Everything Everywhere All at Once, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat

Everything Everywhere

A24 Films original movie Everything Everywhere All at Once was released March 11th, 2022.

#EverythingEverywhere cleared $106.7M at the international box office / won best film.

rottentomatoes: 95%

metacritic: 81

imdb: 8.0

oscars: 7 wins

golden globes: 2 wins

SAG awards: 4 wins

Evelyn Wang, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, Michelle Yeoh

Evelyn Wang

Evelyn Wang navigates a mid-life crisis outside of San Fernando, California.

Evelyn Wang, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, Michelle Yeoh

Actress in a Leading Role

1 winn: 2023

Best Actress – Motion Picture – Musical/Comedy

1 win: 2023

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

1 win: 2023

“Stop playing! We don’t have time. I’m listening. Talk. What’s going on with you? I have to finish all this before… before my father wakes up. Go in to steam the tablecloths for tonight. I’m going to paint over that water stain in the ceiling. Noodles. Help me to cook the noodles. Five minutes. What? Check the pot in five minutes. My father hates overcooked noodles. Which paint did you use? We have two different white paints one for the laundromat and one for the apartment. It has to match or else… you’re crazy. You know that’s not what my father is going to see.” — Evelyn Wang

“He’s awake. Joy is here? Set the table. He must be hungry. I’ll get the door. I only cook enough food for three people. Now I have to cook more. It’s Joy. She brought Becky.” — Evelyn Wang

“You know, he doesn’t have to stay. Becky. You know me. I always mix up ‘he,’ ‘she.’ In Chinese, just one word, so easy. And the way you two are dressed, I’m sure I’m not the only one calling him ‘he.’ I mean, her ‘him.’ Ugh! Anyways, my English is fine. And we have Google. So you don’t have to come and be a translator. You stay here… …and she can go.” — Evelyn Wang

“Hmm. It’s okay. We’ll take Gong Gong with us to the meeting. Uh, you and Becky can stay here and decorate. Hmm? Customers. Eat fast. What? Wait? Wait? No time to wait today. Joy, any other time, I beg you to come and eat, or call me or anything, but today, very busy. Wrong white paint. I like Becky. She is very nice. You are very lucky… your mother is open to you dating a girl. And she is a white girl. Ugh! No shoes in washer. Broken, you pay.” — Evelyn Wang

“But Gong Gong, his heart cannot take it. Especially after such a long flight. You want him to come all the way from China to die like that? Wow, what a big nose. How can I help you? How can I help you? Okay, give me your ticket. I find for you. Let him enjoy his party tonight.” — Evelyn Wang

“Waymond! Customers need you. Are you coming to the party tonight? Did you move our customer’s clothes? 042 is missing! I told you to take down all of the google eyes. No more google eyes!” — Evelyn Wang

“Your father. After all of this time I still don’t know what his brain is thinking. Stop changing the subject. You know, it is like our auditor. She is a terrible person. She keeps targeting the Chinese in the community. You know, two years of meetings, she puts a lien on our laundromat, and you know what your father does? He brings her cookies. Every day I fight, I fight I fight for all of us. Every day is a battle here. Your father, he doesn’t care about the way things are… I try to make our lives easier and more simple. But your father… sometimes I wonder how he would have survived without me.” — Evelyn Wang

“Give this to the customer with the big nose. What are you saying? Well, next time I give you… you’re gonna need it. Actors are very poor. What? Father! How did you get down here? Waymond! Waymond! Father, you remember Joy.” — Evelyn Wang

“Good friend. Becky is a very good friend. Big nose! Hi. Here is five-star cleaning. Also… there is a Chinese New Year party tonight. Open to all customers in the community. Please come and enjoy… …the good food… …and nice music, okay? I get you an invite, moment… moment, please, please… Joy, wait! Please. I have something to say to you. You… you have to try and eat healthier. You are getting fat.” — Evelyn Wang

“Quickly! We’re going to be late! Go, go, go, go! Okay! This is… um… our business is so busy that we are applying for a new business license so we can expand. People always have dirty clothes, Father. If I have to think of one more thing today, my head will explode.” — Evelyn Wang

“What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Don’t be stupid. Why would I go into the janitor’s… why you download all these apps on my phone? You’re crazy. But I…” — Evelyn Wang

“Yes. Of course. I am here. Just thinking. My receipt. What are we talking about? I am a singer. Shh! Last time, you told me that…” — Evelyn Wang

