

He is the son of a convicted felon, and constantly brags about his hand-to-hand combat skills, but possesses none and will flee from any actual physical confrontations.

Ronald MacDonald, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

“That’s not a lot of money.” — Ronald MacDonald

“We paid that like a week ago.” — Ronald MacDonald

“What is that supposed to mean?” — Ronald MacDonald

“Why do these people like you guys so much?” — Ronald MacDonald

“You’re such a dildo, dude.” — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1She wasn’t that gross, alright?  Maybe if you lowered your standards a bit, you’d get laid more.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

“We need to build up your tolerance to beatings.  Hence the smashing.” — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1Uh, yes, and it’s completely un-American.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

“We may have a problem on our hands, dude.” — Ronald MacDonald

“Okay, this has gone way too far.” — Ronald MacDonald

“Yeah!  That is bullshit!  We don’t even have one.  Yeah.  But he’s in prison.  He’s been there my whole life.  It doesn’t count.” — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1That’s some weak ass buster shit, bro.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

“No, you just screw people over for your own benefit.” — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1All right, stop!  Clearly this is not the right environment for a child.  I will take care of the dumpster baby until we figure out what to do with it.  Family values in this country are going down the toilet, and it’s because of people like you.  Men and women raising a child together is a proven system a thousand years old.  There are parental roles that need to be filled here, right?  Otherwise, the kid winds up roaming the streets, having unprotected sex with multiple partners– sharing needles and contracting the H.I.V. virus, and it’s all your fault.  Are you happy, Dee?  Is this what you wanted?  You just gave this baby full blown AIDS.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

“You think that’s even a possibility?  ‘Cause that could be very embarrassing for us.” — Ronald MacDonald

“Break ’em.  Break ’em like dogs.” — Ronald MacDonald

“I’m elevating us to threat level yellow.  It’s time.” — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1Dee’s gonna be a judge.  And you know why?  Because sitting in judgement of other people is the greatest way to make yourself feel better.  Problem solved.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1It’s not the ’50s anymore, Frank.  The kids aren’t bopping anymore.  They’re banging each other and doing meth before they hit grade school.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

“That’s the exact type of atmosphere I’ve been trying to cultivate.  But while danger may linger, I’m the levelheaded bouncer that keeps violence in check, like Swayze in Roadhouse.” — Ronald MacDonald

“Let’s just move past it.  Let’s plow through it.” — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1And that’s why you’re all safe as long as I’m around.  Yeah.  I did an ocular pat down and I cleared him.  I’m saying I gave him an ocular assessment of the situation, garnered that he was not a security risk and I cleared him for passage.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1I’m talking about breaking down the security situation, clearing an individual and making it safe for passage.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

Quote1The sheriff of Paddy’s.Quote2 — Ronald MacDonald

“It takes discipline to raise a kid, you know?  You gotta set rules.  You gotta set ground rules.” — Ronald MacDonald

Corny, boring, protective, a failed bodyguard Ronald MacDonald is a Guardian.

Charlie Kelly, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Charlie Kelly

Charlie Kelly was a co-owner of Paddy’s Pub, until he traded his interest in the bar for some goods and services rendered, and half a sandwich.

Charles does most of the actual work and maintenance at Paddy’s, to the point that such menial tasks are actually referred to as ‘Charlie work.’

He cannot technically read or write, and is known to frequently huff toxic glue, and paint, and be a general alcoholic and substance abuser.

He and Frank live in squalor in a run-down, cat and rat infested apartment in the slums of south Philly.

Charlie Kelly, FX Networks, FXX, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

“I have a little bit of a crush, yes.  But, obsessed?  That’s a bit of a harsh word.” — Charlie Kelly

“You should say something different.  Figure something else out, and go with that.” — Charlie Kelly

“Well, we have to embrace this situation.  We’re now a gay bar from now on.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1I got a little thing I like to call business ethics.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Two against one.  Oh, well.  Paddy’s Irish Pub will henceforth remain the hottest gay bar in Philadelphia.” — Charlie Kelly

“Well, one time per time that I ask you, is all that I…” — Charlie Kelly

“It’s not that they like us.  It’s that they don’t like you.  You know why?  Uh, because you’re an asshole!” — Charlie Kelly

“One day at a time.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelette.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“You gotta crack an egg.  I’m throwin’ down eggs!  I’m crackin’ eggs of wisdom.” — Charlie Kelly

“Come on, dude.  You never let me burn anything.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1What are you, a scientist?Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Yeah, you’ve never showered in a sink before?” — Charlie Kelly

“What, you think I don’t feel sick?  Okay.  I’m sick.  I feel very sick, but I directed the shit out of this video.  This stuff is gold.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1I have my sources.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

Quote1Little research.  Is, uh…Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Frank, I don’t– I just don’t think this is the best idea for our candidate’s image.” — Charlie Kelly

