Universal Pictures original film Meet the Parents was released October 6th, 2000.
The #MeettheParents trilogy hauled in $1.163B at the international box office.
rottentomatoes: 85%
metacritic: 73
imdb: 7.0
oscars: 1 nomination
Greg Focker
Greg Focker is raising a new family in Chicago, Illinois.
“I know we haven’t been together that long, but these last ten months have just been the happiest of my life. You’re not only the person I love, you’re also my best friend, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me? Seriously, do you think that sounds good? Really? ‘Cause I think that kinda sums up… oh? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sometimes these catheters can pinch a little bit. Well, thanks for listening. I really appreciate it. Actually, I’m a nurse. Doctor’ll be right in. Thanks, Kim.” — Greg Focker
“Not only are you my best friend, but you’re also the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I love you. Will you marry me? How you doing? I was in the neighborhood, got off work early. Thought maybe you wanted to grab a bite to eat. Oh, shoot, I forgot to change my shoes. I know, but I got sneakers in my backpack. It’ll just take a second. Honey. Pam… …I love you. Nothing. I just love you so much. These past ten months have been the happiest of my life. Nothing. I just feel like we’re so close. You’re my best friend, and you’re also the woman that I love, and… I’m fine. I just got a crick in my neck. I was doing. C.P.R. on a 300-pound crack addict this morning. No, no, no, I’m fine. I’m good. Honey, look, your kids, they’re trying to tell you something. Look! So what’s going on? What? Debbie’s marrying that guy? Yeah, yeah, that’s… didn’t they just meet like a few months ago? Yeah, I overheard that. So, what, like he had to ask his permission? Really? A gift?” — Greg Focker
“Yeah, it’s not gonna mutate or anything. Wait. Hang on a second. Look, I’ve got an engagement ring for my girlfriend in the bag. I can’t open it here. Don’t you think I can just carry it on? Wait, wait, Excuse me! You lost my bag, and there’s a two-carat diamond ring inside it. And what if it doesn’t? Am I supposed to spend the entire weekend with just the clothes on my back? Trust me. I think your dad is gonna be very psyched about this gift. The guy was in the rare-flower business for 30 years. I think he still maintains an interest. You make it sound like they’re really hard to please. As much as he loves Dr. Bob? What, are they Amish? Okay, no jokes. What? Okay, all right, I’ll leave them in the car. What… yeah, the roof is probably a better idea. I thought you said you told him.” — Greg Focker
“Great to finally meet you. Oh, thanks. Yeah, it’s a Taurus. We were gonna get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, pop for the full-size? Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Why? Yeah. Thanks, Jack. You too. This is so nice. Beautiful. Just like it’s spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R. Mmm-hmm. Jinxy? Hello, Jinx. Pam, I didn’t know you had a cat. That’s incredible. How did you teach the cat to use the toilet? Yeah, makes sense. Plus, you got another guy around the house to leave the seat up. Right. Opposable… I didn’t think about that. Okay. Pam, I don’t hate cats. I don’t hate cats. I just happen to be more of a dog lover. No! I don’t. I don’t hate cats at all. I’m being honest. Really? Like what?” — Greg Focker
“Fantastic. Thanks Jack. You know, I wish you hadn’t told your parents I hate cats. Yeah, but you didn’t have to tell them right when we met. That’s just a little something from me. Go ahead. Open it up. Actually, the real gift is what’s planted in the soil. The bulb of a Jerusalem tulip, which I was told is one of the rarest and most beautiful flowers in existence. Anyway, the guy said with regular watering, it should bloom in about six months, so… good, Pam. Thanks for asking. I recently got transferred to triage. Well… no, Jack, not traditionally. Wow! I really admire that. So what is it? What’s the new venture? Sure, I think so. This looks like a teddy bear. Yeah! I’ve seen these things advertised on TV. So, Jack, couldn’t this maybe be construed as illegal? You know, invasion of privacy? Quite.” — Greg Focker
