20th Century Fox original film Mr. & Mrs. Smith was released June 7th, 2005.
#Mr&MrsSmith made $487.2M at the international box office.
rottentomatoes: 60%
metacritic: 75
imdb: 6.5
John Smith
John and Jane Smith are competing assassins living under the same roof in Manhattan, New York.
“Okay. I’ll go first. Um– okay. Let me say, uh, we don’t really need to be here. See, we’ve been married five years. Five, six years. And this is like a checkup for us. Um, a chance to poke around the engine, maybe change the oil, replace a seal or two. Yeah. Wait. Ten being perfectly happy and one being totally miserable? Or– okay. Ready? Eight. Yeah, I’m lost. Is this a one-to-10 thing? Including the weekend? Bogota. Five years ago. Right. Five or six years ago.” — John Smith
“Hey. Que pasa? Hmm? No, no, no, no. Esta bien. She’s with me. Esta bien. John. Nice to meet ya. To dodging bullets. Hiya back. I think room service fled. I did what I could. I hope so. I had to milk a goat to get it. Two. Do you know how to hold it? Yeah. You gotta aim. You didn’t blink. Come on. Ooh. Do we still get somethin’? Beginner’s luck. We’re goin’ again. Where’d you learn to shoot like that?” — John Smith
“I’m in love. She’s smart. Sexy. She’s uninhibited, spontaneous, complicated. She’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen! A server goes down on Wall Street, she’s there anytime day or night. She’s like Batman for computers. Eddie, I asked her to marry me. I’m getting married. I’m getting married. I’m getting married!” — John Smith
“Gotta get these filters changed. Yeah. Sorry. Not the most insightful. You know that 4:00 means we hit rush hour. I’m not crazy about that. Okay. Yep. I’ll be there– here. Hi, babe. It’s pissin’ rain out there. Gardener left the lawn mower out. Eh, so-so. Did you? Hmm? Huh. Of course you did. Or we can just keep the old ones. Then we don’t have to change a thing. I remember. I remember ’cause we said we’d wait. Okay. I don’t like ’em. Yeah. Huh. Zero percent A.P.R. till March. I’m not sure really. Let me clarify. I love my wife. Um, I want her to be happy. I want good things for her. But there are times… honey, would you just–” — John Smith
“The GMC Yukon got three stars. This looks nice. Did you do something new? Yeah? Yeah, peas. Yeah, it’s the green. Sweetheart, will you pass the salt? Oh, is that the middle of the table? I’m sorry, hon. I was lookin’ for the, uh– you goin’ out? Hmm. We promised the Colemans. Okay. Uh-huh. Sorry. Where’s the can around here? For Chrissakes. Take a– hey, you guys playin’ poker? Hey, could I sit in? You think I could sit in? Guys. Hey, whoa, whoa. Be a little friendly. I got the cash. I got the ca– that’s cool, man. You’re cool. Lis– look, see? You see what I’m sayin’? See what I’m sayin’? Anyone interested. Anyone interested? No? ‘Cause I’ll clean you out. I understand. Fine. Listen. I want– these are really nice shoes, man.” — John Smith
“Here’s an empty chair. I could sit right here. Wh-where’s Lucky? I don’t see Lucky. Then I’ll sit here. Unless… I’m too hot for ya. Solid silver. In the pot. Put it in the pot. Ohh! Ohh! You’re in trouble now. In! Drat! Oh, you Lucky? No kiddin’. You are the job. Pair of threes. Hey, hon. Yeah. I went to the sports bar. Put some money on the game. I got lucky. Hey. Hi, Susan. There you go. Oh, no, no, no. I don’t smoke. Ain’t that the truth? Well, you know. I’ll be up here at the filling station. Hey, boys. Scotch. Actually, I got all my dough buried under the toolshed. I liked your dress tonight. It was nice.” — John Smith
“That’s what I hear. What you got? You got a tissue? Thanks. That’s great, Louis. I’ll check those out. Hey, is Eddie here? How you doin’? Yeah. I’ll talk to the missus. You live with your mother. John Smith. Good morning, Atlanta. The Tank? Ah. Let’s see if we can’t get a tune out of this trombone. Oh, man. You should not be allowed to buy these things. I think I got I.D.’d on that hit. You ever been I.D.’d on a hit? Right. I think I’m in trouble. Little thing. Buck 10, buck 15 tops. I’m not even sure it was a him. I think so. A pro. Laptop. Laptop. This one has sentimental value for its owner. Well, Gwen, I’m just hoping you’ll tell me. You know me. Just tryin’ to return some lost property. Hey, Phil. Are you a vegan?” — John Smith
“Sweet Jesus. Mother of God. It always is. As always. This is a nice surprise. I missed you. Yes. Thought you only broke these out for special occasions. Mm. Mm! Pot roast. My favorite. Allow me, sweetheart. You’ve been on your feet all day. Sure. So, how’s work? Is that right? Huh. No, thank you. I hope everything works out okay. Pot roast is my favorite. Sweetheart, could you pass the salt? Did you try something new? Mm! Had a few problems ourselves. Some figures didn’t add up. Life or death. Wine? I got it. Janey? Honey? Jane! Jane! Jane! Jane! Oh, dear God. Oh. Wait. No, no, no, no. Accident. Honey? Accident. Jane, stop the car! Now! Jane! You’re overreacting! Let’s not get carried away. We don’t wanna go to sleep angry. Pull over. Pull over! Pull over! Now, look– we need to talk!” — John Smith
“Open up. My wife. She tried to kill me. You live with your mom. It’s unbelievable. What? What are you saying? I’m gonna borrow this. I’ll do it in the morning. Good night, Eddie.”