“We gotta fire Frank.  But, Dennis.  Dennis.  Hobo-vertising?  That’s not you.  It’s cheap.  It’s cheap politics.  It’s not gonna get us that bribe.  I mean, you need to be out there.  You gotta be shakin’ hands.  You gotta be kissin’ babies.  No babies.  Don’t kiss babies.  Just get out there into the world, and– you gotta let me be your campaign manager.  I mean, I can really drive this thing in a different direction.  I mean, when I look at you, I see success.  I see– You’re top notch.  You’re goin’ all the way with this thing.  Frank’s just gettin’ in the way here.  Give me the chance.  Just give it to me.” — Charlie Kelly

“Whoa, Frank, let’s not attack my candidate here, alright?” — Charlie Kelly

“No, dude.  Not Charlie work.  There’s an emotional toll that comes out of this.  I mean, you kill one of those– Are you kidding me?  You’re blowing smoke directly in my face when I’m trying to talk to you.  If you want to smoke, you should have to take it outside.  That’s it.  I’m done with this.” — Charlie Kelly

“I work in this bar.  I work here.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1What a croc of shit.  You’re living a lie, bro.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Oh, this is some bullshit!  You guys have two dads, and I don’t even have one.” — Charlie Kelly

“That does count!  I never met my father.” — Charlie Kelly

“Look, Frank, uh, we know a guy on the inside we can talk to.  He might be willing to help us out with the situation here.” — Charlie Kelly

“Oh, that’s great.  Oh, my God.  Are you kidding me?  Great.  Of course you’re here.  Good.  How many– What is that a jar of?  What is that a jar of, dude?  What is– How many can there possibly be?  Oh, good to see her again.  Good.  She doesn’t know what I’m saying, right?  Okay.  Here he comes.  Yeah.  You’re– You’re here in the world.  That’s the sun.  It’s gonna hurt your eyes.  What is that?  A fife?  You brought your little flute.  Is there more?  Are there any more?  Get ’em all out.  All right.  Look.  I tell you what.  Leave me alone, okay?  I don’t care what you do.  Just leave me alone.  ‘Cause, like, I’m here to relax and have a good time.  I don’t want any of your shit.  All right?  So leave me alone, okay?” — Charlie Kelly

“These guys are freak shows, man.” — Charlie Kelly

“Is he just gonna talk at me?  I am gonna lose my shit.  What is going on with his head?  It’s too small or tight or something.” — Charlie Kelly

“Have your hands been smashed with hammers?  What’s wrong with you?” — Charlie Kelly

“They’re eastern european women!  I have no idea where Frank got them.  They’re very good sewers.  You should ask them how to sew.  Okay?  They do smell like sausage.  It’s terrible.” — Charlie Kelly

“Well, look, are we gonna talk about pirates all day?  Or we gonna find out who lives in there?” — Charlie Kelly

“Shit, dude, how do I explain this to you?  This bar– it’s who we are.  All right?” — Charlie Kelly

“Why the hell did we drop a bomb on Japan?  They make all our cars.  They’re our friends.” — Charlie Kelly

“You know what the problem with Germany is?  They don’t make enough hybrids.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1I can’t argue that logic, man.  What are you suggesting?Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Oh, man, keyboards just make sense to me, man.  I get ’em, you know?” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1This is an illegal search, Frank.  I’m pretty sure you need a warrant to be doing this, buddy.  What– Why are you wearing those gloves?Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Objection.  Extremely racist, man.” — Charlie Kelly

“The guy’s innocent, all right?  You’re poking around, but there’s no point to it ’cause you’re not gonna find anything.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1Hey, Frank, what guy hasn’t done some extensive research on his own genitalia?  All right?  Don’t say ‘you,’ buddy, because I woke up… to you doing some pretty frantic research last night, pal.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Well, that’s very interesting.  She talks– When did you start hearing voices?  That could actually help us.” — Charlie Kelly

“All I’m saying is that the book doesn’t mean anything.  You got no evidence!  You got no case, Frank.” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1When you deny something, it means it never happened.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

Quote1I cut the brakes.  Wild card, bitches!Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

Quote1Learn how to kick.  Take one karate class, if you’re so into karate.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

Quote1Mr. Taylor– whose grandpa was a sailor.  There you go, Mr. Scott– who drinks his coffee hot.  There it is, Mr. White– whose wife is not too bright.  There you go.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

Quote1What says you we maketh some trade?Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

Quote1That’s not good.  This is not a comedy, okay?   No one’s supposed to be laughing.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Well, you start putting plans under a microscope, nothing’s gonna make sense, all right?” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1Okay, boys, let’s talk rat traps, okay?Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

“Why do we never play nightcrawlers anymore, huh?” — Charlie Kelly

Quote1I’m extremely well-versed in bird law.Quote2 — Charlie Kelly

Crazy, delusional, methodical, and a bit of a hermit crab Charlie Kelly is a Rational.

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