“That wasn’t the airline, was it? Yeah. Okay, unless you want some privacy. No, I didn’t think you would. Nice car. Yes. This car is… you got… what do you use? Unleaded? Regular unleaded? Hey, you know, Jack, now that we have a second to talk, I just want you to know how much Pam means to me. I know that we haven’t been together that long, but the time that we have spent together has been really incredible. I don’t not like cats. I just prefer dogs. I mean, I’m just more of a dog kind of, you know… come home, wagging their little tails, happy to see you kind of… I… huh. Yes, I do. I’m a big fan. Great song. Who would’ve thought it wasn’t really about a dragon, huh? You know, the whole dragon thing. Some people think that to ‘puff the magic dragon’ means to… they’re really… to smoke a marijuana cigarette. Right. No! No. What? No, no, no, no, Jack. No, I’m not. I pass on grass all the time. I mean, not all the time. No. Yes. No.” — Greg Focker
“Okay. Hey. Hi. Do you have any of those nicotine patches? Great. Thank you. Yes, okay. And what’s your most expensive bottle of champagne. Really? That’s it? You don’t have, like, a nice, like, $80 or $100 bottle or something? Hey, Jack. Ready to go? No, I was just reading up about… pumps. Yes. Breast pumps. I grew up on a farm. Wow, Dina, everything looks fabulous. It’s such a treat for me to have a home-cooked meal like this. Dinner at my house usually consisted of everybody in the kitchen fighting over containers of Chinese food. No, there was. We just never really sat down like a family like this. No, no, no, no, I’d love to. Pam, come on, it’s not like I’m a rabbi or something. I said grace at many a dinner table. Okay. O dear God, thank you. You are such a good God to us, a kind and gentle and accommodating God. And we thank you, O sweet, sweet Lord of hosts, for the smorgasbord you have so aptly lain at our table this day and each day… by day. Day by day by day. O dear Lord, three things we pray. To love thee more dearly, to see thee more clearly, to follow thee more clearly… day by day… by day. Amen.” — Greg Focker
“Oh, that’s a lovely vase. That’s great. Let me guess, Jack. Is that one of your secret cameras too? Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m… what? No! What poem? Poem, poem. Amazing. So much love, yet also so much information. Thank you. Yeah. No, Dina, no, not a lot. In fact, Jack, I should clarify this. I didn’t actually grow up on a farm, per se. The house we grew up in was originally erected in the early Dutch farm, colonial style. So that, plus we had a lot of pets… a cat. I milked a cat once. You wanna hear a story? My sister had a cat, and the cat birthed a litter of kittens. Must’ve been 30 of them, and there was this one little runt, this little sweet little-engine-that-could runt who wanted to get up there and couldn’t really get access to the… to the teat. What have you. I went in and just simply, you know… into a little saucer, then took the saucer and fed it to Geppetto. That’s what I named him. Yeah, you can milk anything with nipples. Champagne, champagne. I thought maybe we could celebrate with a little bubbly. ‘I have nipples. Can you milk me?’ Would anyone care for a bottle of Oyster Bay Drug and Sundry’s finest champagne. Kevin, your old boyfriend? Shit.” — Greg Focker
“Just fine, considering I desecrated your grandma’s remains, found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him. At least back then he was still talking to me. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were that close. No, Kevin and you. That was a long time ago, Pam. Physical? Like what? Like you worked out together? I’m gonna go throw up now. Okay. I just feel like this is not going well at all. I feel like your dad hates me. I thought he would love my gift, you know, being this big flower guy, but it’s like he didn’t even show the slightest bit of interest. Speaking of growing to love you… I know it’s late. But Mr. Winky is still on Chicago time, and we both now there’s only one way to make Mr. Winky go away. And there it is.” — Greg Focker
“It’s Pam’s. My pajamas are in the suitcase with everything else. You don’t have to do that. Thank you. Oh, thanks, Jack. Still, I feel horrible. I mean… okay. Okay. Thank you. These’ll do just fine. Good night. Have a nice sleep. Okay, ’cause Pam said I should sleep in Debbie’s room. Okay Of course, yeah. Okay. Sorry. ‘Operation Ko Samui?’ Jesus, Jack, you scared me. Everything’s fine. I just… I’m sorry. I saw a light on, and I kinda stumbled in. I didn’t realize… no, not at all. I mean… I mean, this is great, though. I love this… what you… it’s a cozy little nook. Yeah. Is that what that is? I’ve seen these before, but I never saw one actually up close. Oh, that’s okay. I shouldn’t. No, I know. No, there’s no problem. Okay.” — Greg Focker
