Emotional Warfare

[Narnia51483]

My relationship with my husband is mostly good and I know that I love him deep down; he does have his difficult points, though! The greater dynamics of the whole package is tricky....and sometimes it's a hassle I wish I did not have to deal with(I'll be honest ). I am very concerned about us having kids and what that means for me (and, well, for the kid). At this point, I'm working on my situation and taking the "try it and see" approach with the relationship. So who knows. I know that I do love him, so we'll see if we can make this thing work. It is my hope that he can/ will continously learn to be good to me and I can continuously learn to be good to him (we've both made errors in this area of life). It's a struggle, but I'm finding strength through it all.

Christina, Goodie, others...

I feel that I am extremely fortunate to be with the man I am with, for many reasons, and I know that our temperament matchup is a big plus.

That being said, I don't want anyone to get the impression that there aren't times I'd rather not deal with some aspect of my husband (ahem, violent video games in a small house with not many other places to go, guy humor (he still doesn't remember that I am not nearly as cynical as he can be, and robot chicken depresses me for the most part), logic, logic, logic...). I guess I don't want people who are in abstract/concrete relationships thinking that those of us who have our KTT matches don't have moments where we want to blow up, pull our hair out, and wonder how we'll maintain our sanity one minute longer. Oh, and cursing...that's a pet peeve of mine, especially since we have a baby now. I know she can't understand it yet, but I don't want to wait until her first word is the f-bomb, not that it's said that often, but I don't like it said at all.

I'm sure speaking the same language helps us, but there are times when we are both so far gone in our own directions that it could be japanese and french.

Anyway. I hope no one took this the wrong way, preachy, or "we have it just as bad as you do so you have no right to complain". I guess the reason I am sharing this is that I want you guys to get at least some satisfaction from knowing the fact that there are times I want to be a million miles away from the love of my life. They don't last long, and I always want to come back....but man!

And Christina, I don't know the specifics, but every worth while relationship takes both parties continually learning how to be better in it, I think...better to themself and the other. My hubby and I have both grossly mistreated the other one, and it's something I think happens with a lot of couples. So don't feel bad about that.

[stellarrenegade]

Christina, Goodie, others...

I feel that I am extremely fortunate to be with the man I am with, for many reasons, and I know that our temperament matchup is a big plus.

That being said, I don't want anyone to get the impression that there aren't times I'd rather not deal with some aspect of my husband (ahem, violent video games in a small house with not many other places to go, guy humor (he still doesn't remember that I am not nearly as cynical as he can be, and robot chicken depresses me for the most part), logic, logic, logic...). I guess I don't want people who are in abstract/concrete relationships thinking that those of us who have our KTT matches don't have moments where we want to blow up, pull our hair out, and wonder how we'll maintain our sanity one minute longer. Oh, and cursing...that's a pet peeve of mine, especially since we have a baby now. I know she can't understand it yet, but I don't want to wait until her first word is the f-bomb, not that it's said that often, but I don't like it said at all.

I'm sure speaking the same language helps us, but there are times when we are both so far gone in our own directions that it could be japanese and french.

Anyway. I hope no one took this the wrong way, preachy, or "we have it just as bad as you do so you have no right to complain". I guess the reason I am sharing this is that I want you guys to get at least some satisfaction from knowing the fact that there are times I want to be a million miles away from the love of my life. They don't last long, and I always want to come back....but man!

This. Precisely.

I'm matched up with my ideal Keirsey mate, but there are occasions where we both drive each other mad to tears. Usually it's something I do that upsets her, and she says something about it which I take to be a jab, I react and start going on a tirade without stopping to even see if I truly get what she's trying to say. She clams up and maybe even starts crying, which I'm ignorant of at a long distance but either way by the time I realize it I have to do a TON of backpedaling to comfort her back. Sometimes I stupidly forget I'm dealing with a creature much more fragile than I. She won't ever defend herself, either, which between clamming up and that drive me batty because then I don't know what to do. Can't initiate without a response to base your preemption on.

But how you know it's worth it is that the good times way outshine the bad, and make you forget them. And if not, then maybe you just need to shift things around or go on a vacay. Something to shake the dust out of your boots.

[Jeffster]

Again, I appreciate everyone's words.

What about my pictures?

[Al3322]

I think that the only major conflicts that my wife and I have had are related to: money, sex, how to raise the kids, and communication (notably my lack thereof). Oh and where are we going out for dinner tonight.