“What’s happening? It’s you messing with my head. Don’t shh me. Don’t… very busy today. No time to help you. I know. I am paying attention. But…” — Evelyn Wang

“You’re always trying to confuse us with these big words. I am going to bring my… I cannot talk now. Unless you can help me with my taxes. What is ‘gross necklaces?’ I’m thinking. What? I think my other husband is messing up the audit. Oh, no, no. No, no, no. No!” — Evelyn Wang

“Okay. Everything okay. I think I forget something at home. What? What did you say to her? Oh, tomorrow is better.” — Evelyn Wang

“What are you talking about? So, you know about this? It was you. Like, you was in the elevator. Come back next week. I’m not ready to fight. I’m not ready to fight. What? Father, you are wrong about me. You told me to do it! You said I would know when it is the time to fight! She was coming after us.” — Evelyn Wang

“‘Dissolution of marriage?’ What? No… no, it wasn’t… who gave you these papers? Your brother… your brother gets a divorce, now you think divorce is okay. We made a sacred promise. Oh, now you’re here? Stop confusing me, coming and going. Stop coming here. No! It’s all his fault! Okay, okay, okay. Holy shit. Hey.” — Evelyn Wang

“Who… what is happening? Are we getting divorced? I want to lie here. Hey, hey, hey, no, no. Put me down. No, no.” — Evelyn Wang

“My husband won’t even kill a spider. How can you be the same person? Of course. You’re just very bad at explaining… don’t push me. Oh, my God. We have to go back. We forgot my father! I don’t know, are you sure? Like you with the fanny pack? Right now?” — Evelyn Wang

“Why don’t you get your Evelyn to do this? How did I die? What? Why would anybody want to kill me? You’re just making up sounds. So, let her destroy the other bubbles. You said there are many of them. Maybe it’s okay if we lose some, but just leave me out of it. How can we get back? And you think it’s me? Oh, Miss Deirdre, I’m sorry I punched you, but… look, I think I finally understand why… what is she doing? Oh! What are you doing?” — Evelyn Wang

“Hello? Verse Jump. Hello… no way. That doesn’t make any sense. Are there any other jumping pads? I love you.” — Evelyn Wang

“No. No, no, no. Ah! This doesn’t make any sense. Waymond! Waymond! Huh? What? No! No. Wait, let me try again! Alpha Waymond. Go, go, go, go! You just left me.” — Evelyn Wang

“I never said that. Waymond… I love you! Get out of the way! I love you! I love you! I love you!” — Evelyn Wang

“Oh, I’m so happy to be here today. I saw my life… without you. I wish you could have seen it. It was beautiful. I should have listened to my father and not gone with you all of those years ago. Waymond. No, let me finish talking with my husband. He needs to know how good my life could have been. Ow. I thought I was disconnected. Why was I still there? What if… what if I want to back? What if I want to go back to the other universe? Okay! Okay! Okay! I’m back! What can be worse than death? No, no, no. Enough of your clay pots, cream cheese, no cows. Explain it all to me now.” — Evelyn Wang

“What does she want? Hey, you said I was the wrong one. Waymond. What are you… I’m sorry. You go. Of course. But you should be in America. And very poor. How…? Huh? Pee? No! I didn’t do anything. You did it yourself. Joy? Why do you look so stupid?” — Evelyn Wang

“Hey! You show them some respect! Please, no! No, no! Don’t shoot. Don’t! Don’t! Wake up! Oh, shit. Oh, no! Oh, my God. You… you’re Juju Toobootie. The ‘Great Evil’ Waymond was talking about is in my Joy? Oh… it’s you. You’re the reason my daughter doesn’t call anymore. Why she dropped out of college, and gets tattoos. You are why she thinks she is gay. Huh? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Stop!” — Evelyn Wang

Waymond Wang, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, Ke Huy Quan

Waymond Wang

Actor in a Supporting Role

1 win: 2023

Best Supporting Actor – Motion Picture

1 win: 2023

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

1 win: 2023

“Uh… I know better than to ask to help you. But is now a good time to talk about something else? I know you aren’t listening. Let’s talk later when we have time. Already did. Also, I just talked to Byron about tonight. The men’s choir have a fun surprise for Dad. Huh? Oh. So we’ll talk later, after our appointment? Like, this afternoon? The white paint. Alright, alright. Evelyn, calm down. I know you want everything to be perfect for your father’s party, but he’s going to see you’ve nurtured a happy family and a successful business. He’ll be proud of you. But it’s what you and I see, right?”

