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Keirsey.com • View topic - Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Discussions in Individual and Family Dynamics. Family relationships and their relation to Keirsey Temperament. What is the nature of character, how does the various temperaments and circumstances within a family play out, to form character of the individuals within and outside of the family.

Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby christina on Fri Apr 30, 2010 7:26 am

Hi all.....

Here is something I copied, pasted, edited from a response I posted for a different thread........I wanted to start a separate topic here about it.

Something I noticed between me and my husband's family is that he grew up in a super-structured environment whereas I did not. I thought it interesting to note that me and most of my siblings are "P" while his, I think, are mostly "J". Yet, we were both raised by two "J" parents. :P

Here is a piece of the original post:

Husband's Environment:
Me mother-in-law :o is a BIG Guardian (but we can't figure out which one, for now we've only excluded Inspector). Her home is clean, safe, comfortable, and even welcoming, but it's also like walking on eggshells (for me). There are only certain places where shoes, coats, purses, keys may be. There is definitely an order and certain way of doing things (established primarily by his Guardian Mother).....and if that order is not followed, there is hell to pay! My husband is one of six, and the were each assigned colors. Many items in the house are color-coded, right down to socks and colors of sheets. Yikes :roll:

My Environment:
My mother, a Supervisor Guardian, had a different method. We kept things how we wanted them as long as it was all "generally clean/straightened up" and we roamed the house at our own schedules doing whatever we wanted whenever we decided. A stark contrast between my husband's life and mine was that his mother has dinner ready at the same time, EVERY night! (Impressive :o ) Our dinner time was always estimated to occur sometime between 6-9pm and was definitely less formal :lol: In terms of discipline, mom paraded through the house saying how messy it was and that "we better clean it up". So, after enough "unpleasant sensory" information, we all scrambled and straightened things up. I think there was more "freedom" in this in the sense we chose how we wanted things organized (and we set the bar as "high" or "low" as we wished :lol: ). Also, we had more room to "let things slide".

I think my mom established more of a "cyclical" type of routine whereas me mother-in-law :o maintained/enforced an established "platform"


Temperaments:
Me & My siblings: Crafter/Performer Artisans, Champion/Healer Idealists, Architects, and Provider Guardian (she's the only one :D )
Parents: ESFJ, ESTJ (though, technically, my natural father was probably an Artisan)

My husband and his siblings: INTJ, INTP, INTJ, ENTP*, sister**, brother***.
*Brother: This particular brother is a mystery. My guesses have included INTJ, ENTP, maybe INFJ (but unlikely). His INTJ sister believes him to be "INFP," but I disagree with her GREATLY :lol: For now, I think I've decided on ENTP...simply because he has often said that he prefers anime series where the protagonist "beats the system". He's very arrogant, but he seems to have some "coworking" about him, but I remain undecided about that since he ends up talking about his own ideas rather than soliciting mine. He seems to be somewhat timely/structured, er, whatnot and he keeps only a small circle of friends (same friends he's grown up with). I would say INTJ, except he doesn't seem to have an "contender" qualities either :interesting:

**Sister: 9yo. Expressive, directive, but not sure of her temperament. I'm thinking ENTJ.
***Brother: Has autism, not sure what his temperament would be
Parents: ENTJ, Unknown Guardian....but I'm thinking ESFJ.


Does anyone else find it odd that most, if not all his siblings are Rationals?
Last edited by christina on Fri Apr 30, 2010 9:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Parenting Styles and Chil

Postby LightningMan on Fri Apr 30, 2010 7:53 am

christina wrote:Does anyone else find it odd that most, if not all his siblings are Rationals?

Actually, given the premium that was placed on order it seems to make a lot of sense to me.
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby christina on Fri Apr 30, 2010 9:24 am

Yes, then I'm not alone.....because it seemed to me that "becoming" Rational was the only way they were "allowed" to develop. As a family, they take great pride in country, politics, debates, and value intelligence (a specific kind of intelligence, i.e. reason and math).



I've thought the Mother to be ESTJ, simply because she takes a VERY FIRM hand in rearing her children and seeing to it that they become good citizens (my husband a very good husband >:D< ). The father is VERY INVOLVED too.....he's fosters Rational characteristics in his children.....he's kind of a genius like that :shock: Tells them stories, gives them puzzles, teaches them, etc, etc. VERY INTELLIGENT man.


I have my criticisms of course, albeit they are neither here nor there, just my simple personal, perceptions. I think to myself often, that if I had grown up in his family, I would have been SOL :shock: . I remember as far back as 3 and ALL I wanted to do was move! I wanted to play and be silly! I definitely wanted to do things MY WAY. I've been apart of my husband's family for many years now.

When the girl was young....I think maybe 4 or 5 She was coloring at the dining room table. The mom came by and scolded her for scribbling and guided and coaxed her to color inside the lines, i.e the "proper" way. I didn't say or do anything, I was just observing, but I had a VIOLENT reaction to this. I was screaming "For Gods Sake Woman!!! Let the child scribble!!! :x " on the inside. Now, I could talk about my own mother, but I've already made my peace with that :lol:
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby Al3322 on Fri Apr 30, 2010 9:55 pm

Great question Christina.

