Difficulty with Artisans

[PrettyProtectiveISFJ]

I've decided that Guardians quite possibly have it the worst off...
I mean, seriously, Guardians who are very loyal and focused, and supposedly the best love fit is with an Artisan?
Artisans, not to lump all of them together, but from personal experience.... Artisans are quick to mistreat, and are reckless and can easily be insensitive to those around them. Yet still I am usually attracted to Artisans, regardless of how many mistreat me.

Is it always going to be like this? Albeit I'm young, any hope... do they grow out of it?

[Jeffster]

You got somethin on your shirt there.


*bloop*

[mkb32]

Baby, if your lucky, you NEVER outgrow loving Artisans.

There are plenty to choose from that aren't intent on hurting you.
Just mind your boundaries, and give them some freedom and space.

p.s. I LOVE your flowers.

[estanford]

Hm. How does your experience with Artisans compare to relationships you've had with people of the other types, if any?

[Jeffster]

Baby, if your lucky, you NEVER outgrow loving Artisans.

There are plenty to choose from that aren't intent on hurting you.
Just mind your boundaries, and give them some freedom and space.

mkb is right. I don't want to hurt anybody. If I might quote from "Please Understand Me II":

"Drawn to the improvising side of tactical intelligence, Entertainers are the friendly, fond-hearted Artisans, those SPs who want to amuse or to charm others, and whose first impulse is to inform those around them by making or showing them something beautiful or exciting."

That describes me pretty much dead on I don't want to mistreat anybody, I want them to feel happy and thrilled, I want to cheer them up, make them laugh, in some cases I want them to make out with me. You know, GOOD excitement. I mean, sure, every once in a while, it's kinda fun to piss someone off, but that's not my main purpose that's for sure.

So, anyway, Pretty, where do you live?

[PrettyProtectiveISFJ]

There are plenty to choose from that aren't intent on hurting you.
Just mind your boundaries, and give them some freedom and space.

That's true.
I think I've been holding many Artisans up to my Guardian standards lately, rather than just accepting them for who they truly are. Trying to change the unchangeable.

I really find Artisans quite irresistible, but unstable.
So... opposites attract, or same temperament pairings?
Maybe I'm really looking for a Guardian?

[keirsey]

Marriage is difficult with any type: Artisans you should be extra careful about. Attraction is fine and important, but highly overrated. I have seen matches of Guardians with Guardians, Guardians with Rationals, Guardians with Idealists, and of course Guardians with Artisans -- all worked out well. [Of course there are plenty marriages that don't work well.] I think Dr. Laura Schlessinger's, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, bears reading by every woman that is foolish enough to be interested in men . This especially true for young Guardians.

[Goodrum]

As wonderful as relationships can be, they are work.

My first, and most important work was with myself, as a person, how I feel about myself and the relationship I deserve.

Looking inward, (watch the neck! ) seeing the person I am, what I want from myself, life, a partner....all that.

Realising the affect of how I perceive things will affect any man I have a relationship, the grubby stuff I brought to my relationship, unreasonable expectations, how I react..la la ...

Communication with my partner, who happens to be an ESTJ type personality...communication, so important. Not just talking, but actually listening, really hearing what is so important to them...

I have a mostly wonderful relationship, it has had it's highs and lows, there are boundaries, respect, understanding, giving space, meeting halfway, SENSE OF HUMOR....NOT trying to change anyone, we are who we are.....but understand the differences and celebrate them...

We both learnt very quickly how different we are, so many different ways of everything, (amazingly though share many common interests and rock core solid values around life)...we worked so hard at just letting each other be...being ourselves, no calls, no blames, no judgement, support for each other. Treating each other how each of us wants to be treated.

Physical side was often a wonderful glue when everything seemed to be disintergrating....but make no mistake relationships are so much work, and the best work is done upon yourself.

Everyone, (if it is what they so want), deserves a wonderful relationship, but be prepared to work at it...and yourself.

...and most of all, HAVE FUN! Life is so short, so precious, always remember to have the fun!

[Jeffster]

I really find Artisans quite irresistible

IMPORTANT PART OF POST ISOLATED

[AngelaRak]

Bravo. Very nice support, everyone. I enjoyed all of the contributed thoughts. What you wrote, Goodrum, I must especially support. Very true, about working on yourself the most. This is where you will find your happiness, PrettyProtective. And I know three books to guide you.

(All of these books can be skimmed, reading only select pertinent portions. They do well as piecemeal books. You can dip in, find a treasure, and dip in again, at a later time.)

1) The Pygmalion Project: The Guardian by Dr. Stephen Montgomery

2) The Pygmalion Project: The Artisan by Dr. Stephen Montgomery

and

3) Counseling With Choice Theory by Dr. William Glasser

I suggest the first two because they are priceless. They speak directly to the heart of your concerns. You will especially enjoy the breakdown of: the pitfalls of trying to "change" your mate, the challenges of Artisan-Guardian unions, and the warm, soft, sweet spot that comes of the two blending successfully. And, they'll provide you the clarity you need to consider what match-up is best for you, for they also discuss other temperament pairings in depth.

I also suggest them in support of Goodrum's comments about working on ourselves. So much changed for me when I read the Pygmalion books, because I could see where relationships were going wrong, and what I was doing to contribute to that. A lot has to do with ourselves (surprisingly), as Goodrum said. And, that is so precious, because that puts you in control of creating your own happiness. It makes it obtainable. (And how to do this is discussed in Counseling With Choice Theory.)

I was surprised to find that my temperament biases were strong (as much as I thought I was benevolently accepting of others), and so much good came, almost subconsciously, after reading those two books. It transformed my mind, even without me trying much.

But, why do I recommend Counseling with Choice Theory? Because it'll help you with the other half of Goodrum's advice: Getting what you need. And, after you read it (I will gladly recommend select portions that directly speak to your concerns) you will never allow mistreatment again. And it's an entertaining read, written fast and light, like a screen play. You'll be so much richer after reading it, and it will meld so well with the power of knowledge The Pygmalion books will give you, your life will never be the same. It will be so much better.

I know you will be successful, PrettyProtective.