“Looks complicated. Now these aren’t 100% accurate, right? Okay. Yes, I did. Yes. No, it was rare. It was a little rare for my taste. But I wouldn’t… no. I mean, well, I don’t… hey. No, I’m just going over some of my answers from the polygraph test your dad gave me. Yeah, he did. No! I mean, well, he asked me if we were living together and… nothing. Your mother walked in and yanked the little thingies off before I had to answer. Is this how you’d react if I told you he shoved the bamboo shoots up my fingernails? Or does he hook all your boyfriends up to his little machine? What? How could you not tell me this? So, what? He’s in the C.I.A.? He was a spy? He is a spy? Oh, that’s great. Yeah. I was scared of your dad back when I thought he was a florist. It’s wonderful to know that I’ve actually got a C.I.A. spy-hunter on my ass. It’s just weird. No! I forgot. I’m not supposed to let the snake out of my cage. I told your dad I wouldn’t touch you for 72 hours. No. Seriously. I want to try to respect his rules, okay?” — Greg Focker
“Okay. Good morning. Yes, she did. That was funny. Okay. Understood.” — Greg Focker
Pam Byrnes
“Okay, it’s time for our problem of the week. I want you to pick out your problem, a problem that’s been bothering you all week. With your eyes still closed, I want you to picture that problem in your mind. Pretend that it’s right there in front of you. Now I want you to scare your problems away. I want you to say boo. Boo! All right, you guys are great. Very good. I will see you guys after lunch, all right? Yeah, I think so. You think I should?”
“Come here. Hi, sweetie. What’s going on? That’s very sweet. What a nice surprise. You don’t have to change. I can’t resist a man in nurse’s shoes. Okay. Yeah? I love you too. Come on, sweetie. I got a half hour before I have to be back, so you wanna go have lunch? What are you doing? Yeah, they’ve been amazing. What’s going on? Are you okay, sweetie? You’re acting so weird. Oh, my goodness! Do you want me to massage your neck or something? A back rub? Are you sure? What? Hold on. It’s my sister. Hello? Hi! You’re engaged! That’s wonderful. Congratulations! Oh, my God, you’re married in two weeks. That’s a little soon. Wow, Mom and Dad really don’t know Bob very well. Dad was okay with this? Wow, that was very thoughtful of him. I can’t believe he knew to ask Dad’s permission. I’m just here with Greg. He’s gonna take me out for lunch. He’s okay. Okay, yeah, I know you gotta go. I love you. Okay, talk to you soon. Bye. Yeah, in two weeks. Dr. Bob of Denver. Isn’t that great? Well, yeah, but, you know, he asked her, and she said yes. Actually, he asked my dad. He said yes. Then he asked Debbie. No, no, he didn’t have to. Bob just understood that Dad appreciates that kind of thing. Anyway, Deb said Dad’s crazy about him. Evidently, Bob bought him, like, the perfect gift that just won him over. You know?”
“Are you sure it’s okay to X-ray this? It’s a great gift. I just thought you were gonna get them champagne. Well, don’t forget he’s retired, though. No, not at all! He’s the sweetest man in the whole world. Just relax! He’s gonna love you. I promise. Take it easy on the sarcasm. Humor is entirely wasted on my parents. What are you doing? I told you my dad sees smoking as a sign of weakness. No, no, no, no, he’ll check there. Oh, gosh. Okay. And, we’re not living together. Well… hi, Daddy! Hi! I missed you, too, Flapjack. Short stack, short stack, coming up. Mommy! Mom! So do you. Look at you. Oh, I’m sorry. Mom, Dad, this is Greg. Poor Greg got spit up on by a baby.”
“Yeah, he did, Ma, at the lost luggage counter. The airline lost his bag. Yeah, they did. No, no, no. I carried on. Oh, thanks, Mom. Jinxy, come here, boy. Hi, Jinx. Wave to Greg. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I left him here when I moved to Chicago. He did? Dad, that’s kind of weird, isn’t it? I don’t think Greg will be playing with Jinxy too much. He hates cats. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah? Me too, Daddy. Hey, listen, be nice to this one, okay? I kind of like him. Thank you.”