“We talk later? Remember? We told Mrs. Deirdre Joy would come to avoid any more miscommunications so Becky is going to help watch Gong Gong. Hi, honey! Hi, Becky. Thank you for coming. Please call me Waymond. Here, sit.”

“Does your dad even know that we’re being audited? All right, coming. Sorry. It was too crowded here so I moved some upstairs. I think the clothes are happier there. See? They’re happier here.”

“… you should have told me earlier, that’s really impressive. Evelyn, you have to see Rick dance. Look, he knows all of the moves. Did you know Rick is in community theater? He wants to be an actor just like you did. Maybe you can audition too. I love this! Rick, you’re so terrific.”

“Uh, that’s not a very funny joke, honey. Evelyn… what are you thinking about?”

“It’s nice to feel needed. I was thinking… maybe after this is all done, we can go on a trip-“

“You may be in grave danger. There’s no time to explain. Hold this. Pay attention. When we leave this elevator, you can either turn left towards your scheduled audit appointment, or you can turn right, and go into the janitor’s closet. Not now. Breathe in. You’re gonna feel a slight pressure in your head.”

“The moment you are situated in your meeting, follow these instructions. But remember, no one can know. Don’t even talk to me about this because I won’t remember. Shh. Talk to you soon. Wow. What a fast elevator!”

“Hello. It’s true. She has a beautiful voice. Evelyn, sing a song for her. It’s a water massage. Like for back pain. You go get a water massage.”

“Shh… what’s with… you got to relax your body. Calm down, please. Calm down. Relax your body in the other universe. Please. Go into auto-pilot. Good. Good. They don’t know you and I are in this universe yet, so, hopefully, I’ll have some time to explain. I am not your husband. At least not the one you know. I am another version of him from another life path, another universe. I’m here because we need your help. Shh.”

“There is a great evil that has taken root in my world and has begun spreading its chaos throughout the many verses. I have spent years searching for the one who might be able to match this great evil with an even greater good, and bring back balance. All those years of searching have brought me here to this universe. To you. I know it’s a lot to take in right now. Got to do it.”

“Uh… sorry, my wife confuses her hobbies for businesses. An honest mistake.”

“Hey! Sorry, she was going to come. Evelyn! Evelyn! Are you paying attention? I know you have a lot of things on your mind, but nothing could possibly matter more than this conversation we are having right now concerning the fate of every single world of our infinite multiverse.”

“My dear Evelyn, I know you. With every passing moment, you fear you might have missed your chance to make something of your life. I’m here to tell you every rejection, every disappointment has led you here. To this moment. Don’t let anything distract you from it. So, what will it be? Our time here is up. They’re going to kill us. Do you think you can give us more time so we can redo all this? Do not worry, this is just a burner universe we are using for communication. You will know when it is time to fight. I will be in contact soon. Maybe we could look at the receipts again and… Evelyn. Trust no one.”

“Is everything okay? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 6:00 p.m. Have a nice day. Oh, no. Evelyn! Evelyn! Evelyn wait. It’s not what it looks like. I know why you are acting so strange. Of course. This came from me. Yeah… I was in the elevator. Maybe we don’t have a choice. Switch shoes to… what! What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

“I was talking about us. Nobody gave them to me. I don’t think it’s okay! Evelyn, I know. I just wish you and I… I told you to stay low and out of sight. Stop it. Stop it. Stop… relax. I’ll get you out of this. It’s okay.”

“On your feet! I’m not the Waymond who wants to divorce you. I’m the Waymond who is saving your life. Now, you can either come with me, and live up to your ultimate potential, or lie here and live with the consequences.”

“You underestimate how the smallest decisions can compound into significant differences over a lifetime. Every tiny decision creates another branching universe, another… were you not paying attention before? Shh! Don’t worry, we’re monitoring him. He’s safe. Yes. Look, this is your universe, one bubble floating in the cosmic foam of existence. Every surrounding bubble has slight variations. But the further away you get from your universe, the bigger the differences. This is where I am from… The Alphaverse. The first universe to make contact with the others. The first universe to make contact with the others. You can call me Alpha Waymond. In this world, you were a brilliant woman. In your search to prove the existence of other universes, you discovered a way to temporarily link you consciousness to another version of yourself, their skills, even their emotions. Exactly. It’s called Verse Jumping. ‘Verse Jumping.’ I need you to learn how to do it right now. It may be our only chance of getting out of here alive.”