Jane Smith
“Six. Eight. Ready. Eight. I don’t understand the question. Like, is one very little, or is one nothing? Because, you know, tech-technically speaking, the zero would be nothing. Uh, it was– it was in Colombia. Six. No. I’m Jane. Nice to meet you. To dodging bullets. So, it speaks. But does it dance?”
“Hiya, stranger. Thank you. Mm! Oh, that’s good. Hmm. Yeah. All right. Yeah? I am. Don’t laugh. I’ll kill you. I wanna go again. Beginner’s luck. You know me. I never do anything without thinking it through. He’s in construction. He’s a big-time contractor. He’s gone as much as I am, so… it’s perfect.”
“Mm-hmm. What did you think of Dr. Wexler? His questions were a bit wishy-washy. No. His office is clear across town. So, that’s settled then, yeah? Okay. Oh, um, dinner’s at 7:00. Perfect timing. How was work? Oh, I got new curtains. Uh-huh. Well? What do you think? There was a struggle over the material. This little tea sandwich of a man– he got his hands on them first, but I won. They’re a bit green. I think we’re gonna have to reupholster the sofas… and definitely get a new rug, maybe a Persian. We talked about this. You remember? If you don’t like ’em, we can take ’em back. You’ll get used to ’em. Five more minutes.”
“There’s just this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don’t say to each other. What is that called? Uh– hmm. Mm-hmm. I added peas. It’s in the middle of the table. Yeah. It’s between you and me. Pretty honest. I mean, it’s not like I lie to him… or anything. We just, uh, have little secrets. Everybody has secrets, you know.”
“Jesus! Honey, you scared me. Yeah. Some clown crashed a server in a law firm downtown… and ended the world as they know it, so, yes. I know. I’ll be there. In and out. Just a quickie. All right. Martha Stewart. Have you been a bad boy? Mm-hmm? You know what happens to bad boys? They get punished. Have you been selling big guns to bad people? Oh, Colemans. Taxi. Hey, baby. I didn’t hear you downstairs. Yeah? How’d you do? Oh, this is wonderful. Thank you very much. So is yours. Uh, yes. Chardonnay, please. What? No. I’d rather not. Oh, no, I’m– thank you.”
“Target? Yes, sir. Ladies. Not good. We’ll get him out tomorrow. Order 10 more. All right. Go, Jas. Are you serious? I want G.P.S. and S.A.C. of the canyon… and the weather report for the last three days. Perimeter is armed. We are up and running. Oh, come on. You getting this? There’s an idiot in the field. He’s gonna blow the charges. Okay. You gotta be kidding. Civilians. Shit! Not a civilian. Asshole. I wanna know who that bitch is! Get me that tape. Get me that tape. What? The F.B.I. secured the package. The window’s closed, sir. There was another player. Lookin’ forward to it, sir. All right. We have a new target. Let’s find out who he is.”
“Why don’t you both go make some coffee. Tell him… dinner’s at 7:00. Perfect timing. I hope so. You’re home early. Missed you too. Shall we? This is a special occasion. Mm! Mm! Thank you. Mm. Actually, we had a– a little trouble with a commission. Yeah. Double booking with another firm. Green beans? You’ll have some. It hasn’t yet, but it will. Mm-hmm. So, how was Atlanta? Big deal? Yeah. I got it. I’ll get a towel. How could I be so stupid? God. God!”
“Really? No. Thank you. Mm. Yep. Good night. You don’t love him. What is this? I know what it is. What are you doing? This room is wrapped. Thank you. Garden party, girls.”