“But you so hate cats. I know. I’m sorry. It just kind of slipped out. So, Greg, how’s your job? No, Mom, triage is a unit of the E.R. It’s where all the top nurses work. No, they do. Really? Dad, that’s great. Yeah. Oh, my gosh! Hi! Where’s the other camera? Wow, that’s great. I’ll get it. Well, why doesn’t Greg go with you? Sweetie, you’ll need something in case your suitcase doesn’t show up. You don’t wanna take a chance. You don’t have a toothbrush. Go on, sweetie. Bye. He is. We have the best time together. Mother! I don’t know. I mean, we haven’t really discussed it, but I definitely have a feeling this is it. Dad seems to like him. Don’t you think?”
“Well, Greg’s Jewish, Dad. You know that. Amen… that’s our Gran-gran. Please! Nice. Daddy, that’s beautiful. Dad, Greg grew up in Detroit. Dad! What have you ever milked? Dad. Okay, could we change the subject perhaps? Yes. That’d be great. Good idea. How could I have seen Debbie’s ring, Mom? Thanks, Dad. Oh, my God. Jinxy, no! Jinxy, no! Oh, God. Greg, sweetie, how you doing? Who, Daddy and me? Do we have to know everything about each other’s pasts? You never told me about your cat-milking days in Motown. Yeah, okay, well, so was this. Kevin’s and my connection was more physical than anything else. No, no, it was nothing, nothing. It was a stupid sexual thing. Greg, listen. Kevin and I were only engaged for a month before I realized that I’d make a mistake. I gave back the ring, I moved to Chicago, and I met and fell in love with you, okay, so can we please drop this? Good. He doesn’t hate you, sweetie. Come on. Just give him a chance, all right? Maybe he’s nervous too, huh? Listen to me. Forget the gift. You’re the most adorable, loving, sweetest man in the whole world, and I love you. And very soon my parents are gonna see that and grow to love you too, okay? Okay? Honey, it’s late. Come on.”
“Thank you, Daddy. Thanks, Mom. Good night. Good night, sweetie. See you in the morning. Okay, you too. Hey! What’s the matter? You can’t sleep? Oh, no, he didn’t. Well, did you lie to him? What’d you tell him? Well, he doesn’t need a machine. He’s a human lie detector. He was in the C.I.A. for 34 years. I wanted to, honey, but it was strictly on a need-to-know basis. No, he was more like a psychological profiler. They used him to interrogate suspected double agents in the company. Would you stop? You’re doing great, okay? This is a lot to take in, honey. I’m sorry. I know, but you’re doing fine. I promise. What’s wrong, sweetie? Your what? Okay, I’m not in junior high anymore, so… okay. Fine. Why don’t you go ahead and get some sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jack Byrnes
“Sweet pea! I missed you so much, Pamcake. Oh, boy, oh, boy! Short stack, short stack, coming up. Hi, Greg. I’m Pam’s father, Jack Byrnes. Good meeting you. What are you driving there, a Ford? Sure. Interesting color. You pick it? Well, they say geniuses pick green. But you didn’t pick it. What about you, honey? That’s my girl. That’s right. Mi casa es su casa. We like it. Focker. There he is. There’s our little guy. Come here, baby. Come to Daddy, Jinxy. Come on. Come on, Jinxy. Come here. Come to Daddy. Come on. Taught him that in one week. This is Pam’s cat, Jinxy. Jinxy, say hello to Greg. Attaboy. That took me another week. What’s so weird about it? Now we don’t have to smell kitty litter all the time. That was easy, Greg. I just designed a litter box to put inside the toilet, and then once he got used to it, I took it away. He can’t lift the seat, Greg. He lacks the strength and the opposable thumbs. Jinx is strictly a house cat. Can’t let him outside because he lacks outdoor survival skills. One of those things, isn’t is, sweetheart? I am too. Well, that’s okay if you hate cats, Greg. That’s okay. Just be honest about it. There’s some things I hate. Honey. I’m so happy you’re home, sweetheart. Okay, I’ll try.”