She won't ever defend herself, either, which between clamming up and that drive me batty because then I don't know what to do. Can't initiate without a response to base your preemption on.

This statement says a lot.

[stellarrenegade]

I think that the only major conflicts that my wife and I have had are related to: money, sex, how to raise the kids, and communication (notably my lack thereof). Oh and where are we going out for dinner tonight.

So, the typical arguments?

She won't ever defend herself, either, which between clamming up and that drive me batty because then I don't know what to do. Can't initiate without a response to base your preemption on.

This statement says a lot.

What did you get out of it?

[christina]

Again, I appreciate everyone's words.

What about my pictures?

Jeffster, I was thinking about this very thing!!!!!! Of course, I liked your pictures I LOVED your pictures!!! That's what goes through me head



I'm fond of art. Pictures can be "words" to me and words can be types of "action" It's art.


Peachy King !!!!!!!!!!!!

[christina]

Narnia, Stellar, I appreciate your posts.....simply because that HAS crossed my mind before This thought that it would be "easier" if we were more of a "KTT matchup". It was a very bad thought to have



I hope I don't totally undercut my relationship with my posts in the forum......because there is much good in our relationship.

[Narnia51483]

Narnia, Stellar, I appreciate your posts.....simply because that HAS crossed my mind before This thought that it would be "easier" if we were more of a "KTT matchup". It was a very bad thought to have



I hope I don't totally undercut my relationship with my posts in the forum......because there is much good in our relationship.

Oh, no. I've never thought you were saying you had a bad relationship. I just took it as discussion of the difficulties of speaking two different temperament languages. I imagine it is more difficult sometimes. My hubby and I were out to eat yesterday, and we were talking about this, in particular my parents (Idealist and Guardian), and we wondered if we would be married if one of us was concrete and the other still abstract. It's not that our love for each other would be less, but I'm sure it would be harder to understand each other.

I think in the end it just comes down to people. I think there are other reasons that people might not match up so well that have nothing to do with temperament, and I know that there are marriages that were supposedly perfect matches and they still didn't last. I've mentioned on these forums before that I know a couple who has been married for almost 20 years, has 6 living children (she's lost quite a few pregnancies), and are a mastermind and protector. They have their moments, and you can tell that their communication styles are different, but they strive to understand each other, and make it work, and seem to be very in love. I don't believe such a thing would ever have been possible for my parents...they just didn't mesh well (they got married after dating for a week and a half, too).

[Jeffster]

Again, I appreciate everyone's words.

What about my pictures?

Jeffster, I was thinking about this very thing!!!!!! Of course, I liked your pictures I LOVED your pictures!!! That's what goes through me head



I'm fond of art. Pictures can be "words" to me and words can be types of "action" It's art.


Peachy King !!!!!!!!!!!!

[christina]

Narnia, those are excellent thoughts I am at many times besotted by Idealists

I think in the end it just comes down to people. I think there are other reasons that people might not match up so well that have nothing to do with temperament, and I know that there are marriages that were supposedly perfect matches and they still didn't last. I've mentioned on these forums before that I know a couple who has been married for almost 20 years, has 6 living children (she's lost quite a few pregnancies), and are a mastermind and protector. They have their moments, and you can tell that their communication styles are different, but they strive to understand each other, and make it work, and seem to be very in love. I don't believe such a thing would ever have been possible for my parents...they just didn't mesh well (they got married after dating for a week and a half, too).

You are understanding of your parents

Wow! You mean to tell me that two people have had an arguably successful marriage after dating for only 2 weeks? This Mastermind/Protector matchup sounds stupendous! There are many "exceptions" to the "rules" and "rules" to the "exceptons".

My husbands unremittingly asserts that we are indeed soulmates To which I incessantly assert alternative explanations (I am laughing at the Irony of the thing because we are both contenders...). I want to leave and I want to stay; it's been a rollercoaster of late. I get no rest as an Artisan and he gets no rest as my husband I think it works

I think that the only major conflicts that my wife and I have had are related to: money, sex, how to raise the kids, and communication (notably my lack thereof). Oh and where are we going out for dinner tonight.

Oh, yes..all the most spectacular of arguments! We are constantly "arguing" about where to go for dinner. It's humourous actually



Jeffster.....yes, it's a sentence!