“Two guards coming this way. On my signal, try to blend in. My Evelyn is dead. Go! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, what is going on? Help us! Help us! I’ve seen you die a thousand ways. In a thousand worlds. In every single one, you were murdered. She’s an omniversal being with unimaginable power. An agent of pure chaos, with no real motives or desires. Jobu Tupaki. Shh! We need another exit. It’s not so simple. She’s been building something. We thought it was some sort of black hole. But it appears to consume more than just light and matter. We don’t know exactly what it is. We don’t know what it’s for. But we can all feel it. You’ve been feeling it, too, haven’t you? Something is off. Your clothes never wear as well the next day, your hair never falls in quite the same way, even your coffee tastes wrong. Our institutions are crumbling, nobody trusts their neighbor anymore, and you stay up at night wondering to yourself… this is the Alphaverse’s mission. To take us back to how it’s supposed to be. But that begins with finding the one who can stand up to Jobu’s perverse shroud of chaos. Why else would we risk everything to get you out of here? Verse Jumping. Run! Come on. Go! Go! Go! Oh, God.”

“Paper cuts only happen when you aren’t trying. It’s impossible. Come on. Come on. Damn, what a weak body.”

“Evelyn! Can you hear me? You’re going to have to Verse Jump. Concentrate on a universe in which you studied martial arts. You’re gonna have to profess your love to Deirdre. It’s your jumping pad. It’s like eating the chapstick or switching shoes. We developed an algorithm that calculates which statistically improbable action will place you in a universe on the edge of your local cluster, which then sling shots you to the desired universe. Exactly. The less sense it makes, the better. The Stochastic Path Algorithm is fueled by random actions. Tell her you love her. And mean it! The next best paths are break your own arm or take a nap. You’re not sleepy, are you? Evelyn, wait! No!”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. Byron from church said he and his wife were miserable until they discussed divorce and talking it out actually helped. Think about it. Unless it’s an emergency, whenever I try to talk to you, you always get pulled away.”

“I’m sorry, Evelyn. I need to go. I need to find the right Evelyn. And this one… it’s not the one. Evelyn? What’s going on? Help me push this. Ah! What’s happened to my hand? This is so heavy! Evelyn, your face. Do you mean the divorce?”

“I wanted to start off the new year on a new foot. But… maybe you’re right. Maybe we would have been better off if we had never gotten married. You didn’t have to. It’s the way you look at me. Miss Deirdre? What?”

“Please, come with me. Can’t you see how wonderful it will be? We can make our own way. Okay? Evelyn! Why did you… how? Are you crying? We better keep moving. Now you’ve definitely got Jobu’s attention. Come on. Stay calm. Your brain is under an incredible amount of stress. Your mind, it’s like a clay pot holding water. Every jump opens another crack causing things to leak through. With training, you will learn to reseal these cracks. Eat. You need energy. Cream cheese. Mmm! In my universe, the cattle were killed off. One of the many things we’ve lost in our war against Jobu. Oh, my God. Shut it down! Shut it down, you hear me! Come back! Liste, you’re only using the other worlds to acquire special skills. Do you understand? If you fall for their temptations, you invite contradiction. Chaos. The clay pot could shatter, and you could die, or far worse. We should keep moving until reinforcements come. You’re right. In the Alphaverse, we began training many young minds to Verse Jump. But there was one who was far and above the most gifted. Our little explorer… you saw her potential, so you pushed her beyond her limit.”

“Though the overloaded mind usually dies, instead, her mind was fractured. Now her mind experiences every world, every possibility at the same exact time. Commanding the infinite knowledge and power of the multiverse. Now she’s seen too much. Lost any sense of morality, any belief in the objective truth. No one knows. All we know is she’s looking for you. What you did back there, it changed my mind. You were incredible.”

“What… this is silly. I saw your face on a billboard and… I wondered if you remembered me. I guess I got lucky. Evelyn! Come back! Evelyn! Jump to another combat universe! Try peeing yourself! It’s always a good jumping pad.”

Joy Wang, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, Stephanie Hsu

Joy Wang

Actress in a Supporting Role

1 nomination: 2023

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

1 nomination: 2023

“Hey… hey. You look really pretty right now. I’m just telling you now, in case my mom says something dumb like you’re fat or whatever. Hey, Mom. Hi.”