“Shirt fit okay, Greg? Good. Tom Collins coming up. Isn’t that nice? Right, the Jerusalem… from the ‘Jerusales tulipesias’ genus. Yes. We’ll look forward to that, Greg. Not many men in your profession, though, are there, Greg? Yes, I thought with my knowledge and experience, why should I allow retirement to stop me? Let me ask you a question, Greg. Let’s just say you have kids and you wanna get out of the house, spend a night on the town. So, you hire a baby-sitter, someone you think you can trust. References, work experience, it all checks out fine. But then how do you really know for certain that your loved ones are safe with this stranger? I mean, can you ever really trust another human being, Greg? No, the answer is you cannot. Let me show you something. Take a look at this, Greg. What’s this look like to you? Smile, you’re on ‘Nanny Camera.’ No, not like this, you haven’t. Take a look. Right here in this decorative artifact. Our cameras are motion-activated, so they begin taping as soon as they sense any movement. We can hide them in anything. We hide them in mirrors, lamps, televisions, you name it. So no matter where you go, we’ll be watching you.”
“Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you’ll understand the need for this level of protection. Impressive, isn’t it? Honey, I’ll get it. Any problem with the documents? Okay. I’ll meet you at the Oyster Bay Drugstore in about 20 minutes. Now, you gotta be more careful when you call here. If anybody else answers, just use a Southern accent and ask for the vegetarian special, okay? Nope, wrong number. We’re all out of Collins mix so I’m gonna make a run for the store. You know how that stuff, it just goes, so I’ll be back in a jiff. I’m sure it’ll show up. Why would I need privacy? Okay, let’s head out.”
“Big day, Saturday. Premium. Greg, how come you don’t like cats? You need that assurance? You prefer an emotionally shallow animal? You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down. A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. They don’t sell out the way dogs do. You like Peter, Paul, and Mary? Yeah, one of my favorites. What do you mean? No, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me? Well, Puff’s just the name of the boy’s magical dragon. Are you a pothead, Focker? Yes or no, Greg?”
“Hey, Greg, I’ll meet you back out front in about 12 to 15 minutes. Focker. I’ve been ready, yeah. They ran out of Collins mix. You been waiting here long? Pumps? Greg, would you like to say grace? You’re telling me Jews don’t pray, honey? Unless you have some objection. Thank you, Greg. That was interesting too. That’s all right. You didn’t know, Greg. We like to think of her as watching over us as we eat. Love you, Ma. Miss you. Miss you every day. No, he doesn’t want to hear that. That’s a bunch of malarkey. Honey, I’m fine. All right. It’s a work in progress. I’m still not happy with it. As soon as it’s ready, then I am going to glaze it onto a plate, and put it next to the urn.”
“‘My Mother’ by Jack Byrnes. ‘You gave me life, you gave me milk, you gave me courage. Your name was Angela, the angel from heaven, but you were also an angel of God, and He needed you too. Selfishly I tried to keep you here while the cancer ate away your organs like an unstoppable rebel force. But I couldn’t save you, and I shall see your face nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, until we meet… in heaven.’ You must’ve had vegetables fresher than that, growing up on a farm, Greg. He told me he grew up on a farm. Which one did you milk then? Honey, he said he pumped milk. Sure. Teat? I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? That’s true. That’s very nice. Well, when I gave Bob the okay to propose to Deb, I put him in touch with my diamond guy, and he picked out the same design Kevin gave you. Well, yeah, Kevin was Pam’s fiance.”
“What’s with the robe? Sure. No, that’s fine. We have to. Look, Greg, I just wanna say, don’t worry about what happened tonight. Well, it was a horrible thing. But let’s just put all that behind us and enjoy our weekend together. Night-night. Well, Debbie’ll be sleeping here tomorrow. This way, you’ll have more privacy, you’ll have your own bathroom. One more thing. I’m a realist. I understand it’s the 21st century, and you’ve probably had premarital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it’s my way or the Long Island Expressway. Is that understood? Good. Keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.”
“I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about him that’s a little off. She said that? She said those exact words? Fugitives. That’s what I’m worried about. Geez, I just realized something. Pam’s middle name. Pamela Martha Focker. Looking for something, Greg? I heard a noise, so I came down to see if everything was okay. That’s okay. See anything interesting? I noticed you were looking at when I came in. It’s an antique polygraph machine. You know what? Why don’t you try that on? Come on. We’ll have some fun. I’ll show you how it works. Why should you be afraid? You have nothing to hide. I know you know, so there shouldn’t be any problem. So, try it on. I’ll help you.”