There are only two choices: genetics or environment, correct? From the "family types" thread I certainly did not see any correlation with parents and children, which argues against genetics. My parents, two brothers and sister are/were all guardians.

On the other hand basic temperament appears very early, much before reading, puzzles and mentoring take place. This would seem to argue against environment.

The questions might be, do the ratios of temperaments remain close to the same regardless of culture? Have these ratios always been the same? What actions in very early childhood could possibly influence the child's temperament? Is there a genetic tendency that permits this influence? Does birth order have an effect?

Any speculations?
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby Olga on Fri Apr 30, 2010 10:20 pm

I tend to include more than exclude. But I am guessing there is no straight line to this. For some, perhaps environment does most, for others less. For some their experiences make the greatest impact, for others not. And so on...
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby Jeffster on Fri Apr 30, 2010 10:28 pm

My parenting style is to pray and have good reflexes.
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby stellarrenegade on Fri Apr 30, 2010 10:36 pm

christina wrote:When the girl was young....I think maybe 4 or 5 She was coloring at the dining room table. The mom came by and scolded her for scribbling and guided and coaxed her to color inside the lines, i.e the "proper" way. I didn't say or do anything, I was just observing, but I had a VIOLENT reaction to this. I was screaming "For Gods Sake Woman!!! Let the child scribble!!! :x " on the inside. Now, I could talk about my own mother, but I've already made my peace with that :lol:

hah, I'd feel the same way... I'd feel like the kid was possibly undergoing some kind of psychological mistreatment and even damage if not by just that then all kinds of similar restrictions. :|

It reminds me of when I was a kid, very young, no more than 5 or 6... we were in some church I'd never been to and my Counselor (I'm pretty sure) grandma was sitting to the right of me and I was kneeling at the pew, coloring in my book. The picture was of an explorer in the jungle, and I felt like he was exploring at night, so I colored the whole page black. She just looked over at me and shook her head slightly in disapproval as if I was doing it wrong, but I think she just thought I was being a silly kid. :P

For some reason I've remembered that for years and told her about it a couple years ago or so, to which she laughed as if embarrassed. I thought it was kinda funny. :lol:
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby christina on Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:14 am

Hah!


Me thinks you've confused my disdain for the mother for concern for the child.



The clear fact is that the child is not being harmed, otherwise, I go on a righteous killing rampage. :twisted:
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby stellarrenegade on Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:07 am

Oh well yeah, but I put my own spin on it, drenched in some good ol' hyerbole, of course. (That word makes me think of Hyper Bowling :lol: which sounds pretty frickin' sweet if I do say so).

I'm just talking about overall restrictive parenting. I've suffered from a great deal of that. My parents still seem to want to control me, which is pissing Amy off, but I'll have to make a separate thread about that soon...
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Re: Parenting Styles and Children, "Temperamental Families"

Postby ShayShay on Tue Jun 01, 2010 11:25 am

Husband's Environment:
My mother-in-law is most also a Guardian. Their house is cluttered, but it's because they've had to move from a larger house into a smaller apartment (this is California). It's an organized kind of clutter, but clutter nonetheless. Now I'm a P, but that stuff would drive me insane. I like the open feeling of a living environment. Anywho, she's EXTREMELY traditional. Traditional with a big, fat, capital T. Lol. I'm not...one single bit. And she gets offended when I don't go to their millions of formal family events. She's very quiet and very sweet, but I can see and feel what she's really thinking. My husband is the youngest of three, but he's also the most "functioning" of the three. Mentally, he's the oldest. He's the most immature of the three (due to age), but he plays the role of the eldest because his siblings both have mental disabilities. I believe his father is an Artisan. He's an Artisan that enjoys his crafts (and boy, does he have a lot of crafts), but is fine (or content) with the structure his wife provides. His "free spirit" is expressed through his "art", not through rebellion and breaking "the rules" set by his wife.

My Environment:
My mother is also a Guardian - a Provider Guardian. She's provided security for us more than organization or structure. I believe having Idealist children (my sister's an ENFJ) was the second best thing she could've gotten (Guardian would've been ideal, I'm sure). Our "rules" growing up were mainly for safety reasons. My mother wanted us to keep our rooms clean and such, but neither of us did. It wasn't detrimental. Neither of us had to do many chores as children. Our chores came as we hit about 10 - and even then it was really only the kitchen that was a regular chore. I suppose it was a combination of having an Artisan mate (one that needs freedom of rules and limitations) and being the coWorker Guardian that caused her to act this way.

I agree with this statement:
I think my mom established more of a "cyclical" type of routine whereas me mother-in-law :o maintained/enforced an established "platform"


Temperaments:
Me: ENFP
Sister: ENFJ
Mother: ESFJ
Father: ISTP

Husband: ESTJ
Sister: INFJ
Brother: xSFP
Mother: ISFJ (guess)
Father: ISFP (guess)
Currently unsure of my temperament diagnosis...
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