“Who’s he? Becky’s a she. Look, I honestly think it’s weird, okay? But Becky wants to help. Right, Becky?”

“Mom. Mom, just wait. Just please… Mom, this is literally what it’s always like… I know you haven’t always liked Becky, okay? But… she’s half Mexican.”

“He’s not gonna die. We’ve been together for three years. Don’t you think Gong Gong would want to know? Yeah, you think Becky is going to get through the whole party without introducing herself to Gong Gong? Have you met Becky?”

“Mom, can we please talk about Becky? Can Becky come tonight or not? I’m not.”

“I can fucking kill myself. I just… I just don’t know how to be any fucking clearer. It’s like she can choose. Either you come to the party with me, and Gong Gong is eternally ashamed, until he forgets it all, and then he dies. Or you don’t come with me, and then he still dies. What?”

“That was a joke. Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Gong Gong, hello. Uh… how is your airplane? Uh… yes. Gong Gong. This is Becky. Becky is my… shit… how do you say it? Uh… she is my… Mom? What?”

“Duck. Duck. Duck… this one. Hang on. Don’t die yet, all right, buddy? Ugh. It’s not her. They might be close.”

“Is it that I can’t be here, or that I’m not allowed to be here? See, I can physically be here. But what you meant to say is you’re not allowing me to be here. You’re going to make me walk through you? Yeah, again with the ‘can’t!’ See, I don’t think you understand the meaning of that word. See, I can walk through you. Like this? Daddy! No! Don’t worry, Evelyn… it’s… mmm… organic. Oh. Ah! I’m so sorry. You’re still hung up on the fact that I like girls in this world? The universe… …is so much bigger than you realize. Okay!”

Deirdre Beaubeirdre, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, Jamie Lee Curtis

Deirdre Beaubeirdre

Actress in a Supporting Role

1 win: 2023

Best Supporting Actress – Motion Picture

1 nomination: 2023

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role

1 win: 2023

“Mrs. Wang. Mrs. Wang. Mrs. Wang, are you with us? Oh, okay. Well… I was just hoping that you could explain this. This is a receipt. I… look… I was just hoping you could enlighten me as to how, as a laundromat owner… a karaoke machine could constitute a business expense? Of course, you are. No, no, please. That will not be necessary but I will need a separate Schedule C for each of these business, because based on what you’re trying to deduct, you’re also a novelist and a chef. Please. A teacher, uh and a singing coach and a Watsu technician. I’m sorry, what… what is Watsu? What’s a water massage?”

“…like I’m talking to my ex-husband. Like I said to you before, comingling of your… …these deductions at your place of business. You can’t then deduct it if it’s an off… Mrs. Wang… hello… Mrs. Wang. Hello? Look, I’m sure you have a lot on your mind, but I cannot imagine anything mattering more than the conversation we are now having concerning your tax liability.”

“Uh, need I remind you that there is already a lien on your property? Repossession is well within our rights. Do you see these? You don’t get one of these unless you’ve seen a lot of bullshit. Excuse my French. Now you may only see a pile of boring forms and numbers, but I see a story. With nothing but a stack of receipts, I can trace the ups and downs of your lives. And it does not look good. It does not look good.”

“Oh… okay. Well, with all of these, um, ‘honest mistakes,’ I mean, even if we don’t charge you with fraud, we’ll most certainly have to fine you for gross negligence.”

“I thought you were going to bring your daughter to help you translate. Oh, really? She’s busy? She’s too busy to help her parents? I see what she… where’s the respect for elders? Do you think this is funny? You want to redo. You’re going to re-submit? Oh, dear lord.”

“Uh… sit down. I think I’m going to regret this. You can go. You… you will have… you will have until I leave the office tonight to bring everything in. 6:00 p.m. Last chance. Thank you for the cookies. They look delicious. Last chance. Last chance.”

“Ow! Oh! Someone call security! Oh, you have no idea, lady. Oh! Assaulting an IRS agent. You have no idea! Oh, thank… thank God. It’s that one right there. The Chinese lady! Right there, she assaulted me.”

“Citizens of the 4,655th Thetaverse, you are about to be graced by the presence of our sovereign leader, Jobu Tupaki. Now let me assure you of one thing. Just like the rest of your miserable lives, this is nothing more than a statistical inevitability. Jobu Tupaki has seen all and knows all. She knows what makes you tick. On what fragile branches your self-worth rests.”