“Don’t worry. You’ll enjoy this. All right. They’re… you’d be surprised how accurate they are. They can tell fairly easily if someone’s lying or not. Now I’m gonna ask you some questions, and all you have to do is answer ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ All right. Let’s give it a whirl. Did you fly on an airplane today? No peeking. Did we eat pot roast for dinner tonight? Was it undercooked? I’m just kidding, I’m just… relax. Relax. The needles are jumping. Have you ever watched pornographic videos? Yes or no? Greg, my father was never in the rare flower business. That was just his cover.”
“Morning, Greg. Pam told me she let you in on a little secret of mine last night. Well, as long as you can keep your mouth shut for the rest of your life, you’re in no immediate danger. I’m just being humorous. But the fact is, Greg, with the knowledge you’ve been given, you are now on the inside of what I like to call ‘the Byrnes family circle of trust.’ I keep nothing from you, you keep nothing from me and round and round we go. Okay, good. Come on. Let’s go inside and have breakfast.”
Dina Byrnes
“Where’s my ‘wittle’ girl? You look so beautiful. And I’m Dina. Welcome to Oyster Bay. Jack! Yucky. What smells of old sour milk? He didn’t. They didn’t! It’ll turn up, I’m sure. And anyway, Greg, meanwhile, anything you need, just ask. Yeah. Now, Greg, you have a very unique last name. We were curious, how do you pronounce it? Focker. Oh, I’ll get it, honey. Your Daddy’s found his new best friend. You won’t believe it. He even taught him to use the potty. That’s right. But I don’t think he likes it. I mean, every chance he gets, he tries to dig, squat and bury. I had to move all my potted plants off the floor. Yeah. Honey. why don’t we let the kids freshen up, huh? Greg, you come with me. We’ll get you something to wear from Jack’s closet, okay?”
“Get your red-hot pupus. My goodness, what is that? Look, honey, Greg brought us a present. Look at this. It’s a flower pot with the dirt in it. Is that better than a nurse? Pam, honey, did you know that your father started his own business? I’ll get that. Okay. That’s funny. I thought I just bought some. Yeah. Good. Have fun, you guys. Pam, he seems wonderful. Good. Now, have you two been… thinking about anything permanent. Absolutely.”
“Get your hot buns, hot patooties. You poor thing. What, there wasn’t enough food to go around? Greg, that was lovely. Greg, that’s an urn which holds the remains of Jack’s mother. Oh, honey, why don’t you read Greg your poem? You see, when Jack had to retire for health reasons… the doctor thought it would be therapeutic if he sort of expressed his emotions in an artistic way. Honey, you wrote the most beautiful poem about your mother. Please, we really wanna hear it. It’s very special. It always gets me. It takes a lot out of him. Greg, would you like some yams? Do they have many farms in Detroit? A cat. I had no idea you could milk a cat. Well, in a funny way, you’ve already seen Deb’s ring. That is so sweet of you, Greg. Isn’t that a nice gesture?”
“Hey, I’ll lend you a pair of Jack’s. Okay, honey? You’re welcome. No, Greg, we made up the pullout for you down in the den. Just try not to flush the toilet. It’s always a little quirky.”
“Oh, yeah, yeah. Jack, you know we’ve been through this with every boyfriend Pam has had since, what, middle school. I think Greg… he’s a lovely young man. And, honey, Pam thinks he might be the one. I didn’t tape record her, Jack, but that’s the impression. What kind of a family doesn’t have time to sit down for dinner? Please try to enjoy the weekend, honey. Both our daughters are in love. What? Martha. Oh, no. Pamela Martha Focker.”
Debbie Byrnes
“I’m engaged! Well, Bob asked Dad. Yeah.”
Chicago, Illinois / New York
“Yes. No! No! You’ve got a real gentle touch there, Doctor. She won’t be able to say no. Good luck, Greg. Good luck, buddy.”
“Boo. Hey, Pam, isn’t that your special friend outside? Why don’t you go talk to him? Yeah.”
“Sir, that’s not gonna fit. The bag’s too big, buy. You gotta check it. Over here. Raise your arms, sir. Hey, pal, if it ain’t fitting through the frame, you ain’t carrying it on the plane. 531, New York La Guardia. Check it. Don’t worry. It’ll be waiting for you on the other side.”
“I didn’t lose your anything, sir. But put your local address on this form, and we’ll ship it when it surfaces.”
“Hey, how you doing? No. We have the gum. You chew it. Mumm’s. It’s on sale for $13.95. You can get a whole bunch of Mumm’s.”
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