Eddie
“Stop. Stop. You’ve only known the girl for six weeks. I knew Gladys for two and a half years before I asked her to marry me. You have to have a foundation of friendship, brother. The other stuff fades. Hi. I give the whole thing six months tops. What? What? I can’t hear ya. I can’t hear him. Can you stop hittin’ him? I think he said something crazy.”
“Mornin’, pal. Same old same old. People need killin’. Oh, Johnny. I might have a little get-together this weekend… at my house. Barbecue. No ladies. Dudes only. It’s gonna be awesome. You wanna use my cell phone? Maybe you wanna give her a call in case you wanna decide to scratch your ass… or use the head later, make sure she thinks it’s okay. Why would you bring her into this? She happens to be a first-class lady. I don’t have to check in with her every time I wanna do somethin’. She cooks, cleans, makes me snacks. I’m the dumb guy?”
“Not that I’m aware of, no. You get a look at ‘im? Maybe he’s Filipino. Are you saying you had your ass handed to you by some girl? This shouldn’t be that difficult. I mean, how many chicks are hitters out there? You know what I mean? What do you have, honey? Ice cream? That sounds delicious. What flavors do you have? I don’t like either of those… separately. But maybe mixed together, that could be… a nice little dish. You know what I mean? And not just a little pink spoon. I’d like the whole sundae. Perfect. Could be arranged. Did you hear that? I’d like to have her kick my ass. You know what I mean? Right. Did you get any other details on her besides her weight class? I’m sorry? You’re in a whole zone right now. I’m havin’ a hard time talkin’ to you. Okay, laptop.”
“Okay, I’m comin’. I’m comin’. Who is it? What the hell happened to you? Yes, she did. And you know what? Gladys tried to kill me, not with a car. At least Jane was a man about it. She as up front about it. They all try to kill you– slowly, painfully, cripplingly. And then– wham. They hurt you. You know hurt I used to be over here and I used to beat myself up? Now I’m great. I got dates all the time. I’m dating all the time. I just woke up from a thing. I’m in my robe. I live with my mom because I choose to. Because that’s the only woman I’ve ever trusted. I know exactly what you’re thinkin’. If she lied about that, what else is it possible that she lied about? Her job is to spy, to get information from other people. French Riviera, a yacht. An Iranian prince. She’s supposed to get close to him and gain his trust. It’s disgusting.”
“This whole thing was probably planned from the beginning. Operation Stake Out Johnny. A six-year stakeout to get information from you. Mission accomplished. I know you’re embarrassed, but, come on, it’s me. It’s Eddie you’re talkin’ to. The guys we work with, they don’t know. I’m never gonna tell them. The people she works with probably got a big laugh over this over the last six years. But so what? Who cares? That’s not important. Lookit, it’s like 150 pages of a book have been written. In the first 150 pages, Johnny’s been a clown. You can write the last 10 pages. You’ve been smoked, but you can write the last 10 pages. Great talk, man. We should do it more often. It was a great talk. I’m proud of you. I like where your head’s at. Good night, John. Good night, Mom.”
Jasmine
“So, you don’t think this is all happening a little fast? What does he do?”
“The target’s name is Benjamin Danz, a.k.a. ‘the tank.’ Yeah. The target’s being moved across the border to a federal facility. The only point of vulnerability is just south of the border. Target will rendezvous with the helicopter here at a deserted airstrip. We will have one chance to strike. Are we green? We’re picking up a weapon signature. Jane, it’s your husband. He’s back from Atlanta. He wants to know about dinner. Hi, John. Yeah, she says dinner’s at 7:00.”
“What? Your husband is the shooter? That’s impossible. Okay. Here’s the upside. You don’t love him. You’ll kill him, and nobody’s better at that than you are. And then it’ll be over. You okay? Okay. Good night.”
“Okay, girls, let’s go. It’s all coming out of the house. Well done, ladies. Let’s wrap it up.”
New York
“Hey! Step right up! Ladies and gentleman, try your lu– how about you, little lady? Wanna try your luck? Win a prize. We got two over here. Step right up! Five shots. Five dollars. Would you like to win a stuffed animal for your little girl? Everybody’s a winner. Everybody’s a winner. Win a prize. Win a prize.”
“Anybody calls, I’m in with the boss. Okay? That’s right. Got a call from the man. Big high line assignment. Steve, you know how it is. Actually, you probably don’t. Excuse me. Sweetie, could you grab me a coffee? I like it with lots of sugar. Thanks a lot. Hey, there. Where do you think you’re going? Rose. The boss wants to see me. Well, he sees you. Look, kid, people who have been working here for 25 years… have never seen the inside of that elevator. Here. This is the assignment? Now get outta here.”