“Oh, there you are. What did you do to me? Did you staple something to my forehead? I did not do it to myself! It has blood on it!”

Dog Mom, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, Jenny Slate

Dog Mom

“That’s not what I said when I said I wanted to cook… ooh. Just hold on. I can’t hear you. Just hold on. Yeah, I’m here to pick up some shirts. I called, like, three times. Mmm-hmm, yeah. No, I have the ticket. She’s just asking for it ’cause that’s, like, the way that it works. They don’t read minds. Then hang up. Thank you.”

“OH, my God, she is literally… …going in front of my car. Uh-huh. Thank you. This is fine. Okay. All right. Can your hear this right now?”

Gong Gong, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, James Hong

Gong Gong

“Evelyn. My girl!”

“Evelyn! Where is my breakfast? Quickly, food! Don’t you know that I am hungry? Oh! Your Chinese is getting worse every time we talk. Where is breakfast?”

“Where are we? Hmph. Another laundromat.”

“God, always day dreaming… answer the woman. Let me talk to her. Translate for me.”

“What are you two bickering about? Little girl Always running away. Never finishing what you started.”

“What happened? She is a good girl.”

Becky, Amazon Prime Video, A24, AGBO, Hotdog Hands, IAC Films, Ley Line Entertainment, Year of The Rat, Tallie Medel


“Thank you for doing this. Oh, you like this… this hot Mormon look? I thought you said when she says shit like that, it means she cares. Hi, Evelyn. Mrs. Wang! Hi, Mr. Wang!”

“I always learn something when I hang out with the elderly. Old people are very wise. Where is he? When can I meet him?”

“It was nice to meet you!”

“Is that where your parents are? Are you okay? Hey! Are you okay?”


“I’m sorry. It’s a girl.”

“Don’t run so fast.”

“Hey that’s pretty good.”

“Please, come with me. Can’t you see how wonderful it will be? We can make our own way. Okay?”

“If you abandon this family for that silly boy, then we will abandon you. You are not my daughter anymore.”

“So big! You don’t look very happy. I am happy. All of these machines belong to us. Father, it’s me again. Father, it’s me again just wondering when you’ll call back.”

“Really? Hey, baby Joy! You come back here. Shut up! You don’t talk to your mother like this. I’ll talk to her how I fucking want!”

“Mrs. Wang? We’re calling about your father…”


“She jumped somewhere. Brute force. The sumo wrestler? Body builder? Doesn’t matter. Counter with someone agile. On your perimeter, we’ve got a break dancer, mime. A gymnast. Give me a gymnast! Go! Calculating route. Okay, some paper cuts. Four of them. One between each finger.”

“Probability, one in eight thousand. It’s the strongest jumping pad we have. There we go, one. There’s two. Ooh. Three. All right, come on, come on, come on. Stick with me. Four! There it is. Okay, come on, jump. Is that pro wrestling? She’s going for a backbreaker! She’s gotta run. No. She can jump. Somewhere she can fight. She’s not ready. A jump like that would fry most people. She’s not most people.”

“Okay, I’m locking in. ‘Profess your love.’ She’s in a local divergent universe.”

“She’s gone home to finish the taxes.”

“Come on, wake up! Wake up! Oh, no! She found us. Don’t engage. She can’t be reasoned with.”

Kung Fu Master

“Kung Fu is not just about combat. Even this cookie can be Kung Fu. Though we are far from our humble beginnings… I am proud.”

“No time for distractions.”


“Movement on the elevator. Did you call for backup? You call? We’ve detained the assailants. No backup was requested. You guys are wasting a trip up. Copy? I said, do you copy? Clear them.”

“Ma’am, you and your pig can’t be here. Hands where I can see them. Hands behind your back, come on. Yeah, cute. I can’t let you do that either. Officer down. Hands on your head.”


“Okay, folks. Everyone remain calm. Okay, I need you two to get on the ground with your hands behind your heads. Sir, please comply. Okay, whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t do it. Sir… okay, sir. That’s enough. Oh, co, Craig! Fuck. Argh!”


“Evelyn! Guess whose $20 got eaten by the machine again. Evelyn, you know, my wife used to wear the exact same perfume. God rest her soul. Yeah, I got my ticket right here.”

“Hey, guys…. this is only $10. I thought you people are very good with math.”

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