“We got a plane in an hour. Forty. I’ll match your– what the hell? What’s this shite? Private game. Piss off. What part of ‘piss off’ do you not understand? Jesus. That is Lucky’s chair. Lucky’s not back yet. Ooh. Raise the socks. Ooh. ‘To dodging bullets. Love, Jane.’ Oh, he’s pulled something. He’s pulled something. Sixty dollars, eh? Let’s play some poker! You’ve got 14 different tells. You are bleeding William Tell. What the hell is this? Sorry, Lucky. Looks like you’re done, pal. Thanks for the memories. Yeah. What is it, kid? You lookin’ for a job or somethin’? Yes. Oh, yeah. Punish me. Huh? Mr. Racin. Mr. Racin. You okay? He’s down! on the sofa! Hey!”
“Welcome, neighbors! Good to see you, John. Hi. Thank you. What a lovely dress. Come on. Let’s go see the girls. Don’t stray too far, guys. You want a Cuban? Oh. Clean body, clean soul. That’s what Suzy says. You guys have any vices? Can I get you a drink? Girls? Chardonnay. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Duxbury’s never gonna close that high. I hear their stock’s getting butchered. Hey, John. Yes, sir. It’s a bloodbath over there. Johnno. How’d you make out last quarter? Take a beating? So, Chuck got the promotion. My God! That is so great! Fantastic! I’m so excited. We can finally put the addition on the kitchen. Oh, shoot. Not again. I should wear a raincoat. You know what? Would– can you hold her for a second? It’s all over the applique. Please, just– oh. Seltzer. Oh, she likes you.”
“Oh, look. More desert.”
“You guys want any dessert? Ice cream. Chocolate and vanilla. That could be arranged. Jesus. What did you do to it? Put a campfire out with it? Buy a new one. Who’s that? So, uh, why you gotta know so bad anyway? Hey, John. No. My girlfriend is. Here we go. Upgraded RAM module. Line three. Pick up. Chip’s Chinese. Imported by Dynamix. Retailed by, uh– you know, I might be able to get you a billing address. All right. No name. Just an address. 570 Lexington Avenue. Suite 5003. New York. You know the place?”
“What’s going on, Mrs. Smith? Oh. Howdy, neighbor.”
Assassin organizations
“Good morning, Mr. Smith. There’s trouble in Atlanta again. I’ve got your boarding pass and taxi receipts. Get rid of that gun– gum. And your hotel bill. And don’t lose those. Keep them in the envelope. You’ll need them for your cover. We’ve got the new specs for the dam. There you go. The door’s unlocked.”
“Hello, John. Quite the body count this week. We have a priority one, so I need your expertise. The target’s name is Benjamin Danz, a.k.a. ‘the tank.’ He’s a direct threat to the firm. D.I.A. custody. They’re making a ground-to-air handoff to heli… 10 miles north of the Mexican border. I need you to make sure the target does not change hands.”
“I-Temp Technology Staffing. Jane Smith confirmed. Stand by for contact. Sorry to interrupt, but we have a situation. You know the competition would love to see us burn, so I need you to handle this personally. Benjamin Danz. I’m rolling the specs now. We need this quick, clean, and contained.”
“Good morning. Hello, Jane. Yesterday’s op resulted in one kill and one agent in protective custody. Another two cases of the G40’s. The grenade launchers are here. Red team! Red team! This is Broadway Joe. Halftime is approaching. Copy that, Broadway Joe. Affirmative. Is it a threat? Countdown’s initiated. Convoy is not in the zone yet. Convoy is in the zone! Countdown is initiated. Abort! Abort!”
“Jane. It’s father. I told you we couldn’t afford any mistakes on this one. We do not leave witnesses. If this player I.D.’d you– you know the rules. You have 48 hours to clean the scene, Jane.”
“Pocket litter, receipts, matchbooks. You know the drill. It looks like your wedding. Research? Background on the target.”
Bogota
“Someone shot the barracuda. Police are looking for tourists traveling alone. Are you alone, sir? Miss, your passport, please… …your papers. Are you alone?”
Counselor
“Very well then. Let’s pop the hood. On a scale of one to 10, how happy are you as a couple? Just respond instinctively. How often do you have sex? How about this week? Sure. Describe how you first met.”
“So, part two. Here we are. Only this time, you came back alone. Why did you come back? Marriage. What don’t you say to each other? How honest are you with him? It probably feels like you’re the only people going through this. But I’ll tell you something. There are millions of couples… that are experiencing the same problems.”
